Marriage with an atheist

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Actually she said she was engaged, so the wedding has not yet occurred (unless I missed an update).
 
I read it as she was already married , read this statement and it seemed to be past tense. Thanks for catching that!
shanishani7 said:
agreed to have wedding in Catholic Church, and agreed to let our children be baptised as catholics.
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Please, please pray about this. Being unequally yoked is a very hard life. I look back at my marriage and see so many red flags that should have really concerned me before we married. Even though he may be moral and this great guy who says he will let kids be raised in the church, things happen. In my case it was multiple tiny little things he did that stood between me and God. And then once I was comfortable with that, then it was bigger, horrifying things that were done to harm my relationship with God.

When you marry someone who truly loves God, they will love you with the love of Jesus. But when you marry someone who doesn’t know that love, the way he loves you will always be lacking. And that also means the way he views the sanctity and the permanence of marriage is not how God does. I am divorce with a large family to lead because of that exact reason. Maybe your husband will be amazing and it will all be okay- but to take that chance? I just wouldn’t do it again.

The fact that you are doubting is a huge sign to me. The Holy Spirit May be trying to save you from making a mistake.

Please wait for the man who loves God more than he loves you, so that you can have this beautiful, healthy marriage you deserve.

I’m sorry if I’m over passionate about my position and thus too harsh in my words. I will pray for you.
 
ChristMyLife said:
Is he a true atheist? Meaning is he just a normal person who doesn’t hold any personal belief about God or religion? He’s not super pushy or preachy, doesn’t flip out about the idea of people having religion?

Or is he a pseudo-atheist crusader/misotheist ala the “new Atheists” like Dawkins? Meaning does he hate the very idea of god? Will the mention of God or religion alone send him on a hate filled foaming at the mouth rant? Does he try to “convert” theists to atheism?

If he’s a true atheist, you’re probably good to go.

If he’s a pseudo-atheist misotheist, RUN, don’t walk, away from him.
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The first type you describe is not atheist but agnostic.
The Dawkins type is the true atheist. They all want to convert you to their ideas.
If a man describes himself as an atheist I would like you suggest check if he is not agnostic, just not sure what to believe.
But with a true atheist … I would not linger. I just have one at home and while family is not chosen a husband is chosen. I would not carry this cross through marriage too.
 
If your marriage is approved by the local Bishop, you would have a natural marriage, not the Sacrament of holy Matrimony. You should only marry him if you are sure it is the will of God. You will know by prayer, grace, and attentiveness to the providence of God.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I note that on this forum, usually people raise a huge number of concerns with marrying anyone who isn’t a practicing Catholic. However, if the man is tolerant and decent as Brian said, and you two love each other and he is willing to keep all the promises he is making, I’m not seeing the problem to be honest.
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This.
I myself struggle sometimes and feel sad because my husband is not a christian, but honestly, I realize more and more that this is my issue, my sadness, like being sad because friends are sick or in trouble - the relationship with them is not in trouble because they are sick, but I feel sad for them.
Being a good spouse is something different than being a good christian, and I think sometimes people here think the latter automatically produces the first.
 
DisorientingSneeze said:
Something to consider is that your job as spouses is to get eachother to heaven.
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YES!!! Finally someone said it! Thanks so much, @DisorientingSneeze!

@shanishani7

If your man has no intention of converting to Catholicism, I think you have to be really careful about this. Others have already explained how a marriage with an atheist can be quite problematic where the children are concerned. I’d like to add that after your children have left your home, things aren’t likely to get any better. It is likely to become a bigger problem over time, because it’s natural that as you grow older and approach the end of your life and have more free time, you’ll turn to religion more and more. If your spouse does not join you in that, the two of you will drift apart. Either that, or you’ll be tempted to “not be so serious” about religion, possibly going against your natural religious inclinations because you don’t want to give him the impression that you’re becoming a “fanatic”. In that case your husband would basically end up being the one holding you back from approaching God in your later years. I have seen this happen, you know, where women who are naturally inclined to become quite devout ultimately accept being Sunday stalwarts only, because their atheist husband would get uncomfortable if they did anything more.

Really, husband and wife not being united in their valuation and practice of religion can pose a huge problem, not only now or when raising kids, but also after that all the way until your passing.
 
alice24 said:
Being a good spouse is something different than being a good christian, and I think sometimes people here think the latter automatically produces the first.
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Ideally, a good Christian should make a good spouse too.

The problem is that we have many types of “good Christians” ranging from the kind who have their lives revolving around the Catholic Church, to those who have their lives revolving around Jesus but not in the Catholic Church, to those who put other things like work ahead of religion but still believe strongly in Jesus and generally practice “love thy neighbor” principles. All of them are capable of being good spouses to the right woman.

And what makes a “good spouse” beyond the basics of respect, communication, responsible maturity etc is so dependent on the two people involved. I’ve known many men who I thought were very good people, but they would have made a terrible spouse for me personally although I’m sure most if not all of them made a wonderful spouse for a lady with different preferences. My husband and I were just on the same page with so many things.
 
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Maybe you have to ask your fiancé far more questions. For instance, if he got Alzheimer’s would you be expected to stick with him? Under what conditions does he believe a couple could divorce? Does he believe in re-marriage for Catholics who have divorced? Does he believe in preserving life at all costs, including the lives of the unborn and the dying? If you were to find out you are to have a child with Down’s syndrome, would he think abortion is okay? I bet you he will have views very different to yours on these points. Even more likely, he may not have views on these questions. He probably hasn’t thought out his atheism very well in the first place.
 
When I see a Catholic who describes themselves as a devout Catholic and is already engaged to an atheist, my first thought is that I wish I could have met you and chatted before your first date. By now, you are very attached to him and are looking to building a future with him.

I came from an unbelieving family that had issues with alcohol and drugs. There was no church, no formation, it was pretty dark. I had a conversion to the faith in my 20’s and never looked back. My boyfriend of 5 years did not like the new me and we broke up. I was ready to get engaged and move forward with him but the light of Christ and his saving plan for my life was something I grabbed onto and no one was going to convince me to let go.

I told God I was serious about my new faith and if He had a plan for me to marry, I would only consider a believing, attending, Catholic man. I checked that out on any first dates and there weren’t any second dates if they fell short on this one thing. It was the pearl of great price! Nothing else.

When I saw a husband and wife sitting together at church, and they knelt together, prayed together, I knew the kids with them saw that example. The kids saw that their parents went up for communion with reverence, prayerfully, that the parents waited in line for confession, that they knelt before a statue of the blessed Mother, these things are GOLD. This is the pearl of great price. I would not want anything less for my children than a God fearing, prayerful, Catholic dad.

This is what I wish for you and any other Catholic who is single. I wish I could put that desire for more in a spouse. More of Christ, in your singleness, in your dating, in your married life. There are no regrets when you walk with Christ. When there are 2 of you married to each other, amazing things will happen and graces will flow out into your family, and into the world. The power of God will be moved. Who you chose for your life partner matters.

God guide you and give you strength today for your tomorrows.
 
I’m concerned that holidays such as Easter and Christmas may lose some of their specialness and holiness in such a family as yours. Talk to a priest or deacon about your concerns but, in the end, follow your heart.
 
modestobruce said:
I’m concerned that holidays such as Easter and Christmas may lose some of their specialness and holiness in such a family as yours. Talk to a priest or deacon about your concerns but, in the end, follow your heart.
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I have wonderful news for you! A Catholic can give all their joys, sorrows, and sufferings every single day of their life for the conversion of sinners and peace in this world, as our Blessed Mother asked at Fatima. These Catholics, who are plugged into God daily, impact the world in a significant way! There is way more to life than waiting around for Christmas and Easter thanks be to God! We know the world needs prayerful, plugged in people.
 
Penny you’re right but that doesn’t negate my point. God bless.
 
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Delphinus said:
Sure, some mixed marriage succeed, but they are HARD.
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No, they are not all “hard”. My mixed marriage was easy. My husband was easy to love. We did not have to “work at our marriage”. We simply made a formal commitment in the church because we had already been committed to each other in real life for years when we did that.

The hardest thing about being married to him has been dealing with the loss since he suddenly died. Sometimes I have wished I never married because it hurts so bad.

If everybody would quit making generalizations about mixed marriage, the world would be a better place.
 
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Wasn’t your husband Christian though, ‘Tis? With someone who is not Christian at all and in fact doesn’t believe that God exists, it really is hard. Yes it can work out but it is harder than being married to a Christian or even someone who believes in a God through another religion.
 
The person didn’t say non-Christian or atheist. He said “Mixed”. A “mixed” marriage is any marriage of Catholic with non-Catholic.
 
Definately. When I was a teen, I got the impression that faithful people become more and more similar to each other when they grow in faith, and I thought there is no place for me in this system, my interests, appearance etc were too far away from what I thought was “the Christian personality”. Today I meet wonderful Christian people from time to time who would make a horrible spouse for me, but the best for their wives. It has lifted a burden from me to know all of them are so different.
 
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