Married 7 months and having a family dilemma

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Parents or anyone who’s home has been opened up to another in time of need… have every right in the world to make rules according to their own comfort. If the invited guests don’t like those rules they are free to live elsewhere.
I would love to see this expressed by the government in shelters.:rolleyes: Imagine the outcry if refugees were not permitted enjoy the rights of marriage.

Your position is indefensible from a marital position. From a holy position. But sadly, from a legal position you may have a point.
 
I think what most of the posters have failed to touch on is 21 is a very young age to get married. What was the rush? If having to live with parents for financial reasons is even a remote possibility, it is not the time to get married. Why not wait until you are both secure in a good job that will support you, a home, and potential children?

Maybe her parents are concerned that if they have sex she will become pregnant. She and her husband cannot support themselves right now, let alone a child. Once again, something that needed to be considered before getting married, especially when Catholics are supposed to be open to life at all times. Yes, NFP is effective in preventing pregnancy, but it is not infallible. Heck, even if they are going against the teachings of the Church and using contraception, that is not infallible either. If they are having sex, there is a possibility of conceiving a child.

What’s done is done - that is, they are already married and in financial distress, and are making due by living with parents. I agree with everyone who said making them stay in separate bedrooms is not right and is disrespectful to the sacrament of marriage. But I also see where they sort of put themselves in this situation when they didn’t have to. If there is more to the story, please forgive my comments. I am only going by what is in the original post.

I absolutely believe it’s wrong to make a married couple sleep separately. I’m just staying, in this case, there’s more to the story than that. I’m not trying to make judgements. I’m just saying I think BOTH sides have a valid point.
 
I think you should move out. Having just one income isn’t an excuse for not being out on your own. Maybe your parents are trying to tell you this in a not so subtle way.
 
I would love to see this expressed by the government in shelters.:rolleyes: Imagine the outcry if refugees were not permitted enjoy the rights of marriage.

Your position is indefensible from a marital position. From a holy position. But sadly, from a legal position you may have a point.
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We aren’t talking about government shelters, we are talking about people homes. It is not a normal way to think that all other concerns should be abandoned in order that a ‘marital bed’ be provided for a married couple to sleep in. I’ve stayed with my parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents many times and never demanded they provide a ‘marital bed’ for us to sleep in. That just seems to be taking the whole idea of the marital bed to an exaggerated extreme.

If I was in the OPs situation I’m quite sure I could find ways to have sex without making the parents, who’s home has been opened up to me generously, uncomfortable… and I certainly would never call them evil. Sometimes this crazy idea of ‘holy rights’ just goes too far in religions.
 
I think what most of the posters have failed to touch on is 21 is a very young age to get married. What was the rush? If having to live with parents for financial reasons is even a remote possibility, it is not the time to get married.
It wasn’t when they got married. He just got laid off.

Better to marry than to burn.
 
Supporting separate bedrooms as a rule in a house where married people live is odd to me and I cannot see any sort of justification of it. Unless it is some sort of Islamic Sharia law in that house!

I think the parents involvement of the sex life of their daughter has some serious psychological and evil components.
 
Yeah, I was wondering where people here get the idea that they can say 21 is too young to marry about people they don’t even know.
 
Yeah, I was wondering where people here get the idea that they can say 21 is too young to marry about people they don’t even know.
It’s probably just people’s idea of a “common” 21 year old. I got married at 20, and my entire family and friends were really excited for and supportive of me. The only people I heard anything bad from were complete strangers, or distant relatives who were not familiar with who I was.

But I agree, the generalization is frustrating.
 
Supporting separate bedrooms as a rule in a house where married people live is odd to me and I cannot see any sort of justification of it. Unless it is some sort of Islamic Sharia law in that house!

I think the parents involvement of the sex life of their daughter has some serious psychological and evil components.
To me, I’m more concerned about the psychological genus of the charge that having a rule for house guests sleeping arrangements equates to being sexually involved with them.
 
To me, I’m more concerned about the psychological genus of the charge that having a rule for house guests sleeping arrangements equates to being sexually involved with them.
House guests or children?
 
Yeah, I was wondering where people here get the idea that they can say 21 is too young to marry about people they don’t even know.
In general, with maturity, people are not only more aware of the financial obligations that life demands, but have the capacity to deal with hiccups like job loss in a way that doesn’t involve being bailed out by parents as has happened in this case. Sometimes when children choose to marry young, their parents feel more obligated to them then if they were older. That’s just how life works.
 
Yeah, I was wondering where people here get the idea that they can say 21 is too young to marry about people they don’t even know.
We’re talking about her parents. To them, she was 13 approximately three months ago!
(Is no one here on the downhill side of the hill yet? 🤷)
 
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We aren’t talking about government shelters, we are talking about people homes.
You can’t have it both ways. Either the parents are offering assistance to the couple or they are having house guests who are free to leave. It is almost exactly like the government shelter. A government would claim the same rights as the parents in this situation. Our country our rules, and as long as you need assistance you will not be permitted to sleep wiht your spouse.

Think it is outlandish? You have not been paying attention.

I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts this is specifically designed to keep them from having children.
 
This is so unbelievably bizarre!!

But why not ask your parents why this is their rule.

Or ask them that since they require that you sleep in separate rooms, which room would they rather you have intercourse in?

This is seriously ridiculous. Is there anyone else that you could move in with that would respect you enough as adults? What state are you in?? Come live with us
Whatever you do, OP, do not use the word “intercourse” when discussing this with your parents. Use a euphemism, like “cuddle” or just stick with the tried-and-true “we were planning on continuing to sleep together, because you know, we’re married” or you could get “la, la, la, I cannot hear you, la, la, la…”

If your parents still cannot believe you are really grown up and really married even though you are 21 years old, they won’t be the first. Be gentle with them–especially your dad! 😉 😃
 
You can’t have it both ways. Either the parents are offering assistance to the couple or they are having house guests who are free to leave. It is almost exactly like the government shelter. A government would claim the same rights as the parents in this situation. Our country our rules, and as long as you need assistance you will not be permitted to sleep wiht your spouse.

Think it is outlandish? You have not been paying attention.

I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts this is specifically designed to keep them from having children.
Much as secular forces tries to make the family a democracy, that is not the biblical way. Parents have a right to make household rules and homeowners have a right to make household rules. Our government is not a parent. They are just representatives of the common good.

I bet you dollars to dougnuts the Church would never label parental rules of this sort, evil regardless of why they were made.
 
Step 1: Meeting with hubby, parents, and priest.

Step 2: If that doesn’t work, move out immediately.

Step 3: Explain to your parents that you’re leaving because if standing by your marriage means living under a bridge, you’ll do it. That’s the vow you made. Tell them that you can work on rebuilding a relationship with them when they can accept and respect you and your husband as a couple that is every bit as married as they are.

Step 4: Bootstraps and pulling.

Your husband and your marriage comes first. That means first before parents and housing.
 
I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts this is specifically designed to keep them from having children.
Why? It isn’t as if they have to sleep in the same bedroom to engage in coitus. The parents never said anything about showering together or excusing themselves to an empty room for alone time. Maybe they have another reason they don’t want them sleeping in the same room.
 
Whatever you do, OP, do not use the word “intercourse” when discussing this with your parents. Use a euphemism, like “cuddle” or just stick with the tried-and-true “we were planning on continuing to sleep together, because you know, we’re married” or you could get “la, la, la, I cannot hear you, la, la, la…”

If your parents still cannot believe you are really grown up and really married even though you are 21 years old, they won’t be the first. Be gentle with them–especially your dad! 😉 😃
I find it funny that you say that, because I specifically used the word intercourse to make her parents uncomfortable so they can just get over it and get used to the idea.

I personally find euphemisms to be a sign of immaturity and squeamishness. There is nothing to be squeamish about over a married couple having sex.
 
They’re not insisting that she sleep with them. Good grief. Maybe there are just certain realities they are not quite ready to face.

Has no one here ever seen the father of a bride look something less than thrilled at his daughter’s wedding? It is not incestuous to have trouble realizing how fast the last 20 years have gone by!!! (“If she is old enough to be married, good heavens, how old does that make us? Ready to be grandparents!?! EEEEK!”)
It would be just a creepy if the father was not “uncomfortable” with this thought of his daughter and another man. But no matter the circumstances here, the parents are infringing on the rights of a married couple. The Church would most certainly side with the young couple here, in fact I would not be surprised if She has spoken about it.

oh wait.
She has in the CCC
Ironically enough in this situation it falls under the 4th commandment of honoring they father and mother. Which I cannot emphasize enough the irony here.😃
2201 The conjugal community is established upon the consent of the spouses. Marriage and the family are ordered to the good of the spouses and to the procreation and education of children. The love of the spouses and the begetting of children create among members of the same family personal relationships and primordial responsibilities. (1625)
2202 A man and a woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family. This institution is prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to recognize it. It should be considered the normal reference point by which the different forms of family relationship are to be evaluated. (1882)
2203 In creating man and woman, God instituted the human family and endowed it with its fundamental constitution. Its members are persons equal in dignity. For the common good of its members and of society, the family necessarily has manifold responsibilities, rights, and duties. (369)
Bolding mine:

Here is the important part. No matter the comfortableness of a father, or the age of the marrieds, or the financial circumstances involved. It is against the marrieds DIGNITY to impose this. I shake my head sometimes at CAF and the debates we have:

Does God approve of sodomy? Can I abort in this circumstance? Can I contraception in this circumstance, and now, “Can I control my adult married daughter’s sex life?”

The uncomfortable factor of the parents is actually not really the issue here. As it is more uncomfortable to have to vocalize and enforce this rule on two married people. What this is most certainly about is parents (probably motivated by genuine concern and caring) trying to impose a sexual will on people they do not think should be having children at this time. While THAT issue could be debated, the right of the parents to decide this is pretty open and shut. It does not exist and should not be defended.
 
Much as secular forces tries to make the family a democracy, that is not the biblical way. Parents have a right to make household rules and homeowners have a right to make household rules. Our government is not a parent. They are just representatives of the common good.

I bet you dollars to dougnuts the Church would never label parental rules of this sort, evil regardless of why they were made.
Not according to the Church. Parents do not have the right to decide when and where thier adult married children have sex. In fact, that freedom is specifically outlined.
 
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