Keep in mind, however, that not everything that is legitimate is legitimately made public. It is no violation of marriage to maintain that some pronouncements give Too Much Information for comfort. When it comes to parents and their children’s sex lives (or, let us face it, vice versa!) here is definitely such a thing as polite propriety. The taboo against incest is very deep, and it makes it gracious to let those who do not want to think about your marital privacy kept as free as possible to not think about it!
Whether you like it or not, people have a right to make rules for their homes for whatever reasons. Unless they are forcibly holding guests captive there, it is the place of those guests to leave if the rules don’t suit them. There is no case for holding either God or the law up as a threat to those rules and saying that it equates to incest is an unethical charge against them.It would be just a creepy if the father was not “uncomfortable” with this thought of his daughter and another man. But no matter the circumstances here, the parents are infringing on the rights of a married couple. The Church would most certainly side with the young couple here, in fact I would not be surprised if She has spoken about it.
oh wait.
She has in the CCC
Ironically enough in this situation it falls under the 4th commandment of honoring they father and mother. Which I cannot emphasize enough the irony here.
Bolding mine:
Here is the important part. No matter the comfortableness of a father, or the age of the marrieds, or the financial circumstances involved. It is against the marrieds DIGNITY to impose this. I shake my head sometimes at CAF and the debates we have:
Does God approve of sodomy? Can I abort in this circumstance? Can I contraception in this circumstance, and now, “Can I control my adult married daughter’s sex life?”
The uncomfortable factor of the parents is actually not really the issue here. As it is more uncomfortable to have to vocalize and enforce this rule on two married people. What this is most certainly about is parents (probably motivated by genuine concern and caring) trying to impose a sexual will on people they do not think should be having children at this time. While THAT issue could be debated, the right of the parents to decide this is pretty open and shut. It does not exist and should not be defended.
Parents are allowed to make rules within their own homes for their comfort. If the adult children don’t like those rules, they are free to leave and make their way on their own.
Is that what they are trying to do? It could be that the bedrooms have thin walls and they don’t want to be kept up at night. I make the bed in our guest room super squeaky to discourage any hanky panky If the guests are going to engage in coitus it isn’t going to just be loud enough to keep me awake, I’ve made sure it is going to keep everyone in the house awake.
Also if they were accustomed to having sex in the living room are the parents allowed to say anything or is that deciding when and where their adlt married children have sex?
Laying on your sides keeps the bed from squeaking. I’m not trying to be graphic, just pointing out a flaw in your master-plan
I would be very surprised if these parents ever once used the “S” word with their daughter and son-in-law. If I had to bet, I’d bet they do not want to be confronted with the fullness of the idea that their daughter has all the duties and privileges of a wife, now that she is married.
I once was the parent of 21year olds, and while I thought it was young, there is no way I would ever ask of them what these parents ask if they needed a place to live. Never. I would consider it a sin against God and marriage. It is totally abnormal, nothing can justify interfering in a marriage to this extent. I believe this is a case of not wanting to relinquish control. I lived that nightmare once. This can lead to significant marital consequences down the road if it is not taken care of immediately.
The respect and power for governments comes under the same commandment (4th) as does parental rights in the CCC.
It would be interesting if the OP could be adult enough to have a conversation with the parents to find out the motive behind this seemingly unjust condition of assistance. I would love an update. But perhaps the OP’s parents have internet access limited to the bathroom of the master bedroom for fear of some ideas the OP might get to be a wife…I agree with you here.
See Hoosier? I don’t always think you are wrong!
I jumped into the thread with my perspective on reading your assessment that these parents behaviour was incestuous. I think it is actually you who’ve overstepped the parameters of your knowledge and simple stranger etiquette that most respect when they don’t have intimate knowledge of the situation. I just thought incest is a most heinous thing to charge someone with.
Don’t you think the OP ought to just go to her mom and say, “Mom? Separate bedrooms? Really? I’d like to laugh, but I think you and Dad just might be serious. Please tell me that you aren’t serious…this is just not going to fly. I am married. You knew it when you said we could stay here. This is ridiculous. We will be moving out as soon as possible, we really do promise. Trust me.”
Slights? Sure. Refusing to acknowledge that she is a married woman and that their son-in-law is their daugther’s wife??? That’s not a slight, that’s a huge problem. And if the OP chooses to humor this issue rather than confront it head on with the stance that she is her husband’s wife first and foremost (yes, that means before she is their daughter) and that she is not willing to compromise on this regardless of the living arrangement, she needs to be ready for this kind of behavior to continue for the rest of her parents’ lives (or the rest of her marriage, as these things tend to shorten marriages).
When people come to marriage or relationship counselling or even come to divorce or family court with a situation that laid down on paper looks like its pretty black and white… it often gets turned on its head very quickly once the story starts to flow from the lips of each party. An accusation was laid on these parents of incest and from that point, I have jumped in to give another view. What has lead to this point and what the parents are feeling about the whole situation is an unknown to this story but at the end of the day, they have a right to make a rule in their own home. If they banned the couple from sex AT ALL, that is a different story… but this is all just about the sleeping arrangements within the walls of the home they live in for a short period while they get a job. If this couple feels so strongly entitled to sleep together in there parents house that they would use the children to punish them… that is their choice. It happens all the time where a parent doesn’t allow their child to smoke weed in the house or give them some money or take a driving penalty for them… so they punish the parent in some way. That’s an unfortunate choice some people make.
Did you really just compare a married adult’s need to live out a normal, private, and yes, conjugal relationship to a teenager who wants to smoke pot?
Or for that matter, hear it. No one (including the OP) has said anything about the house, or to what degree there is sound proofing. For me, I don’t want to hear the bed springs bouncing, or the heavy breathing, or the moaning, screaming, shouting, or any other indications of sexual activity. Sorry, but I can sympathize with the parents.Keep in mind, however, that not everything that is legitimate is legitimately made public. It is no violation of marriage to maintain that some pronouncements give Too Much Information for comfort. When it comes to parents and their children’s sex lives (or, let us face it, vice versa!) here is definitely such a thing as polite propriety. The taboo against incest is very deep, and it makes it gracious to let those who do not want to think about your marital privacy kept as free as possible to not think about it!
Maybe it is funny, but the closer someone is to you, the less they usually want to think about let alone hear about your sex life.
Wisdom comes from good choices; good choices come from experience; experience comes from bad choices.For your young age, you are very wise.