Married person going to lunch with non married person of opposite sex...question

[srlucado]

*LOL–
I think sometimes women do this a lot, we second guess ourselves…oh, is he really flirting with me…am I overreacting…etc…

I have been married a long time, and I am normally oblivious to this. People will say…that guy was flirting with you…I don’t take notice. I flirt with my husband, though!

But, this was very much an unavoidable thing…he came into my office unannounced…and was quite forward…he is an in your face type of guy. It was hard for me to even miss. *

Ah. Well, given this, I think that while married/single lunches are *generally *okay, when there’s even a hint of impropriety, it should be avoided.

If you can’t avoid it (because you’re too nice to turn the creep down flat), spend the whole lunch talking about all the cute things your kids do, in minute detail. Give him graphic details about the *adorable *time your little ones were sick and barfing all over the house (don’t leave out how great the whole house smelled that day). It’ll be the quickest lunch you’ve ever had.

 

[whatevergirl]

This guy asked you in a flirty way?

Oh dear. I think that changes everything.

That’s a no-fly zone.

Yep, I’d say. For the most part, everyone is professional, but I have heard happy hour stories that make me glad I don’t go to those. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Ah. Well, given this, I think that while married/single lunches are *generally *okay, when there’s even a hint of impropriety, it should be avoided.

If you can’t avoid it (because you’re too nice to turn the creep down flat), spend the whole lunch talking about all the cute things your kids do, in minute detail. Give him graphic details about the *adorable *time your little ones were sick and barfing all over the house (don’t leave out how great the whole house smelled that day). It’ll be the quickest lunch you’ve ever had.

in minute detail…lol!

 

[fghgj]

trade9shoes.com

 

[chevalier]

This guy asked you in a flirty way?

Oh dear. I think that changes everything.

That’s a no-fly zone.

Agreed. There doesn’t need to be much tolerance for his possibly hurt feelings if you give him a rough talking to. If you see a ring on a woman’s finger, you don’t do anything flirty. If you violate that rule, you deserve no protection for your hurt feelings.

 

[Lifeisamazing]

“May I take you to lunch today?” from an opposite sex co-worker that doesn’t work with the person they are asking sounds like a formal request to “get to know you better”.

So, I guess my question is, why does this person want to get to know the other person better?

Is it merely a business move to know as many people in the company as possible (you might actually see this move suggested in networking books). It increases your chances for success to know and be known even across departments.

It is all about motive and intention.

I think if I were asked I would go with my gut feeling about the intent of the asker. If it seemed innocent business, an attempt to rub elbows, sure I would go. I would drive seperately regardless and I would leave at the drop of a hat should it turn into romantic advances.

 

[whatevergirl]

“May I take you to lunch today?” from an opposite sex co-worker that doesn’t work with the person they are asking sounds like a formal request to “get to know you better”.

So, I guess my question is, why does this person want to get to know the other person better?

Is it merely a business move to know as many people in the company as possible (you might actually see this move suggested in networking books). It increases your chances for success to know and be known even across departments.

It is all about motive and intention.

I think if I were asked I would go with my gut feeling about the intent of the asker. If it seemed innocent business, an attempt to rub elbows, sure I would go. I would drive seperately regardless and I would leave at the drop of a hat should it turn into romantic advances.

*Hi life;

We are peers of one another, there is nothing he can do to bolster my career…I am not sure of his exact intent, but his flirtatious tone, is enough for me to say no…Otherwise, I would agree with you.*

 

[Jay82]

***Thank you for your continued replies. I am not going, I’ve decided.

I am of the mindset, that it’s ‘ok’ for two people who work together, of the opposite sex, to go to lunch together…if there is some type of business relationship established…a strong one. I have had lunch in groups, mixed guys and women, no big deal. My gut spoke to me on this…I remember him saying as soon as he walked in…‘wow, it smells sooooo good in here.’ The whole thing was just weird. I am normally oblivious to people’s intentions:blush: but this day, I must have had my wheaties. lol I was very astute to the bad vibe I was getting.

So, while my dh trusts me…I trust him…the fact that I have a bad feeling about this–to go ahead and have lunch…why put myself in an awkward situation?

Thanks again for your replies…you guys are great. ***

I am chiming in a bit late here, but I think you are making the right choice by not going in this instance. If you got a bad vibe, it is best to trust your instincts, especially since you don’t paint a favorable picture about this guy.

However, I think going out to lunch with (married) members of the opposite sex at work is something that needs to be looked at on a case by case basis. In some instances I think it is perfectly acceptable, but others it probably isn’t a good idea.

Their are two married women (about 10-15 years older than me with kids) who I used to work with regularly and became friends with, but I don’t see much nowadays since we are on different projects, etc. However, when we are around the office, usually one or the other will suggest grabbing lunch to catch up. Sometimes it is in a group, sometimes its just the two of us. If it is the two of us, we always go down the building cafeteria, and not out somewhere. The conversation usually remains business centric with the occasional side tracking as they tell me about their kids in school or sports or a vacation they might have taken. I think I would feel a little uncomfortable if we were to go out to a restaurant, but the public work cafeteria is ok.

Conversely, their are a couple women in the work place that I have declined lunch and/or happy hour invitations from because I know it would be inappropriate unless it was in a group or it would result in gossip about the woman and I that would not be true.

 

[yellowbicycle]

If you get a bad vibe, trust it.

 

[CrackerJackie]

1. Trust your gut.
2. See rule #1.

I work with 95% men. They know I’m married, I know their marital status. This has never been an issue. We are friends, nothing more. My husband doesn’t have a problem with it. If, however, a coworker asked me if he could take me to lunch and I had even an inkling that there was an “agenda” I would decline. I’d also like to say that this happened once in college, but the friend was a lesbian. I did not know at the time she was a lesbian (wouldn’t have mattered either way), but as we were having a drink before dinner, she told me she is a lesbian and said she wanted to get to know me better. I was uncomfortable, explained to her that I was not interested, and left. I did not leave because of her declaring her sexual preference, I left because I felt betrayed and ambushed.