Married posters! What advice would you give to the single Pringles here?

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SuperLuigi said:
beta.

I think everyone knows that a “nice guy” is really just someone who acts like they are owed affection, pines about it on the internet on Friday nights and thinks all the abusive jerks gets the girls.

I sometimes think these folks like the whining better than having a REAL relationship.
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I will have to disagree with you. The “nice guy,” is the one taking off work to take me to a ballet. He does not bemoan about all the good girls being taken. Nor is he a jerk.
 
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As usual on marital topics, this thread is illustrating “different strokes for different folks”.

Much of the advice on this thread would have scared me off as a single. I’m not saying it’s bad advice, just that I was really looking for a nice reliable cuddly guy with a sense of humor that matched mine so we could sit around eating Cheetohs and watching TV (later replaced by poking the laptop or phone ) together. Someone constantly pursuing me, wanting spontaneous sex, dishing up the romantic gifts and mush all the time, or wanting to sit around discussing a God-centered marriage would have made me grab my Cheetohs and run for the hills.
 
Okay, let’s add another dimension: what advice would you give to help us Pringles live our single life to the fullest? What are some things you wish you’d known/done before you got married?
 
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The whole ‘nice guy’ thing usually refers to guys who are very passive aggressive and think that they are entitled to a girlfriend because they were ‘nice to her’…i think…?

When girls think of a nice guy, they think of a nice human being, rather than the above.
 
anikins said:
When you impose just two categories of male on the world, you unnecessarily mislead young men into acting in certain predefined ways that aren’t actually conducive to attracting and sustaining healthy and enjoyable relationships with women, or finding success in other areas of life.
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The same holds true for rewarding bad behavior, such as turning down virgins in favor of nonvirgins.
 
Wait is my advice. Make sure she is the one… seen several marriages where both are miserable ( now then… they aren’t miserable ALL the time… but enough of the time ) because they didn’t take their time IMO.
 
Spyridon said:
Do you believe Christian men are called to be nice, or mean, nasty, and unpleasant?
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Neither. And you’ve really proved my point here. Nice guys think there are only 2 choices: themselves, or the abusive jerk.

First, I don’t like binary choices here.

Second, being “nice” is often an excuse to be romantically lazy. I think there’s a mentality out there that if a guy is a male feminist, that means he should get laid with all the secular feminists. For Christian guys, it’s more along the lines of “we go to Church every week, so she should like me for that”.

That’s not how it works. Women, in a free society anyways, are only going to date a man they are attracted to. Just giving women what guys think they want or going to Church every week is not enough.

And there is a big difference between being nice and kind.
 
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Don´t marry somene who “fix your shortcomings/make you complete/teach you lessons you need to learn” - not because it is wrong to comlete your spouse in marriage (it is good!) but because you would marry this person for a specific purpose. A purpose that could disappear with the years when you develop as a character and maybe learned the lesson by yourself.
 
Can you try for, like, two seconds to not “well, actually…” absolutely everything?

People pushed back on your point because you used the “beta” male language that you see in a lot of dumb internet “pick up artist” culture. If you had just said “don’t be a passive aggressive whiner who thinks women owe him because he was ‘nice’” then I doubt anyone would have objected.
 
I’d say get out and meet lots of people. Engage in different activities and do stuff you love. The bigger your social circle the more chance you’ll meet someone. Also don’t be afraid to try dating sites… But don’t pin all your hopes on them either.
 
I mean, I don’t think he’s wrong that being a passive aggressive “nice” guy is a bad look. I just don’t like the whole alpha and beta language. It has kind of a dark connotation on the internet.
 
I tell people all the time. Having a happy marriage is easy. Laugh a lot. Hold hands. Go to bed angry. That way when you wake up in the morning you will see being angry was a waste of a good night sleep.
 
Little late to the party, but three things:

First, don’t try to analyze the opposite sex as though they have some kind of hive mind. Young men particularly try to do this. They treat women as though they were a video game, i.e “If I just press the right combination of buttons in the right order, it should work!” No. There’s like four billion women on the planet. What “works” with one will not necessarily “work” with another. Remind yourself that you’re talking about individual human beings with their own quirks, not just members of a gender.

Second, don’t spin your wheels too much trying to find a partner. If you’re out there deliberately beating the bushes looking for someone to date, odds are you’re going to come across as kinda desperate and pathetic. Instead, work on making yourself the kind of person someone would want to date. Be outgoing and friendly. Get involved in stuff. Take care of your physical appearance: work out, eat well, wear clothes that look good on you. I’m not saying you need to become vain or self-absorbed, but it’s a simple fact that if you look halfway decent, you’ll be more attractive to members of the opposite sex. And you’ll probably feel more confident chatting them up, too. Get your career moving. Again, you don’t have to be Mark Zuckerberg, but taking your career seriously is a sign of maturity. Most women aren’t going to relish the idea of marrying and raising a family with a guy who is delivering pizza at 30. Not just because they’re likely to be poor, but because it signals a lack of ambition and disinterest.

Finally, don’t be super afraid of rejection. If you ask someone out and they’re not into it, yes, that’s mildly embarrassing for a little bit. But life will go on. Once you realize that it’s not the end of the world, you’ll be way more natural at approaching members of the opposite sex. And if you do get the brush off, accept it and move on. Don’t hang around the periphery like a creep for six months hoping they’ll change their mind.
 
Just saw this reply. Just curious… is all of the sex in your marriage really scheduled?
 
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