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Young_Thinker
Guest
A cyborg? Hahahah!
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Blossoming
Guest
I think you two have a great deal in common and assuming he proposes, it might be a good match.
You are both interested in something the other has to offer (beauty/money) and that indicates a deeply shared similar value system.
You both seem to find sexuality to be secondary as a relationship value by prioritizing other qualities well above a physical relationship.
You both meet in the top .05% of the country financially and that’s a fairly rare group (especially on CAF!) and would likely have much more in common socially with each other than the socializing the other 99.5% of Americans might feel comfortable with.
Best wishes, I think you’ve found a keeper and I don’t see why with such fame and fortune you would have any concerns over what some random people on a message board might think if they ran across you two married at their Mass, however unlikely that might be.
I suspect if I were a shockingly beautiful and wealthy Catholic runway model and I was engaged to a particularly eligible Catholic member of current CEO royalty I could care less what anyone else thought.
I think you should go for it! God bless.
You are both interested in something the other has to offer (beauty/money) and that indicates a deeply shared similar value system.
You both seem to find sexuality to be secondary as a relationship value by prioritizing other qualities well above a physical relationship.
You both meet in the top .05% of the country financially and that’s a fairly rare group (especially on CAF!) and would likely have much more in common socially with each other than the socializing the other 99.5% of Americans might feel comfortable with.
Best wishes, I think you’ve found a keeper and I don’t see why with such fame and fortune you would have any concerns over what some random people on a message board might think if they ran across you two married at their Mass, however unlikely that might be.
I suspect if I were a shockingly beautiful and wealthy Catholic runway model and I was engaged to a particularly eligible Catholic member of current CEO royalty I could care less what anyone else thought.
I think you should go for it! God bless.
S
Serap
Guest
very good point!!! this is so true. all of my kids’ doctors are married with children (they had their kids around age 30 or so).
my doctor is 40+ and still single. me thinks he has committment issues.
K
katolsk
Guest
As a much older man than my wife, married >10 years with a few kids, one thing that I think is important to think about, and is more imortant, in my opinion, than the age difference, is how do you handle problems and making up from those problems.
Are you both able to forgive each other completely?
One thing that is guaranteed in every marriage is that (besides all of the good stuff) there will be difficulties, fighting, disagreements, anger, sorrow, disappointments, etc. You are both human and will both make mistakes and screw up to some degree.
OK that’s a given, will you love each other enough to put the other above yourself? Forever?
When/if you are a completely irrational pregnant woman, will he be able to deal with it, and love you no matter what? What if you gain 40 pounds from some pregnancies?
Or if he becomes bankrupt 3 years into the marriage and you have to live in a studio apartment and start building a life again, will you still be able to love him as much?
Will you both be able to forgive in the way Jesus wants us and taught us on the cross?
I’m not insinuating that you would not make a great couple for any reason, just passing on some thoughts from the reading of this post.
Based on your maturity and analysis approach, I think you’re on to something good and wish you the bast.
Are you both able to forgive each other completely?
One thing that is guaranteed in every marriage is that (besides all of the good stuff) there will be difficulties, fighting, disagreements, anger, sorrow, disappointments, etc. You are both human and will both make mistakes and screw up to some degree.
OK that’s a given, will you love each other enough to put the other above yourself? Forever?
When/if you are a completely irrational pregnant woman, will he be able to deal with it, and love you no matter what? What if you gain 40 pounds from some pregnancies?
Or if he becomes bankrupt 3 years into the marriage and you have to live in a studio apartment and start building a life again, will you still be able to love him as much?
Will you both be able to forgive in the way Jesus wants us and taught us on the cross?
I’m not insinuating that you would not make a great couple for any reason, just passing on some thoughts from the reading of this post.
Based on your maturity and analysis approach, I think you’re on to something good and wish you the bast.
J
joshvanrad
Guest
If you can both work towards a better relationship in God and you will support each other freely in that… I say go for it.
That said, I have seen families with older fathers and when they pass while the children are relatively young it is extremely hard on the entire family unit.
Joshua
That said, I have seen families with older fathers and when they pass while the children are relatively young it is extremely hard on the entire family unit.
Joshua
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EasterJoy
Guest
Maybe. I know at least one guy who resolved not to look to get married until he knew whether or not he was going to reach his goal to become a tenured professor. He decided that the hours required to get tenure were not fair to a wife and family, and so he was not going to go looking for a wife until he could give a wife and family the attention they deserved. That sounds like someone who understands commitment far better than most and has fewer “issues” with it than most, to be honest.
I also know at least one guy who hadn’t met the right woman and wasn’t going to be rushed about it. He’d seen too many friends in a hurry to get married, then a year later in a hurry to get their divorce. He figures it is better to go straight to the marriage that is going to work. Again: that sounds like the opposite of having commitment issues.
It is the people who string the same girlfriend or boyfriend along for five or six or seven years–and I’m talking about a couple who’ve agreed to get married in theory, but one keeps finding excuses to wait just another year, then just until this, then just until that–that make me wonder about commitment issues. It’s very unfair to agree to marry in concept, but then to keep pushing the question off like that.
There are both women and men who reach their 40s single who got there by having one too many relationships with someone in the “just another year” crowd. When you’re 20 and I’m 40, OK, tell me to come back in 5 years, if you want to, but don’t keep stacking on the short term excuses. Do it, or else let them go.
T
ToeInTheWater
Guest
You know, when I read the post by katolsk it occurred to me that, although this topic is focused on the age difference here, that the OP should also consider any other issues that might arise going forward, especially once children are in the picture.
Runwaymodel, you have commented that your boyfriend is religious, but doesn’t go to church every Sunday, which in many Christian faiths is perfectly fine, but in the Catholic faith, going to Sunday (or Saturday night) Mass is required, indeed, a mortal sin not to go without some valid reason (such as illness, lack of transportation, etc.) So, it seems that he is content to take a backseat to you in terms of how religious he is, even if he admires your level of faith. I know this is the case in many families, that the wife is more religious than the husband. But I don’t think it’s the ideal. I also wonder, will he still go to Church with you once you’re married and he doesn’t need to woo you anymore?
So, would you be okay with being the spiritual leader in your household? Okay with taking the kids to Mass by yourself while their father is, say, playing golf with some business contacts? Let’s say you have a son together, would you expect him to teach that son to be chaste or not? Or does he believe that while a gentleman doesn’t pressure women for sex, that’s it’s fine to indulge if the woman is willing? Would you be okay with that?
These are all issues that I think would be important to consider, regardless of the age difference involved. I think it would be foolhardy to get so caught up on this one issue that you overlook others.
Runwaymodel, you have commented that your boyfriend is religious, but doesn’t go to church every Sunday, which in many Christian faiths is perfectly fine, but in the Catholic faith, going to Sunday (or Saturday night) Mass is required, indeed, a mortal sin not to go without some valid reason (such as illness, lack of transportation, etc.) So, it seems that he is content to take a backseat to you in terms of how religious he is, even if he admires your level of faith. I know this is the case in many families, that the wife is more religious than the husband. But I don’t think it’s the ideal. I also wonder, will he still go to Church with you once you’re married and he doesn’t need to woo you anymore?
So, would you be okay with being the spiritual leader in your household? Okay with taking the kids to Mass by yourself while their father is, say, playing golf with some business contacts? Let’s say you have a son together, would you expect him to teach that son to be chaste or not? Or does he believe that while a gentleman doesn’t pressure women for sex, that’s it’s fine to indulge if the woman is willing? Would you be okay with that?
These are all issues that I think would be important to consider, regardless of the age difference involved. I think it would be foolhardy to get so caught up on this one issue that you overlook others.
R
runwaymodel
Guest
You make very valid points. Yes, I have considered all of the above and more. I plan to stivk to the vows ‘for better or for worse, for sickness and in health, for richer or poorer’.
You do have me thinking about the comment you said if he ever went bankrupt. That would be though but not for the vain reasons you may think. I think I personally need to have a ‘backup’ career plan because modeling isn’t going to help me many years from now when I turn 40 or even 30. I do need about 2 semesters to finish a career I started so maybe i’ll go back to school someday.
ToeInTheWater, he is not against going. He has gone many times without me because now he is getting into the habit again, which I am so proud of him. I was raised Catholic but stopped going to Church as a teen, then a few years later I found my way back: a lot of Catholics do. Going to Church together has made us a stronger couple and I imagine with a family it will continue to grow. All we can do is our best. He is a very reasonable and caring man, as he has proved with his willingness to be chaste with me.
R
runwaymodel
Guest
SIGH I hate responding to a comment via my phone because I end up making SO many spelling mistakes. A pet peeve of mine…:banghead:
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EasterJoy
Guest
Plan to finish your education as soon as you can, if you only need the equivalent of two semesters. I don’t mean you ought to rush through and incur a lot of debt that could have been avoided if you paid as you went, or that you ought to use time you could have spent at modelling work going to school. I do mean to seriously look for an opportunity to finish your degree, and to sieze it when you see it. The world is full of people who wish they had, and I have known some of them.
A man of any age can get into an accident deemed his fault and lose both his money and his ability to work because of that instant. There are always things that insurance won’t cover. Do your part to be ready to support him if he can’t provide for you or to support yourself and your children if his death leaves you with too little.
I think I wrote about J.S. Bach and his second wife, Anna Magdalena. By all accounts, they had a very happy marriage. When Back died, their youngest was 8. In those days, few women could support a family through their work, and Anna Magdalena was no exception. She was given money from outside sources, but she died in poverty. You have been given an opportunity to provide for your children if something like that happens to you. Don’t squander it.
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runwaymodel
Guest
Yes, I make very good money myself, which is why I bought a home when I was in my late teens, but modeling is a short lived career so I am saving and investing a lot while I can. Now that I am really thinking about it, I should go back to school. Maybe If I take a few classes I can finish before age 25. Or I can really apply myself and finish those 2 semesters in less than a year…but that would be stretching myself too thin.
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EasterJoy
Guest
I have a PhD, but I’m not one that thinks a degree is the end-all. I think it’s good to finish a degree when you start one, but with a few exceptions.
One exception is that you realize after you start your formal education that it will do little for the career path your are really the best suited for. I have a relative who was very smart, could have gone to any college she wanted and succeeded at any career she wanted. She wanted to be a hairdresser. Her high school counsellors went bananas. My advice was to get her license to do what she wanted and just save enough money as she started working as if she might change her mind and go to college, after all. Even if she doesn’t go back to college, she knows she can. Otherwise, she’s gotten into a saving habit and when she wants to start her own shop, she’ll have that nest egg.
If you see yourself staying somewhere close to the fashion business, you may want to talk to older women who are involved in the fashion business, the former models and the ones who have seen models come and go, and ask them how the successful ones prepare for life after modelling. Fashion, after all, is not medicine. It is in the world of art, advertising, and commerce. The women I have in mind know things that high school counsellors don’t know about how to give yourself the best opportunites for the kind of work you think would be the most suitable when you leave modelling. That will help you decide how to proceed, too, I think.
Start taking those women to lunch, even if you suspect you’re going to get some advice that won’t be useful to someone with your morals. You can pick and choose on that front. It could be the best money you’ve ever spent on your education!
H
Havard
Guest
Oh really? I’m an overworked professional in the dating world. Your comment essentially is saying that I’m doing it wrong, and if I just put dating off until I make equity partner, somehow I’ll be more of the committing type? Yeah, right…
If marriage is truly important to a man, he will make himself ready for it now, not on his own timetable. It’s THY will be done, not MY will be done.
K
Kathryn_Ann
Guest
**
Don’t give him up!
I married a wonderful Catholic man who is sixteen years my senior. He was not a workaholic, but he is the oldest of seven children and grew up in a happy but noisy family so married later in life after having several careers. He didn’t want to rush into marriage!
He was about fifty when we married and I was a single mother (first marriage annulled, I joined the Catholic Church.) He was a great step father and devoted husband. He is an excellent provider, and we joke about the age differences. As someone trained earlier in nursing, I’ve promised to take care of him when we are older.
I am now fifty seven and he is nearing seventy three and we are happier than ever, even with the now empty nest. I had a bad cold last week and he was the one taking care of me. We joke now that he might end up outliving me!
He loves his step daughter as his own and dotes on our grand-daughter who is eight. So, age has less to do with any warning signs than do the following:
Does he have a sense of humor?
How MUCH of a workaholic is he?
Will you be working too, and both coming home at the end of the day exhausted or will you enjoy some sort of compromise on how much fun time (vacations, dinners together, etc) that you will have?
How does he feel toward his mother, (living or otherwise, how does he speak about her and women in general?) Is he respectful of women?
Does he respect friends of yours who are your age? This is key: Would he roll his eyes or be sullen if you had a young group of your own friends over for dinner? Would he feel superior? I’d test that out. My husband welcomed friends of all ages in our home and never thought himself above my rather Bohemian/artsy young theatre friends. I in turn respected his wisdom and enjoyed all his older friends. Open-ness to new experiences is vital in both partners.
There’s nothing wrong with discussing these issues openly and even going to counseling if marriage is being seriously considered. At your young age, perhaps you feel you might want to date more people and not rush into anything. But age by itself does not have to be a deterrent to a happy relationship. Time will tell, as you get to know his personality, his sense of humor or lack of it when things get difficult.
Have you dated younger men enough to assure yourself that this older man may be “the one?” Do you feel attracted to younger men at all? Don’t worry about what people may think. And many women like being taken care of by a man who can afford to hire cooks, nannies, etc. It’s the personal relationship that counts and knowing what kind of man he really is. Sometimes you can tell a person’s character over just a year’s time, and sometimes it takes longer. In my opinion, spirituality, integrity and personality are three key factors to a person’s character. Your own personality may indeed change a bit over time. Know Thyself is a good thing to remember, and then see if the two of you have enough in common to enjoy what time you have together.
Best wishes.**
Don’t give him up!
I married a wonderful Catholic man who is sixteen years my senior. He was not a workaholic, but he is the oldest of seven children and grew up in a happy but noisy family so married later in life after having several careers. He didn’t want to rush into marriage!
He was about fifty when we married and I was a single mother (first marriage annulled, I joined the Catholic Church.) He was a great step father and devoted husband. He is an excellent provider, and we joke about the age differences. As someone trained earlier in nursing, I’ve promised to take care of him when we are older.
I am now fifty seven and he is nearing seventy three and we are happier than ever, even with the now empty nest. I had a bad cold last week and he was the one taking care of me. We joke now that he might end up outliving me!
He loves his step daughter as his own and dotes on our grand-daughter who is eight. So, age has less to do with any warning signs than do the following:
Does he have a sense of humor?
How MUCH of a workaholic is he?
Will you be working too, and both coming home at the end of the day exhausted or will you enjoy some sort of compromise on how much fun time (vacations, dinners together, etc) that you will have?
How does he feel toward his mother, (living or otherwise, how does he speak about her and women in general?) Is he respectful of women?
Does he respect friends of yours who are your age? This is key: Would he roll his eyes or be sullen if you had a young group of your own friends over for dinner? Would he feel superior? I’d test that out. My husband welcomed friends of all ages in our home and never thought himself above my rather Bohemian/artsy young theatre friends. I in turn respected his wisdom and enjoyed all his older friends. Open-ness to new experiences is vital in both partners.
There’s nothing wrong with discussing these issues openly and even going to counseling if marriage is being seriously considered. At your young age, perhaps you feel you might want to date more people and not rush into anything. But age by itself does not have to be a deterrent to a happy relationship. Time will tell, as you get to know his personality, his sense of humor or lack of it when things get difficult.
Have you dated younger men enough to assure yourself that this older man may be “the one?” Do you feel attracted to younger men at all? Don’t worry about what people may think. And many women like being taken care of by a man who can afford to hire cooks, nannies, etc. It’s the personal relationship that counts and knowing what kind of man he really is. Sometimes you can tell a person’s character over just a year’s time, and sometimes it takes longer. In my opinion, spirituality, integrity and personality are three key factors to a person’s character. Your own personality may indeed change a bit over time. Know Thyself is a good thing to remember, and then see if the two of you have enough in common to enjoy what time you have together.
Best wishes.**
G
GEddie
Guest
“Making oneself ready” and “going out looking” are not the same thing. The modern pattern of the dating scene was unknown through most of Christian history, yet young men “made themselves ready” for sacramental marriage throughout that time.Oh really? I’m an overworked professional in the dating world. Your comment essentially is saying that I’m doing it wrong, and if I just put dating off until I make equity partner, somehow I’ll be more of the committing type? Yeah, right…
If marriage is truly important to a man, he will make himself ready for it now, not on his own timetable. It’s THY will be done, not MY will be done.
Like it or not, God never promised everybody a spouse. But if He has someone for you, He will not make it dependent on your playing the “dating game.”. IMNAAHO.
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Havard
Guest
You’re twisting my/EasterJoy’s words, I never said anything about “playing the dating game” or even affirmatively looking for a spouse. EasterJoy praised a guy who closed himself off, and I expressed my disagreement with that point of view being praiseworthy.
C
chevalier
Guest
There’s a difference between morality and societal morality. It used to be “wrong” to marry between races or classes. Now, age is relevant and there can be a lot of complications but (being male) I can see myself marrying someone half my age when I’m after 40, or several years older than I am. (Admittedly, double my age I can’t see it.) People have been happy despite such significant differences with the man being older. However, you’d better be sure of what you’re doing, and of him.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Whoa. Most professors I know got married before they had tenure. This other fellow didn’t want that, but he didn’t go around making himself out to be the better of those who married before tenure. Rather, he counted the cost, and went from there. You can do something differently than other people do it without making it into a judgement on everybody else.Oh really? I’m an overworked professional in the dating world. Your comment essentially is saying that I’m doing it wrong, and if I just put dating off until I make equity partner, somehow I’ll be more of the committing type? Yeah, right…
If marriage is truly important to a man, he will make himself ready for it now, not on his own timetable. It’s THY will be done, not MY will be done.
I am saying that it is rash judgement to conclude that a guy who doesn’t look for a wife because he could not be a good husband yet must have “commitment issues.” If you think he does, well, that’s not his problem. He’s not judging you. Return the favor.
R
runwaymodel
Guest
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. It sounds like you were blessed with a very lovely and accepting man. I am very happy for you. I think it is very sweet how you two joke about the age difference.
Now to answer a few of your questions: He treats his Mother very well. He loves her dearly. The fact that I am extremely close to my family is something he adores. He is Italian and Italians are very close with their families and quite traditional. He makes me laugh a lot by the way he says certain things and tells stories. But I think I make him laugh more. I am a very positive and perky person so I laugh and smile a lot.
As for his job, he would never neglect me if we already had plans for lets say, a client or business meetings (like he likes to put it, there are eager young men willing to do that same work for him in order climb the ladder) and has dropped everything to come and be supportive for me in New York for my career (when I was there for a shoot). I told him once, “work is wonderful, but you can’t curl up with it at the end of the day”. It really doesn’t worry me. We share the same mentality and have discussed this before.
As for me dating people close to my age (or even late twenties) I have tried that before but we are at different points in our lives. I mean, a lot of these men still rent and I have been paying my own mortgage since I was 18 or 19.
He in fact, has meet my friends and they get along fine. Its cute seeing them interact… At the end of the day, he always tells them to look after me. I have no problem with his friends either because I am accustomed to socializing with older people.
Yes, that is all true. I feel very good about it, especially now.Sometimes a girl just wants some advice: thats why we go to our Moms. I have discussed this with her as well and she is very approving. But like I said before, you all give great logical, no nonsense advice which I like.
H
Havard
Guest
Listen, I don’t want to judge anybody, but you promoted a person’s outlook as being more indicative of understanding commitment… I believe you said “far better than most”?
And I’m not saying you have to look. I take issue with the idea of being closed off to what God might want.
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