Marrying syro-malabar orphans

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You need marriage to avoid fornication?!

No! You (and the rest of us) need the Sacrament of Reconciliation when you fall into sin. Attempting to solve the problem of sinning by exploiting a vulnerable person so you can feel better about yourself isn’t the way to go.

Feeling isolated and alone is awful: many of us here on CAF have been through some pretty lonely and dark periods when we were single (some still are) I remember when I was single, wondering if I would ever find a decent, honest, Catholic man who genuinely believed in the teachings of the Church.

Catholic women aren’t unicorns! You need to know the basic differences 😉

Catholic women can have bad hair days - Unicorns always look fabulous
Catholic women can have bad moods - Unicorns are always happy because they are unicorns!
Catholic women come in all shapes, sizes and colours - Unicorns are always shimmering white, with amazing muscles tone, perfect physical conformation and spend their days galloping through mystical forests
Catholic women strive to become better versions of themselves for the glory of God - Unicorns are perfect without trying
Even the most tolerant and saintly Catholic woman sometimes dreams of using the dreaded frying pan if she is taken for granted, or belittled once too often - Unicorns don’t have frying pans, but they can take your eye out with a single head-but!
Catholic women are modest - for all their beauty and grace - Unicorns are still fundamentally horses and have no shame in urinating / defecating in the middle of the road. What’s more, they are unicorns and cleaning it up is beneath their dignity.

👍 Comparing a single, Catholic woman who knows she is imperfect, but strives to be closer to God and seeks an honourable spouse to a unicorn (a creature that has never felt a moment’s insecurity about anything because it’s so perfect, it doesn’t actually exist) suggests you do objectify women and maybe have some unrealistic expectations. Have you any female friends or relatives?

Keeping a unicorn is easy - you just need an enchanted forest with rainbows and dramatic waterfalls for her to prance in front of, tossing her mane and looking amazing. Real women, even Catholic ones, just don’t take themselves that seriously: they like to laugh, share jokes as well as values, feel appreciated and feel free to be themselves within a relationship. Don’t focus on finding someone who sticks with you out of gratitude: focus on finding someone you actually like - who likes spending time with you too.

Good luck - and remember - Unicorns are not real and if they were, people would decide they were a nuisance pretty quickly:p
 
if there were any other viable options to Get a practicing catholic wife I would do so.I dont have any fantasies or saviour complexes.

its just too hard to otherwise find a catholic practicing wife.I dont know how the men in my local church did it.
 
willymonfrete said:
if there were any other viable options to Get a practicing catholic wife I would do so.I dont have any fantasies or saviour complexes.

its just too hard to otherwise find a catholic practicing wife.I dont know how the men in my local church did it.
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Could you ask them?

(If you don’t know the men in your church well, I would suggest getting to know them well because if they are married, chances are very good that you could learn something from them about how to talk to women, how to date, how to put your best foot forward. Another very practical benefit of friendships like this is that these men are likely to know other single women - relatives, their wives’ relatives or friends, etc.)

I suspect that part of the problem here is that you’re trying to do this all independently. You mentioned autism earlier and I wonder (in kindness) if you haven’t found this Indian orphan mail order bride thing on the Internet and are hyperfocusing on it as a magical fix to all your problems. Marriage isn’t merely an “achievement” or a “goal.” I suspect if you work on becoming good husband material - which is something other married men can demonstrate for you how to do, that you will suddenly find it a lot easier to meet and get along with women, and will find it easier to relate to them as people rather than means to an end.
 
pensmama87 said:
Could you ask them?

(If you don’t know the men in your church well, I would suggest getting to know them well because if they are married, chances are very good that you could learn something from them about how to talk to women, how to date, how to put your best foot forward. Another very practical benefit of friendships like this is that these men are likely to know other single women - relatives, their wives’ relatives or friends, etc.)

I suspect that part of the problem here is that you’re trying to do this all independently. You mentioned autism earlier and I wonder (in kindness) if you haven’t found this Indian orphan mail order bride thing on the Internet and are hyperfocusing on it as a magical fix to all your problems. Marriage isn’t merely an “achievement” or a “goal.” I suspect if you work on becoming good husband material - which is something other married men can demonstrate for you how to do, that you will suddenly find it a lot easier to meet and get along with women, and will find it easier to relate to them as people rather than means to an end.
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I’ve had relationships before I became a practicing catholic,I do have aspergers/pdd nos but I know how to act around women,be sweet and dont act macho etc

EDIT:now that I reflect on it,all my gfs initiated the relationship and showed interest in me.I really don’t know how to make the first moves without being akward or coming of as a creep.
 
willymonfrete said:
I’ve had relationships before I became a practicing catholic,I do have aspergers/pdd nos but I know how to act around women,be sweet and dont act macho etc

EDIT:now that I reflect on it,all my gfs initiated the relationship and showed interest in me.I really don’t know how to make the first moves without being akward or coming of as a creep.
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Those are very good starts! But they’re just starts. Lasting relationships and good marriages involve more. Almost anybody can reasonably get along with someone politely for a while, but real intimacy takes some time to build, and how it specifically shakes out will depend on the two people, not just a formula of one man and one woman.
 
willymonfrete said:
if there were any other viable options to Get a practicing catholic wife I would do so.I dont have any fantasies or saviour complexes.

its just too hard to otherwise find a catholic practicing wife.I dont know how the men in my local church did it.
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Most likely they did it by socialising in various Catholic circles, building friendships with Catholics of both sexes, and eventually meeting a woman they felt inclined to propose to.
I imagine you have some maturing to do before you’re ready to enter into marriage. You seem to see marriage as an outlet for your sexual urges. On the contrary, you really shouldn’t go into marriage until you are reasonably well able to exercise self control. There are many things that may happen in marriage that require the sexual element to be secondary to the immediate needs of one of the spouses.
I’d say working on self control, and reading less red pill manosphere interpretations of scripture would be the best thing you could do for your future spouse.
 
AdamPeter said:
Most likely they did it by socialising in various Catholic circles, building friendships with Catholics of both sexes, and eventually meeting a woman they felt inclined to propose to.
I imagine you have some maturing to do before you’re ready to enter into marriage. You seem to see marriage as an outlet for your sexual urges. On the contrary, you really shouldn’t go into marriage until you are reasonably well able to exercise self control. There are many things that may happen in marriage that require the sexual element to be secondary to the immediate needs of one of the spouses.
I’d say working on self control, and reading less red pill manosphere interpretations of scripture would be the best thing you could do for your future spouse.
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You’re right.the topic of this thread was a bad idea.I just need alot of prayer and contemplation to reduce my sexual urges.

However,conceding that I have a weakness of self control and that marriage would be a guard for that lack of self control in sexual matters,does not mean I see marriage as a legal way to just get laid,I think marriage is for unitive purposes and procreative purposes and that lust is a grave sin even within a marriage.

everybody has a different weakness or temptation,marriage still would be a guard for me personally,it doesn’t mean I believe thats the only purpose of marriage.
 
@everyone,I concede the idea behind this thread was a bad idea.I have to pray for self control in sexual matters,I should pray to St.Mary of Egypt or St.Moses the Abyssinian.

I do not think arranged marriages are bad if the two parties truly consent.However I should indeed try to join a youth group or some church activity and see who I can meet there.
 
willymonfrete said:
@everyone,I concede the idea behind this thread was a bad idea.I have to pray for self control in sexual matters,I should pray to St.Mary of Egypt or St.Moses the Abyssinian.

I do not think arranged marriages are bad if the two parties truly consent.However I should indeed try to join a youth group or some church activity and see who I can meet there.
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I would also recommend not giving up on Catholic match so quickly. I told you that it took me about 3 active years on there to find my current girlfriend and you said you are not waiting that long. But even if you went through with your India arranged marriage plan it would still take a few years. Also, to make sure that a woman was 100% marrying you of her free will and actually was in love with you and all the beautiful stuff you said you would “Make sure” about before you got married… that stuff does not take a couple weeks or even months. That can take a while too. So, you were looking at several years away from being married anyways. So, there would be no harm in having a profile and actively trying to meet a woman on Catholicmatch, if you have the money for it. It is very hard to find people who are practicing Catholics. I live in Southern California of the USA. Its extremely close to Mexico and there are tons of Mexican/American and Meixican immigrant Catholics here (I am a 5th generation American of Mexican decent and do not speak Spanish very well so that eliminated all Mexican Catholic women who do not speak English) but it is still hard to find women who are practicing Catholics. It is frustrating but it is doable.
 
willymonfrete said:
You’re right.the topic of this thread was a bad idea.I just need alot of prayer and contemplation to reduce my sexual urges.

However,conceding that I have a weakness of self control and that marriage would be a guard for that lack of self control in sexual matters,does not mean I see marriage as a legal way to just get laid,I think marriage is for unitive purposes and procreative purposes and that lust is a grave sin even within a marriage.

everybody has a different weakness or temptation,marriage still would be a guard for me personally,it doesn’t mean I believe thats the only purpose of marriage.
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I think you do seem to think that, judging by your other posts and threads, some of which seem to have been deleted.
You also seem to believe that wives should provide sex on demand for husbands.

The purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven and procreation. It’s true that arranged marriages might actually be happy and good. But I imagine that is the exception rather than the rule.
If you want to get married in the Catholic Church, you should first explore the catholic teaching on marriage as opposed to the distorted messages that are being fed to men from the “manosphere”. All that will teach you is that women exist to provide sex and unquestioningly obey their husbands, which is not what St. Paul taught at all. It will also teach you that if you are male, its ok to “get your bit” because you are a man and have needs that must be met. In reality the Catholic life, and by extension the Catholic married life, is a hard slog, full of falls and sacrifice, and humbling oneself, but in the end, hopefully, heaven.

My advice, don’t settle for the horrible view of marriage, masculinity and femininity offered by the “manosphere”, instead explore the beautiful view of complimentarity and love that can exist between man and wife as taught by St. John Paul II.
 
AdamPeter said:
I think you do seem to think that, judging by your other posts and threads, some of which seem to have been deleted.
You also seem to believe that wives should provide sex on demand for husbands.

The purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven and procreation. It’s true that arranged marriages might actually be happy and good. But I imagine that is the exception rather than the rule.
If you want to get married in the Catholic Church, you should first explore the catholic teaching on marriage as opposed to the distorted messages that are being fed to men from the “manosphere”. All that will teach you is that women exist to provide sex and unquestioningly obey their husbands, which is not what St. Paul taught at all. It will also teach you that if you are male, its ok to “get your bit” because you are a man and have needs that must be met. In reality the Catholic life, and by extension the Catholic married life, is a hard slog, full of falls and sacrifice, and humbling oneself, but in the end, hopefully, heaven.

My advice, don’t settle for the horrible view of marriage, masculinity and femininity offered by the “manosphere”, instead explore the beautiful view of complimentarity and love that can exist between man and wife as taught by St. John Paul II.
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both spouses have a marital obligation to one another,but the woman only has an obligation if asked,a man has an obligation even if she doesn’t ask,since women have shame.

this is what scripture and magisterium teaches,I think you shouldn’t be against God’s plan because it goes against modern day feminist morals.But believe what you want,I dont dictate your marriage just like you dont dictate mine.
 
willymonfrete said:
both spouses have a marital obligation to one another,but the woman only has an obligation if asked,a man has an obligation even if she doesn’t ask,since women have shame.

this is what scripture and magisterium teaches,I think you shouldn’t be against God’s plan because it goes against modern day feminist morals.
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Do Not Marry.
 
AdamPeter said:
I think you do seem to think that, judging by your other posts and threads, some of which seem to have been deleted.
You also seem to believe that wives should provide sex on demand for husbands.

The purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven and procreation. It’s true that arranged marriages might actually be happy and good. But I imagine that is the exception rather than the rule.
If you want to get married in the Catholic Church, you should first explore the catholic teaching on marriage as opposed to the distorted messages that are being fed to men from the “manosphere”. All that will teach you is that women exist to provide sex and unquestioningly obey their husbands, which is not what St. Paul taught at all. It will also teach you that if you are male, its ok to “get your bit” because you are a man and have needs that must be met. In reality the Catholic life, and by extension the Catholic married life, is a hard slog, full of falls and sacrifice, and humbling oneself, but in the end, hopefully, heaven.

My advice, don’t settle for the horrible view of marriage, masculinity and femininity offered by the “manosphere”, instead explore the beautiful view of complimentarity and love that can exist between man and wife as taught by St. John Paul II.
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For most of human history couples met each other thru a 3rd party.modern day marriages end up in divorce more than half the time.people date each other for years and then break up.
 
Walking_Home said:
willy – for your spiritual and mental health – stay away from the manosphere sites.

Also – stay away from the Ron Conte Jr/CatholicPlanet site and its false “catechism”.

Below is the link to the authentic catechism for the Catholic Church.

From the Vatican site.
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if someone has an issue with 1 Corinthians 7 then they’re a heretic,they’re rejecting God’s command for modernist dictates and emotions.

Magisterium agrees with ST.Paul aswell in many places.this isn’t from the manosphere.manospherians are against marriage and seek to be promiscuous,I dont know what my views on marriage have to do with that niche.This is biblical teaching,God Breathed,
 
Your are looking for a sex slave/servant for a wife.

Now I am praying - you don’t bamboozle some unsuspecting woman into marrying you.
 
Walking_Home said:
Your are looking for a sex slave/servant for a wife.

Now I am praying - you don’t bamboozle some unsuspecting woman into marrying you.
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There is a big honesty/justice issue here.

OP, would your future wife have any idea what your expectations were?

Throw in the complication of a language barrier, a big cultural difference, and your autism, and it is very unlikely that a Syro-Malabar woman would be able to understand you or your ideas.

Do you know ANYTHING about that culture?
 
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