Mass no no's

[RCCDefender]

While you may not “Spare the rod” in your own home, by condemning those who think that a continually disruptive child should be corrected, you become part of the problem.

I am most certinly not condemning anyone! I am, as a matter of fact, saying the judgement is not ours. We are not those people, nor are we God. We don’t know their situation, no matter how much we think we do. I stated up front that many parents aren’t training their kids, for fear of losing the friendship status with their child. However, parenting doesn’t come naturally to some people the way it does others. I will say it again, the parents may be doing the best they can with a child who’s temperament completely clashes with theirs. Still other parents may feel like they are drowning and are dealing the only way they know how - they may just be trying to make it through the day. The last thing this parent needs is to be stared down with the look of death when s/he is pretty much dead inside already, and the only thing keeping him/her going is receiving the body of Christ in the Eucharist. They need our prayers, not our judgement.

I will say this again. A cry or babble of a child should not be looked down upon. Someone stating that children should be allowed to act like Holy Mass is a playground, is a problem.

I wish that DJRakowski would chime in. Of his four children, two of them have special needs. The problems that he has with parents who overlook or ignore behaviors, just make more problems for his Special Needs children. It’s amazing to me that some people think that letting a child “act like a child” should not bother anyone else.

I have never stated anything close to this. If that’s the implication you took I cannot help that.

 

[Faith1960]

And again, no one is stating that when a child fusses or cries that the parent’s are not disciplining. However, if the child is allowed to continue the behavior and the parent ignores the behavior, is that teaching the child anything?

When a parent teaches a child how to behave, it is a gift.
When a parent ignores a child’s behavior, be it sitting in the aisle, talking out loud, or running around, the parent is not doing his/her job. It’s not a once situation but a multiple time thing. If any of the above is continued without action from the parent, it will snowball.

And we must remember, Little children/little problems - Big children/big problems.

:clapping: APPLAUSE!

 

[netmilsmom]

The last thing this parent needs is to be stared down with the look of death when s/he is pretty much dead inside already, and the only thing keeping him/her going is receiving the body of Christ in the Eucharist. They need our prayers, not our judgement..

So in otherwords, the spiritual wellness of some should be trumped by others?

How does anyone know that the person who is bothered by an undisciplined is not just as spiritually needy as the parent who is ignoring?
We are suppose to forget about the senior who finds the child being ignored annoying to the point that he/she doesn’t come back?
Or the young person who spends the entire time laughing at the child to the exasperation of his/her own parent?

Common courtesy says all of us count, not just the parent.

 

[finalcutjoe]

Amen to that.

An interesting observation,
I’ve noticed, from Church to Church,
is the more prevalent lack of reverence in the congregation,
when there’s a lack of reverence by the servers,
ministers, and Priest….

i should have included the organist/music director first in that list.

 

[djrakowski]

I wish that DJRakowski would chime in.

Hey, send me a PM next time so I don’t have to go huntin’ around

Of his four children, two of them have special needs. The problems that he has with parents who overlook or ignore behaviors, just make more problems for his Special Needs children. It’s amazing to me that some people think that letting a child “act like a child” should not bother anyone else.

Thanks for mentioning special needs (it may’ve been mentioned before, but man, this is one seriously long thread). Our children have come along rather well, to the point that we’re starting to think they’re ready for the main instead of the cry room. We have two children with special needs (ages 7 and 6) and two other very young children (ages 4 and and 3.5 months). To complicate matters, the older 3 are used to being in evangelical Sunday school, where they had lots of freedom to move about and exercise their outdoor voices ('cept they were inside, of course).

We started with the cry room as a way to ease them into this big transition as we were converting, and it actually created more problems for us than solutions. Even though we go to a very orthodox and reverent parish, quite a few folks (and a few with much, much older children who should know better by now) treat the cry room as their personal living room. Two weeks ago (is that how long its been since I’ve seen you, netmil(name removed by moderator)?), there was a mom with 4 children sitting in front of us, and they were talking to each other at conversational volumes throughout the entire Mass. They also brought in a bunch of snacks, and were noisily tearing through the wrappers. Of course, that made our children (especially the older two) go nuts.

In this particular case, and every other case in which we’ve had trouble in the cry room (there’ve been several), I place the blame squarely on the parents. The behaviors were mainly perpetrated by them, after all, and can hardly be blamed on the smallest of children, who apparently haven’t been taught any better.

 

[netmilsmom]

Hey, send me a PM next time so I don’t have to go huntin’ around

I was hoping that you would arrive without my bothering you. I’m sneeking in here while Science is being worked on by Net and Mil. That’s the one subject I can get a break from!

Thanks for mentioning special needs (it may’ve been mentioned before, but man, this is one seriously long thread). Our children have come along rather well, to the point that we’re starting to think they’re ready for the main instead of the cry room…

I pray that everyone here who have children will thoughtfully consider his words. I have to say that this man and his wife are an excellent example of parents who put in an effort. Their kids are perfect for their limitations. If one is vocal or upset, it can’t be helped, but they don’t stand smiling at the child. And as you can see, the actions of those parents who do think that any behavior is okay, effects these children.

Hugs D!
Kiss your kids for me.

 

[Faith1960]

That’s what I thought.
A lot. You don’t have any idea how you would have parented any other child with a different temperment. And, no, you don’t parent every child the same way, but you wouldn’t know about that would you?

Who would have guessed?
But, does that have anything to do with what a perfect parent you were? NO, you are not your grandmother. You have no idea how any other children you may have had would have behaved or how you would have dealt with a child who had problems. So, just because you are so perfect doesn’t give you the right to sit in judgement of every single other parent out there. You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, although you pretend to. I agree that there are some parents whose training leaves much to be desired, but your attitude, especially about a little child whispering and humming quietly to herself, shows you to be judgemental of any parent who isn’t as perfect as you. Jesus welcomed all the little children; He didn’t send the unruly ones away because they were bothering other people.

LOL. Are you KIDDING? I guess you missed the part of my earlier post where I said that my daughter wasn’t perfect. She certainly wasn’t. We just didn’t have the problems we’re discussing go on and on because when she DID act up we didn’t just ignore it or encourage it in some way. When she was little she’d act up sometimes and my husband and I as her PARENTS, did our jobs as her PARENTS to correct the situation. I never would have dreamed to just let her do whatever she wanted and irritate other people just because it would be easier for me to ignore it or because I was an “overwhelmed” mother. And yes, sometimes I did feel overwhelmed. All parents do, it comes with the position. it’s no reason to slack off, though.

I remember a time when dd was about 2ish and my husband, my daughter and I were at the mall. We were going to get some ice cream and stood in this really long line. After a few minutes we decided that since all our shopping was done anyway, we’d leave and get ice cream at Baskin Robbins. Our daughter was NOT happy about that, at all. She didn’t want ice cream from Baskin Robbins, she wanted ice cream from…whatever the name of the place was in the mall.

Her cries and protests turned into an all out red faced fit. Dh picked her up and she she started kicking, screaming, flailing her arms, bending backward, flopping all over the place. We walked throught the mall like that, people staring. I’m amazed that a mall cop didn’t stop us to ask what was going on. I mean, she was MAD.

When we got out to the car, she was still going full blast. She refused to get into her car seat. My husband put her in it. She screamed all the way home. (We were not going to reward that behavior by taking her to get ice cream after that.) We got home and she refused to get out of her car seat, still screaming. Dh picked up the car seat with our daughter still in it and carried her into the house. Still screaming. This went on with her sitting in her car seat on our living room floor for about another hour, before she fell asleep or just screamed herself quiet.

The difference between this situation (and there were others) is that we weren’t about to do the easy thing and just give her what she wanted in order to avoid a scene or because it wouldn’ve been easier on us. There are a lot of parents who take the easy route because they’re either too lazy to do the job God entusted them with or they’ve been fooled into thinking this behavior is “kids’ll be kids” and cutesy.

 

[RCCDefender]

So in otherwords, the spiritual wellness of some should be trumped by others?

How does anyone know that the person who is bothered by an undisciplined is not just as spiritually needy as the parent who is ignoring?
We are suppose to forget about the senior who finds the child being ignored annoying to the point that he/she doesn’t come back?
Or the young person who spends the entire time laughing at the child to the exasperation of his/her own parent?

Common courtesy says all of us count, not just the parent.

Or maybe we should just try to be the bigger person and realize that there are always going to be people that are different from us and that will irk us for whatever reason.

 

[RCCDefender]

Like I said, Faith, obviously you were a perfect parent. Maybe you should offer to teach a parenting class at your parish. Maybe you could check with the priest to see if it could be made a requirement before parents are allowed to bring their kids to mass. Just a thought…

 

[Faith1960]

Like I said, Faith, obviously you were a perfect parent. Maybe you should offer to teach a parenting class at your parish. Maybe you could check with the priest to see if it could be made a requirement before parents are allowed to bring their kids to mass. Just a thought…

LOL. It never ceases to amaze me when people think that a parent who’s doing his/her job as parents is being “perfect.” Facetious comment or not. It definitely speaks volumes about the attitudes of our society.

 

[netmilsmom]

Or maybe we should just try to be the bigger person and realize that there are always going to be people that are different from us and that will irk us for whatever reason.

Okay. Well you tell one of DJRakowski’s kids to be the bigger person.

How about if everyone just puts in an effort to common courtesy?

 

[thechrismyster]

It definitely speaks volumes about the attitudes of our society.

i notice in many of your posts you fall back onto determining broad opinions by a single posters thoughts. i think you do it to set a condescending tone to your final thought. as in “oh well, thats the problem with society” implying you have the answer and/or you consider yourself different than society.

I watch for it now. it makes me smile every time.

 

[netmilsmom]

Like I said, Faith, obviously you were a perfect parent. Maybe you should offer to teach a parenting class at your parish. Maybe you could check with the priest to see if it could be made a requirement before parents are allowed to bring their kids to mass. Just a thought…

Just a sarcastic thought, at that.

 

[Faith1960]

i notice in many of your posts you fall back onto determining broad opinions by a single posters thoughts. i think you do it to set a condescending tone to your final thought. as in “oh well, thats the problem with society” implying you have the answer and/or you consider yourself different than society.

I watch for it now. it makes me smile every time.

It truly gives me the warm fuzzies to know that I can put a smile on your face. Making one smile is such a simple thing and yet one never knows how much that smile might have been needed that day.

 

[Nordar]

<< In fact that’s my Mass no-no, old ladies giving overwhelmed Moms repeated nasty looks when her children are less than perfect. Turn around and mind your business…

If these moms are overwhelmed, one can just imagine how distraught they’d be if they actually tried to parent the child instead of talking right along with them, chuckling at their behavior or just throwing their hands up in the air with the attitude that this is they way s/he is and there’s nothing I can do about it. >>

Wow you are soooo Judgemental, you assume a lot.

 

[Faith1960]

Just a sarcastic thought, at that.

Our parish does have some sort of moms group. Parenting classes or better yet, parenting classes coupled with a course in etiquette would be a welcome addition.

 

[netmilsmom]

Our parish does have some sort of moms group. Parenting classes or better yet, parenting classes coupled with a course in etiquette would be a welcome addition.

Well Faith, since some have concluded that you’re perfect, I think you have a calling.

 

[Faith1960]

Wow you are soooo Judgemental, you assume a lot.

Why would (or should) I or anyone else assume the parents ARE doing something about the offensive behaviors when it’s painfully obvious to everyone sitting near them that mom and dad are just sitting/standing/kneeling there, saying and doing nothing about it and allowing it to continue? I mean, aside from the fact that it might make some people here feel better?

 

[Nordar]

I think you can only Blink Twice. AFter that it is annoying

Your allowed three times at my Church any more they escort you out.

 

[Faith1960]

Well Faith, since some have concluded that you’re perfect, I think you have a calling.

It looks that way. I’m honored. :yup: