Mixed "sleep-over"?

[Truly_Beloved]

Is he gay? Homosexuals are famous for doing ths kind of thing; eroding and corrupting the innocence of young people.

Charity, please. All people who struggle with SSA don’t “erode and corrupt the innocence of young people.” This youth minister could very well be heterosexual. All kinds of people get hair-brained ideas from time to time.

 

[Sarabande]

Charity, please. All people who struggle with SSA don’t “erode and corrupt the innocence of young people.” This youth minister could very well be heterosexual. All kinds of people get hair-brained ideas from time to time.

Yes… I had many classmates whose parents actually allowed co-ed sleepovers in their homes!!! They’d all camp out in one room. These were the parents of the kid throwing the party and the parents of the children allowing them to do this.

 

[rpp]

Charity, please. All people who struggle with SSA don’t “erode and corrupt the innocence of young people.” This youth minister could very well be heterosexual. All kinds of people get hair-brained ideas from time to time.

I believe I was being charitable. Homosexuals who struggle with it are generally not a problem. It is the ones who DO NOT struggle with it, but rather embrace it, are the ones to worry about. It was this latter group, which is the predominant attitude amoung homosexuals, I was referring to.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

I believe I was being charitable. Homosexuals who struggle with it are generally not a problem. It is the ones who DO NOT struggle with it, but rather embrace it, are the ones to worry about. It was this latter group, which is the predominant attitude amoung homosexuals, I was referring to.

I’m sorry, I guess it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed like you were referring to all people who have SSA, so I felt I had to defend those good folks out there who would also be mortified at the OP’s situation. I apologize for misunderstanding.

 

[rpp]

I’m sorry, I guess it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed like you were referring to all people who have SSA, so I felt I had to defend those good folks out there who would also be mortified at the OP’s situation. I apologize for misunderstanding.

No problem, I can understand how my earlier post could be misread.

Meanwhile, back to the thread…

 

[Corki]

Please call your Diocese and see what the regulations are for Youth activities. If this youth minister is violating the regulations of the Diocese, someone needs to be AWARE!!!

I second that. When Virtus first came out (the protecting kids from sexual predator training) we were told that the diocese would no longer allow things such as co-ed lock-ins and mandatory overnight confirmation retreats. Unfortunately, I know many parishes that still do this.

And I add my loud “NO”. I would not let my kids go to something like this. In fact, I would probably plan another fun even for my kid and his (same sex) friends for the same date and just not be “available”.

 

[Wendy-Kay]

My husband is the youth minister at our church and in another parish they were hosting a co-ed all-night ‘lock-in’ and invited our youth. He was appalled and naturally, we, The “Smiths” (not our real last name) were the ol’ prudish stick in the mud for speaking out against it. I am glad to see all of y’alls’ resonses. I knew I was doing what I believed to be moral and right, but still when you are alone in your decisions you question yourself. I wish I knew parents like you guys in my neck of the woods.

 

[monicatholic]

Blest One,
in peace and goodwill i submit, this is not about having faith in my parenting skills-- it is about realizing that my job is not done until it is done.

until my job is done, co-ed sleepovers do not, to my thinking, promote chastity. they do not respect my kids’ right to privacy. it is unfair to expect them to negotiate some comfort level with that situation.

used to be, parents were not expected to ‘trust’ their parenting skills. instead, they chaperoned their kids to appropriate events and excluded their participation in questionable ones.

used to be, parents had greater respect for their kids growing sexual awareness (though they may not have spoken of it easilly) and greater sense of responsibility to promote chastity.

my teens count on my husband and me to say NO. much as they may balk (and most have not, not too much, anyway) they know we are protecting them.

in equal goodwill, you made different choices for your kids. i am very glad the outcome was best-case. but i think the choices are not equal.

 

[James_Carson]

hmm

speaking as a kid and a boy scout most boys I know strip under there sleeping bags so they dont get hot and sweaty.

 

[kage_ar]

I second that. When Virtus first came out (the protecting kids from sexual predator training) we were told that the diocese would no longer allow things such as co-ed lock-ins and mandatory overnight confirmation retreats. Unfortunately, I know many parishes that still do this.

We are blessed here to have an approx 20,000 sq foot youth center. Two stories, with bunk rooms on separate floors, a large dining facility, kitchen, chapel, etc. that can be used as a retreat facility. Everything meets Virtus inspection standards

 

[BlestOne]

Blest One,
in peace and goodwill i submit, this is not about having faith in my parenting skills-- it is about realizing that my job is not done until it is done.

until my job is done, co-ed sleepovers do not, to my thinking, promote chastity. they do not respect my kids’ right to privacy. it is unfair to expect them to negotiate some comfort level with that situation.

used to be, parents were not expected to ‘trust’ their parenting skills. instead, they chaperoned their kids to appropriate events and excluded their participation in questionable ones.

used to be, parents had greater respect for their kids growing sexual awareness (though they may not have spoken of it easilly) and greater sense of responsibility to promote chastity.

my teens count on my husband and me to say NO. much as they may balk (and most have not, not too much, anyway) they know we are protecting them.

in equal goodwill, you made different choices for your kids. i am very glad the outcome was best-case. but i think the choices are not equal.

I agree that the parenting isn’t done until it’s done… and I respect that you feel that co-ed sleepovers undermine your teaching on chastity as well as infringe on their privacy. That is your right and duty as a parent. My thinking is that I have to be willing to chaperon these type of activities if I allow my child to participate… and I do chaperon quite often. I have come to know the other parents in our group that chaperon most of the events. I trust them with my child and they trust me with theirs.

I don’t exclude my daughter from service related activities. Social ones…yes, quite often. But when it comes to teaching my dd especially, to stand up for her beliefs and faith, I feel I have to encourage it. I totally agree that teens want you to say no at times… and trust me I do. I know my kids appreciate it too… they have told me so.

I think perhaps the difference was that the kids I chaperoned were there for a common purpose… to protest abortion and to promote life. My kids were also older and I do admit that my area even the kids tend to be more conservative. In my home we discuss things very openly (not graphically) Tonight as I was driving home from the neighboring town and my 17 yo ds, 15 yo dd, dh and I were discussing what is abstinence… What is OK, and what is not. My son was even more conservative than I thought. I assumed he would try to push limits, but I was wrong. He also told me of his intent to walk out of a school sponsored program on Monday… when they will be presenting on artificial birth control. I am actually very proud of the choices my kids make.

I am angry that his school didn’t bother to inform me of this special program (public schools!!!) but I am glad for the choices he is making and that he has informed me about this. I give him alot of credit… It can’t be easy to talk to your mom about stuff like this when you are a teenage boy!

The main thing about parenting is always doing what you think is right for your child. Kids are different, parents and situations are too… each one needs to be evaluated separately. Even when my kids were in grade school and they had lock-ins for the 7th and 8th grades… I was at each one of them, and my experience was that none of the kids was even remotely thinking about sex. I had the boys in the gym playing hockey almost all night. They all thought it was cool that a mom could teach them how to check! When I told them I played ice hockey in college…they thought I was the coolest, and de facto… my sons were the coolest too.

But my hands on parenting style certainly isn’t for everyone and I understand that. Truthfully, my parents were never there for me and wouldn’t think of volunteering… and I was usually the kid that got away with doing bad things on school trips or started riots at my school (you should have seen the riot at my graduation). I always wished my parents would care and do things with me, so I make sure I do for my kids. I also find that with school activities, I get a better relationship with the teachers and they feel they can come to me with any concern about my child and I will listen.

My oldest is now 20, and he is also chaperoning and volunteering at dd’s school. To me, that is so indicative of how I have taught my kids… that he loves his sister enough to go to these things…and he doesn’t even live at home!!! He could be out with his friends, but he chooses to do for his sister and her school.

 

[monicatholic]

Blest One,
this has been a most respectful conversation. i thank you for the time you invested in your thoughtful answer.

we too have adult children. it was through failed experiences with them, especially with the 26 and 22 year olds, that we had come to set new policy standards for the younger ones.

i write with more sincere hope (and less warning) that i pray things go well for you and your kids in these endeavors. and may your boy receive special graces for the difficult stand he will take in school this week.

be blessed!

 

[BlestOne]

Blest One,
this has been a most respectful conversation. i thank you for the time you invested in your thoughtful answer.

we too have adult children. it was through failed experiences with them, especially with the 26 and 22 year olds, that we had come to set new policy standards for the younger ones.

i write with more sincere hope (and less warning) that i pray things go well for you and your kids in these endeavors. and may your boy receive special graces for the difficult stand he will take in school this week.

be blessed!

I really have to thank you… This could have easily turned into a gang up on the lone dissenter, but it didn’t! We all are working to the same goal… to do what is best for our kids, and that is what is important. My experiences have no doubt been different than yours, highlighting the fact that there is no specific answer in that elusive parents handbook we all wish we had. God Bless you for you caring and concern!

 

[johntkd]

I will voice my honest and thought out opinion on this as well, Most people know i am a pretty open person, and do not think the “strictest” howevere this is not a good idea for several reasons,

I am the first one to always assume the good in everything and everyone, and I think these kids would more than mind thier Ps and Qs, however it does send the wrong message, and from church no less, I feel that these young people could become somewhat confused in an already extremely confusing time in thier lives.

secondly as one person put it with adult chaperones again I am sure nothing would happen but why take the chance of a rumor ruining someones reputation, males stay with the males and females stay with the females,
and remember folks there are just as many "woman out there not being nice to male youths as there is males out there not being nice to female youths. why take the chance of someone taking something wrong, all it takes is for one kid to wake up terrified an adult of the opposite sex to comfort that youth another youth sees it thinks its something its not tells someone and it escalates from there. hope that makes some sense without sounding bad…

I would say a good setup would be one sex in the library for sleep. the other in a lunchroom idf separate from gym or a science art or music room, leave the gym for the activities area that is coed.

but the coed sleeping is not a good idea at all for that age group
remember most of these kids are going thru puberty they are already very confused and as one poster says something embarrassing is bound to happen that could have a drastic effect on that particular youth even if noone else was to notice they would assume it was…

I think a little common sense will go a long ways here,
separate sleeping rooms I see coed as a great thing,
but even in an area the size of the gym, coed sleeping room not a good idea esspecially at that particular age,

My normally useless 2 cents
John

 

[Wendy-Kay]

I don’t think your two cents are useless! The “why take a chance” is the entire justification for the discussion against mixed gender in the same room. It sets up premise for the near occassion of sin. These are our children!

 

[krazykatlady]

One of my daughters went to a Confirmation retreat sponsored by our parish. It was held in a private home. Sometimes I was really naive when I was raising my kids, I mean, if the parish was sponsoring it, what could go wrong? After the retreat my daughter told me that sexual activity had taken place. Now I’m older and wiser but its a bit late.

 

[Elzee]

Thank you all for your insights.

BlestOne, I appreciate your insights as well, especially since you’ve been through this. I agree that your situation was a somehwat different one - the kids were on a trip, older, in a given situation (given a gym to sleep in) and there for a common purpose. Given those circumstances, I can see where there wasn’t much choice in sleeping arrangements. It sounds like you handled it well - not surprisingly. I love reading your posts and have learned a lot from you. You’re a gifted parent. God bless you!

I think this situation is different. There really is no reason not to separate the boys from the girls (and the men from the women). Space is not an issue.

All of the posts in this thread have been very helpful. I heard Fr. Corapi a few days ago say that we just can’t stand back and let mediocrity or improper choices persist - we have to have the guts to take a different stand when it comes to morals, our faith, and our children, even if we are the only person doing it.

I’ll let you all know how this situation turns out.

 

[jmcrae]

What I would propose is that they use the classrooms as sleeping areas, with eight people - one adult and seven kids - sleeping in each classroom - boys in the east hallway and girls in the west hallway.

I would also want to put up privacy screens in each classroom, so that those who want to change in privacy can do so.

I hope it goes without saying that the adult should sleep by the door so that she or he is wakened every time one of the kids goes out for any reason. There should also be lots of adult hall monitors who stay awake all night in case of any kind of problems - there should be enough so that if a kid has to go home in the middle of the night, there are still people there to cover the hallways while someone takes the kid home.

 

[BlestOne]

Thank you all for your insights.

BlestOne, I appreciate your insights as well, especially since you’ve been through this. I agree that your situation was a somehwat different one - the kids were on a trip, older, in a given situation (given a gym to sleep in) and there for a common purpose. Given those circumstances, I can see where there wasn’t much choice in sleeping arrangements. It sounds like you handled it well - not surprisingly. I love reading your posts and have learned a lot from you. You’re a gifted parent. God bless you!

I think this situation is different. There really is no reason not to separate the boys from the girls (and the men from the women). Space is not an issue.

All of the posts in this thread have been very helpful. I heard Fr. Corapi a few days ago say that we just can’t stand back and let mediocrity or improper choices persist - we have to have the guts to take a different stand when it comes to morals, our faith, and our children, even if we are the only person doing it.

I’ll let you all know how this situation turns out.

I happen to agree that in your “home” parish school there is no reason why the girls and boys that wish to sleep can’t have separate accommodations. My situation was different because we weren’t given the space or the choice to separate and being 12 hours from home we were limited as to options. At my own parish I would most likely insist on separate sleeping quarters. The lock-ins we had at our parish school, the kids weren’t sleeping, but if they did fall asleep, the girls tended to fall asleep in our community room(watching movies) whereas the boys laid down on the stage in the gym(playing sports). I don’t remember many boys sleeping but then I was refereeing a hockey game when my boys were there. When my daughter went, I spent my time in the community room with the girls doing hair (I was the only mom that can french braid and do corn row braids.)

 

[childofmary1143]

My husband is the youth minister at our church and in another parish they were hosting a co-ed all-night ‘lock-in’ and invited our youth. He was appalled and naturally, we, The “Smiths” (not our real last name) were the ol’ prudish stick in the mud for speaking out against it. I am glad to see all of y’alls’ resonses. I knew I was doing what I believed to be moral and right, but still when you are alone in your decisions you question yourself. I wish I knew parents like you guys in my neck of the woods.

Unbelievable.

I must state that it has been reported on the news that some 12 year olds are engaging in oral sex