alsligh:
Hi, Little Mary! I noticed you are in Alabama - so am I - and I have witnessed a similar situation where I live. I moved to my current smallish city almost three years ago, and while I have been able to make friends here, they are, for the most part, people who did not grow up here. Where I live, the town has a long history of “old” families, but is close enough to a lot of industry that many of its residents have moved in from other places. My neighborhood is filled with white collar families who have homes just as nice (many nicer and all newer) as the homes of the “old” families, but where I live is still considered the “wrong side of the tracks.” It’s not that they are rude to us, it’s more like they figure if we haven’t always lived here then we won’t stay here long-term and there’s no point in getting to know us.
It’s not just that. Strangely enough, people who live in a community like that always wonder if they’re being judged by people who are coming in from elsewhere, people who have been places and done things. “I can’t imagine what she must think of us, she’s been here and there and we’ve spent our whole lives in little old Lake Wobegon. She must think we were all born in a barn.” This is doubly true for an accomplished person who arrives from elsewhere, rather than from a similar little place in the middle of nowhere. The hackles go up before the poor person opens their mouth.
Actually, Lake Wobegon is probably a fairly good analogy. Those places really do exist.
Still, even in the little places I am familiar with, one would *never *discuss a private party within earshot of people not invited. That is terribly rude. I’ve not been to the South, but it has been impressed upon me that it is a rare Southern lady who hasn’t been taught better manners than that.
Although we should see to it that everyone feels welcome, especially at parish events, it is not necessary that we like or choose to socialize with everyone in our parish. It is necessary that we treat others with respect. When our behavior falls below even the secular standard, that is a failure, plain and simple.
just5kids:
As long as a few have posted some criticism, I would like to piggyback on their comments to make another point: so many of the posts on this thread have done more to tear down these women who have excluded Little Mary than to build up Little Mary or help her draw closer to Christ. Over and over again, I have read disparaging comments about the “cliquey moms”: “desparate housewives,” “clueless,” “snobs,” “rude,” and the list goes on. And it seems like it was only in those type of comments that Mary took comfort!
I am not disputing anything Mary posted about the moms, or any of the others’ comments about them, but only Mary has even met them! And I just can’t see how you can square perseverating on what is bad about those women with your faith. I can’t think of anywhere in Scripture where rallying behind someone by criticising others is advocated. I can’t think of anywhere name-calling is advocated.
I love CAL and started reading the posts because I agreed to financially support them and decided to at least read them if I was paying for them. When I realized there were threads for family issues, I thought it might finally be a cyber-gathering place for faithful Cathlics, and in large part, the forums are. But as has been my experience in other Mom threads, women threads, and even Christian mom/women threads, eventually the Christian attitudes devolve and the environment can be more damaging to your faith than helpful.
I am not suggesting that Mary is supposed to suffer in silence or that the treatment she says she has received is Christian either, but I think the better route to have taken (and many did take it in their posts) was to help her with how she can deal with, accept, or resolve the problem, not be pitting her against them. It just doesn’t seem appropriate given this locale.
I can’t speak about the other posters, but after the first few rounds of suggestions, it became fairly clear that she had tried everything she might reasonably be expected to try.
Might she be running roughshod over
their feelings without letting us in on that? Certainly. But that hardly changes the bottom line. Once the group decided to reject her advances and treat her rudely, it is time she goes elsewhere for friendship.
Time and distance aren’t a bad solution in this case. No one suggested, for instance, that she find a parish with “better people.” The day may come when this will all be mended, and she should be open to that, but in the meantime, the poor woman needs some time away from the arena and a place where she can find her own friends. Otherwise, by the time the others come around, she’ll be less likely to have it in her to forgive them and more likely to respond with, “Oh, just save it!”
Cliques inside my computer too 
I can’t win! 
I was in a flute choir for awhile, played for a lot of weddings, played in community bands, and tutored kids for years. I LOVE Mozart. My favorite artist has always been James Galway. I’ve seen him and Jean Pierre Rampal in concert. Never been a professional, but enjoyed playing. My kids are now entering band, and it’s gotten my interest going again. I have a Gemeinhardt flute. I also played piccolo in college.