More and more people want Catholic weddings in places other than church

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stbruno

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I don’t know what is going on, but people are requesting this kind of wedding more and more. Marriage on a beach, a banquet hall, a chapel on the premises of a hotel, in a gazebo, in the woods,etc
and I know that there are “catholic” excommunicated rent-a-priests that are obliging them. And when they do these services wherever, couples insist that they were married in the church, when they are not. What upsets me is that even though I am ordained and have the faculties to marry, and refuse to marry relatives in this way because it is not a valid sacramental marriage, they will go and do it anyway despite my objections. Despite my concern that they will not be fully in line with the canon laws requiring all Catholics to be married in the church in order to receive sacraments. I just don’t understand the reasoning. Is it because of ignorance? Poor catechesis? Or disregard for the catechism of our church after being informed? What do you think could be the reason for it? I know, it just makes me have more reasons to pray.
 
Pride, wanting it their way, the need/desire to have everything their way, believing that wedding needs to perfect in the perfect setting because that’s what they see on TV. And there are Catholic priests who are not excommunicated who will oblige a couple in marrying outside of the church building. Though the other reasons of catechisis, ignorance, disregard for the Church also play a role.
 
1.) Who are the “more and more”? Are they people you personally know? Do you have a job in the wedding industry and meet all these “more and more” people?

2.) You cannot save an unknown body of people from itself. You can pray for people in such circumstances, but folks who go to rent-a-priests for their saramental marriage have a hard time afterwards proving they are validly married.
 
If it’s true that more and more Catholics want weddings outside or in other unusual places then I think it’s probably because of the media.

Almost every wedding you see on TV or in a movie is outside, or in some exotic location. By the time most people have ever attended an actual wedding (Catholic or otherwise) they’ve seen so many of these expensive dream weddings in non-Church locations so that they have become the ‘standard’.
 
stbruno said:
I don’t know what is going on, but people are requesting this kind of wedding more and more. Marriage on a beach, a banquet hall, a chapel on the premises of a hotel, in a gazebo, in the woods,etc
and I know that there are “catholic” excommunicated rent-a-priests that are obliging them. And when they do these services wherever, couples insist that they were married in the church, when they are not. What upsets me is that even though I am ordained and have the faculties to marry, and refuse to marry relatives in this way because it is not a valid sacramental marriage, they will go and do it anyway despite my objections. Despite my concern that they will not be fully in line with the canon laws requiring all Catholics to be married in the church in order to receive sacraments. I just don’t understand the reasoning. Is it because of ignorance? Poor catechesis? Or disregard for the catechism of our church after being informed? What do you think could be the reason for it? I know, it just makes me have more reasons to pray.
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It’s because of “self-ism” I want what I want and that is it I will not accept anything else. It’s all about the little “trinity” : ME, MYSELF, and I"
 
When trying to arrange our daughters’ weddings, we’ve found our local Catholic church, of which we are members, refuses to allow any weddings after 1:30pm on Saturday. So, if we have a mass at this time, the reception at 6pm, then we have the gap in between. A lot of people feel the church is not being reasonable and they will try other venues.

We ended up going to the church at the Catholic seminary down the road and were able to get a 4pm wedding mass there.
 
In response to the questions you raise, the answer is “yes.” Poor catechesis, ignorance, rejection of Church teaching, and as others have said, the media and an emphasis on the wedding rather than the marriage.

Honestly, consider the number of couples who are married in the Church who live together before the wedding. If Church teaching about premarital sex doesn’t mean anything to them, then why bother with Church teaching about the liturgical form of the wedding?

Prayer and being a vibrant and joyful example of obedience and chastity are my contributions to bringing about a change in this area. And I have seen a growing number of devout, prayerful young people in both parishes I attend regularly. This mission is never complete.

Gertie
 
newf said:
When trying to arrange our daughters’ weddings, we’ve found our local Catholic church, of which we are members, refuses to allow any weddings after 1:30pm on Saturday. So, if we have a mass at this time, the reception at 6pm, then we have the gap in between. A lot of people feel the church is not being reasonable and they will try other venues.

We ended up going to the church at the Catholic seminary down the road and were able to get a 4pm wedding mass there.
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Or you could move the reception to earlier.
 
It is all of the above. Most of these people are Catholic in name only.

When I was planning my wedding I hung around on the wedding boards to get ideas for my wedding.

You cannot believe the # of brides who were in fits because of this. They just could not understand why they had to get married in a church. They wanted to get married on the beach, have a “unique” wedding, maybe even have their dog be the flower girl. It’s all media and it’s all about the wedding, not the marriage.

Mostly they all had serious issues other than just this one area-- these same brides lived with their fiances, used contraception, and many were “pro-choice” and a host of other horrible things.

Really, these brides don’t have the first clue about Catholicism, and many haven’t set foot in a church in ages and are only marrying in the Church because their parents are paying for the wedding and making them get married in the Church.

It’s very sad. I couldn’t stay on those boards it was so horrible. Faithful Catholics who tried to explain church teaching were crucified for their belief in these “antiquated” and “patriarchal rules”.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
1.) Who are the “more and more”? Are they people you personally know? Do you have a job in the wedding industry and meet all these “more and more” people?

2.) You cannot save an unknown body of people from itself. You can pray for people in such circumstances, but folks who go to rent-a-priests for their saramental marriage have a hard time afterwards proving they are validly married.
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As a matter of fact, I am a deacon and my spouse and I do marriage prep for our diocese. They assume that because I am a deacon, I am available to do services at their request, any time, any place.
 
stbruno said:
As a matter of fact, I am a deacon and my spouse and I do marriage prep for our diocese. They assume that because I am a deacon, I am available to do services at their request, any time, any place.
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I don’t envy you the job of doing marriage prep with these women.

Hopefully you can educate them on the Sacrament of Marriage. There is so much ignorance and poor catechesis. And, the primary catechesis is in the home– that’s where it all starts. The parents of these girls are partially to blame, they did not properly form their children.
 
1ke said:
It is all of the above. Most of these people are Catholic in name only.

When I was planning my wedding I hung around on the wedding boards to get ideas for my wedding.

You cannot believe the # of brides who were in fits because of this. They just could not understand why they had to get married in a church. They wanted to get married on the beach, have a “unique” wedding, maybe even have their dog be the flower girl. It’s all media and it’s all about the wedding, not the marriage.

Mostly they all had serious issues other than just this one area-- these same brides lived with their fiances, used contraception, and many were “pro-choice” and a host of other horrible things.
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I had the same experience on the secular wedding boards as 1ke when planning my wedding. They were great in terms of getting ideas for receptions and such, but when it came to the spiritual and religious aspects of marriage, you wouldn’t believe the number of Catholic brides having temper tantrums over why they couldn’t have a beach wedding, why “their song” couldn’t be used during the mass, how hour long weddings were “sooooo boring” and they needed to think about their guests when “forcing” them to sit for an hour (oh… God forbid… it’s only the most important part of the entire day), how pre-Cana was “stupid” (although our Pre-Cana class wasn’t that great either, but I was actually looking forward to it). It actually did feel like almost every Catholic bride lived with their fiances prior to marriage and saw nothing wrong with it, and then would be upset when their priest wouldn’t marry them unless they lived separately or abstain from sexual relations. The list goes on and on.

And then when people like 1ke told them exactly how it was (which I admire - I’m a little more meek about that) or people like me who tried to be more gentle over it, the cat claws would strike. It was horrible.

I think the other problem, too, is that there are priests out there who are giving them “it’s ok” information. You do have the laicized priests who bill themselves as “travelling priests” and will perform “Catholic” weddings on unsanctified ground. And you have priests who are definitely more lenient than others. We have friends who got married in a Catholic church and the priest actually had the two of them come up to the altar and hold the precious blood with him on either side of him while he raised it during the consecration. It was so strange and wrong. I also attended another Catholic wedding where it was just the ceremony and the priest allowed them to have one reading which was a Shakespearean Sonnet. My husband (fiance at the time) and I were speechless. So things like that don’t help with young Catholic bridal couples in understanding their faith.

When it came down to it for the religious/spiritual aspect of the wedding, especially when dealing with those board brides, it was all about ME, ME, ME and how MY wedding MUST be unique and special - different from all the rest. It’s ok to want to have something “unique” for the reception, but what they failed to realize is that the Sacrament is so special and sacred in it of itself. Nothing more needs to be done to it.
 
Sarabande said:
And then when people like 1ke told them exactly how it was (which I admire - I’m a little more meek about that) or people like me who tried to be more gentle over it, the cat claws would strike. It was horrible.
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Stupid me, when they asked why the church taught “so-and-so”, I thought they actually wanted to know!

🤷
 
1ke said:
Stupid me, when they asked why the church taught “so-and-so”, I thought they actually wanted to know!

🤷
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I know… As you know they really didn’t. They just wanted justification for what they were doing wrong.
 
I was just married and my wife and I did everything proper. We did not live together before marriage and definitly no pre marital relations.

We to were watching a lot of “hyped” weddings on TV and could not believe the amount of people in this world wrapped up in the “wedding” rather than the “marriage”

One that is making a joke of things is “Bridezilla’s” on WE channel.

My wife and I had a full NO Latin mass, with Gregorian chant, the choir, and a trumpet player. It was awsome.

It was so spiritual and correct.

If you would like to see a few clips, check them out here.

jamieandsonya.com/video/
 
ljprevo said:
My wife and I had a full NO Latin mass, with Gregorian chant, the choir, and a trumpet player. It was awsome.
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That is so wonderful and beautiful!!! Congratulations!!! 🙂 You were so lucky to be able to have a full NO Latin mass.
 
Thank you very much. I will never forget the day. Watch clip #2 to hearour great choir, which my wife and I are a part of, the Kyrie and Gloria by Gounod. Gives me goose bumps. 🙂
 
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