My atheist boyfriend and I

  • Thread starter Thread starter flick26
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
PennyinCanada said:
I am sorry that you grew up in a situation where your parents weren’t ‘plugged in’ to the power of God that He supplies in the sacraments. I grew up in a non-believing household. God wasn’t in the equation and one parent was alcoholic. God in his mercy (and the prayers of Catholics asking for the conversion of sinners) plugged me into the power of God. I came into the Church and the sacraments. I married a practicing Catholic man, my St. Joseph. I wish I could tell everyone that the 2 households are polar opposites. One was darkness and hopelessness, the other full of light and God’s presence. A Catholic man will honor his marriage, his commitments, his wife and family. When hard times come, he’ll be on his knees before the throne of God. He’ll bring blessing into his marriage, his family, his neighborhood and workplace. He’ll honor and cherish you all the days of his life, because he’s plugged into the power of God. Difficult situations can turn around because he’s a man of God.

Don’t settle for less than that. Together with a believing Catholic man, you can have a wonderful life together and come together holding hands when you come before God to give an account for your life. Strive to come into what God has prepared for you and trust in His love and goodness.
Click to expand...
*Well said - you have said it all! I pray that the OP will take heed.

God bless
Cinette:)*
 
I was in your shoes years ago. Wonderful man, love of my life, soul mate, etc. except he was an atheist. We dated over two years before marriage. Had the exact discussions you have referrenced. Only difference, I was Baptist at the time and not active in church. If you are having these doubts now… If he is saying they (children) need to be given the option choose at the appropriate age, and so on. This sounds like a recorder playing back old conversations of ours. This will more than likely lead to evolutionism, atheism etc as the other options for a child to a hear. We never had children.

I’m usually much more delicate in my postings, but RUN, run now and save yourself. Please, go speak to a priest or someone. Feel free to send me a message. I do understand.

It will be awful and painful now, but I can assure you - it will not come close to the pain you will more than likely endure for years and years. To top it off, unless you have mitigating circumstances, our beliefs tell us we are to remain with that person unless they leave. Then, you are stuck. If your beliefs are as strong as they sound, if you want out, you will feel obligated to stay for the sake of his soul. We are no longer married, but I lost many years and endured more than I would wish on anyone. This is more than I would normally share, but please pray about this and speak to someone.
 
Some here have advocated against your relationship to continue for various reasons.
One reason early on in this saga, was that if your would be children were given gasp the opportunity to be raised with knowledge of faiths other than their own this could lead to calamity of the highest proportions.
Rather hard to read for me considering I was raised by non believers myself.
And, here I am.

Others have used cheap scare tactics to cause you to fear loving a man who clearly has done nothing to harm you.

I happen to be concerned for your boyfriend, as well as you.

You seem like a very loving person to even have such concerns you can not reconcile on your own and trust people here who may or may not have an agenda.

This may or may not mean that you could take a look at that, and ask what is the hurry after all?
 
StrawberryJam said:
Some here have advocated against your relationship to continue for various reasons.
One reason early on in this saga, was that if your would be children were given gasp the opportunity to be raised with knowledge of faiths other than their own this could lead to calamity of the highest proportions.
Rather hard to read for me considering I was raised by non believers myself.
And, here I am.

Others have used cheap scare tactics to cause you to fear loving a man who clearly has done nothing to harm you.

I happen to be concerned for your boyfriend, as well as you.

You seem like a very loving person to even have such concerns you can not reconcile on your own and trust people here who may or may not have an agenda.

This may or may not mean that you could take a look at that, and ask what is the hurry after all?
Click to expand...
Are you Christian?
 
StrawberryJam said:
I am agnostic with Catholic leanings. Meaning that I go to Mass more often than most Catholics do every week.
Click to expand...
*My husband attended Mass with me for 11 years before he converted. I hope you don’t take that long!

My husband’s faith was ignited by a Jewish scientist. Then there was the Holy Spirit. I had nothing to do with it although he says that I played a big part! (my prayers were valuable).

;)*
 
Bix said:
That wasn’t the question.
Click to expand...
I do not believe that one can call themselves a Christian without a public profression of faith in the Catholic Church once they have had full knowledge of the concepts of what is involved with such a serious decision.
I am in the unique position as an adult to take on this adventure of embarking on learning. I do not have any “indelible” marks of grace infused in me. If I have any marks on me they are not of my own, or from my attendance or desire to know more about the beliefs of the Church. I only have one major obstacle that prevents me from moving forward. Everyone here who has known me over time knows it is over the Literal Adam and Eve concept I reject.
 
StrawberryJam said:
Some here have advocated against your relationship to continue for various reasons.
One reason early on in this saga, was that if your would be children were given gasp the opportunity to be raised with knowledge of faiths other than their own this could lead to calamity of the highest proportions.

Others have used cheap scare tactics to cause you to fear loving a man who clearly has done nothing to harm you.

You seem like a very loving person to even have such concerns you can not reconcile on your own and trust people here who may or may not have an agenda.
Click to expand...
No one here has used cheap scare tactics. That’s a rude and insulting statement to all who have kindly posted and offered help and advice. No one said he wasn’t a good man.

In all sincerity, I find it extremely interesting that you, of all people, would bring up others having an agenda considering some of your posts in the last years.

If she were agnostic and seeking advice marrying a Christian, I would definitely defer to you. However, this is not the case.

God Bless
~Bix
 
Cinette said:
*My husband attended Mass with me for 11 years before he converted. I hope you don’t take that long!

My husband’s faith was ignited by a Jewish scientist. Then there was the Holy Spirit. I had nothing to do with it although he says that I played a big part! (my prayers were valuable).

;)*
Click to expand...
It may take me much longer than your husband. But, you need not worry about that. I have plenty of science friends, Jewish and other. I need no igniting by some charasmatic type of preacher. Some do.
I’m literally one dogma away from coming home.
I may as well die agnostic.
 
StrawberryJam said:
I do not believe that one can call themselves a Christian without a public profression of faith in the Catholic Church once they have had full knowledge of the concepts of what is involved with such a serious decision.
I am in the unique position as an adult to take on this adventure of embarking on learning. I do not have any “indelible” marks of grace infused in me. If I have any marks on me they are not of my own, or from my attendance or desire to know more about the beliefs of the Church. I only have one major obstacle that prevents me from moving forward. Everyone here who has known me over time knows it is over the Literal Adam and Eve concept I reject.
Click to expand...
If that is all…%$#@&)?"!!
 
Bix said:
No one here has used cheap scare tactics. That’s a rude and insulting statement to all who have kindly posted and offered help and advice. No one said he wasn’t a good man.

In all sincerity, I find it extremely interesting that you, of all people, would bring up others having an agenda considering some of your posts in the last years.

If she were agnostic and seeking advice marrying a Christian, I would definitely defer to you. However, this is not the case.

God Bless
~Bix
Click to expand...
She is considering marriage with a non theist. I am a non theist.

Let her decide who is and who is not helpful.
 
StrawberryJam said:
She is considering marriage with a non theist. I am a non theist.

Let her decide who is and who is not helpful.
Click to expand...
Rude and argumentative as I recall…

Now, can we please be respectful and stop derailing her thread? Please.
 
Four pages of responses… I tell ya, don’t we all love to give boy-and-girl advice LOL!

My advice :twocents: You’re really young. It’s hard to relate, being in love, but two years is not that long at all. It really isn’t. It really takes a lot of time and trials to really know if it’s someone that will go the distance. So don’t worry about the two years, it’s a drop in the bucket.

They say “opposites” attract, and sometimes they do attract. But, “alikes” stay together. The foundations of your personalities should be similar; your views on life, your love of kids, your dedication to health, your abilities to solve problems between you. In your arguments, notice who is conceding, and who is walking away feeling misunderstood. Arguments should relieve stress, they should make you feel better, or something’s not right. If you feel worse after airing out differences, somethings disconnected.

My brother, who is critical of any religion, married a somewhat regular presbyterian. She insisted the baby get baptized, but will that child really grow up to be a regular churchgoer? Probably not. His father won’t go to church and his son is going to learn his mannerisms subconciously.

And it doesn’t stop there. In my family a lot of the women are religious/churchgoers, but the men aren’t. They never go, never. In all the families there is a disconnect. Their marriages have survived, ~well half ~, in some cases the husband was a louse, but the wives never regreted marrying them. So I don’t know. I guess it can last if you accept it.

Maybe you can get in with your Church, find a support system there. Have friends that you can share your Faith. That is going to be your key to staying healthy.

But the reality?.. Trust me, when you’re in love, nobody can tell you a thing. You’re going to read through all these responses and you’re going to pick out the ones that support what you want to believe, and you’re gonna say, “See there! That person knows! The others just don’t understand…” LOL It’s true though. Trust me, my last GF was a total hellion money-vacuuming manipulative anti-social sociopath, but I LOVED her, LOL! So I was totally deaf to what anybody said. And trust me, they all said alot. I was like, “You guys just don’t understand her, …really, …really!” -Wrong. They were 100% right. Love is blind, always has been, always will be.
 
I’m going to jump in again. 🙂

Another thing to consider is this. Your relationship with God is the core of your being, your dearest, most cherished thing. You love Jesus. But you can’t share that with your husband. You can share a home, children, bank accounts, your bodies, everything else. But you cannot walk together on the spiritual path. That part of yourself must always be yours alone.

This is acutely painful when you love your husband and want to share everything with him but you cannot. There is always a part that you cannot share.

Maybe now it’s ok, because the heat of your affection takes the sting out of it. But when you’re older and the mortgage is late and the baby is sick and the car breaks down, you’re on your knees praying a rosary, will he be next to you? Will you be alone in that pew, looking at the couples who hold hands, wishing that you could share your deepest love with the person you love? Or when your child says they believe Daddy that there is no God and that you’ve been fooled or are weak to believe?

I’m reading a book called Winning Him Without Words by Miller and Donovan. It’s for women in spiritually mismatched marriages. I would recommend it, just to get a window into what you’re signing up for. Go in with your eyes open to the challenges and the pain. Then, if you decide to join the ranks of those married to atheists, you’ll know what you’re getting into.
 
I would love to hear what people in marriages where one is Catholic the other is of a different faith or a nonbeliever. I feel like their opinions would have a lot of insight. And while I wouldn’t be in a mixed faith marriage, I would be willing to bet that most people in them would tell you its worth it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top