My Child wants to leave the Catholic Faith

[hlmem]

I could and normally would be more than happy to.

But this thread was more for the OP.

We both can give our (name removed by moderator)ut to the OP and he seems like a very good father as he has gotten his daughter this far. I am sure he will consider all that has been said, and will be said, and act how he sees best for his family.

I do not see the point of any type of argument with you on this as we have our own opinion on what is best.

Plus I do not like to argue, it leads to disrespect.

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

Hi Folks,

My daughter wants to leave the Catholic faith because she’s been going to church at her freinds church as well as ours and feels she gets more out of it. She is 19 and the love of my life.
My question is "is there enough difference to ruin our relationship be forcing her to remain in my faith. Both faiths follow Christ.
I am at a standstill in my own heart. Help me understand this.

Mickey

“Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not?” -George Bernard Shaw

I’m going to disagree with some people here, and recommend that you ask to have a deep talk with her about religion, and why she feels drawn to the Protestant church. That, or ask her to listen to you for 30 minutes, while you give a brief history of the Church, and the basic tenets of the faith, and why (essentially) we rock.

I’m 19, and I can’t say that I’ve ever really felt rebellion from the Church, so my advice may or may not work. But, for the most part, tenets of the faith would work (at least with me…)

 

[mickey94558]

I opened this to get some (name removed by moderator)ut from everyone. Not to start a debate. I will take into consideration all of your thoughts and take what I agree with and what I feel will best help My family.
I appreciate all your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[hlmem]

I opened this to get some (name removed by moderator)ut from everyone. Not to start a debate. I will take into consideration all of your thoughts and take what I agree with and what I feel will best help My family.
I appreciate all your (name removed by moderator)ut.

If all else fails, introduce her to the above poster who is also 19

 

[reborn_pagan]

Hi Folks,

My daughter wants to leave the Catholic faith because she’s been going to church at her freinds church as well as ours and feels she gets more out of it. She is 19 and the love of my life.
My question is "is there enough difference to ruin our relationship be forcing her to remain in my faith. Both faiths follow Christ.
I am at a standstill in my own heart. Help me understand this.

Mickey

“Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not?” -George Bernard Shaw

the only thing i can tell you is to let her go and do what she wants, if god wants her to be a catholic then she will go back, if not then it wasn’t ment to be

thats the only thing i can say

 

[ALLFORHIM]

Can you not respond to my posts, or counter my points?

Catholig

Hi,
Im curious if you have any kids and if so are they teens, adults, still children? Do you have a girl?

 

[carol_marie]

If my almost 15 yr. old son announces in a few years that he wants to be Christian but not Catholic, I would purchase an apolgetics type book - maybe Jeff Cavin’s My Life on the Rock (easy read) and ask him to please read it & then I’d tell him why I think the Catholic Church is best. Then I get busy praying every single day that he’d have a change of heart.

But let’s face it - at 19 your daughter is an adult. You can’t drag her to mass - and on the bright side, at least she is remaining commited to Christ and not becoming pagan or a Jehovah’s witness - there are worse things…

I do believe she’ll come back to the Catholic Church eventually. God bless you for worrying about this… you are a good dad.

 

[Mary3]

I understand what you’re going through. I have a 19 yo son who has also stopped practicing the faith. There are some very good suggestions from other posters about prayer, being the best and most humble Catholic you can be, being a living witness to what your faith has meant to you.

I would also add these thoughts: fast for the intention of your child’s conversion. Make use of sacramentals like placing a green scapular in some discreet location in the child’s room. Pray a rosary every day for this intention. Ask St. Monica to pray with you and to intercede for your child.

I like Bayern’s idea about an indepth conversation to find out what underlies this issue. However, I would pick the time carefully, and you may have to abandon the idea if it starts to be an argument. I strongly believe that young adults are not won over to the faith by strong arm tactics (forcing to attend Mass as a condition of living under your roof), or by contentious relationships.

You may find, as I’ve found with my own child, that they are avoiding the Church as a way to avoid dealing with some sin or sinful activity in their life. One way to “deal” with this (in their opinion) is to just deny that the Church is right about the issue being sinful, so they just won’t agree with the Church. If this is the case, I’ve found it’s helpful to find ways of discussing God’s mercy, and how thankful you are for the sacrament of reconciliation in your own life. How you have been healed by the encounter with Christ in confession ot a priest.

Don’t give up. St. Monica prayed for many years before her son converted. As for my case, I can see some cracks in my son’s armor. Just last week, he was telling me about his indignation at a college history professor who was misrepresenting the teachings of the Catholic Church and the events of the reformation. This past Christmas, I saw him wrestling with whether or not to attend Mass with us. He balked at the last minute, but the next day asked me lots of questions about who was there, was it crowded, what did Monsignor say in the homily. So, there are hopeful signs.

The best advice I can give you is to never give up. Pray, live a Catholic life. And talk to your child less about God, talk to God more about your child. I pray you will have the peace of knowing that God wants your child back even more than you want the child to come back.

 

[cheese_sdc]

Hi Folks,

My daughter wants to leave the Catholic faith because she’s been going to church at her freinds church as well as ours and feels she gets more out of it. She is 19 and the love of my life.

to me the key phrase is “She is 19…”. She is an adult and free to make her own choice as to her religion. You have raised her Catholic as best as you could. It is now time for her to find her path.

 

[irish2010]

As a young woman your daughter’s age who is seriously considering doing the opposite (converting from Evangelical to Catholic), I think I can give some insight. I haven’t told my parents just how serious I am about this, but I have mentioned that I am becoming more convinced of the truths of the Church and that I will definitely, at the least, leave our current church due to its beliefs, especially communion and baptism.

They were surprised and disappointed that I am not happy in our church, but they told me they would love me unconditionally no matter what I decided. They discuss these issues with me and ask good questions, but they listen carefully to my answers and are open to the truth. They agree that I have to follow my conscience on religious issues. I think they are reacting to this in a very constructive way.

I think you need to assure your daughter that you love her unconditionally and will always do so. That doesn’t mean you can’t try to convince her otherwise, but do so gently. Don’t ask question her about her faith all the time, but perhaps ask her in advance if she would like to get coffee and talk about these issues. This way she won’t be afraid that any time you approach her will be an inquisition. Most of all, pray for her!

 

[Julianna]

Just my final words to you, and again, just my opinions.Having this hurt inside is not a healthy thing. To feel hurt over this one issue will hurt your relationship as it will breed resentment.My opinion is faith is such a personal thing. What is right for one might not be right for all. And inside you may feel you might have failed partly as your little girl does not embrace the Catholic church like you have, but you need to ask yourself one question.Have you raised a woman that will live her life with morality and honor?If so you should be so proud as you have done more than most parents can do.What religion she has currently does not matter to God as it should not matter to you.The Catholic Church’s doors are always open whether you are one or 100 year of age. And finding God is a life long Journey, not one that ends at 19 and then the Parent hears “Game over, you failed”
My point is to encourage you to be strong in your own faith, love her, pray, and know that God is all powerful. He could be testing the strength of your family in what matters the most to you at this point.Never stop loving God or your Daughter. And please continue to post here as we understand the frustrations you go through.

Beautiful words of advice. My daughter at age 14 was asked to attend an Espicopal youth group. She asked her father and I if we would be mad if she wanted to go. We said no we would not be mad. She was curious and wanted to learn about other Christian faiths. I did not lecture her about the “one true church”, as I believe it is a matter of personal opinion of the beleiver. Each faith believes it is the one true church. As human beings we cannot know all. She understood that if she attended services there, that she would not partake in the communion. She didn’t. As time went on through her teen years, she had visited other Christian churches with her friends, and learned alot. She has not found the Christian faith that speaks to her and is still on her own journey. She struggles with her choices and has made some bad ones, that have had repercussions. These things would have happened to her whether she stayed with the Catholic Church or not. I was glad that during those years, she learned to appreciate other faiths that embrace the love of Jesus Christ. While we could list the differences all day long, we can’t ignore that all paths lead to the one, Jesus. We are many parts, we are all one body.

My husband and I saw to it that received a faith foundation and went through the sacraments prescribed to children in their formative years. We asked them to complete their faith formation by receiving the sacrament of confirmation. Neither have done so as they realize the importance of the sacrament and what it entails. As a confirmation teacher for many years, I have always asked the question of my students. “Are you here because you are ready to receive the sacrament of the church, or are you here because your parents made you do this?” They placed their answers on a piece of paper and turned it in to me. Each year, out of 30 students, 3/4 of them were there, because their parents MADE them go. It was my job as a catechist to take them down that path to make “sure” that is what they wanted. By the time confrimation was to take place, out of 30, I had 5 drop out. And each one came to me and spoke to our DRE as to why. They were not ready.

I myself made my confirmation at the age of 27. At the age of 14, I was not ready. It has been a long road for me as I continue to wonder where I belong and if the church is calling me home as God has another assignment for me.

Your daughter is not struggling, she is curious. She will follow many paths before all is said and done. As her parent, you have given her the faith formation…she is still with Jesus. Your love for her will be the shining example of the Catholic faith. Your daughter can talk to you about her decisions, and can come to you with questions…most parents would give an arm and a leg for that to happen. Be open to her questions, leave the “guilt trips” and the “ego” at the door. Beating her over the head with doctrine will prove nothing. Continue to pray.

 

[Catholig]

Hi,
Im curious if you have any kids and if so are they teens, adults, still children? Do you have a girl?

ALLFORHIM,

No, I don’t have children, for I’m still in my “teens”, however I don’t think that should be a disqualifyer for all that I’ve said. I’d certainly tell my daughter (if I had one) just what I told him too, what other posters have said. Talk to her. Take her out for coffee and discuss faith.

Catholig

 

[CatQuilt]

I understand what you’re going through. I have a 19 yo son who has also stopped practicing the faith. There are some very good suggestions from other posters about prayer, being the best and most humble Catholic you can be, being a living witness to what your faith has meant to you.

I would also add these thoughts: fast for the intention of your child’s conversion. Make use of sacramentals like placing a green scapular in some discreet location in the child’s room. Pray a rosary every day for this intention. Ask St. Monica to pray with you and to intercede for your child.

I editted your post but it’s all wonderful!

BTW, does the green scapular need to be blessed first?

 

[Hellisreal]

I am new here, and have strong opinions on subjects like this and was hesitant to post my thoughts after reading all these posts.

I can not advise what you should do in this case kind brother, but I can tell you what I will do with my child.

I am not here to argue with other posters that have stated their feelings only to post my thoughts of what I will do in my family, so I will not debate anyone here on this subject - I want to make that clear right now.

My child is my responsiblity first and formost. As long as my child is living under my roof there will be rules that will be enforced and followed. I use the like it or lump it policy and sorry if that offends people today in this modern world.

We are Catholics. My husband and I are parents first, friends second to our child. My child will go to the Catholic Church. If my child wants to attend another Church, my child will only be allowed to do so under these circumstances: Weddings, Funerals, or Basptisms of close friends or family.
Catholic Church will be attended each Sunday in addition to of the above allowable circumstances, and will not be ignored unless sickness is the reason.

I believe the Catholic Church is the only true Church. Every other Church is heretical and lacking the fullness of truth. If I properly educate my child, they will see it that way too. I am convinced that the only people who are Catholic and stray are ones who dont understand the Catholic faith properly.
There is no other reason for it.

If they don’t they can do as they wish when they are not living under my roof. Nor will I condone their choice to leave the Catholic Church at any time. Even if they move out, they will be doing it with full knowledge I dissaprove.

I am not going to wrap my arms around my child and tell them it’s okay if they commit themselves to a heretical “church”. It’s not okay, its an abommination.

Just my personal view.

 

[shirleytowers]

1. tell her it is NOT okay. Explain why calmly but don’t lecture a long time. 10 minute max.
2. Maybe try some teen-oriented services at Catholic churches.
3. Encourage her to join CYO or whatever they have there.
4. Forbid her to go to the other services. Tell her you made a mistake to let her go. Take the blame.

 

[hlmem]

I am not going to wrap my arms around my child and tell them it’s okay if they commit themselves to a heretical “church”. It’s not okay, its an abommination.

Just my personal view.

You will not embrace your child for their lack of faith in the Catholic church if that time ever comes?..

Yet you ask them to embrace the Lord Jesus, who for all time willingly wraps their arms around the wicked and sinners, and will always love them just the same?

I know you choose not to debate, just something to think about

 

[hlmem]

1. tell her it is NOT okay. Explain why calmly but don’t lecture a long time. 10 minute max.
2. Maybe try some teen-oriented services at Catholic churches.
3. Encourage her to join CYO or whatever they have there.
4. Forbid her to go to the other services. Tell her you made a mistake to let her go. Take the blame.

1. She’s 19
2. She’s 19
3. She’s 19
4. She’s 19

 

[Nordar]

That is very true.

But the question is…does watching your daughter walk away from Christ’s One and Only Church constitue love?

So what he should stop loving her?Does Jesus stop loving us if we stray?

 

[Catholig]

1. She’s 19
2. She’s 19
3. She’s 19
4. She’s 19

Hlmem, you’re not help–ing.

Catholig

 

[Nancie_Lew]

Hi Folks,

My daughter wants to leave the Catholic faith because she’s been going to church at her freinds church as well as ours and feels she gets more out of it. She is 19 and the love of my life.
My question is "is there enough difference to ruin our relationship be forcing her to remain in my faith. Both faiths follow Christ.
I am at a standstill in my own heart. Help me understand this.

Mickey

“Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not?” -George Bernard Shaw

What exactly does she get out of going to her friends church that she does not get from the Catholic Church?