My Child wants to leave the Catholic Faith

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I have a daughter who alhough not rejecting our Faith didnt take it very seriously at all. She didnt get confinrmed with her class and just went through the motions probably to please her parents. Off she went to College where you fear you children will fall into drugs, sex and rock-n-roll. My daughter found God and she found him through our Fatih. By her Junior year she was facilitaing Catholic retreats at other schools and today is a very commited young adult who’s Catholic faith is the center of her life.

My advice to the OP is pray for her child and continue to witness your fatih to her by the way you live your life. And NEVER blame yourself for your childs ambivalence about our faith. You do the best you can raising your kids and then you turn them over to the Lord. As my Father always said when our Children do good we take way too much credit and when they do bad we take way too much blame…
 
Sometimes we have to leave to go away and reflect, to discover the truth of what we had, in order to come back 👍
 
Hellisreal said:
My child will not be in this perdicament because my child will be properly educated in the Catholic faith. Anyone who is properly educated in the Catholic faith would never leave it. Period.
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Education is not 100% effective. I went to CCD, Catholic high school and even Catholic college. As soon as I moved out of my parents’ house, I quit going to church altogether. It took 5 years until I came back. I was given a proper education and my parents always took me to church or made me go when I was growing up, but God gives everyone free will and I chose to use my free will to sin at that time. Later on, I had a born-again experience and returned to the Catholic Church, and since then, I have been very active in my parish.
 
shirleytowers said:
  1. Encourage her to join CYO or whatever they have there.
  2. Forbid her to go to the other services. Tell her you made a mistake to let her go. Take the blame.
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Re: CYO: When I was 18, getting out of high school, we were told not to come back and hang around with the CYO. It was a group for high school students.

I agree with the other post re: #4. You can’t “forbid” a 19 year old to do something.

Perhaps witnessing to her about your Catholic faith and what you treasure about it (The Eucharist, Confession) might help.
 
Mickey,
You are lucky. My sister-in-law chose to leave the Catholic church and became Wiccan and married an athiest. Your daughter just wants to change christian faiths, not leave christianity altogether. I wouldn’t risk your relationship with her over this.
 
I have three girls, two of whom are teenagers. Sure, they may or may not obey you right away, but believe me, parents’ words still carry weight. Yeah, they may argue, but if you have a good relationship, they will eventually obey you. If you don’t have a good relationship, better get after that.

My oldest is about to turn 18. She still obeys me pretty quick, no matter what. Every kid is different, so the parent in question would have a better feel for what would work for the daughter. Just because she is 19 doesn’t mean you have to write her off or let her go her merry way without an earful.

You would not sit by and let them do drugs, shoplift, or cut themselves, why let them leave the church without so much as a whimper of protest? Religious guidance is part of parenting. And 19 is still adolescent, still having a lack of good judgment. See studies on the dev. of the brain. They still need their parents.
 
Shirley-

I see many things wrong with your above post. Most of all the idea that the relationship you have with your children is one that they obey orders. The word “Obey” just rings a little less than an ideal parenting situation.

But you said “You would not sit by and let them do drugs, shoplift, or cut themselves, why let them leave the church without so much as a whimper of protest?”

I find it odd you equal taking drugs with leaving the church as equal in “wrongness”

Children do not want to be ordered around (even though they sometimes need it). Like adults, children need to be LEAD not ORDERED.

To grow into great adults they need to make the right choices for themselves and not have their only moral compass what mom thinks is right.

Children who are ordered are the ones that rebel and lose their way when they no longer have the person giving orders to them. The will embrace anarchy more if they are forced into order.
 
As someone who did what your daughter did (though I was older - 23, and waited 2 years to get the courage up to tell my parents), I can suggest some of the things that would have helped me to reconsider at the time:
  1. Take an interest. What is it that’s attracting her? What do they offer that Catholicism doesn’t seem to be offering? Community is a big deal at that stage, so it might be worth considering a different Catholic church, which has that kind of community? Talk to her about it and never, ever, close lines of communication or avoid the subject as an embarassment.
  2. Talk to her about the real issues. It’s so easy to see your parents as accepting the Catholic church unquestioningly. If you’re willing to say ‘yes, I struggle with that too’ - it makes her feel better with her own questions. It’s very easy to sit in a Catholic church and feel you don’t fit, because you don’t hear their questions. The first time I heard my Dad honestly articulate his real feelings on a particular aspect of Church teaching, I moved half way back to his church 🙂
  3. See if you can get her interested in something like Taize. She’s falling in love with Jesus - a place like that will give her a sense of the global community who’ll listen.
  4. See if you can help her find a good spiritual director. She’s not too young (I had someone at that age, informally, and more formally 2 years later). Someone in the Ignatian tradition possibly? It’ll be important for her to have someone who will listen to her joys and worries honestly and help her really listen to God. She will be hyper sensitive to anyone trying to tell her what she ‘must’ believe. A good director will listen to her pain and allow her to express her doubts (which she’ll never express elsewhere if she feels she’s being judged for her decision).
  5. See if she could do a summer programme internationally with a Catholic Charity - maybe something like SERVE. Seeing what the church looks like in the developing world caused at least four of my friends to rejoin the Catholic Church in their 20s - they realised that international solidarity was more important than local church squabbles.
Hope that may be of some help.
 
awantz said:
Mickey,
You are lucky. My sister-in-law chose to leave the Catholic church and became Wiccan and married an athiest. Your daughter just wants to change christian faiths, not leave christianity altogether. I wouldn’t risk your relationship with her over this.
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I have much emapthy for the OP’s situation however lets not love and compassion blur the truth Her daughter is in serious error. Religions are not interchangeable. She is leaving the one true faith for a man made religion that at most has just a pale shadow of the truth.
 
shirleytowers said:
I have three girls, two of whom are teenagers. Sure, they may or may not obey you right away, but believe me, parents’ words still carry weight. Yeah, they may argue, but if you have a good relationship, they will eventually obey you. If you don’t have a good relationship, better get after that.

My oldest is about to turn 18. She still obeys me pretty quick, no matter what. Every kid is different, so the parent in question would have a better feel for what would work for the daughter. Just because she is 19 doesn’t mean you have to write her off or let her go her merry way without an earful.

You would not sit by and let them do drugs, shoplift, or cut themselves, why let them leave the church without so much as a whimper of protest? Religious guidance is part of parenting. And 19 is still adolescent, still having a lack of good judgment. See studies on the dev. of the brain. They still need their parents.
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When I hear the word Obey it is as if you are speaking about an animal, that is the word you learn at obedience school for dogs. It is not a word I equate with raising children, I have 4 grown children I raised mine with love and guidance. I know raising my 4 with telling them they must obey never would have worked. Telling them to Obey is not having a good relationship that is one sided, you are deluding yourself if you think it is.

I don’t think the OP is writing his daughter off that is why he is on here asking advice. Furthermore no one is telling him to write her off so were are you getting that from? Giving her an earful Of what? and what ever it is, it not going to work she is person with a mind of her own not a dog.

What does doing drugs, self cut, or shop lift have to do with leaving The Church? No one is saying Religious Instruction is not part of parenting, who said that? And what does a 19yr old still needing a parent have to do with her, or any 19 yr old for that matter making up their own mind to leave The Church have to do with anything?
 
  1. Parents provide spritual guidance for their children. Even when they are grown, they are still your children, and up until about age 24, they still need help making decisions and judgments. Not all the time, but anyone that age should have a trusted adult they can turn to for help and advice.
  2. Obedience IS important and children need to learn it. If you don’t learn to obey your parents how will you learn to obey God. This is crucial in younger years. Don’t cross the street, don’t stick that fork in the socket, don’t drink the Drano. BELIEVE me, obedience is essential.
And you discuss the whys and you teach them how to make their own decisions. And you let them make decisions for themselves all their lives so they learn how and learn from mistakes, but you guide them.

It is not about training seals, it is about raising competent, confident adults, but it STARTS with obedience.
 
mickey94558 said:
Hi Folks,

My daughter wants to leave the Catholic faith because she’s been going to church at her freinds church as well as ours and feels she gets more out of it. She is 19 and the love of my life.
My question is "is there enough difference to ruin our relationship be forcing her to remain in my faith. Both faiths follow Christ.
I am at a standstill in my own heart. Help me understand this.

Mickey

“Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not?” -George Bernard Shaw
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👋 Here is the way these Catholic Parents handled a situation (very much like your own) in their family.

HAVE a seat," my father directed. I pulled up a chair and swallowed uneasily. As the daughter of staunch Catholic parents, raised all my nineteen years to believe Catholicism was the one, true Church, I had just done the unspeakable, the unthinkable. I had announced I was leaving the Catholic Church.
catholic.com/thisrock/1992/9203conv.asp

**Results: **

“The challenge I accepted from my parents has made a great difference in my faith. I can say that in a way I have been “born again.” **I have a new and real understanding of the Catholic Church **and that makes my faith grow daily. I am not afraid to ask questions about my faith, and with a little effort I can find answers when I don’t understand.”

God Bless You All.
.
 
mickey94558 said:
Hi Folks,

My daughter wants to leave the Catholic faith because she’s been going to church at her freinds church as well as ours and feels she gets more out of it. She is 19 and the love of my life.
My question is "is there enough difference to ruin our relationship be forcing her to remain in my faith. Both faiths follow Christ.
I am at a standstill in my own heart. Help me understand this.

Mickey

“Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not?” -George Bernard Shaw
Click to expand...
You can’t force her to do anything, she is 19. While I understand your frustration, be glad she is attending a Christian Church. One of my daughters became an atheist. I pray all the time she’ll find her way back. Frankly, at this point, I’d be thankful for just an acknowledgement that God exists.
 
awantz said:
Mickey,
You are lucky. My sister-in-law chose to leave the Catholic church and became Wiccan and married an athiest. Your daughter just wants to change christian faiths, not leave christianity altogether. I wouldn’t risk your relationship with her over this.
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Yep!! 👍
 
Your daughter is 19, she is both your daughter and an adult.

But these days adults usually think like children when it comes to their faith.

Talk to her with respect and love.

Feel free to PM me as I can explain the huge difference between Catholic worship and non-catholic services.
Anybody else who would like know about it can PM me too as there is a huge difference.
She is an adult and doesn’t deserve to just be ignored like it will go away and should be adult enought to talk about it.

Truth actually matters and only Catholics put truth first, that is why sometimes we get so rude and offensive. They didn’t crucify Jesus because He waffled on truth but because He demanded change and truth. So before nice comes truth and this is what makes many people mad at Catholics because we follow Jesus and believe it matters and unity matters above comfort.
No-body crucifies Mr Rogers, everyone likes nice and that is why so many belief systems focus on that.
This is why people don’t like Catholics because sometimes we do forget the nice(which we shouldn’t do) and we always put truth first. (which is offensive)

Again PM me if you have any questions and I will explain why the Mass is so important and the only legitimate form or worship. (I know it might sound intolerant but after I explain you will understand)

God Bless
Scylla
 
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