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alice24
Guest
This passage irritated me, too. Whatever happened in your marriage, it´s no reason to cheat. I start to doubt a little what goes on in this parish (priets reaction, baby shower in parish rooms for the affair)
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hurtandhealing
Guest
While I agree with this, it is important to remember that few people are well trained in affair recovery. Many (most?) priests take classes on counseling and marriage, but very few counselors of any stripe are equipped with the how-to’s of these situations. (And the priest may also be dealing with information gleaned from the confessional as well.)
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hurtandhealing
Guest
A further thought for the OP, what does your priest suggest in all this? Certainly, flaunting herself in front of you at Mass, does not seem overly repentant. How can he and your church community help to shelter you and your girls from this scandalous situation? I realize that it is of your husband’s making, but this woman (this “sister” in Christ) should not be in your face during this time of healing for you.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
It is very difficult to ban someone from Mass because they have sinned. In most cases it would take a restraining order and buy in from the Diocese.
So, as long as the other woman wants to go to Mass, she will likely be at Mass. I would not make this a hill to die on, I’d arrive early, sit on the front pew and not turn around to look at the other worshipers OR I would drive to another Parish. Does not matter who did what first to whom and for how long, I would simply remove myself from being further victimized.
It sounds as if there is some inside baseball here, Wandering Husband’s sister is friends with the other woman if I am reading correctly.
If they are all known members of the parish, and the parish has a policy where they allow members to use the Hall for baby showers, what would be the reason to forbid the hall rental, that there is sin involved? In that case, they would have to also stop allowing showers for children conceived in any sort of sin. That could be a whole can of worms.
It is hard to take a logical look when emotions are so high, but, my advice is to start Catholic counseling (I posted the Institute for Marital Healing above, call them on Monday!) They have years and years of experience helping Catholics through affairs.
So, as long as the other woman wants to go to Mass, she will likely be at Mass. I would not make this a hill to die on, I’d arrive early, sit on the front pew and not turn around to look at the other worshipers OR I would drive to another Parish. Does not matter who did what first to whom and for how long, I would simply remove myself from being further victimized.
It sounds as if there is some inside baseball here, Wandering Husband’s sister is friends with the other woman if I am reading correctly.
If they are all known members of the parish, and the parish has a policy where they allow members to use the Hall for baby showers, what would be the reason to forbid the hall rental, that there is sin involved? In that case, they would have to also stop allowing showers for children conceived in any sort of sin. That could be a whole can of worms.
It is hard to take a logical look when emotions are so high, but, my advice is to start Catholic counseling (I posted the Institute for Marital Healing above, call them on Monday!) They have years and years of experience helping Catholics through affairs.
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anakate
Guest
Last night and this morning have probably been the worst time in my life. I hate saying that, it’s a horrible way to feel about an innocent child. Late last night my husband got a call from his sister that “she” was in labor and the baby would be here soon. I didn’t want him to go which led to an argument. He was adiment about going so I went with him, not because I wanted to but otherwise I’d worry myself to death. This maternity ward is set up behind locked doors, with the waiting room on the other side. My sister in law greeted dh, ignoring me, with news of a healthy baby boy named with my husband’s name as his middle and our last name 
Then they the rang the bell to be let in, a nurse quickly asked his and my name and I was told I couldn’t enter, I wasn’t on the list of approved visitors. I held my husband’s arm ignorantly thinking he’d decide to stay since I wasn’t allowed. Instead he pulled away and went in without looking at me. He stayed in the ward for nearly an hour. If I had the keys I would have left instead of sitting in that room sobbing like a fool.
My husband showed me a picture and he has such a strong resemblance. This seems to be a blessing and a curse, as wrong as it is I know it would be even more difficult to accept him if he looked like her but it makes it seem so likely he is my husband’s. I’m still insisting on a paternity test.
My husband has been teary eyed all morning looking at the child’s pictures on his phone. I can’t even bring myself to talk to him about it.
Just pray, please pray for me my children and our marriage.
Then they the rang the bell to be let in, a nurse quickly asked his and my name and I was told I couldn’t enter, I wasn’t on the list of approved visitors. I held my husband’s arm ignorantly thinking he’d decide to stay since I wasn’t allowed. Instead he pulled away and went in without looking at me. He stayed in the ward for nearly an hour. If I had the keys I would have left instead of sitting in that room sobbing like a fool.
My husband showed me a picture and he has such a strong resemblance. This seems to be a blessing and a curse, as wrong as it is I know it would be even more difficult to accept him if he looked like her but it makes it seem so likely he is my husband’s. I’m still insisting on a paternity test.
My husband has been teary eyed all morning looking at the child’s pictures on his phone. I can’t even bring myself to talk to him about it.
Just pray, please pray for me my children and our marriage.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Prayers.
Insist on a DNA test. Our emotional minds can see resemblance where there is coincidence.
Insist on a DNA test. Our emotional minds can see resemblance where there is coincidence.
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gracepoole
Guest
OP, I’m really concerned that your husband seems to be discounting your feelings entirely. If he’s determined to have contact with his son (and again, aside from providing required financial support, there is good reason to question his choice), have you demanded that he never be in the presence of this woman again without you also being present? Have you demanded that he find another job? What, specifically, is he doing to calm your fears and ensure that he has no further isolated contact with this woman?
(And what is up with your SIL???)
(And what is up with your SIL???)
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Spark2
Guest
The fact that she has used your husband’s name, especially the last name isn’t a wonderful sign. This name will be a daily reminder and it’s certainly symbolic. Most single moms choose their own last names for their children; she has marked this child as your husband’s and that signifies to me that she intends that be a regular and integral part of his life in a way that makes me uncomfortable.
Also, I’ve not experienced this exact messy situation, but I have had many friends bearing children in less than ideal circumstances, and none wanted the bio dad there so soon unless they were planning on reconciling or had agreed on strict relationship parameters beforehand.
Are you sure there wasn’t a relationship between them before this, even if it was one that took place mostly in her head? This isn’t going the way an accidental hook-up usually would, I don’t think. This feels like a strong emotional connection.
I’m thinking of you and sending you support.
Also, I’ve not experienced this exact messy situation, but I have had many friends bearing children in less than ideal circumstances, and none wanted the bio dad there so soon unless they were planning on reconciling or had agreed on strict relationship parameters beforehand.
Are you sure there wasn’t a relationship between them before this, even if it was one that took place mostly in her head? This isn’t going the way an accidental hook-up usually would, I don’t think. This feels like a strong emotional connection.
I’m thinking of you and sending you support.
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SnowRose
Guest
Agree, and the involvement of the sister in law is another warning sign.
In a non-Catholic setting this sounds like the pre-pre-divorce manuverings, and that’s concerning. I sincerely hope for the best for all of you.
In a non-Catholic setting this sounds like the pre-pre-divorce manuverings, and that’s concerning. I sincerely hope for the best for all of you.
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alice24
Guest
I would try to have some weeks off, maybe with your native family, to get rescue and relax from this stress. You need to take care of yourself and your little one. After that, it´s time for a little more force against him. He needs to unerstand that he can´t leave you aside for this woman that cruel. I have the feel that he doesn´t understand what you should be for him as your wife.
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anakate
Guest
I’ve started packing. I talked to an old friend out of town and decided to take a few days to myself to relax and focus on OUR baby. Im losing my mind with this situation. Hopefully absence will make him reflect on our marriage
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
I’m really sorry, this situation sounds so horrible. You need to do what’s best for you right now.
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tuscany
Guest
You are in my prayers. ((HUG))
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anakate
Guest
No, I dont want to interefere with their schooling. I’ve arraigned for care until DH gets off work.
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February
Guest
I prayed for you at Mass today. Of all the stories I’ve read on here recently, this really hurts my heart. I can only imagine how you feel!! I’m so, so sorry. I will reiterate that whatever issues your husband brought up, this is not your fault. And truly, if there were marital issues I’m sure he is not an innocent party. Marriages take two, and counseling should have been a solution, not infidelity. Please know I’m thinking of you!!
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hurtandhealing
Guest
I am glad to hear that you are getting away. Please know that I always try to focus on healing within the marriage. Your husband’s actions sounds like a man who had been preparing for this birth. You need to find out from him what is going on. None of this sounds right.
Please take care of yourself and stay close to your parents and friends. Also, please contact the attorney again. You need to start preparing for the worse. The lawyer needs to start helping you with this. I know that you and your husband can recover from this. But he has to want to first.
Please be assured of my prayers. I offered Mass for you this evening.
Please take care of yourself and stay close to your parents and friends. Also, please contact the attorney again. You need to start preparing for the worse. The lawyer needs to start helping you with this. I know that you and your husband can recover from this. But he has to want to first.
Please be assured of my prayers. I offered Mass for you this evening.
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gracepoole
Guest
When I go to adoration this week, you will be primary in my prayers. Remember that the Holy Family is always with you and will never abandon you.
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
I think to be on the safe side you need some legal advice. There seems to be more to this situation than meets the eye, the SIL and OW are acting like this was more than a fling. I hope you can save your marriage but you need to be prepared and to protect the interests of your children.
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