My husband is emotionally abusive

[RosaRosarum]

I feel like I need to clarify this since it’s been brought up multiple times: yes I am a doctor but no, I am not rich. Both things can be true be live it or not. Not all doctors make a quarter million a year. Besides I’m still in training so my salary is good but I’m not rich. Also you don’t know my cost of living in the city I live in. So to those who say that with all my money I could leave whenever I want, no, not really. And why should I leave an apartment I pay for? All situations are different, and my lawyer advised me on what to do for my particular situation. Sometimes you need more evidence to prove your case. I didn’t want to have to defend myself even here. My post was about finally admitting to myself what’s happening. Who had to deal with this kind of people knows how manipulative they are, how good they are at deceiving everyone around you. Not even my parents believed me at first. Do you know what this means? I received very good advices at first, but now you are just judjing me. You should just know how hard I am working to put together a solid exit plan. I assume you all are citizens…but maybe you don’t know the law well. If I leave now abruptly it could hurt my case. Please don’t judge. I don’t need more of that.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I do not think people assume you are “rich”. They assume you are gainfully employed making a salary instead of flipping burgers part time for $7 per hour.

Everything is not an insult, really, I know when your world is full of hammers that everything looks like a nail.

Praying you can speak to your priest this week.

 

[alice24]

Dear OP, just a thought - is it possible that your husband knows about your plan to leave? Even if not, does he see that clear you are soon self-dependent in the way you told us?
If physical violence could happen, the point when he realizes you are not longer dependent on him is in my eyes th most dangerous.
I experienced this myself. I was safe until my ex boyfriend realized I was not longer financially and emotionally dependent. Please be careful !

 

[rcwitness]

Hi, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am sorry to hear you abused your wife. Physically or emotionally? May I know why? Why did you do it. And if you stopped, how did you make it? Are your wife and children happy now?

I am guilty of being rude, disrespectful, manipulative, casting guilt on, not being faithful to my wife. I have done these things because I am far from perfect. I stop when i am convicted in the faith, and see that I am not behaving as I should. No, we are not “happy” in general! My wife stopped practicing the faith.

You said some things I would agree with, some. I do agree that I value our marriage, as a sacrament. If I didn’t I would have left already. I remember very well what I vowed in front of God. And that makes it a whole lot more difficult and I think he knows and he uses it to his advantage. I also know that in life, everyone has a cross to carry just like Jesus on his way to the Calvary. This is my cross and I know I’ll have to carry it forever either if I leave or not. He is my baby’s father and we’ll be forever bonded. So of course I first tried to fix it and the Catholic way. I do am a Catholic. My faith is actually stronger than ever. I talked to my Pastor and marriage counselors from our Parrish. The pastor knows his well. He used to teach RCIA! We met at church. But his faith has been weak and superficial lately. The past year was very eventful and not all with happy events. I know that this is not my fault. And I know what triggered my hudbands behaviour. I am getting better are understanding his triggers. Also you mentioned not give up on him, and to be a good an submitted wife like the scriptures say and he shall change his behaviour, inspired by my righteousness. Believe me I know those lines of the Scriptures, I read them all the time for support. I have not been a good submitted wife, I have also not been a fully good Catholic when I hated him. Yes hated him foe what he was doing to us. I am trying to let go, to forgive him. I think that in his own way he loves me, but that this is all he can. He felt neglected growing up and he needs to deal with the ghosts of his past. I cannot force him. I cannot make him do what he’s not ready to do. So what do you think I should do to inspire him to take care of himself and his issues? How can I inspire a change? Feeling impotent is what most hurts me because I don’t know to what degree he is aware of his disorder. Until he realizes it there’s no hope for change.

Is it true that you have never separated yet? I dont think your pastor and marriage counselors have done much for you. Why has there been no separation if your pastor knows every thing?

 

[rcwitness]

A pastoral supported separation should have already occurred, with terms everyone could agree on. The OP has related that her pastor is well informed of the situation.

Apparently that didn’t happen, and is not being addressed by anyone.