My priest avoids eye contact with me

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Serap

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This is a bit strange.

My baby and I come to church every Sunday and the pastor has always been very friendly to me and to my baby. She was baptized 6 months ago and he has been very warm and inviting to me and my baby always.

I went to him a month ago because I had a lot of questions…one of which was related to my family whom I am not close due to a lot of abuse as a child. He clarified some things for me. He told me that I am a good mother…etc…I also did a mini confession to which he gave me absolution.

When I walked away, I felt very happy and closer to God. I also developed a deep routed respect for him because of his true committment to God and the church.

He came to my house to give my mother-in-law communion about 2 weeks later when I answered the door, he seemed a little nervous around me. I told him that my MIL wasn’t home and invited him in for a quick visit. He then got REALLY nervous. I assured him that my husband was home and he came in to see the baby and chatted with my husband.

Last week at church, he only addressed my baby and my husband and avoided eye contact with me. Today at mass, he completely avoided eye contact with me when I attempted to say hello.

I am totally confused!!! What have I done wrong? Have I done something inappropriate? I didn’t discuss my marriage to him; in fact I told him I am happily married and love being a mother. So why is he now avoiding me? How should I handle it?

I feel funny now going to churh. I almost don’t want to go, but I know that I will continue to go to because of my faith.

I am just confused is all because I always thought of my pastor as a friend and a loving man.
 
**Wow, I can understand your confusion! What a strange situation:confused:. I guess all I can think of is you asking him what’s wrong, if you’ve done something inappropriate etc…

the only other thing that is just a random thought is what if he had lustful feelings towards you and is now ashamed? 🤷**
 
the only other thing that is just a random thought is what if he had lustful feelings towards you and is now ashamed?
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This could be the reason for his change in attitude. I wouldn’t be suprised if your priest is struggling with some feelings he has towards you. Afterall, he is a man at the end of the day. It would be only natural for him to have these feelings. As well as this being a possible physical attraction, it could also be an emotional attraction. Priest’s don’t often get the chance to speak intimately with women, and your conversation with him could have caused some feelings, or longings to surface.

A priest makes many sacrifices in order to fulfill his vocation. Everybody longs for companionship and a loving relationship with the opposite sex, including priests.

Don’t feel awkward if this is the case. You have done nothing wrong, and neither has the priest. He may be experiencing a mini-crisis at the moment due to the fact that he is bound to a life of celebacy and singlehood. I am sure that he will eventually get over this period and return to his normal self.

Obviously, this is pure speculation but it is just something to consider. I could very well be wrong, but this could be the reason for this behaviour.

Pray for your priest, and ask the Lord to help him overcome whatever it is that is bothering him.
 
You wrote this on another thread:
I am in great awe that priests make a vow of celibacy and am wondering…how do they do it? Do they keep their vows?
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I have so much respect for their marriage to the church and have a great love for priests…but I always wonder…how do they do it and are they successful???
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Well…it’s possible that the priest has discovered that he’s attracted to you, and he’s now trying to avoid contact with you until the attraction fades. Maybe this isn’t what’s happening, but it’s one possibility.

I think it’s interesting that you were wondering how priests stay celibate in the other thread, and now you might be seeing an example of something that priests need to do to stay pure. Surely it’s a very uncomfortable situation, but it’s one of those things that just can’t be avoided.
 
Forgive me in advance, I tend to type out my thoughts and when I re-read them unfortunately they sound rather “preachy”…I am trying to figure out how to come across better on my posts but in the meantime I hope you can understand what I’m trying to say here:

It’s possible there is some attachment there as the other posters offered, sure, but the other side of the coin: maybe he is concerned you might have an attachment to him? Or admire him too much? A good and holy priest is a good and holy man…and authentic God-given masculinity and practiced virtue is attractive (I’m speaking in a completely wholesome sense here!), be it in a priest, a non-catholic minister, the neighborhood mailman, a brother-in-law, whomever. A priest who reflects Christ is beautiful because Christ is beautiful and magnetic to a disposed soul.
Maybe he had an experience in his past as a priest that started out like this and the other woman became attached to him and he is guarding against it ever happening again? Maybe this is just a string of circumstances and you are attaching meaning to it when there is none?
Who knows. There are lots of possibilities. Personally, I would recommend not dwelling on it nor approaching him about it, nor speaking to others (hubby and anonymous internet posters excepted ;)) much about this—wouldn’t want to start anything uncomfortable. Pray for him, continue to monitor your own feelings and be honest with yourself about them and keep a wholesome detachment about him.

Congrats on your baby’s baptism, by the way! 🙂 🙂
 
I second the “it’s possible he’s struggling with attraction” hypothesis. It may not even be you particularly, but women in general (i.e. he may just generally be struggling with his vows of celibacy).
 
Priests, while they’re supposed to forget what they hear in Confession, are human beings. One priest I went to Confession to seemed to have a hard time forgetting … I actually ended up feeling bad for him the couple of times I noticed he seemed uncomfortable around me … Which occurred when a topic would arise in public that he thought might give me trouble or offend me (It’s likely that I came across to him as a really scrupulous or sensitive soul.) Eventually things returned to normal with the passage of a little time.

Priests need our prayers, for strength. They bear their own burdens, and sometimes they bear ours.

~~ the phoenix
 
Thanks everyone for your such quick responses!!!

My gut is telling me that most of you are right in thinking he had some kind of an emotional connection to me. Perhaps lustful thoughts…I feel really embarrassed if that’s the case 🙂

I’m married and I occassionally have lustful thoughts or emotional attractions…WE’RE HUMAN!!! It’s not something to be ashamed of…we as Catholics put the thoughts out of our mind (the best we can) and remain true to the will of God.

I know that my priest has a lot of respect for me and thinks I am a very scrupulous woman. I don’t believe that he thinks that I would ever do anything to break my marriage vows.

I’m not going to approach him because if previous posters are correct, my approaching him would only make him feel worse. I feel really bad!!!

I have so much empathy, respect, admiration, and love for these men who live the life of Christ. It’s such a HUGE committment and I honestly can feel their occassional loneliness and regret that they must feel for not getting married and having a family.

I will pray for him!!!
 
Don’t y’all think this is a stretch??? I’m thinkin he’s just shy. But priest have come under so much scruitiny nowdays, he might just be cautious.

Men now live in a world, all it takes is an accusation, and now he has to prove he *didn’t *do it, instead of the other way around.
 
Serap said:
This is a bit strange.

My baby and I come to church every Sunday and the pastor has always been very friendly to me and to my baby. She was baptized 6 months ago and he has been very warm and inviting to me and my baby always.

I went to him a month ago because I had a lot of questions…one of which was related to my family whom I am not close due to a lot of abuse as a child. He clarified some things for me. He told me that I am a good mother…etc…I also did a mini confession to which he gave me absolution.

When I walked away, I felt very happy and closer to God. I also developed a deep routed respect for him because of his true committment to God and the church.

He came to my house to give my mother-in-law communion about 2 weeks later when I answered the door, he seemed a little nervous around me. I told him that my MIL wasn’t home and invited him in for a quick visit. He then got REALLY nervous. I assured him that my husband was home and he came in to see the baby and chatted with my husband.

Last week at church, he only addressed my baby and my husband and avoided eye contact with me. Today at mass, he completely avoided eye contact with me when I attempted to say hello.

I am totally confused!!! What have I done wrong? Have I done something inappropriate? I didn’t discuss my marriage to him; in fact I told him I am happily married and love being a mother. So why is he now avoiding me? How should I handle it?

I feel funny now going to churh. I almost don’t want to go, but I know that I will continue to go to because of my faith.

I am just confused is all because I always thought of my pastor as a friend and a loving man.
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WHOA! Please! This priest came to your home carrying the Holy Eucharist and you invited him in for a visit? Whoa again! What’s wrong with this picture? I’m sure Father wishes the very best for you and your family but priests who are carrying the Holy Eucaharist are NOT going to stop in and visit. He probably felt that he could not tell you this - since in therory, all of us already know it. So now? He feels uncomfortable. If you have the quick minute to offer your apology then do it. As in —Father, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, asking you to visit while you carried Our Lord. Please forgive my rudeness.—
 
catharina said:
WHOA! Please! This priest came to your home carrying the Holy Eucharist and you invited him in for a visit? Whoa again! What’s wrong with this picture? I’m sure Father wishes the very best for you and your family but priests who are carrying the Holy Eucaharist are NOT going to stop in and visit. He probably felt that he could not tell you this - since in therory, all of us already know it. So now? He feels uncomfortable. If you have the quick minute to offer your apology then do it. As in —Father, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, asking you to visit while you carried Our Lord. Please forgive my rudeness.—
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I invited him in because I felt bad for him coming to my house and my MIL being away. I invited him in to quickly say hi to my husband and see the baby. I really didn’t think I was doing anything wrong by that. In fact, my husband was glad I invited him in and we both apologized to him that my MIL wasn’t home.

I don’t think that this is the reason (I could be wrong), but thank you for your insight.

In hindsight, I should not have invited him in to say hi, given he was carrying the Eucharist. I didn’t think of that. I was thinking more about feeling bad that he came and my MIL wasn’t there.
 
Serap said:
I invited him in because I felt bad for him coming to my house and my MIL being away. I invited him in to quickly say hi to my husband and see the baby. I really didn’t think I was doing anything wrong by that. In fact, my husband was glad I invited him in and we both apologized to him that my MIL wasn’t home.

I don’t think that this is the reason (I could be wrong), but thank you for your insight.

In hindsight, I should not have invited him in to say hi, given he was carrying the Eucharist. I didn’t think of that. I was thinking more about feeling bad that he came and my MIL wasn’t there.
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Maybe it will help convince you to remember this. Usually a priest or EM carries the Eucharist to many parishoners, to many homes, not simply to one. The priest is in a spiritual and meditative state; reverence rules. Our job is to be aware of that. It might be easier for me than for you since I’m in my 60s and in my childhood, a vested priest accompanied by a bell-ringing altar boy were actaully walking through neighborhoods bring the Holy Eucharist to shut-ins. Any Catholics, out and about, stopped and knelt on the sidewalk until the priest had passed by.
 
BamaRider said:
Don’t y’all think this is a stretch??? I’m thinkin he’s just shy.
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**
He suddenly just became shy? That doesn’t make any sense. If his behavior changed (which she says it has) then something is behind it. It could be ANYTHING, but we have given our thoughts:shrug:**

To lighten the mood, what if he passed gas in the OPs presence and thinks she knows and is now embarrassed? Like I said, it could be anything…
 
He suddenly just became shy?
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Well no, but maybe he’s been shy for a long time?

I didn’t think about him carrying the Euchraist, so that is probably why he was a little aloof.
 
Serap said:
My baby and I come to church every Sunday and the pastor has always been very friendly to me and to my baby. She was baptized 6 months ago and he has been very warm and inviting to me and my baby always.
**
Not shy.**

Last week at church, he only addressed my baby and my husband and avoided eye contact with me. Today at mass, he completely avoided eye contact with me when I attempted to say hello.
**
Definitely different.**
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BamaRider said:
Well no, but maybe he’s been shy for a long time?
**
Not according to her original post above.**

I didn’t think about him carrying the Eucharist, so that is probably why he was a little aloof.**

Could explain why he was “aloof” at the house but ever since then? **
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BamaRider said:
Well no, but maybe he’s been shy for a long time?

I didn’t think about him carrying the Euchraist, so that is probably why he was a little aloof.
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THANK YOU. I knew all of that gray hair stood for some wisdom. It’s really difficult for a priest to pass along the word that parishoners should not socially approach him when he’s carrying the Eucharist. Really, my guess is that priests believe we -all of us- know this. Saying so would or might make him feel holier-than-thou. Custody of the eyes is something all together different. It simply means that one is not given to indulging in visual curiousity to better protect one’s interior life. In no way should the practice of custody of the eyes be especially noticeable to one’s male or female parishoners. Since Father’s face-to-face behavior changed after the encounter when he was carrying the Eucharist, his intent seems completely obvious to me. He might be embarassed by your naivete or ignorance or by his own failure to make it clear that he was about his Father’s business. For heaven’s sake, please! Offer benefit of the doubt!
 
REPEATING - Since Father’s face-to-face behavior changed after the encounter when he was carrying the Eucharist, his intent seems completely obvious to me. He might be embarassed by your naivete or ignorance or by his own failure to make it clear that he was about his Father’s business. For heaven’s sake, please! Offer benefit of the doubt! —Also, it wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge your lack of awareness and proper form during his Sacramental visit at your home.
 
catharina said:
REPEATING - Since Father’s face-to-face behavior changed after the encounter when he was carrying the Eucharist, his intent seems completely obvious to me. He might be embarassed by your naivete or ignorance or by his own failure to make it clear that he was about his Father’s business. For heaven’s sake, please! Offer benefit of the doubt! —Also, it wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge your lack of awareness and proper form during his Sacramental visit at your home.
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Catharina,

Why would that cause him to avoid me all together? He’s not that kind of person. He is very outgoing, friendly and kind to everyone and anyone. He is also not judgemental and wouldn’t hold ignorance against me.
 
catharina said:
REPEATING - Since Father’s face-to-face behavior changed after the encounter when he was carrying the Eucharist, his intent seems completely obvious to me. He might be embarassed by your naivete or ignorance or by his own failure to make it clear that he was about his Father’s business. For heaven’s sake, please! Offer benefit of the doubt! —Also, it wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge your lack of awareness and proper form during his Sacramental visit at your home.
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**Well, as a convert I thank you for this. The thought never even occurred to me that his duty of bring over the Holy Eucharist could be at the root of this. And obviously it never occurred to the OP either.

But she is the parishoner and he is the leader. If he has a problem with her behavior he should be able to approach her. Seems kind of immature/childish to ignore her instead. But I do agree that, now that she knows this could be the cause, an apology is in order.**
 
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