My priest avoids eye contact with me

[catharina]

Catharina,

Why would that cause him to avoid me all together? He’s not that kind of person. He is very outgoing, friendly and kind to everyone and anyone. He is also not judgemental and wouldn’t hold ignorance against me.

Exactly and his friendly, outgoing and kind nature and habits might make it extremely difficult for him to offer any correction to you. Yet he might regret his inability to do so. He knows your history, he knows your personal burdens. He’s very senstive to your own peculiar sistuation. Does he want to single you out for correction? I doubt it. I feel perfectly terrible for him and I certainly doubt that he is avoiding you or ignoring you altogether. If he’s in a personal bind about his Eucharistic visit to your home, then the easiest solution is in your hands. Really, aren’t you kind of amazed by your own casualness when he stopped at your door with the Eucharist for your MIL?

 

[catharina]

Well, as a convert I thank you for this. The thought never even occurred to me that his duty of bring over the Holy Eucharist could be at the root of this. And obviously it never occurred to the OP either.

** But she is the parishoner and he is the leader. If he has a problem with her behavior he should be able to approach her. Seems kind of immature/childish to ignore her instead. But I do agree that, now that she knows this could be the cause, an apology is in order.**

Thanks for your kind words and you’re most welcome. I didn’t realize that you’re a convert - but I do know that many of my own generation see certain things as obvious and younger folks might not think things through in the same way - usually because they haven’t been taught about it. Even today, the practice that I described above -priest, carrying Holy Eucharist and altar boy with bells ringing- can be seen processing to patients in Catholic hospitals.

 

[Serap]

Exactly and his friendly, outgoing and kind nature and habits might make it extremely difficult for him to offer any correction to you. Yet he might regret his inability to do so. He knows your history, he knows your personal burdens. He’s very senstive to your own peculiar sistuation. Does he want to single you out for correction? I doubt it. I feel perfectly terrible for him and I certainly doubt that he is avoiding you or ignoring you altogether. If he’s in a personal bind about his Eucharistic visit to your home, then the easiest solution is in your hands. Really, aren’t you kind of amazed by your own casualness when he stopped at your door with the Eucharist for your MIL?

No, I am not because I am a kind natured person. I felt bad for him that he came and my MIL had gone away.

Hindsight is always 20/20. I really was just trying to be kind. My ignorance is not something I’m going to be ashamed of…it’s something to learn from.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

cmri.org/08-sick_call.shtml

The above link is a good reminder for Catholics to check when having a priest or EM come for distribution of Communion or extreme unction.

Sometimes we aren’t told these things ahead of time.

 

[CHRIS_DICKSON]

Once St. Francis was giving a mother and her daughter the comfort of the word of God. All the while he spoke, he never looked at them, and so when they left, his companion said to him, “Father, that holy woman and her virgin daughter came to you with such devotion; why didn’t you look at them?” But the holy father answered, “Who would not be afraid to look upon the bride of Christ? A whole sermon was preached with my eyes and face when then looked at me, but not I at them.”

Celano, Second Life - 114

 

[catharina]

No, I am not because I am a kind natured person. I felt bad for him that he came and my MIL had gone away.

Hindsight is always 20/20. I really was just trying to be kind. My ignorance is not something I’m going to be ashamed of…it’s something to learn from.

Ignorance is ignorance. It’s not sinful or a matter for shame. Having raised your awareness of Father’s needs and duties, you can even correct this in the future without any apology, simply by being reverent if and when Father or a EM arrives carrying Holy Communion. That can be as simple as allowing him or her to enter and exit with the simplest of greetings and farewells.

 

[Serap]

Ignorance is ignorance. It’s not sinful or a matter for shame. Having raised your awareness of Father’s needs and duties, you can even correct this in the future without any apology, simply by being reverent if and when Father or a EM arrives carrying Holy Communion. That can be as simple as allowing him or her to enter and exit with the simplest of greetings and farewells.

So please explain to me again why my priest avoiding eye contact and pleasantries with me today. I’m young and trying to understanding fully. I really admire him and would like his approval because I do see him to be like Jesus.

I won’t see him again when he comes carrying the Eucharist to my home, so I won’t be able to correct it then.

Do you think my pastor will return to previous behaviour if I let some time pass (without saying anything to him)? I am planning on becoming involved in the Children’s Liturgy. Perhaps my dedication to coming to church and helping the children will make up for my ignorance?

 

[catharina]

So please explain to me again why my priest avoiding eye contact and pleasantries with me today. I’m young and trying to understanding fully. I really admire him and would like his approval because I do see him to be like Jesus.

I won’t see him again when he comes carrying the Eucharist to my home, so I won’t be able to correct it then.

Do you think my pastor will return to previous behaviour if I let some time pass (without saying anything to him)? I am planning on becoming involved in the Children’s Liturgy. Perhaps my dedication to coming to church and helping the children will make up for my ignorance?

Truly, my reflection tells me that it’s likely that issue of discomfort was that home visit with the Eucahrist. If you don’t mention it, then he might continue to feel uncomfortable until or unless he mentions it. Since he’s already seen you for some individual counseling and KNOWS of your special burdens, he’s probably very reluctant to issue any sort of caution to you. Whereas YOU could take the intiative easily, simply saying —Father, I’m so sorry that I reacted so casually when you brought Holy Communion to our home for my MIL. I simply wasn’t thinking clearly and I do apologize. I hope you’ll forgive my actions and my ignorance.— If you can’t handle saying that, then maybe you can write a VERY brief note saying so - and mail it.

 

[Serap]

Truly, my reflection tells me that it’s likely that issue of discomfort was that home visit with the Eucahrist. If you don’t mention it, then he might continue to feel uncomfortable until or unless he mentions it. Since he’s already seen you for some individual counseling and KNOWS of your special burdens, he’s probably very reluctant to issue any sort of caution to you. Whereas YOU could take the intiative easily, simply saying —Father, I’m so sorry that I reacted so casually when you brought Holy Communion to our home for my MIL. I simply wasn’t thinking clearly and I do apologize. I hope you’ll forgive my actions and my ignorance.— If you can’t handle saying that, then maybe you can write a VERY brief note saying so - and mail it.

I’ll try it as I really have nothing to lose in doing so. I do want his approval. I admire him very much. I’ll have to wait until mass this Sunday or do I go on Saturday during confession and see if I can find him?

 

[catharina]

My goodness, serap, I checked your profile and realize that you’re a convert. So PLEASE, YES, add this info about a home-visitor carrying the Holy Eucharist to your list ----Something New I Learned Today. Also, WELCOME TO THE CHURCH!

 

[catharina]

I’ll try it as I really have nothing to lose in doing so. I do want his approval. I admire him very much. I’ll have to wait until mass this Sunday or do I go on Saturday during confession and see if I can find him?

You can easily say it to him after Mass on Sunday and with your husband present too.

 

[Serap]

You can easily say it to him after Mass on Sunday and with your husband present too.

My husband doesn’t usually come to mass with me as he’s usually working on Sundays. I mostly go alone. It makes me more nervous to go up to him, but I’ll wait in line until everyone has had their pleasantries and then I’ll talk to him when no one is around as I feel embarrassed.

How did you know I was a convert. How do you check a profile?

Thanks for your welcome. I joined 12 years ago, fell away for a while and came back 2 years ago. My love of God has given me the gift of a wonderful marriage and a beautiful daughter.

 

[catharina]

My husband doesn’t usually come to mass with me as he’s usually working on Sundays. I mostly go alone. It makes me more nervous to go up to him, but I’ll wait in line until everyone has had their pleasantries and then I’ll talk to him when no one is around as I feel embarrassed.

How did you know I was a convert. How do you check a profile?

Thanks for your welcome. I joined 12 years ago, fell away for a while and came back 2 years ago. My love of God has given me the gift of a wonderful marriage and a beautiful daughter.

Feel free to talk to him in the regular line - you don’t have to hang back and wait. Really. You want to keep it short and sweet! God’s love for us and His gifts to us are endless! To check a profile, simply click on the user name at the top of any post and voila! there you are.

 

[Serap]

Feel free to talk to him in the regular line - you don’t have to hang back and wait. Really. You want to keep it short and sweet! God’s love for us and His gifts to us are endless! To check a profile, simply click on the user name at the top of any post and voila! there you are.

It’s just so awkward! You know how much courage this will take me? I already feel very shy and withdrawn from him after today.

How are you involved in the Catholic church?

 

[SarahR]

catharina—
Thank you for pointing out how we should act when a priest or an authorized EMHC is carrying the Blessed Sacrament. This probably isn’t reflected upon too much these days.
Ya learn something every day!

 

[catharina]

It’s just so awkward! You know how much courage this will take me? I already feel very shy and withdrawn from him after today.

How are you involved in the Catholic church?

Say a quick prayer for the grace you need and then do it. It will be over before you know it! Imagine your relief once it’s done. It’s a win-win, IMO. My Church status is simply a lifelong Catholic. However, in the past, I’ve been a Eucharistic Minister. Still, what I’m telling you is from my childhood education!

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

I don’t think it’s a matter of her asking the priest in on his visit. Of couse, nobody really knows, but

1. She said he was acting strangly before she invited him in.
2. I don’t think that the whole thing about not asking him in is very much common knowledge. Not that I’m an expert, but I’ve never heard of that. I can’t imagine he’d be so freaked out by an innocent act of kindness and doubt it’s the first time.

Anyway, OP, if you choose to confront him, good luck I would personally just keep distance for a bit, but if you chat w/ him, I admire your bravery. I’m sure it’s awkward.

 

[catharina]

catharina—
Thank you for pointing out how we should act when a priest or an authorized EMHC is carrying the Blessed Sacrament. This probably isn’t reflected upon too much these days.
Ya learn something every day!

Sarah R, bless your heart. My pleasure, my privilege, my duty.

 

[catharina]

I don’t think it’s a matter of her asking the priest in on his visit. Of couse, nobody really knows, but

1. She said he was acting strangly before she invited him in.
2. I don’t think that the whole thing about not asking him in is very much common knowledge. Not that I’m an expert, but I’ve never heard of that. I can’t imagine he’d be so freaked out by an innocent act of kindness and doubt it’s the first time.

Anyway, OP, if you choose to confront him, good luck I would personally just keep distance for a bit, but if you chat w/ him, I admire your bravery. I’m sure it’s awkward.

Then a lot of history has been lost, huh? This is absolutely common knowledge for at least two generations - maybe not for the youngest generation of adults. Yet common sense can teach us that reverence for the Eucharist applies everywhere. I think, I hope that the OP knows she is NOT going into a confrontaion. Acting starngely, that is acting DIFFERENTLY is perfectly normal behaviour for anyone who is carrying the Holy Eucharist. No, rah, rah, hi, how ya’ doing’? Think about it.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

Then a lot of history has been lost, huh? This is absolutely common knowledge for at least two generations - maybe not for the youngest generation of adults. Yet common sense can teach us that reverence for the Eucharist applies everywhere. I think, I hope that the OP knows she is NOT going into a confrontaion. Acting starngely, that is acting DIFFERENTLY is perfectly normal behaviour for anyone who is carrying the Holy Eucharist. No, rah, rah, hi, how ya’ doing’? Think about it.

I think he was acting strangely before - so I was pointing that out. I guess, unfortunately, I and probably others didn’t know that her inviting him in was wrong and that it would be translated as disrepsect or a lack of respect for the Eucharist.

I was in the hospital after a serious accident. I was in no mood to chat… on drugs with 1/2 my ribs broken, etc… and someone from the parish (I didn’t know the person as I was from a different parish) brought Communion to me and started a chat… “oh… so you know so-and-so? We go here on the weekends, blah blah blah.” It was pleasant, but certainly didn’t seem as though it fits this common knowledge about not sharing pleasantries. Wouldn’t this person, according to these rules, need to not chat it up casually?