My responsibility to tell another Catholic he should not receive Communion?

[maryjk]

These answers seriously baffle me.

If I have a friend that I know has fallen away and has probably not gone to confession - especially if I am aware of some of the things he or she is involved in, I should not say anything?

I’m sorry, but if this is my friend, then I will say something at least once.

I would say, “You know you have to go to confession before receiving if you’ve committed any grave sins right?”

Would you like to go to confession together before mass?

Or something like that.

If the friend says, “No, I’m cool”, then that’s up to him or her.

I would be doing my friend a grave disservice especially if he wasn’t even aware that he shouldn’t receive. Some people figure they can just ask for forgiveness in the pews.

If someone said that to me, I would get a bit ticked off.

The end of the conversation would go something like this.

So, do you know of something I have done since my last confession? Do you even know when I went to confession last? Should I start mentioning your sins to you? Or should I just let you know that you need to go to confession when I think you have done something sinful?

 

[sw85]

Maybe it is my formerly Protestant tendencies coming out but I am horrified by the “ignore it” answer. One thing my RCIA class has taught me is that many people are hideously badly catechised. If no-one is prepared to ask the questions that no-one knows to ask then it is no wonder that we are stuffed. I may not be responsible for my neighbours responses to the questions asked, BUT if the questions aren’t asked then we partake in their moral culpability. If, on the other hand, our sensitive asking leads to repentance and faith then the whole of heaven will rejoice at a sinner saved.

By contrast, I think it is Protestant tendencies that are driving people to take umbrage at the idea of a man looking after his neighbor. I too am horrified at this kind of rank individualism, and I haven’t got a drop of Protestant in my veins.

Folks, communion is emphatically not about you. It’s certainly not about your feelings.

It’s about Christ – about His real presence in the bread and wine, His grace, His saving sacrifice.

What would drive a person to be so unconcerned about the state of his neighbors, such that even politely introducing the topic sideways in conversation (“do you want to go to confession before mass?”) would provoke such extremes of rage?

This is the body and blood of your Lord, for Heaven’s sake! You’re allowed to be concerned about its disposition, and concerned about the state of the souls of your neighbors who are receiving it, especially when they are attending mass at your invitation. You are, in a real sense, responsible for them. Surely something simple like what I suggested above (“do you want to go to confession before mass?”) isn’t presumptuous.

 

[maryjk]

What would drive a person to be so unconcerned about the state of his neighbors, such that even politely introducing the topic sideways in conversation (“do you want to go to confession before mass?”) would provoke such extremes of rage?

“Do you want to go to Confession before Mass” isn’t what was stated.

“You know you have to go to confession before receiving if you’ve committed any grave sins right?”

“Instruct the ignorant, and
Admonish the sinner.”

“just a reminder, to receive communion as a catholic you need to be free of mortal sin”

The intention in all of these statements is that the speaker KNOWS that the other person has committed a mortal sin and also KNOWS that the person has not gone to Confession.

I don’t tell everyone when I go to Confession, do you? Do all of your friends know the last time you went? Do you tell them what you confessed?

How would all of you feel if someone walked up to you and told you that they thought you needed to go to Confession?

 

[sw85]

Those are conditional statements. IF you’ve committed mortal sin, THEN you need to go to confession, IF you intend to receive communion.

There is no presumption there.

 

[maryjk]

There is no presumption there.

I doubt he has been to confession.

especially if I am aware of some of the things he or she is involved in, I should not say anything?

I am 99% sure he hasn’t been to confession,

I also don’t want to passively participate in any offense against Our Lord or a friend or acquaintance committing a (serious) sin.

Maybe we are reading different threads. But I see lots of presumption here.

 

[Lutgardis]

We are our brothers keeper. If my friend were bragging about scandalous details of his trip to Vegas I would not feel shy about informing him those actions were wrong, and if he went to church with me I would certainly remind him that those in sin should not receive. That is not judging him; that is informing him. It is a work of mercy to prevent the possibility that he should commit a sacrilege out of ignorance.

That is clearly not the situation here. We are talking about someone prying into details precisely because he/she doesn’t know what the circumstances are. There is nothing to correct that is notable; it is a matter of someone suspecting something about someone else. I sure wouldn’t want to see anyone taking out notepads because he/she “suspects” someone has not abided by Catholic teaching. This is meddling.

 

[ksrmarsh1]

Four months ago I got into an argument with my father. And somewhere along the line I told him that he had desecrated the Eucharist. I told him he couldn’t receive if he was in a state of mortal sin. And he asked me how I knew he had sinned (and I think he thought I was going to say bc of his divorces or something… it was that heated). But, I knew because he didn’t go to Church on several Sundays when I was home. And, I knew he didn’t confess because he’s leaving the Church to become a Methodist.

Anyways, I’m really sorry all of that happened. It never came up again. So I haven’t apologized to him for it. It wasn’t like I was waiting to throw that at him. It just came up… he started basically bragging about that he was a lot better Christian than most people that went to Church. And I got so angry that this came out.

I’m pretty sure the Sunday before this happened was the last time he went to a Catholic Mass. But, he was becoming Methodist anyways.

Is there anything I should do about this? I feel like my relationship with my dad has gotten a lot better since then. It’s actually very good atm. And, I’ve long since confessed all these sins. But I don’t know if I did the right thing. I certainly gave him full knowledge of at least invalidly receiving the Eucharist, even though I did so completely uncharitably.

Do you think I’m obligated to apologize to him even though it’s now proverbial water in the bridge?

I’m dealing with the same sort of issue. My brother who was raised Catholic has decided to start worshipping at the Methodist church. He still receives the eucharist at the Catholic church when he attends because he feels like the churches are very close in theology. However, having been raised Catholic, he knows the church’s teaching in this matter, however, he has chosen to reject it. He hasn’t asked for my (name removed by moderator)ut, so I just continue to pray that he finds his way home. I’m not going to try to judge his soul or his heart, that is between he and God. I know this wasn’t your original question but I felt like it might help to provide some insight.

As far as apologizing, you can seldom go wrong. There is a something therapeutic that happens to the soul and in a realtionship when one person charitably and humbly apologizes to the other. Good Luck

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

We are our brothers keeper. You ask what gives us the right to pass judgement; I answer that you are either setting up a straw man or you simply don’t understand what we are saying. I cannot judge even myself as St.Paul says, but I can judge actions. If my friend were bragging about scandalous details of his trip to Vegas I would not feel shy about informing him those actions were wrong, and if he went to church with me I would certainly remind him that those in sin should not receive. That is not judging him; that is informing him. It is a work of mercy to prevent the possibility that he should commit a sacrilege out of ignorance.

This is a different case. If someone comes right out and “confesses” something like this to you and you are at Mass or going to Mass together or you know that they will be going to Mass and know that they will receive communion with out going to confession first then yes I can see saying something about needing to go to confession before reception of communion if a mortal sin could possibly have been committed.

Just thinking that maybe this is the case then no, that is not fraternal correction, that is (as was said just a couple of posts ago) meddling.

 

[Kevin812]

Can you show us where the Church grants the authority to individual lay people to pass judgment upon others regarding their fitness for the reception of the Eucharist?

I’m waiting to see the evidence on this one myself.

Listen to the good Brother!!! He is correct. Mind your own business.

 

[TrueLight]

If someone said that to me, I would get a bit ticked off.

The end of the conversation would go something like this.

So, do you know of something I have done since my last confession? Do you even know when I went to confession last? Should I start mentioning your sins to you? Or should I just let you know that you need to go to confession when I think you have done something sinful?

Sometimes, one has to get ticked off. If that person is truly a friend, they will know that I mean them only the best. They can get mad, but they will think about it.

I would hope that I am already being an example, by mentioning to them when I do need to go to confession.

 

[MissRose73]

As I was taught as a little boy about 70 years ago: the eleventh commandment is: Thou shalt mind thy own business.

I like that one

I’ve never said anything to people like my father and sister who seldom go to Mass about not receiving Communion. It would be rude and also its up to them to know if they should go or not. Also, its not my concern if they go up if they have gone to Confession first, etc.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Sometimes, one has to get ticked off. If that person is truly a friend, they will know that I mean them only the best. They can get mad, but they will think about it.

I would hope that I am already being an example, by mentioning to them when I do need to go to confession.

So you will make assumptions of when and how often your “friend” goes to confession?

I ask because I can not see how any such discussion could occur with out you knowing your “friend” is engaged in sinful activity that is potentially mortal and you know how often they frequent the Sacrament of Penance.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It turns out he cancelled on me last minute anyways. I wasn’t going to say anything unless I was sure I needed to, and that’s why I asked y’all, I wasn’t sure. (and I should have been more clear, I am 99% sure he hasn’t been to confession**, as right before I invited him he was telling me about his trip to Vegas earlier in the week.**)

I am still curious though as hopefully he will come next week…

I think most of y’all missed this post. I wasn’t speaking of an arbitrary hypothetical in my post.

 

[TrueLight]

So you will make assumptions of when and how often your “friend” goes to confession?

I ask because I can not see how any such discussion could occur with out you knowing your “friend” is engaged in sinful activity that is potentially mortal and you know how often they frequent the Sacrament of Penance.

I’m speaking about if I know. I wouldn’t guess.

If I know my friend is not a practicing Catholic but decides one day to come to mass with me…

And I also know that she is on birth control, sleeps with her man whenever because she confides in me about her problems, I will let her know that she needs to go to confession or not receive at all.

What she does with that is up to her, but I’m going to do my part as someone who loves her and doesn’t want to see her add sacrilege to her list of sins.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Is it my responsibility to tell him not to receive the Eucharist…

As a lay person you have no right to tell anyone they can or cannot receive the Eucharist. That’s way above your pay grade so to speak. That responsibility rests on the shoulders of the good and holy priests. Your only responsibility is to educate, gently, as in “If you were too busy in Vegas to make it to Mass and you want to take Communion today, we should get to Church early so we can go to Confession, Okay?”

Luna

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

I’m speaking about if I know. I wouldn’t guess.

If I know my friend is not a practicing Catholic but decides one day to come to mass with me…

And I also know that she is on birth control, sleeps with her man whenever because she confides in me about her problems, I will let her know that she needs to go to confession or not receive at all.

What she does with that is up to her, but I’m going to do my part as someone who loves her and doesn’t want to see her add sacrilege to her list of sins.

Well now, this is a totally different case.

The thread title is about telling another Catholic. For me that does not include a non-practicing “Catholic”.

But even in that case, you bare no “responsibility” to inform them of this. If you did have such a responsibility then you would be guilty of sin if you did not perform it.

 

[ProVobis]

I think if there were a chance of scandal, for example, receiving while cohabitating, then I would mention something. I’d be guilty by association if I didn’t.

BTW, when bishops prohibit certain individuals for walking up to receive, they generally don’t mention confession or mortal sin.

 

[OraLabora]

Pope Benedict XVI is reminding us this Lent of the importance of Fraternal Correction

It’s one thing to tell a friend not to steal that last donut without asking others first, or admoshing someone not to speed or gossip about a co-worker, and determining another’s state of mortal sin and thus suitability to receive.

Priests are the ones properly disposed to do that (in the privacy of the confessional) and not the laity.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

It’s one thing to tell a friend not to steal that last donut without asking others first, or admoshing someone not to speed or gossip about a co-worker, and determining another’s state of mortal sin and thus suitability to receive.

Priests are the ones properly disposed to do that (in the privacy of the confessional) and not the laity.

Quite right, it’s not ones place to judge, but counsel is another matter. Don’t tell him not to receive but under certain circumstances it might be appropriate to remind him of the necessity to be in a state of grace. Leave it between them and God whether they are in a state of grace, but if you have probable cause* to believe they aren’t then that charitable reminder can’t hurt.

*Such as his description of his Vegas trip, or cohabiting with a girlfriend or what else have you.

 

[Rina_Badal]

Quite right, it’s not ones place to judge, but counsel is another matter. Don’t tell him not to receive but under certain circumstances it might be appropriate to remind him of the necessity to be in a state of grace. Leave it between them and God whether they are in a state of grace, but if you have probable cause* to believe they aren’t then that charitable reminder can’t hurt.

*Such as his description of his Vegas trip, or cohabiting with a girlfriend or what else have you.

Well said!
Although referred to earlier, allow me friends to post extracts of His Holiness message here.
“Being concerned for each other” also entails being concerned for their spiritual well-being. Here I would like to mention an aspect of the Christian life, which I believe has been quite forgotten: fraternal correction in view of eternal salvation. Today, in general, we are very sensitive to the idea of charity and caring about the physical and material well-being of others, but almost completely silent about our spiritual responsibility towards our brothers and sisters. This was not the case in the early Church or in those communities that are truly mature in faith, those which are concerned not only for the physical health of their brothers and sisters, but also for their spiritual health and ultimate destiny. The Scriptures tell us: “Rebuke the wise and he will love you for it. Be open with the wise, he grows wiser still, teach the upright, he will gain yet more” (Prov 9:8ff). Christ himself commands us to admonish a brother who is committing a sin (cf. Mt 18:15). The verb used to express fraternal correction - elenchein – is the same used to indicate the prophetic mission of Christians to speak out against a generation indulging in evil (cf. Eph 5:11). The Church’s tradition has included “admonishing sinners” among the spiritual works of mercy. It is important to recover this dimension of Christian charity. We must not remain silent before evil. I am thinking of all those Christians who, **out of human regard or purely personal convenience, adapt to the prevailing mentality, rather than warning their brothers and sisters against ways of thinking and acting that are contrary to the truth and that do not follow the path of goodness. Christian admonishment, for its part, is never motivated by a spirit of accusation or recrimination. It is always moved by love and mercy, and springs from genuine concern for the good of the other. **As the Apostle Paul says: “If one of you is caught doing something wrong, those of you who are spiritual should set that person right in a spirit of gentleness; and watch yourselves that you are not put to the test in the same way” (Gal 6:1). In a world pervaded by individualism, it is essential to rediscover the importance of fraternal correction, so that together we may journey towards holiness. Scripture tells us that even “the upright falls seven times” (Prov 24:16); all of us are weak and imperfect (cf. 1 Jn 1:8). It is a great service, then, to help others and allow them to help us, so that we can be open to the whole truth about ourselves, improve our lives and walk more uprightly in the Lord’s ways. There will always be a need for a gaze which loves and admonishes, which knows and understands, which discerns and forgives (cf. Lk 22:61), as God has done and continues to do with each of us.
Viva il Papa!!
Peace,
Rina