My sister is dying

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My warmest condolence on the passing into eternal life of your beloved sister,may she rest in peace.May the Mother of Sorrows, keep you and your loved ones close to the Heart of Her Son,Jesus ,in your pain and sadness–yet with a great confidence and trust in the resurrection of her body on the last day.Amen.:hug1:
 
Dear Brother,
I know that the death of a family member is always a painful time but i believe she is now resting in peace. I will keep my prayers for her, for her family and for you, dear.
Sending you a warm hug and that you find peace knowing that your sister is finally resting in peace beyond this world full of worries and problems. Closer to God and her soul shining upon you and her beloved ones.
 
As someone who’s mother has incurable cancer, I find the “death with dignity” movement (ie. euthanasia to escape pain and avoid inconveniencing others) very disturbing. However, if you don’t have solid religious convictions, as neither I nor her do, death really could be something to fear.
 
Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let Your perpetual light shine upon her. May the soul of your faithful servant, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
 
As someone who’s mother has incurable cancer, I find the “death with dignity” movement (ie. euthanasia to escape pain and avoid inconveniencing others) very disturbing. However, if you don’t have solid religious convictions, as neither I nor her do, death really could be something to fear.
Although I am currently in remission, I am in the same boat as your mother, but I have no fear of death. It is a door to the beginning of eternity. Good that you are here, and interacting with those of faith.
 
I’ve found out a little late, but I’ve always prayed for her and for you Bro. JR since you started this thread.
 
Praying for you and for your sister’s peace.
May God bring you peace and consolation to your soul, dear Brother.
 
Eternal rest give unto her, Oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.

You, your sister and your family are in my prayers, Brother JR. Thank you for speaking out in favour of Life.
 
Eternal rest give unto her, Oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.

You, your sister and your family are in my prayers, Brother JR. Thank you for speaking out in favour of Life.
Amen

Your thread has called me to re-evaluate my living will. TY
 
My sister passed away at 1:45 pm today. She was peaceful and comfortable. She was 55 y/o. She leaves behind a husband, Joe and son Lee, and three brothers who loved her very much.

I know that she’s resting. Please pray for her and our family. The funeral will be on Monday in Tampa, FL, next to our parents. I’m hurting a great deal, because I’ll miss her. However, I’m thankful to St. Joseph to whom I prayed that she would have a happy and peaceful death. He has answered our prayer.

Thank you for your prayers
I’m sorry I missed this previously, I will pray for your sister and your whole family. Lord grant her rest.
 
On September 11, 2010, my sister died, because someone lied. She had been sick for a long time. However, every time that her family asked what was wrong with her, her husband’s answer was the same. “No one knows.” There is only one problem with that answer. When family members, many of who are medical professionals, asked to see medical records and to speak with attending physicians, they ran into a roadblock. Her husband had given strict orders that doctors and nurses were not to speak to her family. All information was to be given to him and he would disseminate it.

This sounded reasonable to some people, until the patient was moved from the hospital to hospice and was denied food, water and antibiotics, leaving her exposed to opportunistic infections and open to starvation. Her family tried to reason with the husband and to explain to him that leaving a person without food, water and basic medications was accelerating her death. The patient was never in coma. She was kept heavily sedated for pain; but she often awoke and spoke coherently for two minutes and then went to sleep again. She was too weak to state what she wanted. On the few occasions when she did say that she wanted to go back to the hospital, she was written off as not being lucid.

There is a moral problem here. A surrogate and the physician can decide that it’s time to let someone die, exclude other members of the family not only from the decision making process, but also leave them in the dark by not sharing information with them. In other words, the patient is legally excommunicated from his or her family and becomes the property of the surrogate.

The law not only allows the surrogate and physicians to take food, water and medication from the patient. It also allows them to exclude the rest of the family from the decision making process. It allows them to deny answers to family members, including the adult children of the patient. In other words, the law allows one person to tear apart a family, by isolating a loved one, causing the remaining loved ones pain, to feel helpless and to doubt the honesty of those making the decisions.

People can make decisions that may lead to the premature death of a loved one and this information is kept tightly concealed. In other words, euthanasia can be legally carried out under the guise of privacy. The law does not protect the sanctity of human life. It protects the right of one person to isolate a disabled person at the risk of violating their most fundamental human right, the right to die when God will’s it, not when man determines it.

Events like this give us a great deal to think about regarding law and morality. No nation has the moral authority to enact laws that allow for the separation of a person from his or her rights as a human being. No society has has the moral right to decide when someone should die. No human being is ever a burden, no matter how severe his or her disabilities.

This raises an important moral question, not only for Catholics, but for society. What is the higher good that is being achieved here? What is the good that the law is protecting?

My sister’s death has inspired me to promote the Gospel of Life with greater enthusiasm.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Such a difficult situation, I’m glad that by God’s graces you are able to handle it so well. You are an inspiration Bro. JR.
 
Hello,

I just read through this thread. It is so very sad. I’m so sorry for your loss. Many prayers for you and for your family…
 
Sorry Brother, but after reading your last post, i am really upset and i am going to speak what’s on my mind. It sounds to me that something was not right, something was being hidden even from the closest family members. This is not correct at all. How do we know that the husband was acting in good faith? sorry, Brother Jay, but i must be straight forward. Why things had to be hidden? I do not agree at all how medical personal, the law and whoever involved acted on behalf of “who”? your sister? this is cruel the way she died, according to what you stated. If that is the law, the law is wrong. Sorry fellows, if somebody does not agree with me, but, this is my personal opinnion and i do believe that a lot of you certainly do not agree with the way the Brother’s sister case was handled.
If we let it go, more cases like this will continue happen. This is one case where we could all see and realize that something is not correct in how our system and medical staff handle the patients. Maybe this is a scream for all those people who have gone through the same path before his sister.
To say: i am sorry Brother it is not enough.
What can we do in this case, dear Brother?
Maybe you can talk to the leaders of our church and make them acknowledge that the way we are handling sickness and death is not correct. If we don’t do anything about, this wrong system and actions will continue. It is in our hands to do something about it. Human life must be respected and honored. It is not possible that there are even groups against killing animals, groups against animal’s cruelty, but, what about us, human beings, shouldn’t we take our own lives more seriously and defend the gift of life and the honor to die with dignity.
I regret to speak this way, but, this is not the way to handle a patient or a human being.
 
The dignity of human life is at the core of the Gospel. I have always struggled to do my best to proclaim the Gospel’s message about human life. Years ago several confreres and three Secular Franciscans united to erect a new branch within the Franciscan family, The Brothers of Life of the Order of St. Francis (OSF), simply known as the Brothers of Life. However, I never expected to be personally attacked by the Culture of Death. One of our candidates once told me that he believes that the enemy is angry. He does not care about human life. His concern is to capture the souls of those who do care for the dignity of human life. I remember having one of those knee-jerk moments. Without thinking about it, I found myself saying, “I will not compromise on the Gospel, even to save my sister’s life.” I was outraged, not at the young brother, but at the arrogance of the enemy.

Now, my sister had died. Her death has broken my heat and strengthened by faith. My faith is strengthened by your faith. It reinforces what it means to be a brother. I am not only Brother because of my vows, but more importantly, I am Brother because I live in communion with you, my brothers and sisters.

That being said, I must state here the crucial role of the secular Catholic in the world. On another thread about capital punishment, I was saddened when a poster said, “We are not bound by Evangelium Vitae.” Obviously, that poster is mistaken. We are bound by the teachings of the Church on all matters that concern faith and morals. The dignity of human life is not a social or legal issue. It is a moral issue. God the Father vested his co-eternal Son with human nature and human dignity. When the Father vests his Son with human dignity at the Incarnation, he elevates human dignity He makes a statement for all eternity, for the Father gives to the Son only that which is holy, that which he loves.

The problem with these laws and the Catholic faith is the perspective. There is a difference between secularism and secularity. Secularism is that frame of mind that tries to limit the voice of the Church to what is non-threatening to society at large. Society has always tried to shut out the Church claiming that she has no right to denounce laws, to call legislators and governments to task or to define moral rules that legislators must follow in making laws. As Christians, we must be very careful not to be swept up into this mindset. The Church has a right and a duty to point to the sacred.

This leads me to the next point, secularity. Secularity is different from secularism. Secularity is a domain that exists outside of the halls of monasteries, church buildings and the Vatican. In that domain live men and women of faith. During his visit to Denver, Pope John Paul II told the youth that were gathered there, “Woe to you, if you do not overcome the Culture of Death.” Notice that he did not say, “if you do not try.” He said, “If you do not overcome . . . “

Laws that legitimize unregulated and unjustified attacks on human dignity exist because men and women of faith are confused between secularism and secularity. They mistakenly believe that speaking out against laws and systems that violate human dignity is imposing religion on the secular. They mistakenly believe that we cannot proclaim the sacred in the public square. They mistakenly believe that to do so is inappropriate. Nothing can be further from the Truth.

If we sit back and allow the State (any state) to enact laws that regulate who lives and dies, without rules, without concern for what is morally right, without attention to the fact that we Christians can easily become victims of the secular mindset, we are abdicating our role in the world. Vatican II titled one of its documents Lumen Gentium (Light To The People). The role of the secular man and woman is to bring the Church’s light to the people. This is secularism.

Such laws exist and more may follow, if the man and woman of faith do not question them and challenge them. We cannot afford the luxury of believing that the teachings of the Church are only for Catholics or that the teachings contained in Evangelium Vitae are not binding, because the document was not decreed infallible through an ex-cathedra decree. The message on the dignity of human life does not need an ex-cathedra decree. The dignity of human life is made evident by the fact that human life comes from the Creator, whose dignity cannot be challenged or questioned. When Christians engage in secularity, taking the message of the Gospel into the secular world, laws that allow others to accelerate the death of a person who is ill, disabled, or elderly will be overturned.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Just curious: what were your sister’s wishes? Was her husband following a directive of some sort? Did she want to have support and sustenance withheld?

I just watched my own sister die of uterine cancer last October. Doctors gave her 48 hours, and she survived for over five weeks. Hospice care was excellent; she was in a hospital bed in her own home. Friends and family came from all over the world, even Australia. Every need was attended to. Mostly we sat by her bed and told stories of the old days. She stared at the ceiling day after day with no sound, and then suddenly emerged from this coma-like state to tell jokes and eat yogurt and love and be loved. Her non-Catholic husband honored her every wish. He gave her a beautiful life and a beautiful death. He set the bar pretty high for those of us left behind. Only once did she say she was afraid. If any of us four kids in the family earned a fast pass to Heaven, she was the one. The rest of us have a lot of work to do still.

I’m sorry for your loss, JR, and sorry for the turn in your health. God listens to everyone’s prayers. I bet He will hear mine for you.

Blessings,

tammy
 
Just curious: what were your sister’s wishes? Was her husband following a directive of some sort? Did she want to have support and sustenance withheld?

I just watched my own sister die of uterine cancer last October. Doctors gave her 48 hours, and she survived for over five weeks. Hospice care was excellent; she was in a hospital bed in her own home. Friends and family came from all over the world, even Australia. Every need was attended to. Mostly we sat by her bed and told stories of the old days. She stared at the ceiling day after day with no sound, and then suddenly emerged from this coma-like state to tell jokes and eat yogurt and love and be loved. Her non-Catholic husband honored her every wish. He gave her a beautiful life and a beautiful death. He set the bar pretty high for those of us left behind. Only once did she say she was afraid. If any of us four kids in the family earned a fast pass to Heaven, she was the one. The rest of us have a lot of work to do still.

I’m sorry for your loss, JR, and sorry for the turn in your health. God listens to everyone’s prayers. I bet He will hear mine for you.

Blessings,

tammy
According to her husband, this was her wish. Even if that were the case, we can never honor someone’s wish to commit murder or accelerate death. No one has the right to accelerate their own death or to demand that others cooperate in something that is immoral.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
i believe Brother is right. Even if that was her wish, i believe at the end it was really agonizing that decision, even for her.
Sometimes, we want to end pain fast, not to suffer anymore. It is a human wish and some doctors do agree to fasten the end. Even Jesus said: have you forsaken me?
Only the person that is suffering or dying knows how much pain he/she has to deal with, not only physically but also the painful decision to say good bye to his/her beloved ones on this earth.

Life is difficult. I remember a case where a boy of around 11-13 year old suffered an accident, a train amputated his legs while he was sleeping on the train tracks. He stayed with us like for 6-8 months, taking him to the surgery room every 3er day to wash what was left from his waist down, the bones of his hips were coming out with each surgical wash due to infection, he did not want to live anymore, he was asking to let him die. After that period, still with the recurrent infections he was transferred to a children’s hospital where i am sure, he finally died. This little boy did not have any family, we were his family and support. I hope, this case ilustrates how difficult is also for the medical staff to see our patients suffering and the dilemma that we are in when facing such cases.
 
i believe Brother is right. Even if that was her wish, i believe at the end it was really agonizing that decision, even for her.
Sometimes, we want to end pain fast, not to suffer anymore. It is a human wish and some doctors do agree to fasten the end. Even Jesus said: have you forsaken me?
Only the person that is suffering or dying knows how much pain he/she has to deal with, not only physically but also the painful decision to say good bye to his/her beloved ones on this earth.

Life is difficult. I remember a case where a boy of around 11-13 year old suffered an accident, a train amputated his legs while he was sleeping on the train tracks. He stayed with us like for 6-8 months, taking him to the surgery room every 3er day to wash what was left from his waist down, the bones of his hips were coming out with each surgical wash due to infection, he did not want to live anymore, he was asking to let him die. After that period, still with the recurrent infections he was transferred to a children’s hospital where i am sure, he finally died. This little boy did not have any family, we were his family and support. I hope, this case ilustrates how difficult is also for the medical staff to see our patients suffering and the dilemma that we are in when facing such cases.
Having been a physician, before I became a religious, I know the sense of helplessness that one feels when the patient is suffering and one cannot alleviate it. However, one must always remember that medicine is not about us. It is about God. We are given the gift to heal, to comfort, and to preserve life. Nothing is more better illustrative of the proper use of medical science than the miracles of Jesus. Which each healing miracle Jesus always talks about sin. Either he prefaces a cure with “So that you know that the Son of Man has the power to forgive sins” or he adds an epilogue after the cure “Go and sin no more.”

Healing is intimately connected with redemption. When we place the medical sciences at the disposal of death, we separate these sciences from their purpose, to preserve life so that it can be redeemed. Even the pagan Greeks realized this and thus took an oath to do no harm. They may not have understood redemption; but they knew that there was more to medicine than curing. Therefore, they avoided destroying life. Even in the pagan notions of medicine, there were shadows of the Divine Truth about the sacredness of life.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
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