My sister is having an abortion

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But I went to a counsellor and she advised me not to tell my parents. She said that I shouldn’t betray my sister’s trust. And that if I go to my parents it will set my sister against me.

I’m so confused and upset right now! I know saying that is selfish because I have to think what my sister is going through, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be partly responsible for murder, and what’s worse, I don’t want my sister, who I love so much, to go through that guilt and suffering so many other women do because of abortion!
 
Hicup said:
But I went to a counsellor and she advised me not to tell my parents. She said that I shouldn’t betray my sister’s trust. And that if I go to my parents it will set my sister against me.

I’m so confused and upset right now! I know saying that is selfish because I have to think what my sister is going through, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be partly responsible for murder, and what’s worse, I don’t want my sister, who I love so much, to go through that guilt and suffering so many other women do because of abortion!
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Ah, the counselor is clearly pro-choice and does NOT regard this child as a person–otherwise she wouldn’t advise keeping silent about killing a kid.
 
I’m praying. I don’t know what to say other than maybe get the ultrasound (sonogram?) images so she can see the actual baby living in her womb. I think there is even a thing called project ultrasound that makes this their whole mission. A lot of people say with the new technology it became much harder to call the baby a clump of cells. Show her images; I think this could be effective if rhetoric isn’t working.
 
Time is not on this child’s side… I suggest you immediately begin contacting some of these groups listed below. Call them and email today!!! Leave messages if they are not there today. Tell them you need help immediately. They may be able to have someone for you to call you and talk to both your sister and you. Don’ t hesitate, start contacting them today.

Please know there are other options, and she needs you to show her the way to find them, quickly. I would bet this isnt really what she wants either, she is scared and feels she has no choice. Believe me she would regret this decision the rest of her life, the pain doesn’t simply go away.

Don’t give in, you know know the abortion isn’t the right choice. Also be careful of who you are taking counsel from, an abortion or pro-choice couseler will always tell you its the right choice. Do not believe it!!!

If you have difficulty finding someone to talk to, go see your local parish, and let them know you need immediate help.

We are praying for you.
Project Rachel :Hope after Abortion
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hopeafterabortion.com/

CAF Thread forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=720116&highlight=post+abortion+blog

Post Abortion Walk blog
postabortionwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/life-after-abortion.html

Rachel’s Vineyard rachelsvineyard.org/

Silent No More silentnomoreawareness.org/

October Baby youtube.com/watch?v=I_9l7lEe-AA

pattimaguirearmstrong.com/2012/04/healing-through-october-baby.html

Surrendering the Secret surrenderingthesecret.com/

National Helpline for Abortion Recovery nationalhelpline.org/

Abby Johnson abbyjohnson.org/

Abby Johnson - book - *unPlanned *unplannedthebook.com/
 
I’ve had an abortion. I was eighteen years old, and I was ashamed of myself and my situation. I felt far from God or any measure of support. I felt beyond help! The abortion was an “easy” way out, and it was only later that I sought forgiveness from and comfort in the Lord. I will always grieve for that little soul. And I grieve still for the girl that I was, so lost and out of control that she felt she couldn’t come to her parents for help, to anyone. So lost that she bought the cultural lies that this important life inside her was “just a clump of cells” to be disposed of.

My heart aches thinking of your sister. I think she needs many things right now, among them your unconditional love and compassionate honesty. Tell her everything! How much you love her, how beautiful she is, and how much you love her beautiful baby. Tell her that you support her and are willing to help her find support in either keeping the baby or choosing adoption. Tell her God has written her story and her baby’s, and that deep down she knows what she’s seeking is wrong.

It’s difficult to find a place between being permissive/passive and being perceived of as “judging”- but if you do not say your piece now, a life will be snuffed out. Do not cease praying. I will certainly be praying for you, your sister, and her baby!
 
Hicup said:
But I went to a counsellor and she advised me not to tell my parents. She said that I shouldn’t betray my sister’s trust. And that if I go to my parents it will set my sister against me.

I’m so confused and upset right now! I know saying that is selfish because I have to think what my sister is going through, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be partly responsible for murder, and what’s worse, I don’t want my sister, who I love so much, to go through that guilt and suffering so many other women do because of abortion!
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You know your parents better than any counselor; how would they react to the news? There will be shock and anger at first, but do you think at least one of them would get over it quickly and support your sister if she decided not to abort? Your sister might be upset with you in the short term, but in the end she would thank you for saving her from a LIFETIME of guilt and regret. By the way, even if he never sees your sister or the baby ever again, the baby’s father is still financially responsible; you can get a lawyer and take him to court for child support payments until the child turns 18. Pray the rosary every day.
 
Catholic1954 said:
You know your parents better than any counselor; how would they react to the news? There will be shock and anger at first, but do you think at least one of them would get over it quickly and support your sister if she decided not to abort? Your sister might be upset with you in the short term, but in the end she would thank you for saving her from a LIFETIME of guilt and regret. By the way, even if he never sees your sister or the baby ever again, the baby’s father is still financially responsible; you can get a lawyer and take him to court for child support payments until the child turns 18. Pray the rosary every day.
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I agree with this advice, unless your parents are abusive, I would tell them. Sometimes promises must be broken, lesser evil for greater good. I am old enough to have witnessed and experienced several cases of pregnancies, which at the time, whether for emotional, social or monetary reasons seemed devastating. In all, and I can think of 9 cases, once the chid was born, all the problems, anger, difficulties seemed to melt away. I’m not saying the going was always easy. I’m still in touch with four of these families and each of these once potential problems, has grown to be a joy to parents, grandparents and friends.
Again, I reiterate, if at all possible involve your parents, or some other supportive adult. In twenty years time you will look back and be greatful you did.
 
If there ever was a time to break a confidence, it is certainly when a life is on the line.

If you think your parents will be helpful, talk privately with them and make a plan for talking to your sister in a supportive way.

The main motive for this abortion is probably keeping secrets from your parents, so if they know already, 50% of the motive for the abortion is gone.
 
Xantippe said:
If there ever was a time to break a confidence, it is certainly when a life is on the line.

If you think your parents will be helpful, talk privately with them and make a plan for talking to your sister in a supportive way.

The main motive for this abortion is probably keeping secrets from your parents, so if they know already, 50% of the motive for the abortion is gone.
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I respectfully disagree. Imagine the fallout, the possible destroyed relationships!

I know your sister is not a child, but this is exactly the reason why abortion has been made accessible to underage children as well, even without parental permission.

Yes, from a Catholic perspective few things are worse than abortion. But if your sister is having an abortion, how Catholic was she in the first place??

Your sister needs emotional support right now. There’s compelling forces driving her to this decision. Telling her she’s morally wrong is the LAST thing to do.

I understand the baby is important from a Catholic perspective, but your sister is worried about her. What about her??
 
CaliLobo said:
I understand the baby is important from a Catholic perspective, but your sister is worried about her. What about her??
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What about his niece/nephew? If the baby were already here and his sister called and said she couldn’t handle the stress of being a single mother anymore and was planning on killing the baby, should he just keep that to himself?
 
CaliLobo said:
I respectfully disagree. Imagine the fallout, the possible destroyed relationships!

I know your sister is not a child, but this is exactly the reason why abortion has been made accessible to underage children as well, even without parental permission.

Yes, from a Catholic perspective few things are worse than abortion. But if your sister is having an abortion, how Catholic was she in the first place??

Your sister needs emotional support right now. There’s compelling forces driving her to this decision. Telling her she’s morally wrong is the LAST thing to do.

I understand the baby is important from a Catholic perspective, but your sister is worried about her. What about her??
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I do not understand your position, perhaps you are not as clear as you think you are. Everyone who has suggested the OP turn to her parents, has given the proviso that this be done only if there is a good relationship between them.

I don’t understand what you mean when you say : “I know your sister is not a child, but this is exactly the reason why abortion has been made accessible to underage children as well, even without parental permission.” Are you saying that even kind, supportive parents have no place in helping their child deal with an unplanned pregnancy? Girls often fear parental reaction because they have an unrealistic impression about what their reaction will be. That being said, the OP is asking for advice on how to help the sister change her mind, or at least reconsider her decision. Telling her to drop the matter, is advice, but not helpful in relation to what she has asked.

As for abortion being a catholic issue, that the baby is important “from a Catholic” perspective that is not true. Many people of various religious backgrounds, and those with no religious affiliation oppose abortion because they realise that an unborn child is a person, temporarily dependent on another. My husband, who at best is an agnostic, can’t understand the self delusional mindset that allows people to pretend that a fetus is not a human being.

You have also not considered the possibility, that if the OP does nothing, her relationship with her sister may still be destroyed. In a few years time, the sister may regret what she did and resent the OP for not trying hard enough to help her. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time this has happened.

But ultimately, no one, who knows an unborn child is not a clump, but is a living being, can stand back, shrug their shoulders, and say, oh, well it’s not my decision. I would be unable to stand back and watch someone drown kittens, something within me calls forth an imperative to protect life. I stand by my advice to seek the help of supportive adults, who can step in and provide a mature perspective. If the OP just allows her sister to proceed with this termination, their relationship will be tainted anyway.
 
Again, thank you all for the replies.

I’ve done a lot of thinking over this issue - considering everyone’s replies, and praying throughout the day. I won’t tell my parents, as that is my sister’s place. Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister before that if either of us got pregnant they would want nothing to do with us. And my sister made it clear that she doesn’t want a baby - not yet, anyway, nor is she mature enough to rear a child.

So, my logical conclusion is adoption or fostering. I know this baby will make some couple out there very happy. Today, I’m going to try to persuade my sister to give the baby for adoption or fostering. I’m going to do this in the most supportive way possible. As I said before, I love my sister dearly and would do anything for her, but I can’t sit back idly.

I’ve a couple of hours before I talk to my sister (because she is currently working), so now I ask you all for your prayers and thoughts. I’m praying for strength and resolve in talking to my sister.
 
Is there any possibility of someone within the family adopting/fostering the child?
 
hicup said:

“Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister before that if either of us got pregnant they would want nothing to do with us. And my sister made it clear that she doesn’t want a baby - not yet, anyway, nor is she mature enough to rear a child.”

Yes, that makes a huge difference with regard to telling your parents. Unfortunately, your parents’ position is definitely going to be one of the factors that make abortion very attractive to your sister and adoption unattractive, since unless she “goes away” (which I don’t think is done anymore), adoption means that she will have to cope with your parents’ knowing, anyway. Bear that in mind. If she does decide to do adoption, there’s a big chance that your parents will suddenly have a change of heart. That doesn’t mean that keeping and raising the baby is a good idea, just that the situation may change a lot as the due date approaches and after the baby is born. (I once talked to an old US Catholic social worker, who talked about how back in the 1960s, parents used to boot their pregnant daughters out, but what good results she got by just bringing the new mother and baby back home to parents. It’s very hard to say no to a baby.)

Good luck persuading her to do an adoption. Infertile couples really do suffer terribly, and it’s very difficult to adopt. Do you have any infertile relatives that you are on good terms with?

You’re not that old yourself, but there’s a lot that you can do to help if she decides to keep the baby.

I wonder if you might get good results by sitting her down and asking her to do as an exercise, how she would go about dealing with the new baby. (Example: You could take an academic leave from school and look into what social programs are available for single mothers and then go back to school once the baby is bigger and sleeping through the night.) Think about the problems and figure out how to deal with them, and tell her that you be able to make arrangements with her to watch the baby for exams, appointments, etc. My sister married at 19 and had a baby immediately at 20 as a college student, and she took my nephew to class for a looooong time. After colic, but before they’re mobile, you can actually get away with that.

Best wishes!
 
You sound like a great sister and you are being very strong !!! Let her know you will continue to be there for her and will help her through this pregnacy, and with adoption or keeping the baby herself. Let her know you will be there with her when she does talk to your parents. And you will help her find support and couseling that are available. Stand side by side, and support her with everthing, except an abortion.

We are praying for all of you.
Hicup said:
Again, thank you all for the replies.

I’ve done a lot of thinking over this issue - considering everyone’s replies, and praying throughout the day. I won’t tell my parents, as that is my sister’s place. Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister before that if either of us got pregnant they would want nothing to do with us. And my sister made it clear that she doesn’t want a baby - not yet, anyway, nor is she mature enough to rear a child.

So, my logical conclusion is adoption or fostering. I know this baby will make some couple out there very happy. Today, I’m going to try to persuade my sister to give the baby for adoption or fostering. I’m going to do this in the most supportive way possible. As I said before, I love my sister dearly and would do anything for her, but I can’t sit back idly.

I’ve a couple of hours before I talk to my sister (because she is currently working), so now I ask you all for your prayers and thoughts. I’m praying for strength and resolve in talking to my sister.
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My prayers are with you. Hopefully you can convince your sister to have the child and place it for adoption. There are a lot of agencies which will help her locate adoptive parents, before the birth. Often the adoptive parents will help with expenses incurred during the pregnancy. They can be the mature adults you two seem to lack. Babies are a rare commodity in the adoption process, your sister may be very surprised at the level of support she will receive. All the best, good or bad let us know how it ends. Be proud that you have taken on such a hard task, at such a young age.
 
The Church teaches in the Catechism that it is a mortal sin to lend moral support to those having abortions. You must lovingly yet firmly tell her the Truth and pray for her and the baby.

I suggest you encourage her to speak to a Priest. She may not, but why not try?
 
So did you speak with her? How did it go?
I would also strongly suggest you to talk to your parents! Ask yourself, what you would do, it were an already born child? Shouldn’t we do anything to prevent it from being killed? If we are really pro-life and believe that the baby is alive and already has a soul then we should do the same for the unborn!
 
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