My sister is having an abortion

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Hicup said:
Again, thank you all for the replies.

I’ve done a lot of thinking over this issue - considering everyone’s replies, and praying throughout the day. I won’t tell my parents, as that is my sister’s place. Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister before that if either of us got pregnant they would want nothing to do with us. And my sister made it clear that she doesn’t want a baby - not yet, anyway, nor is she mature enough to rear a child.

So, my logical conclusion is adoption or fostering. I know this baby will make some couple out there very happy. Today, I’m going to try to persuade my sister to give the baby for adoption or fostering. I’m going to do this in the most supportive way possible. As I said before, I love my sister dearly and would do anything for her, but I can’t sit back idly.

I’ve a couple of hours before I talk to my sister (because she is currently working), so now I ask you all for your prayers and thoughts. I’m praying for strength and resolve in talking to my sister.
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Thank you for the update. I am so sorry to hear that your parents would say such a horrible thing; it sounds as though you have, indeed, made the right decision in that regard.

I don’t know where you are or if you’re even in the US, but there are programs in place in many dioceses to help pregnant moms in crisis pregnancies. The one I am most familiar with is Project Gabriel. The program will arrange safe housing and medical care for the mom whether or not she decides to keep the baby or choose adoption, and if she decides to keep the baby arranges for care for the baby too, as well as baby supplies and the like. You might speak to a priest and see if he can point you in the direction of such a group. Your sister is probably terrified and making this decision at least partly out of fear; being told that there are people who will help her in every way if she makes the decision not to abort may sway her significantly to that decision. As it is now, she probably feels very alone and as though this is the only option for her.

I’ve prayed for both of you. Please let us know how it all goes.
 
I am fervently praying for your sister’s change of heart.
 
I’ll be praying the rosary for your sister and her precious baby tonight.
 
I know this will ruffle the feathers of some, but I urgently recommend visiting:

AbortionNo.org

A picture is worth a thousand words and people don’t really comprehend the REALITY of what abortion does to a child until they SEE it. Most people are shocked to see that the first-trimester child is a perfectly formed miniature human being–not a blob of tissue. Countless women have changed their minds about abortion after viewing their photos.

Adoption, adoption, adoption… so many people would be ever-grateful to be able to adopt your little niece/nephew. Pray, pray, pray.

If all else seems to fail, and the appt is imminent, I would tell your parents and even the father (who has a right to know). At that point it comes down to you fighting for the innocent life of this child, and you don’t want to look back with guilt over not doing all you could to stop his/her murder. Salvaging a friendly relationship with your sister or anyone else is not worth killing a baby over.

I had a point in my teen life where I did something that I was sure would incite my parents to cut off all financial support and create a huge fiasco. But instead it jerked them into wanting to reconcile with me and face their parenting failures. Life will surprise you.

I will be keeping her in my prayers.
 
My sister is set in having an abortion, and she’s flying to England next week.

I tried to talk to her, I brought up adoption, but nothing seems to work! I said to her, “Would you consider adoption?” and she replied a firm, “No.” The thing is, I’m too soft when I’m dealing with her, I know I need to be strong for the baby, but I can’t.

I don’t come from a Catholic family - I’m the only Catholic in the family, and I know if I told my parents they would probably agree with my sister’s decision.

I think I’m going to write my sister a letter explaining how I feel, and why she shouldn’t do this. I know that’s not the greatest idea, but I’m utterly clueless as to what to do.

I’m also looking up pro-life sites in Ireland (since we’re from Ireland), and see if they can offer me any help.

Please keep up the prayers! My sister needs them so much! And I need them for strength and resolve. I also put in a prayer request to Our Lady of Knock Shrine.

Also, can anyone advise me as to what to put in the letter?
 
I didn’t have time to read all the threads, so I apologize if someone already mentioned this. Call her over to your computer and have her watch and actual video of an abortion. Then, just offer her love and support if she carries the pregnancy. Explain that life has a way of working things out and that all will be well. You are a wonderful brother. Keep the faith.
 
I am praying for your sister. I was in her position a long time ago. I was 17, unmarried, alone and pregnant. I was embarrassed, afraid, not knowing where to turn. The biological father left. I literally had no one. At the time, I was not Catholic, not even Christian so abortion seemed like the logical step. I would call and make the appointment, then abruptly cancel it. I just couldn’t go. Finally, the woman at the clinic told me to take the weekend to do some soul searching and call back the next week. I never called back. That beautiful little boy is now an 18 year old young man. He is pure light and kindness. Never have a met a more gentle, loving soul. I cannot imagine my life, or even this world, without him. He makes the world a little better place each day. I am so thankful that God, whom I didn’t even believe in at the time, steadied me, stopped me, from making such a huge mistake.

I pray for your sister that God will strengthen her to do what’s right. If she will not hear His pleading and does go ahead with the abortion, please get her after-abortion counseling from a Catholic organization. Often when someone gets an abortion, they go right out and do the same thing again. She will need much help to get through the darkness that she has created.

My prayers and love to all involved.
 
I can’t possibly begin to imagine what sort of fears, anxieties, and doubts are flooding her mind right now. Being a mother when one isn’t ready must be a frightening prospect. However, I will pray, on this Solemnity of All Saints, that they will be intercessors for her before the throne of God for his mercy and intervention. However, if she does decide to go through with the abortion, I pray and hope she will seek counseling from a reputable Catholic organization, as well as seek God’s forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If she decides to bring the baby to full term but is unable to care for him or her on her own, she can either seek help from a Catholic ministry that helps new mothers with housing, medical, and baby supplies, or allow a couple without children to adopt.

You and your sister are in my prayers, Hicup. :gopray:
 
Do you have any extended family that’s Catholic, or at least pro-life? There’s a reason abortion is illegal in Ireland. Is she giving your parents a reason as to why she’s going to England?

Hug I’m so sorry for your family, and that this is happening. I don’t know what to say. You should try being more firm with her. How far along is she? There are pictures of abortions done, even very early, where you can see it is a child- no matter how small.
 
Hicup said:
Again, thank you all for the replies.

I’ve done a lot of thinking over this issue - considering everyone’s replies, and praying throughout the day. I won’t tell my parents, as that is my sister’s place. Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister before that if either of us got pregnant they would want nothing to do with us.
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Just a thought…are your parents pro-life? What do you think they would want for your sister if they knew she was pregnant? I ask because, I think it is still worth praying about telling them. The thing is, one of the major factors that must be causing her to decide to abort is that it is the only way for her to keep the pregnancy from your parents. She is afraid of what will happen if they find out. Well as long as that threat is hanging over her head, and as long as they don’t know, of course she is going to choose to keep it that way - of course she will decide to abort. If they were to find out, then that threat would be gone. They would know, and an abortion wouldn’t change it. Who knows - it might make her feel less trapped. Another thought - if they are pro-life, and if they realize that fear of them finding out is motivating the death of their grandchild, they might adjust their reaction to the news. If they are generally loving parents (aside from this mistaken approach to trying to motivate their children to chastity), they might at least try to talk her out of it, and as another poster said, they might even come around altogether. I don’t know them, so I could be wrong. But I think it is worth considering and praying a little more about. As wrong as it would be for them to have nothing to do with your sister because of pregnancy, it is MORE wrong of her to have someone kill that baby. Not saying this is what you SHOULD do - I imagine there are ways that it could backfire. But this is probably the line of thinking that I would be considering if I were in your place. Prayers for you, the baby, your sister, and your parents.
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
Just a thought…are your parents pro-life? What do you think they would want for your sister if they knew she was pregnant? I ask because, I think it is still worth praying about telling them. The thing is, one of the major factors that must be causing her to decide to abort is that it is the only way for her to keep the pregnancy from your parents. She is afraid of what will happen if they find out. Well as long as that threat is hanging over her head, and as long as they don’t know, of course she is going to choose to keep it that way - of course she will decide to abort. If they were to find out, then that threat would be gone. They would know, and an abortion wouldn’t change it. Who knows - it might make her feel less trapped. Another thought - if they are pro-life, and if they realize that fear of them finding out is motivating the death of their grandchild, they might adjust their reaction to the news. If they are generally loving parents (aside from this mistaken approach to trying to motivate their children to chastity), they might at least try to talk her out of it, and as another poster said, they might even come around altogether. I don’t know them, so I could be wrong. But I think it is worth considering and praying a little more about. As wrong as it would be for them to have nothing to do with your sister because of pregnancy, it is MORE wrong of her to have someone kill that baby. Not saying this is what you SHOULD do - I imagine there are ways that it could backfire. But this is probably the line of thinking that I would be considering if I were in your place. Prayers for you, the baby, your sister, and your parents.
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He already stated that they would not want anything to do with her and that they would be in favor of the abortion.

I really don’t think that he should tell his parents. It seems like she has her mind made up and all that would do is destroy his relationship with his sister and any trust they have between them, and maybe even end up estranging his sister from her entire family.
 
I’m very sorry to read about your situation. I pray that she has a change of heart.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I really don’t think that he should tell his parents.
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The most illogical thing to do, as taught today by your local public school system.

Parents and family love unconditionally, even when their emotions are shock, awe or anger.

Emotions change and soon will be filled with joy of new life.
 
ffg said:
The most illogical thing to do, as taught today by your local public school system.

Parents and family love unconditionally, even when their emotions are shock, awe or anger.

Emotions change and soon will be filled with joy of new life.
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Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. If it were, there wouldn’t be so many estranged families, abusive families, and people who have had falling outs over far less.

My family loves unconditionally, but I could never presume that a perfect stranger is as lucky as I am.
 
Have you told the young man yet?

He’s a father. He ought to know. There is always a chance that he may not want to have the child he has fathered aborted.

I think you have to man up, bite the bullet, and attempt this. If you don’t have the guts to do that all the way, then feel him out a little bit first, see what his reaction is to the general situation of a man having fathered a child and then having the child’s mother abort it without his knowledge.

I know this is a pretty gutsy move, but sometimes you just have to take a chance.

See if you can get him to intervene. He’s got as much of a chance as anybody of convincing your sister otherwise. He had the power to get your sister pregnant, now let’s see if he has the power and inclination to stop her from getting an abortion.

In the meantime, pray for success. It sounds like you don’t have much time. Think carefully, plan it out, and then do it.
 
Pat_Albertson said:
Have you told the young man yet?

He’s a father. He ought to know. There is always a chance that he may not want to have the child he has fathered aborted.

I think you have to man up, bite the bullet, and attempt this. If you don’t have the guts to do that all the way, then feel him out a little bit first, see what his reaction is to the general situation of a man having fathered a child and then having the child’s mother abort it without his knowledge.

I know this is a pretty gutsy move, but sometimes you just have to take a chance.

See if you can get him to intervene. He’s got as much of a chance as anybody of convincing your sister otherwise. He had the power to get your sister pregnant, now let’s see if he has the power and inclination to stop her from getting an abortion.

In the meantime, pray for success. It sounds like you don’t have much time. Think carefully, plan it out, and then do it.
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That may be difficult, the OP has already said that his sister thinks he wouldn’t want anything to do with it and the OP also said that he doesn’t know the guy.

Should he try to track him down and talk to him, I want to add that he should be very careful. If he doesn’t know this guy he doesn’t know if he’s abusive, cruel, a potential stalker or harasser, etc. He could very well be putting his sister in harm’s way if there’s a reason that she doesn’t want the father to know and he goes behind her back to tell him. Caution is advised here.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
That may be difficult, the OP has already said that his sister thinks he wouldn’t want anything to do with it and the OP also said that he doesn’t know the guy.

Should he try to track him down and talk to him, I want to add that he should be very careful. If he doesn’t know this guy he doesn’t know if he’s abusive, cruel, a potential stalker or harasser, etc. He could very well be putting his sister in harm’s way if there’s a reason that she doesn’t want the father to know and he goes behind her back to tell him. Caution is advised here.
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I agree, caution is advised, but I think an attempt to find out the full story is also advised.

Women often think things about men that simply aren’t true. I had a girlfriend who confessed to me that I sometimes scared her, that she thought I might hit her when I was simply logically disagreeing with her. Hurting her was the furthest thing from my mind. I was, quite frankly, absolutely astonished that she thought I would ever hurt her! :eek:

I don’t think the OP is done yet. In my opinion, he needs to find out more.
 
Pat_Albertson said:
I agree, caution is advised, but I think an attempt to find out the full story is also advised.

Women often think things about men that simply aren’t true. I had a girlfriend who confessed to me that I sometimes scared her, that she thought I might hit her when I was simply logically disagreeing with her. Hurting her was the furthest thing from my mind. I was, quite frankly, absolutely astonished that she thought I would ever hurt her! :eek:

I don’t think the OP is done yet. In my opinion, he needs to find out more.
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I have to ask, and I am not accusing or anything like that, but were you simply disagreeing with her, or were you raising your voice, narrowing your eyes, clenching your fists, hitting things, etc? (Another thing to consider is your physical size) Sometimes even more subtle signs of rage can scare women. You say ‘girlfriend’, so I don’t know how long you were dating, but even in relationships women can feel vulnerable.

It really isn’t our fault. We are taught from the time that we’re toddlers that men are scary. Not all men, of course, but we’re taught that men can be abusive (and they can) or that they can attack us when we’re walking down the street (they can). Sometimes this gets into our heads and we feel way more paranoid than we should, but it does help keep us safe.

I have always tried to be upfront with men. When someone approaches me on the street, even if it’s just to ask for directions or for me to sign a petition I always take a few steps back and say that I would be more comfortable if they could meet me half a block up outside of the coffee shop. When I met my husband on an online dating site I told him before we even had our first date that I wasn’t so paranoid to think that every man I meet online wants to stuff me into a dumpster, but that I wasn’t naive enough to think it couldn’t happen. He wasn’t offended when I refused to tell him where I lived on our first date. In fact, I wouldn’t go into his apartment for the first time unless at least one of his roommates was home. I don’t care if it’s not polite, but I DO cross the street when I’m walking and I see a man walking towards me (or see one behind me).

I love and respect men. I love the men in my life. I have met more strong, honorable men in my life than bad ones, and I would even go so far as to say that if I had to pick a favorite gender, it would be men. But I’m still careful.
 
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