My wife left me a year and a half ago. Now my life is done in this regard

[MasterMacLeod82]

I’m a 38 years old Male.

Last year my wife packed out of the blue and said that’s that and she left.

I never understood why. I never argued (unless I felt the argument was wrong), was loving, absolutely no vices, never went out with friends or something, and always tried to keep her happy. We were even trying to make our family grow but God just said “screw you” and denied it.

But she left anyway and now here I am back at my relatives’ until I can move out again.

Now I cannot go back to her, I cannot look for a new relationship according to Catholic laws and there is definitely zero chance of getting back. And definitely no chance of having any children whatsoever.

Also, during my marriage, I was fired twice from different jobs and left on my own while I found something else but that’s not her fault.

My parents tell me that I should be grateful that I’m still alive and healthy but gee having gone through all of that and knowing I can’t fix those things nor start anew makes me hardly grateful. Why should I be thankful for nothing.

He left me alone. He allowed these things to happen. If He cared, He could have instilled some wisdom into her and let her realize the damage she was about to inflict on me. Yet this injury was inflicted on me.

I would like to be convinced that He cares because the evidence points to the contrary. And no, I cannot look for annulment, so please don’t suggest me to try it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

First, I’m really sorry for what happened to you. It’s a tough break. I have a friend who got home one day and out of the blue found his wife and all her stuff gone and a note with a number of a lawyer. To say he was upset would be an understatement. It’s rough.

Second, if your wife left for no good reason, it’s not God that did it to you. It’s your wife that did it. She has free will like everybody else and God doesn’t compel her to do stuff.

Third, God’s still with you; you’re never alone. I realize this doesn’t help, but it’s the truth.
Reach out to him and don’t stay stuck in your own misery.

Try getting closer to God. He’s there and will help you. But you have to let him help you.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[MasterMacLeod82]

He still allowed it. He still has allowed my life to be an endless parade of suffering alleviated by brief periods of peace followed by more suffering and humiliation.

I can’t say I trust Him anymore. I wish I could but I can’t get a respite.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

He still allowed it. He still has allowed my life to be an endless parade of suffering alleviated by brief periods of peace followed by more suffering and humiliation.

I can’t say I trust Him anymore. I wish I could but I can’t get a respite.

I’m not sure anyone is going to be able to unravel this for you neatly on an Internet forum. Have you considered approaching your pastor about counseling? You’ve got a lot going on and it’s not going to snap into focus immediately. Understanding what’s happened and how to process it in the context of your faith is going to be a process. No one here is going to post something that makes you snap your fingers and go, “got it! It all makes sense now!”

 

[MasterMacLeod82]

I can’t go to visit any priest due to covid and government-issued lockdowns.

Anyway, the priest I used to visit is now somewhere else and even though he knows of my situation hasn’t even attempted to say hi over messenger.

Some friend.

 

[dollysro]

I too am sorry this happened.
However…

Last year my wife packed out of the blue and said that’s that and she left.

I agree with Bear, this happens, but often we don’t see (or hear) what the problem is /are.

I never argued…, was loving, absolutely no vices

No vices? Absolutely none? Hmmm…

God just said “screw you”

I don’t think He says things like that.

And definitely no chance of having any children whatsoever.

Why?

I was fired twice from different jobs

At least you don’t blame her for that. Hopefully you did some introspection.

My parents tell me that I should be grateful that I’m still alive and healthy

Hard to hear but they are right!

He left me alone. He allowed these things to happen. If He cared, He could have instilled some wisdom into her and let her realize the damage she was about to inflict on me. Yet this injury was inflicted on me.

As Bear said, He did not leave you alone. And He does care.

I would like to be convinced that He cares because the evidence points to the contrary

We can try but you seem convinced to the contrary already.

And no, I cannot look for annulment, so please don’t suggest me to try it.

Whatever. Sounds like it might be the best thing for you. It forces us to look at things, most importantly at ourselves, our faith and our actions.
Best of luck to you (sincerely, not snarky).

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

Anyway, the priest I used to visit is now somewhere else and even though he knows of my situation hasn’t even attempted to say hi over messenger.

Some friend.

Why don’t you reach out to him? If he’s been reassigned, maybe he can recommend someone local you could talk to?

Have you considered the possibility you may be dealing with depression?

 

[dollysro]

Was this your frame of mind when you were married? Whoa is me and Eyeore-like?

 

[T432]

I was thinking this as well. I’m very sorry to hear what you are going through. I also have been on my own for a year(different circumstances) but the person initially helping me outside of family moved on and I was on my own for a while before I had help from someone else.

 

[T432]

With respect I think that is a really harsh comment. I don’t hear that all. I hear someone in pain sharing his story.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

With respect I think that is a really harsh comment. I don’t hear that all. I hear someone in pain sharing his story.

I hear a lot of “woe is me” and self-pity, but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that that is just the tough situation he finds himself in and not just his personality.

 

[dollysro]

Thank you T. I appreciate your perspective.
I agree with telling your story. But the arguments seem lined up against listening to advice. Even if he is asking for advice.
I hear a lot of “I can’t” and “I won’t”
Again, thanks!

 

[Sarcelle]

Life is hard. I know this sounds harsh but it’s true.

Like you I find myself alone and not only that, also jobless due to the pandemic.

I’ve never had employment security, never had the chance to buy a home and settle down in a community due to constantly moving around in search of jobs. Never had a spouse or children. Hard to look for a spouse if you’re constantly moving around.

On top of that, be very far from family and friends due to, you guessed it, constant moving around for jobs.

I live the life of a gypsy.

We all have our crosses to bear.

I think of my life as a Purgatory, purging me of all earthly attachments, so I can be purified for heaven. The fires of Purgatory can be hot indeed but it is cleansing.

 

[MasterMacLeod82]

@dollysro

1. Yes absolutely none. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t party, I don’t do drugs.
2. I used to think the same too but I’ve just had too many demonstrations of the contrary.
3. Because she’s past her age and I don’t think we’ll ever be getting back. And I wouldn’t want to have a kid later in life only for me to die and leave him/her on her own, that’s selfishly evil.

Also, no, this wasn’t my frame of mind when I was married, of course I wasn’t like this. I had absolutely zero complaints.

As I said, I might be hard to convince but bear with me.

@RolandThompsonGunner

As a matter of fact yes I am clinically depressed and on medication.

I also have GAD, OCD and AD.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

And no, I cannot look for annulment, so please don’t suggest me to try it.

Why wouldn’t you look into an annulment? I’m guessing that more than a few people who take the time to read about your troubles are going to think, ‘why not get on with your life’. To a practicing Catholic, that would mean pursuing an annulment.

I know that you don’t owe the forum an explanation about why you won’t seek an annulment, but is it reasonable to just tell posters in the thread not to ask about it?

 

[MasterMacLeod82]

Because I already know that it is not possible. That’s why.

 

[T432]

I’m finding for myself that trying to have a healthy perspective that healing takes time has helped me with the process. This week sitting in church has actually really helped me as well and just saying to Jesus I really need your guidance right now. Leaving it totally in his hands not trying to fix and look for immediate answers.

 

[MasterMacLeod82]

Maybe, but usually that takes a lot of time, years, that are gonna be taken away from life.

Absolute injustice.

 

[T432]

Well, it will be years for both of us. I think that is sadly just the way it works. I think sometimes accepting that and doing your best to move forward anyways (doing the things you can) is what needs to be done.

I’m in no way an expert on this. Happy to be told if there is a quicker fix

 

[MasterMacLeod82]

Now, I have another thought that annoys me. Let’s say that someone has an interest in you. According to church, you can’t do anything. That’s also unfair.