My wife left me a year and a half ago. Now my life is done in this regard

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My sympathies on your situation.

I too have been in these types of situations. What jas helped me when a door was closed was the advice given to me by a friend: what is it about that thing that you wanted? Is there any other way of filling that desire?

You seem to be focused on what you cannot have, and that is in and of itself depressing, without everything else. Consider what you want and see if there are other ways of getting it.

Also, you said you never went out with friends. Maybe you should make some friends? Right now it is hard to do that, but maybe start getting interested in something so that when this is all over you can get involved with others who share that interest.

For example, I met some people from the Northeast US who did Revolutionary War re-enactments. They were funny because their “characters” were on opposite sides and they argued about that war as if it were happening now!

And as for God, yeah, you could just abandon Him the way your wife abandoned you, but you wouldn’t be in much of a different place if you did, would you? You might still be unable to marry, you said you thought you shouldn’t have children at your age, so maybe you should stick with God and tell Him how you feel and how frustrated you are, but also thank Him for 3 things every day.
 
My sympathies; that is one of the hardest things to go through in life.

Hail Mary…
 
@umamibella no. We tried, alot, unsuccessfully, denied over and over and over.
@T432 yes I have to use CBT therapies to cope.
@Tis_Bearself yes but I get no answers. I attend a counselor but primarily for help regarding how to handle feelings.
@(name removed by moderator) I don’t see any good or logical (the most important kind of) reasons. I wish I could see any though.
@CoffeeCatholic I was fired twice (because of backstabbing in the first case and differences in the other, never for low performance) but I didn’t quit another. Also, as I said, I never argued back unless I felt unfairness, I’m the total opposite of a pushover.
@Philomenasmum wow. I have a friend who went through your exact same path. You have my respect without question or hesitation, because I saw in her the pain you must have been through.
@Julian yes she did.
@Annie believe me, do I tell Him exactly that.

Now the part that really, really bugs me is when people tell me God has a plan that He sees to completion.

Either He gives people free will to do whatever they desire or He has a plan that gets seen to completion whether we like it or not. We can’t have it both ways, it’s illogical.

Nothing personal against you, though. It’s merely that I can’t wrap my head around it.

I acknowledge that I might sound like I am trolling. Believe me, I’m not. I just cannot find a valid reason as for why was I chosen to undergo this.
 
Not to be harsh but…Why you? Maybe because you chose a wife who was incompatible with you. Someone who wasn’t willing to stick around and solve any issues that arose in your marriage. No one is completely faultless in relationships and you need to mentally dig deep and see where you lacked as well. This will make you feel less helpless and victimized. I have tried to look at the end of my relationship with balance and I know it did help me.
 
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Now that I’ve done, and while this has helped me feel a little less bad, I’m still bitter.
 
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I was once told that only you are responsible for how You feel but you’re not responsible for what others have done to you (if you are the victim).

How me, you or anyone else feels doesn’t have to dictate our actions of trying to positively move forward. Don’t let bitterness control you. Instead try focusing on your blessings. Whilst accepting how you feel at the present.
 
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MasterMacLeod82 said:
Now the part that really, really bugs me is when people tell me God has a plan that He sees to completion.

Either He gives people free will to do whatever they desire or He has a plan that gets seen to completion whether we like it or not. We can’t have it both ways, it’s illogical.
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His plans depend on our cooperation. God wills good for us, but we also have to choose that good. I know that in my own experience, my first choice of spouse was disastrously bad. But that wasn’t God’s fault nor his plan. I’m the one who made the mistake.

I know you think there’s no grounds for a decree of nullity, but you are not in a position to make that judgment. I encourage you to speak to a priest or Tribunal advocate at your parish to explore that possibility further.
 
MasterMacLeod82 said:
no. We tried, alot, unsuccessfully, denied over and over and over.
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That is an experience many have. I often think things we are denied , although very painful and can cause a lot of grieving, are vehicles to learn true humility and to grow spiritually.
 
@JulianN that has been done. There is no possibility. Now, the question is, what did you do?

@umamibella I used to think the same but I also found out painfully that I have a breaking point. I used to believe the same, but I had too many bad things happen in a short period of time that ultimately led me to a complete breakdown.
 
MasterMacLeod82 said:
@umamibella I used to think the same but I also found out painfully that I have a breaking point. I used to believe the same, but I had too many bad things happen in a short period of time that ultimately led me to a complete breakdown.
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Everyone has a breaking point. The real thing is,what do we do with our breaking points. Do we nurse our wounded bitterness for years, for decades, for the rest of our life, or do we learn to forgive. Forgiveness is what God teaches.
We pray the Lords Prayer and pray to God and appeal to Him to forgive us, just as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.

Your pain is raw, I get that. You attend a counsellor, thats great, speak to a Priest about finding a path to forgiveness.
 
I think you need to go to or contact your local diocese and look into an annulment. make a clean break.At least email them and explain things, and see what they say.You won’t know if you do not try. I understand you wanting to blame Jesus, or more importantly His Father for this. Sometimes things do not work out for whatever reason. Don’t think you are the only one who feels that way. I think everyone on the planet, regardless of their religion has the same feelings at times.Talk to a priest or therapist about what has happend.I know it’s hard at this time.Everyone is tired of wearing masks, staying apart,etc. So this certainly doesn’t help you, when you can’t connect to people.I hope you take the advice of folks here. I’ve never been in your shoes, took care of my mom and dad, so no marriage or dates, since i anyways was interested in entering the convent.Couldn’t do it while they were alive, and now I’m too old.We are praying for you.
 
MasterMacLeod82 said:
@JulianN that has been done. There is no possibility. Now, the question is, what did you do?
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I want to make sure I understand – you filed a petition with the Tribunal and it was denied?

And, I did get a decree of nullity. I reflected at length and in writing – and therefore did not make the same mistakes when choosing a spouse the second time.
 
@JulianN not so formally as filing a petition, but informally talking about my situation to another parish head (the one who gave approval in the first place for marriage).

Also, on a personal level, I don’t believe in such a figure but that’s just me.
 
MasterMacLeod82 said:
not so formally as filing a petition, but informally talking about my situation to another parish head (the one who gave approval in the first place for marriage).

Also, on a personal level, I don’t believe in such a figure but that’s just me.
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I’m sorry – who ‘gave approval’ for marriage. Not a pastor?
And what is the figure in which you don’t believe?
 
The parish priest, not a pastor.
Annulment/divorce are the figures I don’t believe in.
 
I used to be the same until I rec’d some wonderful counseling 🙂
 
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