My wife left me a year and a half ago. Now my life is done in this regard

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Just out of curiosity. If you was still with your wife and this happened to another parishioner at church who asked you for advice. What advice would you give him?
 
About what? About someone interested and not knowing what to do?

I’d tell him to screw church law and just go for it.
One must go wherever one thinks peace and happiness can be found.

Then again, I acknowledge I am not the best Catholic around.
 
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With respect it sounds to me that you are happy to be Catholic as long as everything is going your way.

You have free will if you want that life you can just meet someone else and get married and not be Catholic anymore.

Just remember we all have crosses. Some people have to deal with all sorts of terrible and horrific things in their lives. Some things objectively worse than our lives.
 
Then allow me to ask you what would you tell that same person? To just bear with it?

I don’t think we came into this world to carry crosses unfairly.
 
This life is a stepping stone to the next glorious life…which is eternal. We have many chances in this life, by the grace of God, to pursue Him and make Him first in our life.

It always helps to meditate and focus on the sufferings of Our Lord to help us get the right perspective. He never fails us!
 
I’ve really already said. Your wife has put you in a terrible heartbreaking situation. Especially, if the picture you paint of your marriage is a true reflection.

I’m not Catholic by the way(yet?!) so I say that you as a human have free will to do what you believe is right. I’m just saying as a Catholic this is your cross.

I feel like perhaps you need professional counseling that I’m not able to give. However, I hope you find the peace you desire.
 
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It is a true reflection. Years ago I voluntarily gave up on lying to anyone. I just don’t see the point in it.
 
Perfect, there is no need to lie. Just be honest to what is your honest truth. Such as, Do I believe in God’s teachings? Am I just angry with God?

As a side note you can be married and feel just as lonely as you feel now. Marriage doesn’t solve all problems necessarily.
 
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The years pass regardless if you go for an annulment or not. Those years are not taken from you, they are given to you.
 
MasterMacLeod82 said:
but God just said “screw you” and denied it.
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Dont blame God. Look at human factors.
MasterMacLeod82 said:
He left me alone. He allowed these things to happen. If He cared, He could have instilled some wisdom into her and let her realize the damage she was about to inflict on me. Yet this injury was inflicted on me.
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Why blame God?
We have free will.

Trust in God and live your life, humbly in the execution of God’s will.

Do you have children together?
 
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A personal recommendation would be to try and teach yourself CBT methods. It helps rationalize your thoughts in a way that is productive. I.e. yes this thought I have is true but actually this other thought isn’t exactly true or always true.

Also, I think getting out of your own headspace and helping others may help you. Maybe volunteering.
 
RolandThompsonGunner said:
The years are gonna pass regardless of whether you work on healing or sit around blaming God and wallowing in sadness.
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^^^ This. We have ALL got problems. I’m sure mine would sound small or laughable to some other people, just like other people’s problems might sound minor to me, but each of us has stuff to struggle with. I have a choice in life, I can keep getting up and trying and asking God to help me, or I can sit and have an anxiety attack until I die, which could be tomorrow or 30 years from tomorrow.

You decide how you’re going to handle it.

While I know it’s horrible to have a loved one leave you, a relationship is not the be all/ end all of existence. There’s a lot you could do with your life. You can go do it or you can sit and feel sorry for yourself. Your choice.

If you’re having trouble working through your feelings, which would be understandable, that’s really a job for a counselor. Not for strangers on an Internet forum.
 
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Truly it is.
One of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of my life.
I wish you well, so very much wellness.
 
MasterMacLeod82 said:
We were even trying to make our family grow but God just said “screw you” and denied it.
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I’m not sure I took the “screw you” as the other posters did… I thought you meant God said “screw you” to the topic of you and your wife not being able to have children - not the whole situation of your wife leaving.

But to the God said ‘screw you’ thing - perhaps He already knew you and your wife were not going to be together and thus; your family did not grow because children were never in Gods plan for you and her - He knew your marriage was not going to last. (I’m just pondering here… obviously no one can know).

As for why she left - I’m sure the details would make things clearer, but from the little you said - I can tell you that I would find it hard as a wife if my husband had been fired from 2 jobs and then quit one more on his own… that would break my heart because it makes me fearful as a wife of my husband ability to care for us and keep a job.

You ‘never arguing’ would also bug me. I don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t know how to disagree and argue. I respect people who have a different opinion or view of something or a situation than me and are willing to stand up for themselves and yes… even argue (obviously a respectful argument - not violent, etc.). I personally don’t like men who are quiet, agreeable, and never stand up for themselves. (NOT that you DO this - but from the few details I have, it reminds me of guys like this.)

Everything hurts right now because it’s still fresh, but
you don’t know what your life will be like or who will be in it, or what you will be doing 3 years, 5 years, 10 years from now.
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God knows. He has a plan. Let him pilot… just work on the things you can right now and wait and see what wondrous things are waiting.
 
Firstly, I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. Although I have no idea what you’re going through, I can imagine it being heartbreaking and isolating.
What I can understand though, is your anger towards God, the feeling of abandonment and The feeling of your time have being wasted.
Today was supposed to be a very happy day for me. The 7th of October is the due date of my, very loved , first child. But instead of being happy, I’m sitting on the couch on my own, having buried my daughter seven weeks ago. I found out she was sick when I was 26 weeks and was advised to abort. I did the Catholic thing and continued on with the pregnancy, despite a very grim prognosis, my health declining (my liver starting to fail was the first thing) and the doctors warning me of infertility if I continued. I went on with faith that God would heal my child and she would be used as an example for his glory.
At 32 weeks my water broke. She was born five hours later and died half an hour after that.
Why did she die when I prayed so hard for her? Why did she die when I did the right thing? Why did she die when others who abuse or abort their children are able to have healthy ones?
I was angry. So, so angry. I started to doubt Gods existence. What was the point of being a “good” Catholic If others who do wrong are happier? I now live with the possibility of never having a living child, my dreams ripped from me and the guilt of potentially robbing my husband of children. But I no longer have any anger towards God. I realize now, that whatever happens in regards to kids is what was supposed to happen. I could stay angry at God, but instead I’m choosing to be grateful to him. He gave me my daughter. And although I never heard her cry, saw her eyes open or even held her alive. I HAD her. I felt her move inside me and that is something to be grateful for. If I had aborted her she would have died without being baptized. I now have the chance of seeing her again. I guess my point is, with time things may not seem so bleak. Maybe you’ll see a silver lining. The time spent married, wasn’t time wasted but something you loved, learned and grew from. I forced myself to go to church and pray daily after my daughters death. I had to fight to maintain my relationship with God. Because ultimately it’s worth it. I felt abandoned but I knew he had helped me immensely in the past (my nephew was diagnosed with cancer years ago). He had helped me now. Just not in the way I was expecting. I truly hope you find peace in all this. I’m sure if given the chance you’d fight for your relationship with your wife. Maybe you should fight for your relationship with God.
 
Philomenasmum said:
Firstly, I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. Although I have no idea what you’re going through, I can imagine it being heartbreaking and isolating.
What I can understand though, is your anger towards God, the feeling of abandonment and The feeling of your time have being wasted.
Today was supposed to be a very happy day for me. The 7th of October is the due date of my, very loved , first child. But instead of being happy, I’m sitting on the couch on my own, having buried my daughter seven weeks ago. I found out she was sick when I was 26 weeks and was advised to abort. I did the Catholic thing and continued on with the pregnancy, despite a very grim prognosis, my health declining (my liver starting to fail was the first thing) and the doctors warning me of infertility if I continued. I went on with faith that God would heal my child and she would be used as an example for his glory.
At 32 weeks my water broke. She was born five hours later and died half an hour after that.
Why did she die when I prayed so hard for her? Why did she die when I did the right thing? Why did she die when others who abuse or abort their children are able to have healthy ones?
I was angry. So, so angry. I started to doubt Gods existence. What was the point of being a “good” Catholic If others who do wrong are happier? I now live with the possibility of never having a living child, my dreams ripped from me and the guilt of potentially robbing my husband of children. But I no longer have any anger towards God. I realize now, that whatever happens in regards to kids is what was supposed to happen. I could stay angry at God, but instead I’m choosing to be grateful to him. He gave me my daughter. And although I never heard her cry, saw her eyes open or even held her alive. I HAD her. I felt her move inside me and that is something to be grateful for. If I had aborted her she would have died without being baptized. I now have the chance of seeing her again. I guess my point is, with time things may not seem so bleak. Maybe you’ll see a silver lining. The time spent married, wasn’t time wasted but something you loved, learned and grew from. I forced myself to go to church and pray daily after my daughters death. I had to fight to maintain my relationship with God. Because ultimately it’s worth it. I felt abandoned but I knew he had helped me immensely in the past (my nephew was diagnosed with cancer years ago). He had helped me now. Just not in the way I was expecting. I truly hope you find peace in all this. I’m sure if given the chance you’d fight for your relationship with your wife. Maybe you should fight for your relationship with God.
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I really hope today (and ongoing) is filled with as much love, support and peace for you to heal from this.
 
There are no words, dear. My heart and prayers are with you. You are a true champion <3 Bless your angel in heaven looking down and thanking you!
 
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