My wife wants out - help needed

[savemymarr]

Hi Leap of Faith,

I am in the same situation as you are and have 5 children. Sorry to say it but your wife is what is considered a “walkaway wife.” in all likelihood she is involved in an affair. my W is an ardent Catholic just as I’m sure yours is. my W had her first affair in late 2008-2009. I discovered it by happenstance but we never really recovered properly despite trying marriage counseling. the 2nd A commenced in late Nov 2009 starting as an emotional affair (EA) on Facebook (which is pure evil btw) before progressing to a physical affair ¶ by 2010 w/ a married father of 4, serial philanderer. everything your W has told you i have heard from my W:
“we were too young,”
“i haven’t loved you in years,”
"ILYBNILWY (= i love you but not in love with you),
“we are not compatible,”
“you should find someone else,”

blah, blah, blah. sad to say but it is all the same as if they are reading from the same script. trust your instincts. your intuition is correct. she IS engaged in an affair or at least adulterous behavior. do not for one second believe otherwise.

we too went to Retrouvaille last year in Sept after i made my discovery of her 2nd A. it seemed to go well but the W re-contacted the other man (OM) and they renewed their communication. he resides in FL >1000 miles away from us but they were able to meet last yr while he was working close by <70 miles away from March to Sept 2010. their EA has gone on and off since, though i’m not absolutely certain of the dates for renewed contact betw them. i have various sources of intel which has corroborated what i felt to be true. my thoughts and prayers are with you as well. this is a terrible situation we are in. i re-discovered my faith in the past year after being dormant for so many years. typical i guess. God is always there for us. my W claims to be an ardent Catholic but recently filed for divorce (D). she was even made a Extraordinary Minister for Holy Communion (“Eucharistic Minister”) by our parish priest though he knows everything about her adultery. THAT has confused me to no end.

you need to go to the MarriageBuilders.com website and look for the discussion forum, upper right corner. join the forum then go to the thread for “infidelty.” look at “surviving an affair.” you will discover that there are a whole bunch of us undergoing the same thing. the website has been a Godsend. the proprietor of it is a marriage therapist himself (and most of marriage counselors are not worth much truthfully) and a man of God, Dr. Willard Harley. you need to gather more intel on your wife. you need to confirm your suspicions. and when you do, please do as the site suggests. it will tell you to expose your W to everyone. she is engaging in fantasy. by happenstance you are doing what is recommended as the thing to do initially which is Plan A or just being a nice guy trying to win back his W. this sets the stage for your W to possibly reconsider her actions/thoughts.

I believe your Retrouvaille w/e commences tomorrow. i wish you the best of luck. it was wonderful. intially it seemed to work but my W was pretty fargone by then and relapsed within several weeks i believe. her A is like an addiction. your W’s too in all likelihood. you will try to discount what i am saying bc it is hard to believe that this could have happened to you. i am not innocent. i definitely contributed to the deterioration of our M, but it was my W who chose to act as she did. your W the same. there is so much more i would write. i dont know if you are already posting or have visited the marriage builders site bc your handle sounds familiar. but by the way you are talking here, i dont think so. when you removed your ring and offered it back to your W, that was the right action. you were calling her bluff. she relies upon you to meet certain basic needs like family committment and financial support. she is also seeking to have other needs, which you should be meeting, filled outside of your marriage like affection, communication, etc. you have needs also. i hope to see you over there. it has helped me quite a bit.

good luck and God bless. i will come back here to see if you respond but spend a good amount of time over there commiserating w/ other people in exactly the same shoes as myself. and your W’s friends are a really BIG problem, but you already know that.

 

[savemymarr]

BTW, please do as your handle says… take a “leap of faith” and go to www.marriagebuilders.com websited. you will not regret it. it will empower you, and you will derive a good measure of comfort from knowing that you are not alone. do not allow you W to make you believe that HER current behavior is all YOUR fault. yes. you were not innocent. me neither. but their choices to engage in wayward and immoral behavior was THEIR choice.

my “mother beat me as a i child so now i’m justified in beating my children too.” um, nope. the classic “you made me do it argument” rings hollow as it should. God is there for you, and if you choose to seek an immoral and unrepentant lifestyle that is your choice. do not blame anyone else.

 

[Leap_of_Faith_1]

Hello savemymarr,

I pains me to think others are going through what I am going through. I feel for you and your children, and will pray for you all.

Your message was particularly difficult to read, and you are right about me not wanting to believe what you are insinuating what my wife is doing. My list of Red Flags is very long to indicate she’s having an affair (at least mentally if not physically), I just really don’t want to believe that she could be this kind of person.

My wife has portrayed herself to be an outstanding Catholic, but lately I feel with what I know, this cannot be the case. She is a really good liar, I know because she is very hard to catch and will deny, deny, deny until I show the proof. Without hard proof that she is having an affair, I must believe her for the sake of repairing our marriage (but I will continue to dig into the Red Flags until I know one way or the other).

I will go to the marriagebuilders.com/ site and see what I can find for support.

I have turned my life over to God’s hands, his will be done! I pray the Blessed Mother will help us through this impossible situation, and ask Blessed Jesus to pour down on my wife the graces necessary to understand what she is doing and stop her from destroying our beautiful family.

Thank you for the prayers!
May God Bless you and your family always.

 

[Always_For_Him]

Wow, LOF, your wife sounds like my husband. It is good that you see that you have done something that really hurt your wife. It sounds to me that you would have had these problems anyway had you not had pictures. We get over these kinds of things, especially if the husband is truly sorry and committed to the marriage etc… I have finally realized and believe that my husband is not who he pretended to be, said he was, able to be the picture he painted. You don’t go from “perfect Catholic boy” who never made mistakes to addicted to pornography at a month of marriage that has plagued our whole marriage, deceipt upon deceipt to continue to get away with it, verbal and emotional abuser, gambling addict, affairs, hiding secret cell phones for years, drinking too much, never present in his children’s lives, no role in his children’s lives. He lives here, but gambles or plays his i-phone all night. He hasn’t even had the decency to remove the woman from his Facebook in the year that I have been asking him to do it. NO remorse, etc… She is not capable of giving you what you need. Honesty, respect, sacrifice, understanding, unconditional love, forgiveness - these are things that we need to provide for eachother. She can’t. She is flailing and filling her wholes with everything bad. My husband will NEVER admit anything unless I tell him I know it first by spelling out what it is. The secret cell phone he had, he kept saying it was his work phone. I finally had to say that no, your cell phone has our area code on it, this one is from the area code where she lives and only her contact information on it. She bought it for you. Then he admitted, ok, she bought it for me. She bought you the one that I found two years ago too, didn’t she? Yes. This type of thing really tears you apart. I know that men have a way of handling things a little better, but this is betrayal. Nothing makes it better. I have my own story if you care to search my thread history. You can’t make someone love you or honor their vows to you. She has some healing to do that really has nothing to do with you in order to be a wife. I know that everyone has an opinion, but living with someone who is similar to your wife, I understand more than you know. I pray that your wife realize what she is really doing and how it is destroying your relationship.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Another said she’s acting like a child… and I would say… A child that has not been allowed to make decisions about much of anything within their life.** The children that rebel severely, and this is just in my experience, are the ones who can’t do anything.** They can’t date, they can’t wear make-up. They aren’t allowed even one “cool” pair of jeans. They can’t choose an instrument, their parents choose it for them. They are not given the opportunity to make decisions… and when they find a window of opportunity, they tend to make the decisions that appeal to their desire… they don’t make good ones, because they haven’t learned how to do so… zero practice.

Yeah I thought that too, but we did allow our son to make decisions, he just started making some really bad ones. Middle school didn’t help him, he became another person entirely. The Catholic school we enrolled him in was not good for him. He had as much freedom as we could safely allow him to have but we also had people in the family undermining our discipline, so what effect that have, we can only guess. Not all rebellious kids have over-controlling parents. Some just do it for their own reasons.

 

[Serap]

For the record, when I was 9 months pregnant, I walked in on my DH on the computer and he was looking at a YouTube video of girls in bikinis.

I said, “What are you doing?”

He blushed and he said, “I’m just looking at this…hmmm. sorry.”

Then he turned it off and I just continued with asking him if he was coming to bed. I let it go and honestly, I didn’t make a big deal out of it.

You’re human; my husband is human…I"m human.

Just yesterday, I was checking out a picture of Brad Pitt in the Thelma and Louise movie thinking how sexy he was…

We all do it! It’s not like anyone is addicted to porn or going to strip joints.

 

[faithfully]

Hello Faithfully,

Wow…you hit the nail on the head more then once on your past post.

…2,4,6 & 8 Sounds exhausting to ME

…Stay at home Mom and does Home Schooling Ads to the exhaustion and having kids around ALL THE TIME… adults do need adult interaction

…She goes out with friends to the coast for weekends, recently went to Vegas & the late night outings are a given. She takes care of most of the inside chores (I help out when possible) & I take care of the outside chores, auto maintenance etc.

…Sometimes, yes! I know there is a fine line and I try to keep a close eye on it before it gets to that stage. And so I can see what a person says settle down. Not that you’re causing probs. But does she have to cope with the crying? Even listen to it? Does she have to be the bad guy while you are fun playful dad, 'cause otherwise you’re at work missing the children?

Is it possible you get them riled up, say right before you leave for work, then leave her with a bunch of crazies that she can’t calm down?…No

…No different than any normal girl. She is slender, average build and very pretty. Slip of the tongue? Interesting that you say she’s a GIRL… and she does seem to be acting like a child… something to think about.

…No, the late night outings started in year #5, the pictures are only a year ol d. ok, so you didn’t cause this with your ill behavior. DANG, you’ve been putting up with this for 5 years??? I expect this to take some TIME to work out… ou didn’t get here just a year ago.

…I am frugal but enjoy splurging from time to time provided we are saving money.

…My wife has an impulse to purchase a bunch of inexpensive stuff on sale, the problem is they always ad up to more than we can afford. Because of her money habits, we never had any money at the end of the year (and typically were in the hole). My folks came to the rescue more than once over the past 10 years to bail us out. She has been in complete control of the budget (by choice) until the past year when I went on commission. Now I have the bulk of the paycheck coming to my personal account, and I give her the budget money (we both agreed on the budget) and some spending money but I keep the high month commission money to cover the low month commissions so we can pay the bills. This is the reason we now have $5K in our account for the first time in 10 years. Research impulse shopping of cheap stuff. That’s usually to fill a void.

. …I always let my wife knows where I am, and always have my cell on me. She has her cell on her always but never answers it when I call (she never misses a friends call), and she feels that I should just trust her judgement on her outings and asking her question is treating her like a child. I feel it is just respectful to keep your spouse informed. I just meant that she should do this with you too!!!

**…**She started this behavior about 5 years ago and when I questioned it, I was told that this is the real her…sorry I didn’t disclose it before we were married but if you want me to be happy you’ll let me do this. **** Well, I hate to say it… but you might need this pc. of info should you actually get a divorce and feel an annullment is appropriate.

Any chance she went straight from living with mom and dad, to married to you? …yes.

**I’m interested in what you have to say about my replies! You seem insightful in many ways, and give me a lot to think about. Keeping in mind of course, that I’m just shooting from the hip here. Please just use what I have to say as food for thought… nothing to make major decisions with… **

God Bless and Thank you for the prayers.

 

[faithfully]

Sorry… I’m always wordy… Please forgive…

the rest…

Bolded is what I THINK, I can’t know for sure, is what I would consider for a bit. Going from mom & dad to DH, although perhaps ideal in many arenas, means she’s never really been on her own. I don’t think it’s terribly natural for people, especially in the US with our society the way it is, to do this. There is never any real sense of independence. Well then, she did this anyhow, and as she says, she hid her real self from you at the time of marriage…

Makes me wonder if she acted out as a wild child with her parents. Were you their saving grace? Someone to mature her?

As you can see, there are some that seem to have through a similar situation as you. I personally wouldn’t assume affair. Especially, since I’m not their to witness you both. But, I suppose it’s possible.

I think you need to consider that a woman that can go off for the weekend, and leave BABIES is truly as self centered as she tells you she is. Although she didn’t show you her true colors from the gate, she is now telling you who she is. I would be inclined to believe that.

… Just cause your wife is slim and pretty doesn’t mean she doesn’t have body image issues. I suggest you do some research in this area. In fact, given her behavior, I suspect she has a near insatiable need for approval. She needs a certain “high” to feel happy. If that’s men hanging on her naked wedding hand… that’s what’s she’s doing…

The thing is this… It’s my opinion that both parties to a marriage deserve to be happy. In a healthy marriage this is possible. You shouldn’t have to set your marriage vows aside, or allow ridiculous behavior so the other can be “happy”… I get needing to be out of the house once and a while, or quite regularly for that matter. However, it’s not to be doing things that are detrimental to marriage.

You mentioned earlier that your wife tells you she doesn’t drink, then you find FB pages with photos showing her drinking. Does she have a drinking problem? Or is it that you don’t approve of alcohol? Or that booze in the settings she places herself in? I’m trying to figure out why it would matter. For example, I think the only reasons my DH would care if I was drinking would be if 1)I was driving 2) I was/or should be in AA 3)I was PG… Drinking in mixed company… no biggy… Unless it’s used for an excuse to bad behavior???

The thing that is really concerning is that you’re not allowed participate in her “fun”… Why is that? Can she answer that? Kind of one thing if your an old fuddy duddy who refuses to participate. Another if you’re left out. Maybe you should hold off asking until you go to counseling together… I would just have these sorts of things on your mind for questions you’d like to get answered. I think you have to phrase these as “I feel” statements. I feel left out when… I feel hurt when… I feel blah…blah…blah when…

Have you gone to retrouville yet?

 

[faithfully]

Yeah I thought that too, but we did allow our son to make decisions, he just started making some really bad ones. Middle school didn’t help him, he became another person entirely. The Catholic school we enrolled him in was not good for him. He had as much freedom as we could safely allow him to have but we also had people in the family undermining our discipline, so what effect that have, we can only guess. Not all rebellious kids have over-controlling parents. Some just do it for their own reasons.

Oh, I agree… no one story fits everyone…

My kids are little… I have my experience as a parent of small children, and experience of watching class mates to rely on here.

Sure there were kids that had ZERO rules… and they acted like idiots… And there were kids that had NOTHING BUT rules… and they acted like idiots.

This is totally unrelated, and pretty much doesn’t help anyone with older children… but I’m a huge advocate of Love and Logic practice. You start giving your SMALL children choices that you approve of… but let them CHOOSE.

I don’t know if this will work for you. Because you have teens… But my kids figured out that Grandma and Grandpa let them break the rules. Now… Grandma and Grandpa don’t do this when the KNOW the rules (like I know happened to you)… however, I call my kids out INFRONT of their grandparents. “Oh my, how disrespectful you are of Grandma and grandpa to get them to let you ABC when you know full well you’re not allowed to do that. You must not think much of them to be so disrespectful. They didn’t know the rule, and you took advantage of that…” I can actually count on the grandparents to play that up. “What? You KNEW you weren’t supposed to do that? and you tricked me??? That makes me feel angry and sad. Like I don’t want to trust you.” Obviously, they have to be on board with that. A friend started using this with her brother who decided to start teaching the kids terrible table manners as a “joke”… So she says things like… Oh, Uncle so and so doesn’t know that we don’t do that…

Once, I did have my inlaws “correct” me in front of my kids… Kind of like “oh grandma and grandpa think you should be able to do XYZ”… At which point I hop in…“What a great idea. We should pick out the most expensive gear and such. Sounds like Grandma and grandpa are super excited to pay for this…” At which point eyes bulge out of their head.Basically, I force them to admit that although they have no problem with my kids doing certain things… they really aren’t interested in supporting or caring for the problems that arise from such stupid ideas… and my kids start to realize they don’t have their backs either… not really… Not under those circumstances.

 

[savemymarr]

Hello savemymarr,

I pains me to think others are going through what I am going through. I feel for you and your children, and will pray for you all.

Hi LOF,

You and your children will be in my prayers as well.

Your message was particularly difficult to read, and you are right about me not wanting to believe what you are insinuating what my wife is doing. My list of Red Flags is very long to indicate she’s having an affair (at least mentally if not physically), I just really don’t want to believe that she could be this kind of person.

THAT is the hardest part to overcome. moreover you keep asking yourself if this could be true? you wonder if you are going crazy. i suspect your list will ring true once you compare it to the ones you will find on marriagebuilders. the whole premise behind the site is to save marriages, even one where one spouse has checked out and engaged in adultery, etc. i too did not want to believe that my W could become that kind of person but she has and did.

My wife has portrayed herself to be an outstanding Catholic, but lately I feel with what I know, this cannot be the case. She is a really good liar, I know because she is very hard to catch and will deny, deny, deny until I show the proof. Without hard proof that she is having an affair, I must believe her for the sake of repairing our marriage (but I will continue to dig into the Red Flags until I know one way or the other).

Same here LOF. my W just became a Eucharistic minister! i found the catholic.com website bc was looking for the requirements to become an EM. found out that you had to be a “member in good standing” and above reproach. i am still in shock that she was approved to be an EM by my pastor who KNOWS everything. i am very much a Catholic, but there are things about the Church and clergy which leaves a lot to be desired. we have to remember that first and foremost this is an area where they really do not know too much. they WILL give you bad advice as well.

your W was probably a good Catholic at one point and still may be in the future, but she really is NOT in her right mind. she cannot be. and i keep telling myself that when we took our marriage vows together under God, it was for “in sickness and in health.” that health part is not just physical but mental. my W is not my “wife.” she cannot be. and she may never become that W that i knew again.

I will go to the marriagebuilders.com/ site and see what I can find for support.

Please do. You will not be disappointed. it has been so helpful to me. You will find it so as well. if there is anything you can do, just view the posts and stories of the other members. you do not have to join to do that. you will be “anonymous.” once you get some of the lingo down pat, then it will be easier to understand like that whole ILYBNILWY. that abbreviation should speak volumes about how common this unfortunately is. look at that Congressman from NY. he is addicted to EAs. it’s pretty obvious to see. the mainstream media of course has no clue. there are various chemicals released in the human brain, dopamine and PEA (look it up), when you are stimulated, be it sexually, via drugs or working out. you crave it. you start doing whatever it takes to get it. my W is has done and is doing it. your W too.

I have turned my life over to God’s hands, his will be done! I pray the Blessed Mother will help us through this impossible situation, and ask Blessed Jesus to pour down on my wife the graces necessary to understand what she is doing and stop her from destroying our beautiful family.

THAT is it. for a long time i couldnt see that. my prayers were predominantly me asking for a miracle. i stopped and simple said that i now turn my W over to Him. thy will be done. i turned over my children to Him as well. it is not to say that you cannot take action to limit the damage, bc you can. but it IS in His hands.

Thank you for the prayers!
May God Bless you and your family always.

and the same to you LOF. i will add you and your family to my prayers. the list keeps getting longer.

i will be looking for you over there. for reasons i cannot divulge, you will not see my thread or string of posts. keep the same handle and i will find you if you decide to seek out the counsel of others there. everyone has been so supportive and helpful. many of us are people with a strong faith. at the end of the day, that is the underpinning of it all.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Is that site Catholic or just Christian? Or is it secular?

I couldn’t see any Catholic references and I wondered what to expect.

 

[savemymarr]

one more thing LOF. NONE of this is your fault. your W was the one who made these choices. maybe you werent innocent and there were things that you and i did to make our wives unhappy, but their responses to it is ALL on them. it doesnt matter whether you are a wayward wife or husband. wrong is wrong. like i said earlier, if you were driving drunk and killed someone bc of it, do not blame me for “making you drink and get behind the wheel of that car.” YOU chose to pour that booze down your threat and YOU chose to drive. i hear that all the time in my job.

i take these pain pills bc the doctor has written them for me. did the doctor put a gun to your head and force you to take them? just be reassured LOF that no matter how it turns out, you WILL be fine. the same cannot be said for your wife unless she repents. truly. in the years to come she will have to look back at her actions and it will cause her great regret. you touched on it yourself above. when you took off your ring and told her “that’s it” what was her response? she backpeddaled. typical. you called her on her behavior. she is cake eating, or trying to have her cake and eat it. you care for her, the kids and she has her fun on the side. as long as you go along with it and dont make waves all is great.

just as for me, the same applies to you LOF. full marriage or full divorce. do not settle for something in betw. you deserve better. your children deserve better. do not let her fool you into thinking that it is all a figment of your imagination either. i get that from the W lots. dont buy what they’re selling.

 

[savemymarr]

Is that site Catholic or just Christian? Or is it secular?

I couldn’t see any Catholic references and I wondered what to expect.

Christian. initially i was a little reserved about it but i am not a snob. most of the time. God is God. the goal of marriagebuilders are good, strong marriages where the needs of both parties, husband and wife, are met. Dr. Harley has lots of interesting articles posted on the site with a lot focused on recovering from adultery and infidelity.

there arent any Catholic refs and for the most part, Dr. Harley’s approach is indeed secular. he does not push “religion” by any means, but the underpinnings of it comes from his strong Christian faith. in fact, i believe he was inspired to do what he does for a living and help marriages bc of a dream he had where he felt inspired by God. it is very much a very supportive place. everyone is interested in helping one another. on some other sites devoted to marriage there is a tendency to engage in this “debate” over what is the best approach, the technique of saving a marriage, etc. that is a waste of time. i want what works. i am only interested in healing my marriage, and if i am not successful there then healing myself so that i can be a strong happy man and father.

 

[Leap_of_Faith_1]

Hello

I have registered in marriagebuilders.com, user name Leap_of_Faith42. I will be checking it out.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I will be praying for you.

God Bless!

 

[Leap_of_Faith_1]

Hello Faithfully,

Makes me wonder if she acted out as a wild child with her parents. Were you their saving grace? Someone to mature her?** …makes me wonder as well. Her parents tell me they thought they were raising a Saint. I feel this is a Red Flag thinking she had been lying to them as well. I did the unthinkable the other day, out of despiration I read her childhood diary where she states “I have a real problem with lying, and promise to try not to lie any longer”. **

As you can see, there are some that seem to have through a similar situation as you. I personally wouldn’t assume affair. Especially, since I’m not their to witness you both. But, I suppose it’s possible**…I really hope I am right and all the Red Flags are as my wife says “all coincidental, but not true”**

I think you need to consider that a woman that can go off for the weekend, and leave BABIES is truly as self centered as she tells you she is. Although she didn’t show you her true colors from the gate, she is now telling you who she is. I would be inclined to believe that**…This is the hardest thing for me to understand
**
… Just cause your wife is slim and pretty doesn’t mean she doesn’t have body image issues. I suggest you do some research in this area. In fact, given her behavior, I suspect she has a near insatiable need for approval. She needs a certain “high” to feel happy. If that’s men hanging on her naked wedding hand… that’s what’s she’s doing…** …I believe my wife (woman, not girl) is getting a high by taking her ring off and flirting with guys. She flirts much better when she is drinking! I do think she likes all the attention these guys are giving her and she doesn’t want me around because she knows I wouldn’t approve with this type situation. **

You mentioned earlier that your wife tells you she doesn’t drink, then you find FB pages with photos showing her drinking. Does she have a drinking problem? Or is it that you don’t approve of alcohol? Or that booze in the settings she places herself in? I’m trying to figure out why it would matter.** …I don’t know why she feels the need to lie about not liking alcohol, but she won’t drink around me, even if I am drinking. Maybe it is because she knows she lets her guard down when drinking and doesn’t think that I would be OK with it. If she tells me she doesn’t drink then I would assume her guard would be in place at all times and hence I should trust her judgment.**

The thing that is really concerning is that you’re not allowed participate in her “fun”… Why is that? Can she answer that? Kind of one thing if your an old fuddy duddy who refuses to participate. Another if you’re left out. Maybe you should hold off asking until you go to counseling together… I would just have these sorts of things on your mind for questions you’d like to get answered.** …I have already asked, She tells her friends I am dull & boring, and no fun to be around. She tells me I am judgmental and because I don’t like the night life, she doesn’t want me around. I am 12 years older than her, so she feels I have nothing in common with her HIP Friends. the last sentence is just my thought!**

Have you gone to retrouville yet?…No, it starts tomorrow night, and I am praying hard it helps give her a reality check.

Again, thank you for your thoughts.

God Bless!

 

[savemymarr]

Hi LOF,

Glad to hear you’ve registered. I’ll be looking for you in the days to come. I’ll be lurking online. Good luck at your Retrouvaille weekend tomorrow! I’ll be praying for you both. It’ll be a wonderful experience. You’ll see. God bless.

SMM

 

[lauralh4]

Leap of Faith, I don’t have much (or any) advice to give you, but know that you, your wife and your children are in my prayers. I hope it all works out for the best. I read that you’re going on a Retrouvaille retreat tomorrow…the best of luck to you both! Many blessings and much love to you and your family.

 

[savemymarr]

Good morning LOF. Friend of mine on MB say you post to Lost (he has 4 kids also I believe). My friends name is Northwood. Another friend is Andy. You are not alone amigo. There are lots of us in similar straits unfortunately. We are there to assist one another. Today’s the day your situation turns around! Retrouvaille beckons. Good luck and God bless. Of to 9a mass. I know He is there for me.

 

[Serap]

If you are 12 years older than her, then this makes a lot of sense. She married a daddy figure and you probably gave her a sense of security.

Now she’s coming into her own and she wants to re-live her youth. She wants to flirt with guys and have fun. She’s extremely immature IMO.

She will regret this later. I am not sure that Retrouvaille will do any good b/c she’s very selfish and uncaring towards others right now. IMO she’s being a complete idiot. She will regret this later when her kids are angry with her and they will be as she gets older.

Cviolete can probably relate to your wife. I’m not sure if she’s posting on this thread. You could perhaps PM her? Cviolet went through something similar and then she came back to God and she’s facing her issues head on. We are very proud of her.

I doubt she’ll even want custody of the kids, given the way she’s acting. She wants to be a part-time mother too, it seems.

 

[savemymarr]

Hi LOF,

Agree with Serap. Lostman’s sitch on marriagebuilders mirrors your own. Suspect your W will do the same. She’s looking to “have fun.” and she WILL regret it later. No doubt. Cviolet sounds like another poster on MB called wolf pack gurl on the Recovery thread of Infidelity. She’s repentant and remorseful as well. Very impressive and you cannot help but be proud of her and root for her bc her H is not into recovery right now.

Your W is in His hands. Her Catholic guilt is not going anywhere either. It’s like a credit card. She’s charging up a storm but the bill is running with interest. Sooner or later she’ll have to pay for it all. Sometimes a WW will wake up, sometimes they won’t. This will serve as a springboard for you, you shall see. God is with you. He has your children in His hands also.