N
needguidance99
Guest
I am grateful to be here. I need help. I am in a bad place. I’m a fallen away Catholic. I have a Mom who is very devout catholic and she doesn’t really even speak to me anymore.
Here it is in a nutshell. I filed for divorce from my ex husband and father of my 11 year old son 3 years ago. VERY quickly I met a wealthy (at the time) doctor who swept me off my feet. He lived 2.5 hours away. I had a terrific career and I was the breadwinner for my family. However, all I did was work – and my ex was working his own business from home. I business I helped him build.
When the divorce happened - he was seen as the stay at home parent and the courts gave me 20 and him 80 custody. I was always working (like typical fathers).
I was so crushed. AND i had to pay child support. Within 6 months my doctor boyfriend proposed and said he wanted to “take care of me” and begged and EVENTUALLY demanded that I quit working in my son’s town and move to his home.
I did. But, soon he started telling me that since I quit my job he was not going to help with my legal bills or even my child support. I swiftly got a new job (started my own business too) and started making money. I was so scared he was in such huge control.
Long story short, during an argument one day I tried to leave the house. He wouldn’t let me go. He was so angry I wouldn’t hand over all of my paychecks. I kept pushing and he wouldn’t let me go. He was begging me to stay. He “accidentally” broke my finger and it required 3 screws in my hand. He didn’t mean to break it he says - but within 2 weeks or so he was telling me that if I didn’t hand over my paycheck that month he would make ME pay for my surgery out of my own pocket.
My doctor told me he had called in suspicion of abuse and for a few months I quietly worked with police. I was too weak to leave my fiance, but I knew something needed to happen.
He was arrested for breaking my bone and he was removed from his position at the hospital. I tried leaving him but I ended up going back. I was miserable without him. I went back and helped him out of the charges.
He still had to start his own practice and he’s not doing well. I continued to help him finacially. I gave him every dime I made. He controlled it all.
Then one night he was yelling at me at the restaurant (mad that I was delaying with a check) and when we went to leave in 2 cars he got pulled over. He believed I called the police. He left me that night. He left me with nothing. 2k in the account and I had just deposited 12k 2 days before.
He locked me out of the house and said I could have my belonging COD. I was devestated. I had to get an apartment – no furntiure and no credit cards. He cut them all.
I was HORRIFIED but I missed him terribly. I blamed myself for getting him arrested and causing all the problems. I went to therapy and i was starting to do better.
I was living near my son again and seeing him more often too. My ex gave him to me a lot to help me.
Then 3 months later – my fiance came back. Told me he loved me and missed me. And what happened? I went back.
Now, it’s been another 3 months. I am about to move back to his town and give up my apartment and support him again. I am terrified.
He currently won’t set a wedding date because he says his family and all his friends know how crazy I have been and won’t speak to me. My family and friends also think I’m nuts for going back. My family has again – disowned me.
he controls my time. I have no friends left – I can’t even have a glass of wine with girlfriends. He thinks they are “poisioning my brain”.
So I’m about to go back to supporting him. He says that I don’t have to – he won’t necessarily leave me - -but he will “do what he has to do to feed his family” (he has 3 older kids). I would also be paying his child support for the youngest 2 who live with thier mom.
I am at a loss. I am so down. I feel like I can’t live without him but i’m so scared of him leaving me again.
he says he didn’t LEAVE Me because of money – he left because he was 'scared of me" and that he believes I called the police on him on the road that night. BTW he wasn’t even ticketed!
So… here I come for help… I love this man. He does so much to be with me – even gives up days of building his own practice to travel with me for work…becuase he says he loves being wiht me so much. He says THAT shows his commitment more than marriage.
What advice would you give me?
Here it is in a nutshell. I filed for divorce from my ex husband and father of my 11 year old son 3 years ago. VERY quickly I met a wealthy (at the time) doctor who swept me off my feet. He lived 2.5 hours away. I had a terrific career and I was the breadwinner for my family. However, all I did was work – and my ex was working his own business from home. I business I helped him build.
When the divorce happened - he was seen as the stay at home parent and the courts gave me 20 and him 80 custody. I was always working (like typical fathers).
I was so crushed. AND i had to pay child support. Within 6 months my doctor boyfriend proposed and said he wanted to “take care of me” and begged and EVENTUALLY demanded that I quit working in my son’s town and move to his home.
I did. But, soon he started telling me that since I quit my job he was not going to help with my legal bills or even my child support. I swiftly got a new job (started my own business too) and started making money. I was so scared he was in such huge control.
Long story short, during an argument one day I tried to leave the house. He wouldn’t let me go. He was so angry I wouldn’t hand over all of my paychecks. I kept pushing and he wouldn’t let me go. He was begging me to stay. He “accidentally” broke my finger and it required 3 screws in my hand. He didn’t mean to break it he says - but within 2 weeks or so he was telling me that if I didn’t hand over my paycheck that month he would make ME pay for my surgery out of my own pocket.
My doctor told me he had called in suspicion of abuse and for a few months I quietly worked with police. I was too weak to leave my fiance, but I knew something needed to happen.
He was arrested for breaking my bone and he was removed from his position at the hospital. I tried leaving him but I ended up going back. I was miserable without him. I went back and helped him out of the charges.
He still had to start his own practice and he’s not doing well. I continued to help him finacially. I gave him every dime I made. He controlled it all.
Then one night he was yelling at me at the restaurant (mad that I was delaying with a check) and when we went to leave in 2 cars he got pulled over. He believed I called the police. He left me that night. He left me with nothing. 2k in the account and I had just deposited 12k 2 days before.
He locked me out of the house and said I could have my belonging COD. I was devestated. I had to get an apartment – no furntiure and no credit cards. He cut them all.
I was HORRIFIED but I missed him terribly. I blamed myself for getting him arrested and causing all the problems. I went to therapy and i was starting to do better.
I was living near my son again and seeing him more often too. My ex gave him to me a lot to help me.
Then 3 months later – my fiance came back. Told me he loved me and missed me. And what happened? I went back.
Now, it’s been another 3 months. I am about to move back to his town and give up my apartment and support him again. I am terrified.
He currently won’t set a wedding date because he says his family and all his friends know how crazy I have been and won’t speak to me. My family and friends also think I’m nuts for going back. My family has again – disowned me.
he controls my time. I have no friends left – I can’t even have a glass of wine with girlfriends. He thinks they are “poisioning my brain”.
So I’m about to go back to supporting him. He says that I don’t have to – he won’t necessarily leave me - -but he will “do what he has to do to feed his family” (he has 3 older kids). I would also be paying his child support for the youngest 2 who live with thier mom.
I am at a loss. I am so down. I feel like I can’t live without him but i’m so scared of him leaving me again.
he says he didn’t LEAVE Me because of money – he left because he was 'scared of me" and that he believes I called the police on him on the road that night. BTW he wasn’t even ticketed!
So… here I come for help… I love this man. He does so much to be with me – even gives up days of building his own practice to travel with me for work…becuase he says he loves being wiht me so much. He says THAT shows his commitment more than marriage.
What advice would you give me?
