Never marrieds sign in here

[RunnerUp]

I’m very sorry, KC2844. You must feel very alone. I do understand how it feels to not have a soul mate. After all, “man is created for union”, as the Church teaches.

To grow in my relationship with God, I’m thinking that I need to open my heart more to Jesus in the Eucharist. Here is a beautiful paragraph taken from The Faith Explained by Fr. Leo Trese:
“Holy Communion unites us with Christ and intensifies our love for God and for neighbor. It increases sanctifying grace, it remits venial sin, lessons concupiscence, and thus preserves us from mortal sin. Finally, as good food should, it readies us for work. A frequent communicant who receives worthily and fruitfully cannot possibly remain wrapped up in himself. As love for Christ more and more fills his horizon, he feels the urge to *do *things for Christ and with Christ. Powered by the graces of Holy Communion, he becomes an apostolic Christian.”

It’s pretty cool - I think you and I, and a myriad of other single adults, have an amazing gift. It’s our time. I’ve been asking myself that age-old question, “If you were able to live your life over again, what would you do differently?”

My answer would be to not waste years of my time, pining away for someone God may never put in my path, but living each day with the certainty that I have a lot to offer those He *has *put in my path. I would not believe in the lie that I am not a whole person unless I’m married.

Let’s pray for each other!

 

[KC2844]

I’m very sorry, KC2844. You must feel very alone. I do understand how it feels to not have a soul mate. After all, “man is created for union”, as the Church teaches.

To grow in my relationship with God, I’m thinking that I need to open my heart more to Jesus in the Eucharist. Here is a beautiful paragraph taken from The Faith Explained by Fr. Leo Trese:
“Holy Communion unites us with Christ and intensifies our love for God and for neighbor. It increases sanctifying grace, it remits venial sin, lessons concupiscence, and thus preserves us from mortal sin. Finally, as good food should, it readies us for work. A frequent communicant who receives worthily and fruitfully cannot possibly remain wrapped up in himself. As love for Christ more and more fills his horizon, he feels the urge to *do *things for Christ and with Christ. Powered by the graces of Holy Communion, he becomes an apostolic Christian.”

It’s pretty cool - I think you and I, and a myriad of other single adults, have an amazing gift. It’s our time. I’ve been asking myself that age-old question, “If you were able to live your life over again, what would you do differently?”

My answer would be to not waste years of my time, pining away for someone God may never put in my path, but living each day with the certainty that I have a lot to offer those He *has *put in my path. I would not believe in the lie that I am not a whole person unless I’m married.

Let’s pray for each other!

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so down and out.

Yes, I am lonely and hurting in this area of my life and it does get the best of me sometimes (holiday season, my bday, etc). But, I have been blessed in other ways (family/friends/etc…) and know that there are so many who do feel truly alone. I am trying very hard to remember that.

Yes, I will certainly pray for you and I thank you so much for you prayers as well!

But, I have a question (I’ll preface by telling you that I am really not trying to give you a hard time!):

“After all, “man is created for union”, as the Church teaches.”

and

“My answer would be to not waste years of my time, pining away for someone God may never put in my path…”

That actually touches on something I have struggled with. Why put the desire there, only to know that it will never come to fruition?

That just seems…cruel.

To be clear, I’m not saying the God should give us all our desires! But, specifically talking about the big things (marriage, children, etc…)?

I don’t mean to paint you into a corner! I would appreciate anyone’s insight on that.

(FYI: I only became Catholic in 2009 and haven’t been to Mass in more than 2 years. So, I realize these may be silly questions!)

Backstory (if you want it): forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=11160835#post11160835

 

[RunnerUp]

Dear KC,

I read your backstory about your journey into the Catholic Church. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m a cradle Catholic and have a great respect for Catholic converts.

I’d like to encourage you to go to Confession and Sunday Mass again because it is through the sacraments that we encounter Christ and can truly be alive. You can do it!

You have a really good question that I don’t know how to answer: “Why put the desire there, only to know that it will never come to fruition?” I’m going to do some reading and in the meantime, maybe there’s someone out there who can enlighten us both.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

This would be me… 28 year old male (29 in 2 weeks) Never married, currently single and looking. I never use to have a problem with being single. But about 2 years ago it started bothering me a little. Have not had a date in a little over a year now. I asked a woman out a few weeks ago but she said no Its ok, every rejection brings me closer to the one

 

[paseo]

Signing in! 32 yo female, never married.

 

[Caroline723]

Dear KC,

I read your backstory about your journey into the Catholic Church. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m a cradle Catholic and have a great respect for Catholic converts.

I’d like to encourage you to go to Confession and Sunday Mass again because it is through the sacraments that we encounter Christ and can truly be alive. You can do it!

You have a really good question that I don’t know how to answer: “Why put the desire there, only to know that it will never come to fruition?” I’m going to do some reading and in the meantime, maybe there’s someone out there who can enlighten us both.

The way I understand God and the desires of man is this: your desire for union in marriage is a natural desire, born of the fact that you are a human being, rather than a desire that God instilled in you at the moment he created your soul. Those who are called to religious life still have that desire for union in marriage as human beings, but feel a higher calling to union with God.

Pain and suffering and loneliness can become all-consuming if we let them. I look at marriages and it appears that many people mistake the desire for union with God, as the desire for marriage/union with man. They enter marriage expecting to feel a fulfillment that is not possible in human relationships. I don’t know how many friends I have who didn’t marry until their 30s or later, only to be surprised that they don’t really feel much differently inside, but that their lives are just harder and more complicated.

It is tremendously hard and frustrating to feel like the start of your life is delayed and delayed through a lack of vocation. But as Mother Teresa put it so eloquently, “God doesn’t ask us to be successful, he just asks us to be faithful”. Work with what you have right now in this moment.

There is a beautiful poem by George Hebert that this conversation reminded me of:

The Pulley

When God at first made man,
Having a glass of blessings standing by,
“Let us,” said he, “pour on him all we can.
Let the world’s riches, which dispersèd lie,
Contract into a span.”

So strength first made a way;
Then beauty flowed, then wisdom, honour, pleasure.
When almost all was out, God made a stay,
Perceiving that, alone of all his treasure,
Rest in the bottom lay.

“For if I should,” said he,
“Bestow this jewel also on my creature,
He would adore my gifts instead of me,
And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature;
So both should losers be.

“Yet let him keep the rest,
But keep them with repining restlessness;
Let him be rich and weary, that at least,
If goodness lead him not, yet weariness
May toss him to my breast.”

 

[Luvz2travel]

This. When I did online dating I would get hundreds of responses but very few were men I was interested in. Offline I attract lots of men but rarely the men I truly want. I couldn’t begin to mention all the times I thought a guy liked me (or hoped he did)only to find out there was no interest in me. Meanwhile I would see some of the guys interested in me and would cry because quite a few were bottom of the barrel, like men with multiple baby mamas or 500 pound men.

I’ve been on a catholic site for years the guys always have issue the last one revealed a wammie then disappeared. I’m still debating weather to call him or leave things be. I never got his story at the time he was ready to talk I wasn’t. He’s said some things that have me concerned that he really is as stable as he says he is. Livng at home, took a job demotion, might have social issue.
As to th others they were abusers or commitment phobics. Commitment phobics seem to be the majority.

 

[Luvz2travel]

The way I understand God and the desires of man is this: your desire for union in marriage is a natural desire, born of the fact that you are a human being, rather than a desire that God instilled in you at the moment he created your soul. Those who are called to religious life still have that desire for union in marriage as human beings, but feel a higher calling to union with God.

Pain and suffering and loneliness can become all-consuming if we let them. I look at marriages and it appears that many people mistake the desire for union with God, as the desire for marriage/union with man. They enter marriage expecting to feel a fulfillment that is not possible in human relationships. I don’t know how many friends I have who didn’t marry until their 30s or later, only to be surprised that they don’t really feel much differently inside, but that their lives are just harder and more complicated.

It is tremendously hard and frustrating to feel like the start of your life is delayed and delayed through a lack of vocation. But as Mother Teresa put it so eloquently, “God doesn’t ask us to be successful, he just asks us to be faithful”. Work with what you have right now in this moment.

There is a beautiful poem by George Hebert that this conversation reminded me of:

The Pulley

When God at first made man,
Having a glass of blessings standing by,
“Let us,” said he, “pour on him all we can.
Let the world’s riches, which dispersèd lie,
Contract into a span.”

So strength first made a way;
Then beauty flowed, then wisdom, honour, pleasure.
When almost all was out, God made a stay,
Perceiving that, alone of all his treasure,
Rest in the bottom lay.

“For if I should,” said he,
“Bestow this jewel also on my creature,
He would adore my gifts instead of me,
And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature;
So both should losers be.

“Yet let him keep the rest,
But keep them with repining restlessness;
Let him be rich and weary, that at least,
If goodness lead him not, yet weariness
May toss him to my breast.”

Yep anyone that thinks marriage is going to solve their lonliness is taking the wrong road. Just read some of the forum posts on some of the problems they have it makes the single life look perferable at times. If you find the right person and marry for the right reasons it can be a wonderful thing. If you marry just to use the other person thinking they will fullfill you or cure your issues that won’t happen they may just get worse and when you marry you take on anothers person issues as well as your own.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I’ve been on a catholic site for years the guys always have issue the last one revealed a wammie then disappeared. I’m still debating weather to call him or leave things be. I never got his story at the time he was ready to talk I wasn’t. He’s said some things that have me concerned that he really is as stable as he says he is. Livng at home, took a job demotion, might have social issue.
As to th others they were abusers or commitment phobics. Commitment phobics seem to be the majority.

I came across one guy who scared me. He seemed like a cool guy but then he started talking extremely racist and abusive and later told me he got an annulment because his wife left. I didn’t give it much thought until he told he he couldn’t understand why she didn’t stay because “I didn’t hit her that hard”. He then started asking for dirty photos. He had my email without my info but nothing else, which he often uses to send extremely racist and sexist info, like that women deserve to be abused and cheated on. Another guy seemed like a great choice (never married, childless and lived by me)we chatted a few months, he disappeared then he reappeared and started sending me verbally abusive messages. Turns out he disappeared because he met someone on the site, dated her and because she used him (according to him)he decided I was an user as well. Another guy sounded good too, we exchanged phone numbers to meet then he disappeared, reappeared a few months later then disappeared again. I met a great guy on the site who happened to be passing through my town but he was 15 years younger and lived 6 hours away so it was really meeting as long time online friends. The majority though were very nasty towards women their age and I would contact men around my age and never hear back while the 60 year olds contacted me. Oddly I chat more with the women from the site than the men and all of them said they struggled to find a decent man from the site.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I came across one guy who scared me. He seemed like a cool guy but then he started talking extremely racist and abusive and later told me he got an annulment because his wife left. I didn’t give it much thought until he told he he couldn’t understand why she didn’t stay because “I didn’t hit her that hard”. He then started asking for dirty photos. He had my email without my info but nothing else, which he often uses to send extremely racist and sexist info, like that women deserve to be abused and cheated on. Another guy seemed like a great choice (never married, childless and lived by me)we chatted a few months, he disappeared then he reappeared and started sending me verbally abusive messages. Turns out he disappeared because he met someone on the site, dated her and because she used him (according to him)he decided I was an user as well. Another guy sounded good too, we exchanged phone numbers to meet then he disappeared, reappeared a few months later then disappeared again. I met a great guy on the site who happened to be passing through my town but he was 15 years younger and lived 6 hours away so it was really meeting as long time online friends. The majority though were very nasty towards women their age and I would contact men around my age and never hear back while the 60 year olds contacted me. Oddly I chat more with the women from the site than the men and all of them said they struggled to find a decent man from the site.

I’ve had really good single guy friends who were always just friends and they had issues finding someone as well. It tough for everyone to find quality people. There always seems to be an issue or issues. My ex was lived for drama and created it were it didn’t exist and was still in love with his ex who dumped him. I told him to go back to her and they eventually married. They both had a need for drama I’ll never understand.

 

[joshvanrad]

I’ve had really good single guy friends who were always just friends and they had issues finding someone as well. It tough for everyone to find quality people. There always seems to be an issue or issues. My ex was lived for drama and created it were it didn’t exist and was still in love with his ex who dumped him. I told him to go back to her and they eventually married. They both had a need for drama I’ll never understand.

Been there, done that, never again. Drama is a huge red flag for me.

 

[freiabereinsam]

I am yet another never-married.

 

[Gullveig]

I didn’t give it much thought until he told he he couldn’t understand why she didn’t stay because “I didn’t hit her that hard”.

Wow. Yeah, I’d stay away from that guy.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I’ve had really good single guy friends who were always just friends and they had issues finding someone as well. It tough for everyone to find quality people. There always seems to be an issue or issues. My ex was lived for drama and created it were it didn’t exist and was still in love with his ex who dumped him. I told him to go back to her and they eventually married. They both had a need for drama I’ll never understand.

Dramatic people belong together that’s for sure. It is hard finding someone and I wonder if the people who can’t find someone online are probably the good ones.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Wow. Yeah, I’d stay away from that guy.

Yeah he made me nervous but then when he started on racist and sexist comments to boot I knew he was a creep. I looked not long ago on the site and he’s still there.

 

[Gullveig]

I think my thing is that I meet a lot of guys, but rarely ones that I’m interested in. Guys my age just seem kind of goofy and shallow a lot of the time and it’s hard to connect with them. I don’t know if this makes me too picky or what. Also, I’m terrible at flirting, which doesn’t help.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I have the problem that I am picky with regards to men who are childless, never married (or if previously married, able to marry in church but strongly prefer never married)and Catholic (though would consider someone who is Christian but not anti Catholic). Being 42 limits the pool and I find that I am contacted on dating sites (well when I did online)by older men, or men with kids or men not serious about dating. When I do find men fitting what I desire they are either not interested or have other issues. This guy I like does fit what I desire but he’s very shy and hasn’t asked me out. I’m going to ask him out but when I have casually mentioned getting together he often had excuses (most I found out were in fact valid). He talks about going out and all of that but hasn’t set a date, except one time he asked me to attend an event with him and his mother.

 

[LouiseHine]

Signing in, 31 year old woman, never married nor ever likely to be. Going through RCIA at the moment.

Just wondering how everyone copes with the lonliness that comes with being single at this age, when everyone around you is getting married and having babies etc? Any advice would be gratefully received.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I have the problem that I am picky with regards to men who are childless, never married (or if previously married, able to marry in church but strongly prefer never married)and Catholic (though would consider someone who is Christian but not anti Catholic). Being 42 limits the pool and I find that I am contacted on dating sites (well when I did online)by older men, or men with kids or men not serious about dating. When I do find men fitting what I desire they are either not interested or have other issues. This guy I like does fit what I desire but he’s very shy and hasn’t asked me out. I’m going to ask him out but when I have casually mentioned getting together he often had excuses (most I found out were in fact valid). He talks about going out and all of that but hasn’t set a date, except one time he asked me to attend an event with him and his mother.

Honstly if you meaned going out and he didn’t step up and ask you out then he’s not ready for a relationship in my opinion a guy who is really interested will pursue if they are wishy washy or claim shyness a lot of the time that’s just an excuse.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Honstly if you meaned going out and he didn’t step up and ask you out then he’s not ready for a relationship in my opinion a guy who is really interested will pursue if they are wishy washy or claim shyness a lot of the time that’s just an excuse.

He’s shy so that makes it different and by shy I mean really shy. I don’t know whether that means anything but I am going to ask him out instead of both of us hinting. I know he does have other issues going on so I’ll see what happens but I do get scared. He fits what I want and the idea of either being alone or having to settle for a man who isn’t what I want morally horrifies me.