Note: Had to cut a lot out of this post as it’s over the max for one post.
In Fathers opinion, we both showed a keen willingness to make our marriage work despite the revelations of cheating, excessive use of pornography, possibility of a child to be born outside the marriage and my invasion of my husbands privacy (hacking into his emails, phone & facebook). He believes we do have a valid marriage and that my husband has shown his determination to change by staying faithful since our wedding day and resisting the opportunity to cheat in the flesh.
For starters, the part that I bolded is not an error on your part, when you are married those things are shared, you become like one in marriage and if you refused to do what you did by looking into his emails etc, you would still be naïve to the severity of the situation.
There is a good saying “those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.”
Father did stress to my husband that the acts he performed over web-camera with other females during our marriage could be taken as infidelity by some and he said only God himself can decide whether the acts were committing adultery against his wife or the sin of wasting seed that should only be used for the divine purpose it is intended for. It is certainly one if not both.
I would say it’s infidelity because they exposed themselves intimately to one another. But yes, it would be hard to determine, if it’s not infidelity, it sure is close to it.
I did mention during the separate conversation with our Priest that I had told my story on here and he said he will read it. I mentioned many of the points and concerns raised by you all on here
Well, I’ll trust the priest, because ultimately he is the one with the first hand knowledge, we are all just going on second hand information.
and Father had an answer for each of them including ‘let he without sin cast the first stone’,
True. He also tells us “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
So yes, I would definitely agree, never throw stones, however if he cannot respect your sexuality or the sacredness of your union, than there is not point being in such a union.
he reminded me that we both took a holy oath on our wedding day and only God can separate us now. He reassured me that my husband was indeed contrite in his apology and he believes he really regrets his behaviour and he has already started to change and intends to make our marriage a long and happy one.
That’s good and yes, marriage is until death do you part (I don’t understand how the annulment process works), if he cannot change though, you would be better to remain single.
I know this update may be frustrating for so many of you that advised me to leave my husband and I know this is only the beginning of a huge journey and there will be many more struggles before we reach our destination but I have a heart full of hope and determination.
I am concerned that you will spend all of this effort on your marriage, that you will live married to him being naïve and in the end he will simply divorce you anyway and by that stage you will have probably brought your own children into the mix.
Sometimes it’s important to know when to cut our losses and run.
So THANK YOU for all your help and advice You made a huge difference for me when I needed you most. God bless you, Sophia xx
All the best, God bless you Sophia.
Just a little note worth mentioning, our Priest expressed concern at the cry of ‘divorce him now’ that was advised a number of times in your replys, he reminds us that as Catholics there is no divorce, such a piece of paper from the courts is nothing more than a piece of paper. Divorced Catholics are still married until death parts them.
True. I’m glad he clarified this because Jesus is very clear on divorce in the Gospels, it’s a hard teaching, but it’s very clear none the less.
However remember, if he cannot change, you would be better to remain single.
I know, this is exactly why I wont tell my parents. They will insist that we separate… BUT I feel my soul is more precious than my body, possessions and my pride. I will forsake all these gladly for a chance to build a real and lasting marriage and the chance to help both myself and my husband to please God. I wont defend his past behaviour, he has hurt more people than just me, but I will forgive him, stand by him, stay by his side (hopefully) until God calls us home.
Divorce
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[f] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
I can hear the collective groan as I type and I do cringe at how frustrating I seem to you all. Sorry.
It’s okay, it’s only frustrating because it feels as if you are making a big mistake. How bad would it have to get?
I know what the priest is saying when he say’s “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” but I wonder, would he say the same for those who are telling a woman who has been brutally beaten by her husband to leave him? How do women get in those situations where they stay with an abusive husband? Often they use the same excuses that they are sorry or that they were drunk or not thinking straight and that it will never happen again.
God Bless you, I hope you and the priest are making the right decision and I hope your marriage works.
Thank you for reading
Josh
Sophia xx
