Niece pregnant

[azgirl]

My 20 year old niece is pregnant and due in August. She is very immature and I worry that she is not ready for the responsibility of being a mother. She was engaged to the father but they have now broke up. He has problems with drinking and doing drugs so this is probably for the best. Although I am sure they will get back together again as they have done this a couple of times already. She has never taken care of herself as she has been in community college and her father has paid her rent and bills. She hasn’t held a job for very long. I am sick with worry, wondering how she will be able to care for a baby when it appears she can’t take care of herself. I have offered her a place to stay but we do not live near each other. We live about 3 hours apart. I would love to offer to adopt the baby as I have the means to care for a child but know that is not my place. Any suggestions on how to reach out to my niece?

 

[catharina]

My 20 year old niece is pregnant and due in August. She is very immature and I worry that she is not ready for the responsibility of being a mother. She was engaged to the father but they have now broke up. He has problems with drinking and doing drugs so this is probably for the best. Although I am sure they will get back together again as they have done this a couple of times already. She has never taken care of herself as she has been in community college and her father has paid her rent and bills. She hasn’t held a job for very long. I am sick with worry, wondering how she will be able to care for a baby when it appears she can’t take care of herself. I have offered her a place to stay but we do not live near each other. We live about 3 hours apart. I would love to offer to adopt the baby as I have the means to care for a child but know that is not my place. Any suggestions on how to reach out to my niece?

Only a question … why is it “not” your place to offer adoption?

 

[Paddy1989]

Adoption should be the last option for both the mother and baby, what sometime’s happen’s and hopefully in this case is that those who are at first immature live up to the responsibility. Once she hold’s the baby in her arm’s and see him/her for the first time, that might be the kick she need’s. I think talking to her in private and explaining it to her how much she need’s to change etc for the baby should also be something that is done regularly

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Adoption should be the last option for both the mother and baby, what sometime’s happen’s and hopefully in this case is that those who are at first immature live up to the responsibility. Once she hold’s the baby in her arm’s and see him/her for the first time, that might be the kick she need’s. I think talking to her in private and explaining it to her how much she need’s to change etc for the baby should also be something that is done regularly

I disagree with your statement that adoption should be the last option. This girl has no husband and the baby will have no father, at least for the time being. She has no education and no job. How will she support the baby - she will need help from the welfare system and will need full-time child care if she does plan to work. The baby could be adopted into a family who are desperate for a child and can provide it with a much better life. I think the OP should talk to her niece because it’s likely that no one else will. Call Catholic Charities immediately and get information.

 

[Paddy1989]

I disagree with your statement that adoption should be the last option. This girl has no husband and the baby will have no father, at least for the time being. She has no education and no job. How will she support the baby - she will need help from the welfare system and will need full-time child care if she does plan to work. The baby could be adopted into a family who are desperate for a child and can provide it with a much better life. I think the OP should talk to her niece because it’s likely that no one else will. Call Catholic Charities immediately and get information.

But everything should be done to motivate her to get work and support her as best they can not just for her sake but the baby’s. Also think about how it will affect the child later in life always wondering where and who their real parent’s are. I suppose i don’t know the full story such as is she willing to give everything to try and support herself and the baby. The point is that everything should be done to make sure she take’s responsibility and if she does not desire to do so well then even her herself will probably admit that maybe adoption is the best alternative but it should be the last resort

 

[Young_Thinker]

I disagree with your statement that adoption should be the last option. This girl has no husband and the baby will have no father, at least for the time being. She has no education and no job. How will she support the baby - she will need help from the welfare system and will need full-time child care if she does plan to work. The baby could be adopted into a family who are desperate for a child and can provide it with a much better life. I think the OP should talk to her niece because it’s likely that no one else will. Call Catholic Charities immediately and get information.

I think that it is better for a child to be adopted by a relative than a stranger. You do not want to cut him off from his natural family.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

But everything should be done to motivate her to get work and support her as best they can not just for her sake but the baby’s. Also think about how it will affect the child later in life always wondering where and who their real parent’s are. I suppose i don’t know the full story such as is she willing to give everything to try and support herself and the baby. The point is that everything should be done to make sure she take’s responsibility and if she does not desire to do so well then even her herself will probably admit that maybe adoption is the best alternative but it should be the last resort

The “real” parents are the ones who adopt, not the biological parents, who surrender their child as a sacrificial act for the child’s greater welfare. How can the best alternative be the last resort???



Adopted people are amazingly well adjusted, and many of them never feel a need to search for their bio parents.

 

[azgirl]

Thank you for all your replies. I am single myself but have the means to be able to care for a child as well as the support of family nearby. If adoption comes to my niece as a possibility I want her to consider me. Should I tell her or do I wait? I am very worried about her, she is not returning calls to her mother or grandmother. I sent her a message on FB hoping she would respond but I haven’t heard from her. My sister (her mom) brought up adoption again to her when she finally talked to her but right now my niece won’t consider it. I pray that she will step up to the responsibility and will be a good mom, but I can’t help but worry. She hasn’t learned to take care of herself, let alone a baby.

 

[Paddy1989]

The “real” parents are the ones who adopt, not the biological parents, who surrender their child as a sacrificial act for the child’s greater welfare. How can the best alternative be the last resort???



Adopted people are amazingly well adjusted, and many of them never feel a need to search for their bio parents.

The best option is to exhaust all mean’s to keep a child and his/her mother together. Only when this has been exhausted ENTIRELY should adoption be considered. Yes i agree they are well adjusted but there is sometime’s that curiosity and even bitterness against their biological parents who give them up for their well being. My only point is that it should be a last resort in which she should try and take responsibility and even get aided as much as possible from her family. If she refuses to do this then i’m sure that even she would admit adoption is the best alternative and there will be an amazing couple who will become the parent’s of the Child

 

[catharina]

I think the OP should talk to her niece because it’s likely that no one else will.

Agree.

 

[catharina]

I think that it is better for a child to be adopted by a relative than a stranger. You do not want to cut him off from his natural family.

Agree.

 

[catharina]

Thank you for all your replies. I am single myself but have the means to be able to care for a child as well as the support of family nearby. If adoption comes to my niece as a possibility I want her to consider me. Should I tell her or do I wait? I am very worried about her, she is not returning calls to her mother or grandmother. I sent her a message on FB hoping she would respond but I haven’t heard from her. My sister (her mom) brought up adoption again to her when she finally talked to her but right now my niece won’t consider it. I pray that she will step up to the responsibility and will be a good mom, but I can’t help but worry. She hasn’t learned to take care of herself, let alone a baby.

Can you go to see her?
Much friendlier and more involved than facebook!

She’s due in August? That a week away!

Either visit her or write a letter.
Tell her what your hope is (adoption)
and let her know ASAP.

All you would be doing is OFFERING AN OPTION to her.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

The best option is to exhaust all mean’s to keep a child and his/her mother together. Only when this has been exhausted ENTIRELY should adoption be considered. Yes i agree they are well adjusted but there is sometime’s that curiosity and even bitterness against their biological parents who give them up for their well being. My only point is that it should be a last resort in which she should try and take responsibility and even get aided as much as possible from her family. If she refuses to do this then i’m sure that even she would admit adoption is the best alternative and there will be an amazing couple who will become the parent’s of the Child

I will always disagree with this. I think it is selfish of young mothers to think that there is no one better to raise their child. There were so many more adoptions before abortion became legal. Once abortion was legalized, you couldn’t present adoption as an alternative any more because a pregnant girl did not want to go through the whole pregnancy only to have to give up the baby, so in the interest of saving the baby, pro-life counselors pretty much stopped pushing adoption. And babies have suffered for it. And the girls suffer too, only in different ways. I do not believe that a single, pregnant girl with no education and no income should always keep her baby. In fact, I would say rarely can she provide anything close to what a child really needs, so it is only for her own peace of mind that society says “keep the baby.” How selfish is that?

 

[Paddy1989]

I will always disagree with this. I think it is selfish of young mothers to think that there is no one better to raise their child. There were so many more adoptions before abortion became legal. Once abortion was legalized, you couldn’t present adoption as an alternative any more because a pregnant girl did not want to go through the whole pregnancy only to have to give up the baby, so in the interest of saving the baby, pro-life counselors pretty much stopped pushing adoption. And babies have suffered for it. And the girls suffer too, only in different ways. I do not believe that a single, pregnant girl with no education and no income should always keep her baby. In fact, I would say rarely can she provide anything close to what a child really needs, so it is only for her own peace of mind that society says “keep the baby.” How selfish is that?

As i said i believe if she is unable or even does not even want to go out and provide and take responsibility then yes this is viable. I think though that what she need’s is guidance from her family and friend’s to get a job to support herself and child and to step up to the plate. I have seen many women end up dong this and becoming very good loving mother’s able to provide for their child. If however she is unable to provide for her child by refusing to do this then yes adoption should be an alternative

 

[kib]

As i said i believe if she is unable or even does not even want to go out and provide and take responsibility then yes this is viable. I think though that what she need’s is guidance from her family and friend’s to get a job to support herself and child and to step up to the plate. I have seen many women end up dong this and becoming very good loving mother’s able to provide for their child. If however she is unable to provide for her child by refusing to do this then yes adoption should be an alternative

Adoption is not the last option, it is AN option. You are clueless.

 

[Paddy1989]

Adoption is not the last option, it is AN option. You are clueless.

A last option that should only be viable when the mother of the child is unable to provide for him/her. And about the last remark. wise up

 

[tapiocapudding]

I think that there is nothing wrong with saying to the niece “if you think adoption is something you want to consider I would be happy to adopt your child”. If the niece is panicking about the pregnancy it would surely give her much relief to know the option is there. But I would not try and talk her into it at all. As PP has said many women find themselves young, poor, unmarried and pregnant and the child gives them the motivation needed to step up and get their act together. I was young and unmarried when I got pregnant and DH and I were poor as dirt. But we got married, he went back to school and now we’re still low income but happily married with two wonderful kids. Both of us matured A WHOLE LOT.
I belong to a group for young mothers that meets weekly and I’ve met so many remarkable young women that realized what was at stake and went back to school, got their lives together and figured it out.
Just because someone is young, poor and unmarried doesn’t mean they will be a terrible parent and adoption is automatically the default. Convincing a reluctant mom to adopt out her baby will lead to an extrememly depressed and troubled birth mother. If on the other hand she’s really upset about the pregnancy and feels she isn’t in a place at her life where she can raise the baby then adoption by a relative is a wonderful thing.
I think you should guage her reaction OP. Did your neice announce the pregnancy or her parents? Did she seem excited about it or upset?

 

[kib]

A last option that should only be viable when the mother of the child is unable to provide for him/her. And about the last remark. wise up

Or the best option for women who don’t want their child or are too immature to care for it.

 

[Paddy1989]

Or the best option for women who don’t want their child or are too immature to care for it.

But it is no less the last option as what other option’s are there after this?

 

[kib]

But it is no less the last option as what other option’s are there after this?

Clearly the option is to keep the child.