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tweetymom
Guest
Sorry you asked for oponions and that is mine. If you believe that is what God wants you to do then don’t ask for oponions just do it. I for one think it is very sad to treat your brother this way.
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JMJ01
Guest
Yes we tried to get him to get a dispensation and he won’t do it. That is probably part of the reason he left the Church. Too much work he thinks. Ridiculous.
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that_name
Guest
Once you are baptized Catholic, you are bound to the laws of the Church for life.
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flyingfish
Guest
As a Catholic, this person has left the Church. Are you sure that particular law applies to Catholics who haven’t simply lapsed, but who have officially left the Church and joined another religion?
It just doesn’t sound right to me, because it implies that someone can be simply baptized Catholic, then come to leave the religion completely, get married, get divorced and later get an easy annulment.
That said, even if this is against canon law, the Church still doesn’t forbid family members to attend the marriage. In fact, even if a divorced person without an annulment is remarrying, the Church still allows family members to attend for the sake of family peace.
This is a non-Catholic man getting married, he is not moving in with a girlfriend. He is planning to start a family with her.
If the OP thinks that they can just say “oh we love you anyway, but we’re not going to participate in the most important even of your life as a matter of principle” and have it have no effect they are kidding themselves. Even if he knows they love him, his wife sure doesn’t. And guess who has the say in how much time the children will spend with the grandparents, whose house they go to for the holidays, who they spend time with as a family.
Really, think about it. If you are getting married and your husband’s family completely snubs your wedding, are you going to want to visit them, invite them over, call them, involve them in your children’s lives?
I am not a very emotional person, but that kind of thing would make me feel permanently uncomfortable around them. I would always have it in the back of my mind that they disapprove of me.
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that_name
Guest
The process to formally defect from the Faith was removed from Canon Law a few days ago. Once Catholic, always Catholic.
God is serious about the faith, time the rest of us got serious as well.
God is serious about the faith, time the rest of us got serious as well.
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tweetymom
Guest
Amen to that.
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Apryl
Guest
I’m very sorry for your loss, and I do understand the pain of someone who KNEW the church, but has walked away from it.
But what does your not attending the wedding mean? Does this mean that in years to come, you will not recognize his marital status?
I don’t think this is what you are saying… but of course, I may be wrong.
I believe that you can (and should) attend the wedding, but if there is any sort of communion service, which is uncommon at a non-Denominational Church wedding, I believe, don’t participate in that. Eat, drink, celebrate the wedding.
Before and after the wedding (not that day, of course) talk to your brother about his religious stances, and try to evangelize him about his faith… sadly, there are so many that I know who were raised ‘good Catholics’ that have left the church, and the reason for them leaving are so easily reduced to, ‘OH, I didn’t understand that before’.
This is one of the reasons why I frequent CAF and ask the questions that I do: I want to be able to answer the questions before they get to the point of someone without a clue breaking the foundation that it was assumed the person had.
As for your brother saying that all you need is the Bible, are you prepared to show him USING THE BIBLE the basis for the Catholic teachings that you follow? If you can do that, you can argue him. If not, you need to be prepared. You have to speak to him in his current ‘language’
Let us not forget: the Catholic church encourages and supports marriage. At least he’s doing that!
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KostyaJMJ
Guest
As of right now a person born Catholic can formally defect and get validly married outside the church but I believe that is going to change to a once Catholic always Catholic rule pretty soon.
I agree with you though, as long as I could morally attend the marriage I would. The only time I don’t attend a wedding is when it is a second marriage for one of the parties. It is just such a farce to see them up there promising until death do us part again that my stomach can’t handle it.
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tbcrawford
Guest
Gosh where is the love in your faith?Amazing - to those of you who encourage celebrating this fornication also celebrate other grave sins with your family? Do you go over and watch the first time your nephew gets falling down drunk - to support him and let him know that you love him? How about being the alibi for your sister so she can go have an affair, I mean, you don’t want to alienate her
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iluvmybabies
Guest
I think the question we should all be asking is “WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?” Would he walk away, or would he welcome them with arms wide open, bless them in the name of the Father, remind them the right way, and celebrate with them or would he rebuke them…
Even though they are not getting married through the Catholic church, they are still getting married, and even our Catholic Church sees all marriages as “valid.” Depending on the deeper more validating facts or invalidating facts in case of an annullment… So why not celebrate, bless them with all the love GOD has made for them and remind them they are always welcomed in the church and in your homes, the way Jesus would have invited anyone whom searched for him…remember the prodigal son???
He was lost but was found, he was dead and is alive again… Right now your brother, my brother are lost, we can’t abandon them in this time, like I said, he cut all communications with me I didn’t so it wasn’t my choice to not speak with him…I still love him and bless him and if we had a good communication I would be there for him, I would even bring a Bible and read a blessing verse for them but I don’t have a good communication so I am not going to show up where I am not wanted…
That’s just my :twocents: We are not celebrating the person for not marrying through the church we are celebrating the unity of two souls becoming one through marriage…Hopefully he will come back to the church soon…I am hoping GOD will enlighten my brother and come back soon enough…Still praying for it!
GOD bless…
Even though they are not getting married through the Catholic church, they are still getting married, and even our Catholic Church sees all marriages as “valid.” Depending on the deeper more validating facts or invalidating facts in case of an annullment… So why not celebrate, bless them with all the love GOD has made for them and remind them they are always welcomed in the church and in your homes, the way Jesus would have invited anyone whom searched for him…remember the prodigal son???
He was lost but was found, he was dead and is alive again… Right now your brother, my brother are lost, we can’t abandon them in this time, like I said, he cut all communications with me I didn’t so it wasn’t my choice to not speak with him…I still love him and bless him and if we had a good communication I would be there for him, I would even bring a Bible and read a blessing verse for them but I don’t have a good communication so I am not going to show up where I am not wanted…
That’s just my :twocents: We are not celebrating the person for not marrying through the church we are celebrating the unity of two souls becoming one through marriage…Hopefully he will come back to the church soon…I am hoping GOD will enlighten my brother and come back soon enough…Still praying for it!
GOD bless…
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flyingfish
Guest
That’s interesting. What’s the reasoning behind doing this? I mean, that Catholics must marry in a Catholic Church is not a required rule, since the sacrament is conferred by the couple and the priest is simply a witness.
I guess it would make it really easy for a lot of people who were baptized Catholic but didn’t get married in the Church to get annulments.
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Apryl
Guest
Which ‘this person’? The brother, the one getting married, is NOT Catholic.
The guest, the OP, is the one Catholic. Nothing in Canon Law states that a Catholic cannot attend a non-Catholic wedding.
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Carlan
Guest
Respect for Parents and family should be very much considered also. To blatenly reject family and Church as he has done as told here, does not show respect on the other’s part.I would think ,If any forever block results, the brother must also take resposibility. Fogiveness is a biggie in this situation and lets pray it happens. Pride is the death of many a relationship
Carlan.
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Apryl
Guest
Amazing - to those of you who encourage celebrating this fornication also celebrate other grave sins with your family? Do you go over and watch the first time your nephew gets falling down drunk - to support him and let him know that you love him? How about being the alibi for your sister so she can go have an affair, I mean, you don’t want to alienate her
Just going out on a limb here: but is this a personal trigger for you? Is there something you want to discuss with the group?
Because I don’t see where any of this was posted… how you made such leaps is confusing me.
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KostyaJMJ
Guest
Here is an article that explains the new changes to canon law.
Yes, I bet it makes it really easy for returning Catholics to get an annulment. I really doubt that anybody who has stopped being Catholic is interested in following the rules of a church they no longer consider themselves members of.
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jjdrury81
Guest
You should really reconsider your position here. There is a good chance that you will regret not attending your brothers wedding for the rest of your life.
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tweetymom
Guest
Amen to that. Such a sad thing that we can diown our family. I would never consider that no matter what they do.
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Cristiano
Guest
What would Jesus do???I think the question we should all be asking is “WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?” Would he walk away, or would he welcome them with arms wide open, bless them in the name of the Father, remind them the right way, and celebrate with them or would he rebuke them…
Even though they are not getting married through the Catholic church, they are still getting married, and even our Catholic Church sees all marriages as “valid.” Depending on the deeper more validating facts or invalidating facts in case of an annullment… So why not celebrate, bless them with all the love GOD has made for them and remind them they are always welcomed in the church and in your homes, the way Jesus would have invited anyone whom searched for him…remember the prodigal son???
He was lost but was found, he was dead and is alive again… Right now your brother, my brother are lost, we can’t abandon them in this time, like I said, he cut all communications with me I didn’t so it wasn’t my choice to not speak with him…I still love him and bless him and if we had a good communication I would be there for him, I would even bring a Bible and read a blessing verse for them but I don’t have a good communication so I am not going to show up where I am not wanted…
That’s just my :twocents: We are not celebrating the person for not marrying through the church we are celebrating the unity of two souls becoming one through marriage…Hopefully he will come back to the church soon…I am hoping GOD will enlighten my brother and come back soon enough…Still praying for it!
GOD bless…
Jesus is divine and human at the same time. We are only humans and we do not have the power of doing everything that He would do. Do we have such a complete understanding of God that we can guess what He would do?
The only thing that we know for sure is that He would do the Father’s will! The Father’s will has already been told to us by Tradition and Scripture. We are simply to follow the Church laws with charity and clarity.
The Church does not see all marriages as valid and there is a big difference between an annulment and a lack of form.
Two souls do not become one through marriage. This is just new age mumbo jumbo.
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tbcrawford
Guest
It would be better to attend the wedding and show a good example of catholicism at its finest by love for your brother.
This does not detract from our faith of the church it simply shows you are there for him and love him no matter what,as commanded by God to do.
By staying away and snubbing him you are displaying an unkind, uncaring, even cruel behaviour.
Is this what Jesus would do? Jesus showed love to all even to those that others had rejected.
We must try to be like Him in all we do.Try to show your brother love and by your example you may well one day lead him back to the church.
We are all desciples of Christ so lets show love to others and not judge but guide by our actions of love.
This does not detract from our faith of the church it simply shows you are there for him and love him no matter what,as commanded by God to do.
By staying away and snubbing him you are displaying an unkind, uncaring, even cruel behaviour.
Is this what Jesus would do? Jesus showed love to all even to those that others had rejected.
We must try to be like Him in all we do.Try to show your brother love and by your example you may well one day lead him back to the church.
We are all desciples of Christ so lets show love to others and not judge but guide by our actions of love.
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Apryl
Guest
Oh, I would
If they were marrying in some sort of satanic ceremony… I wouldn’t go
If they were marrying our first cousin… I wouldn’t go
If they were marrying someone who I knew was physically abusive to them, or they to the other person… I wouldn’t go
I’m all for, ‘I’ll accept my loved one no matter what’… but I also know that there are some things that push it all out of the ‘no matter what’ box.
At some point, I believe that there are limits. I can’t do anything and think it’s ok. I would hope that if I go beyond the limits, my family would say, ‘that’s not kewl’, ‘that’s not acceptable’.
I also pray that my reasons would not be ‘petty’ and my reaction would work to alert them to the severity of their actions, and not just cause more strife.
Why our (American) society has become a culture the worships permissiveness is scary and makes no sense to me.
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