Not attending brother's wedding

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2CO 2:5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he
has grieved all of you, to some extent–not to put it too severely.

6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him.

7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not
be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.
 
Try what I did in a similar situation with my son: ask your priest for advice.
Our’s said to go to the civil ceremony to show we loved my son & that since the couple had no impediments to be married they could always do that in a Catholic Church at a later date.
I can imagine that other priests might give different advice but as a Catholic I went first to our parish priest.
 
"Hebrews 10:24-25 (New International Version)
24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Romans 12:5
… so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Luke 6:37
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Matthew 6:14-16
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Matthew 23:8-12 “But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers. 9 And do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 And do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. 11 But the greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.

18:20 For where two or three are assembled in my name, I am there among them.”

5:23 So then, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother and then come and present your gift.

10:27 If an unbeliever invites you to dinner and you want to go, eat whatever is served without asking questions of conscience. 10:28 But if someone says to you, “This is from a sacrifice,” do not eat, because of the one who told you and because of conscience- 10:29 I do not mean yours but the other person’s. For why is my right being judged by another’s conscience? 10:30 If I partake with thankfulness, why am I blamed for the food that I give thanks for? 10:31 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God."
 
former_Catholic said:
I totally agree that you should not attend his wedding. That would be best.
If he and his wife invite you for dinner or Easter or 4th of July or Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Years you likewise shouldn’t attend. You wouldn’t want them to think that you approve of them living in a non-sacramental, non-Catholic marriage.
If they have a child you shouldn’t celebrate the birth or the christening. That would be best. You certainly would not want to look like you approve of their non-Catholic, non-sacramental union having produced a child, and their raising their child in some non-Catholic non-denominational church.
If your brother is ever hospitalized, you should not visit him. Unless he is hospitalized in a Catholic hospital, visiting him would be condoning a hospital that wasn’t Catholic and therefore probably performs sterilizations and abortions.
If he ever ends up in jail for any reason, you should also not visit him. That would be best. You certainly would not want to look like you condoned whatever behavior caused him to have ended up in jail; it would be a terrible reflection on you and your family.
If he gets hit by a car and dies, you shouldn’t go to his funeral. That would be best. His grieving widow is not going to give him a proper Catholic burial. You certainly wouldn’t want to condone his dying without repenting, without last rites, and without a proper Catholic funeral, for gosh sakes.

You say that you love your brother, but your brother has turned his back on the Catholic Church and so what he is doing is wrong. You yourself would never turn your back on the Catholic Church, of course not… nor would you ever bother actually reading nor obeying the Catechism of the Catholic Church which states very specifically:
(818) “All who have been justified by faith in baptism are incorporated into Christ; they therefore have a right to be called Christians, and with good reason are accepted as brothers in the Lord by the children of the Catholic Church.”

I’m proud of your brother for showing you the love, honor, and respect of having invited you to share his joy on his wedding day but I totally agree with you that you should not attend any wedding if all you can share with your brother is your own ignorance of your own religion.
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If I am correct in following your logic you are saying that if I had a daughter who was trying to have an abortion I should escort her to Planned Parenthood because she might feel isolated from the rest of the family if I were not there! Am I correct in thinking that from your point of view that would not be loving?

I would also encourage you to read and obey the whole CCC, if you are so attached to it that you tell other people how to read it and use it. Catholics do not use CCC as “sola scriptura”
 
Cristiano said:
If I am correct in following your logic you are saying that if I had a daughter who was trying to have an abortion I should escort her to Planned Parenthood because she might feel isolated from the rest of the family if I were not there! Am I correct in thinking that from your point of view that would not be loving?

I would also encourage you to read and obey the whole CCC, if you are so attached to it that you tell other people how to read it and use it. Catholics do not use CCC as “sola scriptura”
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I do not think this is what they are saying,
 
Cristiano said:
If I am correct in following your logic you are saying that if I had a daughter who was trying to have an abortion I should escort her to Planned Parenthood because she might feel isolated from the rest of the family if I were not there! Am I correct in thinking that from your point of view that would not be loving?

I would also encourage you to read and obey the whole CCC, if you are so attached to it that you tell other people how to read it and use it. Catholics do not use CCC as “sola scriptura”
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I told him that he should NOT go to the wedding.
I do NOT think it would be the least bit loving for him to go to the wedding.
He seems incapable of treating both his brother and his brother’s bride with the respect that the Catechism requires Catholics to treat members of another Christian denomination therefore HE SHOULD STAY HOME
 
I was just married so I took a look at this post. Wow.

I wanted to write the same post as former_Catholic wrote, but now I don’t have to.

Honestly, don’t go. Really. The wedding is in July? I can see this “issue” being a major distraction for your brother from what is supposed to be a highlight of his life. That, and you are making your “issue” his “issue”. It sounds like an intervention. Tell him you can’t attend, and do him a favor, and leave him in peace, at least till the wedding is over.

Way to spread that Catholic love. I am sure he will be just chompin at the bit to come back to the Catholic Church. Oh, and has many others have said, you might as well just write off your new sister-in-law. She would likely pick up a stranded stranger on the side of the road before she would help you.

As I said, I was recently married. I am Lutheran, wife is Catholic. If ANY of our 200 or so guests had even mentioned their own internal “issues” with our marriage, my wife and I would have absolutely zero tolerance listening to the kind of drivel being shoveled around here. Grow up. PLEASE NOTE: This has nothing to do with Catholic or Protestant beliefs. Where we were married is not the issue.

Sorry, a bit harsh.

M
 
Cristiano said:
If I am correct in following your logic you are saying that if I had a daughter who was trying to have an abortion I should escort her to Planned Parenthood because she might feel isolated from the rest of the family if I were not there! Am I correct in thinking that from your point of view that would not be loving?

I would also encourage you to read and obey the whole CCC, if you are so attached to it that you tell other people how to read it and use it. Catholics do not use CCC as “sola scriptura”
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If I read the post correctly, he/she was actually using sarcasm to get a point across.
 
This may cloud the waters a bit, but just thought I’d mention that although I attended my son’s civil ceremony with the permission of my parish priest, my daughter did not because she had the opposite advice from the powers that be in her particular diocese.
My son, to his credit, did not hold a grudge but instead respected her decision & in turn attended her wedding a few years later.
I think as Catholics we need to remember to use the “chain of command” approach in making moral decisions. We’re not put out there by ourselves with a Bible and the Catechism after all.
 
I agree with Passing_thru.

My husband is a non-practicing Catholic and I am a practicing Presbyterian. I heard a number of passive aggressive remarks from his side of the family about our Protestant wedding ceremony. While painful to hear, I kept my mouth shut. They did attend the wedding out of love for both of us; I know that even with our religious differences they do love and respect me. During the wedding ceremony his parents were visibly happy and greeted us with big smiles afterwards. If you cannot do the same I say don’t go. Nothing is worse than a person who is pouting at a wedding. Keep in mind, as others have said, that you will likely do a huge amount of damage to your relationship with him and his new wife (and consequently whatever children they may have). I don’t believe that by simply attending the wedding you are somehow betraying your faith.

Lighten up. Life is good. Smile and celebrate with your family.
 
former_Catholic said:
I told him that he should NOT go to the wedding.
I do NOT think it would be the least bit loving for him to go to the wedding.
He seems incapable of treating both his brother and his brother’s bride with the respect that the Catechism requires Catholics to treat members of another Christian denomination therefore HE SHOULD STAY HOME
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I think that you should read the CCC once more. This is not about dealing with a member of another Christian denomination. This is about dealing with a Catholic that chooses apostasy and a member of a different Christian denomination. If you read the OP he does not say anything negative against the woman because she is not doing anything wrong.

Just because he is trying to be a witness to the Truth in dealing with his brother, that does not imply that he is not loving. If he were not loving he would not come here trying to ask for help in figuring out what is the right thing to do.
 
dixieagle said:
If I read the post correctly, he/she was actually using sarcasm to get a point across.
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Yes, it was quite obvious that he was being sarcastic, but what I proposed is simply following his logic and moving a step forward. He appears to say that if someone is so mean to disagree with a wedding, then he is not a real loving Christian and should stay home.

I am also puzzled by the logic of someone that identifies himself from what he is not. Would you identify yourself a a former toddler? What does it say of you? To me just shows antagonism toward what is Catholic, pretending to infer of knowing what the Catholic Church teaches and then criticizing a person for trying to figure out what is charitable and morally correct.
 
Cracker_Mom said:
Try what I did in a similar situation with my son: ask your priest for advice.
Our’s said to go to the civil ceremony to show we loved my son & that since the couple had no impediments to be married they could always do that in a Catholic Church at a later date.
I can imagine that other priests might give different advice but as a Catholic I went first to our parish priest.
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Note that your priest gave the advice for a civil ceremony not a religious, evangelical one of the sort that the brother of the OP is conducting.

I bet that the vast majority of priests would support going to a religious ceremony, even if the groom is a former Catholic. If he has renounced Catholicism, the marriage can always be convalidated later, if necessary, although probably it is not. Non-Catholics can marry validly in other churches AND then have their marriage accepted once they come back, as the poster quoted above indicated, depending on the policy of the local canon court.

We are NOT talking about a civil ceremony here or a marriage conducted for a Catholic by a non-Catholic religious . . . both those situations usually require convalidation.

But, really, the best person to answer this is a priest. Why don’t you post the question for Fr. Serpa?

My personal opinion is that your judgmental attitude and that of your parents is contrary to the teaching of Christ on love. Love trumps the law.
 
I’m actually in a possible bad position. My best friend (who is not Catholic and has never been :Catholic) is dating this guy she thinks she might end up marrying. And she proceeded to tell me that he was Catholic but goes to the Christian Church now…Although on his facebook he says he’s Catholic. It puts me in a bad position because we live in seperate states so I haven’t met him…because I don’t know if he’s formally renounced was he baptized in the Catholic church??? Lots of things I don’t know. Her pastor died so she doesn’t even know who will marry her. I’m a bit afraid he’s saying he’s “Christian” for her sake too. I kind of told her the other day that he should know that if he gets married without the Church’s permission that he will be excommunicated. And I was kind of like, maybe you guys should just get married in the Catholic Church, because they WILL marry you…

It just puts me in a bad position because I will attend her wedding no matter what, but I know that she’s going to want me in her wedding. I’m in a bad position because I have a relationship with her-not him.
 
bekalc said:
I kind of told her the other day that he should know that if he gets married without the Church’s permission that he will be excommunicated. And I was kind of like, maybe you guys should just get married in the Catholic Church, because they WILL marry you…

It just puts me in a bad position because I will attend her wedding no matter what . . .
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You cannot be excommunicated for an invalid marriage. Where on EARTH did you get that idea?
 
No, excommunication is a formal process initiated by the hierarchy. By your logic, if anyone commits a mortal sin–such as not going to Mass every Sunday–he or she is excommunicated. The assertion is wrong as to fact.
 
Formal excommunication IS a formal process.

Do we or do we not remove ourselves from the ability to partake of communion by committing grave sin?
 
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