Not caring about being stylish

[MarthaSo]

Hi,
Some of you know I’m having a hard time going back to work and leaving my baby. My last post I poured my heart and thank you all so much for encouraging me. You don’t know how grateful I am.
Something strange happened today I just wanted to share. I went on google to search for a lot of used modest skirts or dresses because it’s cheaper to buy them that way and I didn’t have any luck so I went to some websites advertising “stylish” modest dresses etc…When I saw the dresses they were too stylish for how I was feeling. They were long, pretty, covered everything but too vibrant for my unhappy disposition. Then after going through a bunch of these sites I realized I could just likely find pieces in Walmart or Target. My current closet has dresses/skirts/pants that are form fitting because I haven’t lost much of my pregnancy weight.
I just wondered if there are others out there who at some point (this could be due to my low mood or maybe a new way my spirit is feeling i don’t know) just didn’t find “stylish” appealing. Conversely I still want to be attractive to my husband I want to wear a blanket to work. Going back to work is a cross for me and I told my husband after spending 5 months with my baby I don’t feel like I’m the same person. I told him I felt like going to work with my hair in a bun instead of free flowing and curled like I used to style it and that I wanted to wear fake glasses as a reminder to view my coworkers with spiritual eyes. Of course this sounds crazy and false to many, but something about this idea ,I honestly feel was inspired. This idea makes me feel like I can cope more being in the secular world again. Like I’m on a 9-5 mission from God and these “things that affect my senses like glasses and a bun” help remind me (in a desperate spiritual prescription kind of way) of God every difficult moment with unkind people.
I’m sharing just because I just wondered if there are others here that have done things that don’t make sense to the world but felt divinely inspired even if they seem weird like wanting to wear a bun and glasses for 5 years until my mission is complete and the Lord allows me to stay home with my baby when he starts school.
Thank you.

 

[Camehome4john6]

I know you’re unhappy about going back and it appears that you have no control over your circumstances. You do have some little bit of control over your attitude. If for no other reason than to hide your unhappiness from the kids just a bit, I’d choose to wear something a little cheerful. It may perk up your spirits a bit.

Praying for you at this difficult time.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I can definitely relate to your post. When I am in a low mood I tend not to care much about what I wear. I always look at it as a red flag that my anxiety and depression is on the upswing. So, when I notice it, I force myself to get up and dress up. I always feel better for having done so. There is something about putting on good clothes and doing my hair that gives me a boost when I need it.

 

[MarthaSo]

Thanks, I will be well groomed and my clothes won’t be frumpy. I think I explained it poorly but I appreciate very much your responses. I will also let my hair down after I get out of work and on the weekends I will dress more cheerful. That was part of my idea I neglected to mention. This post is not about clothes really but the idea itself.

 

[F_Marturana]

You don’t have to be trendy or buy expensive clothes.

Honestly, I like Target clothing. They are cute without being overly priced:

Buy colors that you like, that make you feel happy.

Take one day at a time. It will be ok.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I get some amazing deals on clothes on Amazon.

What helps me is a capsule wardrobe. I have black slacks, black cigarette pants, black palazzo pants (with pockets), black leggings. My tops are black and grey. I mix these up and add color or flair with a scarf or a cardigan, I even have a colorful sheer kimono that is nice to throw on over black cig pants and a T shirt. I only own one brand of black cotton socks, so, I never worry about “mating” them.

Life is SO MUCH easier.

 

[Limoncello4021]

A bun and glasses can be perfectly chic in the workplace. It does sound like you perhaps are a bit down, and it is not unusual to feel you are now a different person in some ways. To tell you the truth, no one will probably notice. Just be clean and neat about your appearance, tasteful in dress, and wear your hair anyway you want!

 

[DeniseNY]

I agree with this. If your just starting to build a working wardrobe start with basics you can mix and match and build from there as needed. Pick the neutral that suits you best as the basis.

 

[thequeen]

I would keep skirts and slacks in colors like black navy cream and gray that way you could pare them with any color blouse or other kind of top and maybe a couple of neutral colored suits that you can put with any color top and the same color dressy shoes as the skirts and slacks

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Sounds like you have the blues.
But you already know that.
Work isn’t a fashion show, so just dress like everybody else and you’ll be fine.

 

[MarthaSo]

Yeah, I do have the blues. I wanted to share about the spiritual reason behind the bun and glasses only but I did a poor job. In any case I’ll do it because spiritually I know what I mean, I made it sound like it was about clothes and it wasn’t because my intention was to dress very plain, I was trying to get across that dressing differently will help me cope … glasses to remind me to see spiritually etc…Thank you and everyone for your kindness!!!

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Nah, sometimes we all get sick of the rat race and trying to keep up.

I wear makeup when I’m working the day shift, and I fix my hair and try to be more stylish, but if I’m on night shift, no make up and hair in a ponytail and if people don’t like it they can go pound sand.

 

[CMKrauss]

Feeling down? All the more reason to pay extra attention to your clothing and appearance. The general consensus is when you look good, you feel good.

During this time of transitioning back to work, don’t forget about self care. You may be struggling with feeling forced to return to work when you really don’t want to. It may feel like a loss of power over your own life, and worrying about your baby. Self care helps a person take their power back.

I say, do your hair and let it fall pretty around your face. Go for a trim and freshen up the ends. Wear something flattering your first day back to the job. Go in looking like a million bucks and like the beautiful mother that you are. You are a lovely flower that has borne fruit, as God intended. This is the time in your life when are the most beautiful, inside and out, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with letting it be seen.

 

[Mary888]

I just wondered if there are others out there who at some point (this could be due to my low mood or maybe a new way my spirit is feeling i don’t know) just didn’t find “stylish” appealing.

Yes I did. But it did not help at all, to back my mood with my clothes. It helped a lot more to fight the mood back with forced stylish. Self-respect is something that can easily pour outta me and it’s hard to get back. Or getting lost in sadness.
My advice to you is to ignore the state and even though you don’t feel like it, smile at life. And then you will feel good about yourself for overcoming its dark side. Also try to look at the sky when you walk, not at the ground. A nurse once told me, after seeing my anxiety at the doctor that led to me fainting, after she gave my some shots to lift me up, to hold walk out the clinic pushing my head up. “Walk like a queen” so I don’t faint again. I thought that was silly but it works.
God does not want us to suffer, St. Gregory of Palama said, not even when we walk though some correction of His.
I say buy the pretty dresses and do your hair nice and see only the full half of the glass from the whole situation.

 

[MarthaSo]

Thank you everyone. The truth is there is this lady at my job always looking me up and down. She hates me. If I go in stylish she’ll hate me more. She’s part of the reason I want to be plain Jane. Because missing my baby will be harder dealing with more hate at work.
Can you offer advice in that area, I know I sound like a wimp but I’m honestly just trying to cope in the best way possible. Thank you
This was buried but i just admitted to myself this is a large part of the reason. I don’t have the emotional or mental energy to deal with that too.

 

[CMKrauss]

If your coworker doesn’t like you, it’s her problem and not yours. Her dislike of you is born from some insecurity that she has. If you are an employee in good standing at your job, you have every right to be there to perform your duties and take pride in your work.

Is she the boss by chance or your supervisor? Is she someone that has seniority or authority over you? If so, maybe she feels threatened by you and your abilities.

Is she older, widowed, unmarried, childless? If so, maybe she’s envious of your personal situation. You have a husband and children around you to enrich your life. Maybe she has none of that and is really feeling the pain of loneliness.

Do you know why she doesn’t like you? Not that it justifies her attitude, but sometimes it’s helpful to know what makes people act as they do.

Again, it’s a problem that she has. You don’t have to make it yours as well. I would say, ignore her. By doing that you render her powerless with her negative attitude. Easier said than done, I know, but give it a try.

 

[Camehome4john6]

Part of me wants to say who cares what she thinks. But I know that if I were in your shoes that’d be easier said than done.

Part of me wants to say you’ll never please her no matter how you dress so do your own thing. But I know I’d be self- conscious too.

Part of me wants to say have a talk with her and see what her problem is. But I know I’d probably be awkward as I don’t like confrontation.

Its easy to say don’t let that person have so much control over you, not so easy to do.

Is there supervisor or hr rep. you might talk to?

Regardless, I’d be polite but have as little interaction as possible. Concentrate on your work and concentrate on not noticing that co-worker. When she realizes that she can’t get a rise out of you maybe she’ll back off. Pray for her. Be kind to her (But not a doormat) when you have to interact… kinda as it says in the Bible: Romans 12:20 But if the enemy be hungry, give him to eat; if he thirst, give him to drink. For, doing this, thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head.

 

[MarthaSo]

Thank you so much, we’re both secretaries. She’s in her 70’s and after i went to HR things got better but 5 months will have passed… she’ll probably start up again.

 

[MarthaSo]

Thank you so much, I forgot to mention i can’t ignore her because we work together as a “team” as support for others on a daily. I even need to consult with her before requesting vacation to see if she can cover.

 

[adgloriam]

“things that affect my senses like glasses and a bun”

that’s the latest trend the past few years (I’m sure you noticed.)

if there are others here that have done things that don’t make sense to the world but felt divinely inspired

Yes, every time I’m catholic.

like wanting to wear a bun and glasses for 5 years

I mean, instagram…

as a reminder to view my coworkers with spiritual eyes

Reminders are good, but virtue is a good quality turned habitual habit. So, when you grow into something it becomes a habit, a virtue. That’s not dependent on reminders. However, the intention is absolutely right, only the means are particular in this case.

Conversely I still want to be attractive to my husband

You aren’t only attracted to physic, you are attracted to all the things that make the person. Regardless of clothes, I’m pretty sure your husband is more attracted to you now than ever. (you just had a child together, nothing can be more attractive than that).