Not caring about being stylish

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thanks so much and no i didn’t realize it was fashionable!that’s pretty funny to me. It figures :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:. Thank you for reminding me about my husband finding me attractive regardless of appearance I wanted to dye my hair back to dark to simplify my life but the other day I took time to style my hair and he raved so much about how nice it looked I said to myself ok fine I’ll just leave it as is then.
 
MarthaSo said:
and he raved so much about how nice it looked
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If something causes him to rave take notice and indulge him (you might have fed an aesthetic appetite he himself didn’t know he had). A change is also good sometimes, just to break monotony and stir things up. Even if he neglects to express himself rest assured he finds you beautiful every time he looks at you.

P.S. I’m a man, so I do know what I’m talking about 😉
 
Thank you so much! Of course I appreciate your response very much and thank you. To be honest my husband was right I think when he said it sounded like my “costume” was a sort of sackcloth and ashes mortification(?) as a way of saying “i hate being here but i’m doing it for God”. It’s hard because that’s how I feel but St Teresa de Avila had a problem with sour faced saints but I can’t fake joy even with a pasted smile and even if I do my hair pretty or wear a pretty outfit.
If God doesn’t grace me with joy how can “I” go against that?!
 
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People tend to look down on me because of my disability. I learned from my dad and grandmother (who also had the same very visible disability) that the best way to deal with those people is to look your best. I get up an hour early so my makeup is spot on, I wear bold lipstick (and make sure it stays put during the day). My hair right now is BRIGHT blue, later it will go back to gunmetal silver (overtone conditioner is great, it enhances your hair without bleach or permanent changes).

Walk in there as if you are the daughter of the King. Shoulders back, look people straight in the eye and let your confidence, joy and peace shine.
 
You sound more than simply being sad about your new situation.

Don’t want to overstep here though, but do you think you’re depressed? Postpartum depression or anything like that?

You have a very sad energy in your posts and it’s something I’ve been wondering about given that you just had a baby.

If there’s anything off, I hope you take some time to see a doctor. People tend to write it off as the typical blues but so many moms go through this feeling of grey!
MarthaSo said:
I just wondered if there are others here that have done things that don’t make sense to the world but felt divinely inspired even if they seem weird
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To answer this question, not really. I felt certain desires to stop wearing as much makeup or dress is more brighter colors, but I never really felt like it was a legitimate sign from God.
 
Thank you, if I can be more frank people (i think her) look down on me because i’m “pretty”. i’ve dealt with that since high school so i just want to be as plain as I can to not deal with more hate that I don’t have the mental or emotional energy to deal with.
 
I’ve always had a despondent nature even as a young lady in my teens, perhaps a bit amplified by the current situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤️
Believe it or not my kids think I’m a happy momma and make fun of my belly laugh! I laugh often just not lately as much.
 
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I see. I’m the same way as well, haha.

But you do deserve a joy filled life, especially with a new baby.

If this persists, feel free to reach out to anyone you trust 🙂
 
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Thank you, right now leaving my child in daycare with empty arms at work…I can’t find joy. But of course I still love Jesus. He permits it so I’m just trying my best.
And this lady hating me less if I act more demure and dress more plain, if that will win her over so life at work is easier…that was part of my thought process.
 
Thank you, right now leaving my child in daycare with empty arms at work…I can’t find joy. But of course I still love Jesus. He permits it so I’m just trying my best.
And this lady hating me less if I act more demure and dress more plain, if that will win her over so life at work is easier…that was part of my thought process
 
MarthaSo said:
Thank you so much, we’re both secretaries. She’s in her 70’s and after i went to HR things got better but 5 months will have passed… she’ll probably start up again.
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When I graduated from grade school (literally right before the graduation ceremony), I was talking to the principal and another teacher came up and told me that she wished me well and she would miss me. When she walked off, the principal asked me, “How can you stand her?” This was a teacher that even the other teachers didn’t like. I told her, “I was nice to her for Lent one year, and it kind of got to be a habit.”

The principal thought this was hilarious, but the truth was that in being nice to this teacher I learned a lot about her. She was not really happy at being a teacher, but chose the profession as being less odious than being a nurse or a librarian or a secretary, which were the main options open to women who didn’t want to be “trailblazers” in “men’s professions” when she went to college. These are the kinds of things you can learn by listening about why people who make others a bit miserable are the way they are. (There are lots of reasons, but knowing them does make compassion far easier.)

If memory serves correctly, St Thérèse of Lisieux ran into some not-very-subtle hostility from the other sisters when she joined the convent, because she was allowed to join at a younger age than was the norm. She made it a point to practice her Little Way on an older sister who was one of the cranky ones. I think if you read Story of a Soul, you’ll find some inspiration for practicing that Little Way at work. It has nothing to do with what you wear, really. Certainly, you don’t need to dress so as to stick out, one way or the other. In fact, as long as it does not violate modesty, I would suggest you try to dress in a way that makes other people at work feel as comfortable around you as possible. Dress to be approachable, someone who looks as if you are happy to be in your own skin and would be on their side if they need you, not someone who is sad to be there and spends all her time thinking how much she wished she were somewhere else.
 
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I don’t really have any details about the woman who hates you / how you know she hates you, so my response is pretty generic.

I would continue to dress the way I normally dress. I’ve had people who were snarky at me (not because I’m pretty, but because I was the ugly one, lol!). If someone hates you, they would find more reasons to hate you anyway. Dress how you really want to. If that’s demure, it’s no problem. Just don’t change yourself because someone else is jealous.

Of course, be nice and helpful and win her over that way. If that doesn’t work, at least you know God is smiling over you for doing that!
 
I love St. Thérèse and practiced her Little Way with this lady. She shut me down so many times I went the other route of standing up for myself and not being a doormat. It was actually sad for me that the latter worked better than the little way as far as getting more respect in how she treated me better. I still don’t understand it.
Thank you
 
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MarthaSo said:
I love St. Thérèse and practiced her Little Way with this lady. She shut me down so many times I went the other route of standing up for myself and not being a doormat. It was actually sad for me that the latter worked better than the little way as far as getting more respect in how she treated me better. I still don’t understand it.
Thank you
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Yes, sometimes you have to act according to how you will be interpreted and not according to the message you would take away from a certain set of actions. For instance, a woman who has had to stand up for herself might get really unpatient with a younger woman who is too malleable, if being like that held the older woman back until she learned to stand up for herself (where in the workplace or earlier in her life). Over the years, she has probably gotten quite a few bees in her bonnet about what workplace behaviors “work” and which (in her mind) do not.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, on your part, live at peace with all. Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Rather, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.” Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good. Rom 12:14-21

This workplace will keep you constantly asking the Lord how to act in order to please Him. That’s a good thing. It would be wonderful for you and your baby if you could be home and mothering your child, but that is not in the cards right now. You’re stuck being a saint where you are. That doesn’t mean fitting a theoretical description of a saint, but rather finding the way that will communicate all the fruits of the Holy Spirit to the co-workers you actually have. In other words, the goal is that they think “She really cares about me” and not “She really wants people to think she’s a saint.”
 
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Thanks I did try the nice and helpful and boy that went poorly😄I felt God smiling more at me when I stood up for myself instead.
And that’s ok regarding the generic as her dislike is a bit generic I think anyway.
 
Thank you, I’m not sure I understand how the first paragraph applies to me but I definitely prayed for her. One time she made me feel so terrible I ran upstairs after I got home and said the aRosary immediately and in the wrong order I was so hurt and upset!
 
MarthaSo said:
Thanks I did try the nice and helpful and boy that went poorly😄I felt God smiling more at me when I stood up for myself instead.
And that’s ok regarding the generic as her dislike is a bit generic I think anyway.
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Exactly. You learn that what some people want is for you to do your job and allow them to do theirs. They might see offers of help as a comment on whether they are up to their doing their duties on their own or they may have spent too much time in their work life undoing the things that got fouled up by those trying to “be helpful.” If someone doesn’t want your help–that’s fine! It is all about what they want, after all. If they want to cultivate an Eeyore attitude or they think they’re Rabbit and no one knows how to do anything right but them, let them! You can be Pooh, who lets all of that roll off his back and finds some amusement in the frailties of his neighbors.
 
I never thought they would think that of me but it would be odd for her to be nasty just to see if I’m not and then if I stand up for myself she’ll say “see? she’s no saint!” I’ve no problem with anyone else.
 
lol. That’s her. I remember now how she would make it public and comment under her breath and to others whenever I made a mistake. She could be very cruel.
 
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One time I offered her chocolate and without looking at me she grumbled angrily “no!”.
It took HR 5 years to help.
I wish so much I could be that woman that doesn’t let THAT bother her!! Do they exist if this was done on a constant?
 
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