I am feeling better. Yesterday since my husband was kind enough to offer to buy me new pants since none of my pants fit me I went on Amazon and ordered bootcut, black, navy striped (because just navy is too similar to black sometimes), grey, cream and brown. I took out the burgundy because I think that calls attention/ shows I’m happy/(see how i crazy i think) and I’m not ready for burgundy. I also ordered wide leg pants in black.
I think it’s alot and I hate spending money on me but (and this is not like me) I finally said “oh well I need new pants I’m not gonna go crazy trying to lose weight to fit into my old pants in a month”!
I asked God why all of a sudden I felt better since I will still miss my baby so much that I’ll probably cry so much, but I felt in my heart His answer was that I was beginning to trust Him more.
I’m also nicer to my husband as I accepted it’s not his fault. God permits it. I reread everything and thank you all again. After reading your post I saw this is exactly what I did, neutral colors to match. Thank you.