Not caring about being stylish

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MarthaSo said:
I never thought they would think that of me but it would be odd for her to be nasty just to see if I’m not and then if I stand up for myself she’ll say “see? she’s no saint!” I’ve no problem with anyone else.
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I’m going out on a limb and guessing that you’re not the first person she’s been nasty to in her whole career. It is possible, but even then this is not about you. No matter what faux pas you are committing, it isn’t an excuse for her to be nasty. She may even be putting up a nasty front because she thinks you are too friendly and she wants to be clear that she does not want to be on close terms with you. I would not bend over backwards for her specifically.

It doesn’t matter if someone at work thinks you are a saint or thinks you are a hypocrite or doesn’t think about you at all. The best scenario, actually, is that you aren’t thought of as anything in particular except a nice enough and dependable co-worker, someone who is of zero use as a source for useful gossip, and so on. Try to find the niche where you’re helpful as others define helpful–I mean it is a good idea to give the help others actually want, even if that is getting out of the way, rather than the help you decide they ought to want–but don’t spend a lot of time worrying about whether you are liked or not.

As for what you wear, just choose clothing that is sort of middle-of-the-road for your workplace, something that is not a lot of work to take care of (to preserve your time at home for home stuff) and that you feel reasonably confident about wearing. I would not wear anything that is a pretense, however, such as glasses you do not need to correct your vision.
 
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But “how” can I be pooh? It doesn’t come natural and I can’t fake coming home from work in peace after incidents with her or other mean people.
 
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MarthaSo said:
But “how” can I be pooh? It doesn’t come natural and I can’t fake coming home from work in peace after incidents with her or other mean people.
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Well, I guess you could go to the libary and check out The Tao of Pooh, lol. (That is actually a book that uses Pooh to explain Buddhist thought, but I couldn’t resist.)

I would suggest Story of a Soul, I really would. Work is not going to send you home in peace!! If you want to come home from work in peace, find an adoration chapel that’s on your route and drop by there to de-brief with the Lord! The Lord can give you peace; dealing with people who want to pass around their sour attitude won’t do it! No, they are the crosses that the Lord can use to make you into a saint. Crosses are not good things and suffering is not good in and of itself. These things are transformed by the work of the Holy Spirit!! Look at the Crucifix! He did nothing to deserve to be there! He was faithful, though, and by being faithful the Father transformed the worst thing that ever happened into the best thing that ever happened. This is what God does to our trials–we don’t do that and then offer it to God. No, we take the situation that we can’t control that is burdening us and ask for the strenght to be faithful, and God does the transforming. God wins the victory. It is not us.
 
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Thanks Petra, I read Story of a Soul twice in fact, It is what made me be nice to her for s long time and I hate to say it backfired because she was still very nasty. I feel bad even saying that because I love St Thérèse but it’s true. Only when I was standing up for myself did it get better vs being nice
 
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One can do both! Being nice shouldn’t mean being a doormat. The apostles and Jesus himself, as well as plenty of Saints were pretty fiery themselves.

Hopefully, people will eventually see you as you are. I have had friends who tell me how horrible another girl is…but that sort of thing never worked once I saw that she was nice (but not fake, since she stands up for herself without attacking) and that my friend was the one giving her a hard time.

I always tell my sister to phrase her words carefully so her defense doesn’t seem like an attack. E.g. ‘I don’t think it’s kind of you when you said that I was ____’. Doesn’t matter if the other person think it is, but when your words are brought up by HR or co workers, it’s clearer to see what’s actually going on.

But of course, i don’t think you’re even going around yelling at her in the first place. This is probably the default way for adults to argue anyway
 
That’s the thing, I’m not fake. I’m just friendly and nice , she doesn’t like it and since we work so close I have to ask her for things so when i walk to her desk i’m sure my eyes show a little fear when i need her to do something.
 
MarthaSo said:
Thanks Petra, I read Story of a Soul twice in fact, It is what made me be nice to her for s long time and I hate to say it backfired because she was still very nasty. I feel bad even saying that because I love St Thérèse but it’s true. Only when I was standing up for myself did it get better vs being nice
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Here’s my “non-spiritual” advice. There are people out there who are misanthropes, they honestly are. The best thing to do is to stay off their radar. Practice the Little Way when you are around them, but if being around you brings out her nasty side, see yourself as a near occasion of sin for her and give her a wide berth. That is OK. If standing up for yourself seems to make her relax, well, it is no sin to have appopriate boundaries. Those are the only thing that make some people feel comfortable, and they aren’t a violation of charity, per se. You can look at it as making yourself predictable for her and acting in a way that she accepts as appropriate. Mostly, though, just stay off of her radar. That’s OK. When people wanted to stone Our Lord, he walked off and went to another town. It is OK.
 
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Thank you Petra. (hug)

(my baby woke up- see you all later, have a blessed day)
 
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MarthaSo said:
Thank you Petra. (hug)
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You’re at work because you need the money. Practice charity there, but realize that while some parents find work is energizing, most do not. Most do it because it puts beans on the table, and that’s OK.

I’d start practicing talking about work at home in a way that could be repeated both at work and at church, by the way. That little one will soon be able to understand and repeat back everything you say. The repeats can be depended upon to come at the “worst possible time” if you don’t bridle your own tongue. I call this long phase of childhood '“Living Under Surveillance” for parents. If that doesn’t give you integrity of expression, nothing will, lol!! You have about a year before your child becomes verbal, and that isn’t a moment too long to practice!! (I like to joke that when my children were still babies was when I learned to say “That man was NOT SAFE!!” when I was cut off in traffic.)

Hugs to you, too!! ❤️
 
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Think about Jesus on the sea of Galilee. The disciples were in terror of the storm that raged, Christ was sleeping. When they woke Him up, Jesus gently chided them because they allowed the storm the circumstances to get them rattled.

You have peace and joy in the midst of suffering. Christ gives us the peace that let St Stephen embrace martyrdom.

Fr Phillipe’s “Searching For and Maintaining Peace” is a book that saved my life when I was in the midst of the worst crisis of my life.
 
Thank you LittleLady, the thing is, I don’t feel that peace. As much or little faith I have, nor as often as I’ve prayed. It is a gift. What to do in the meantime I suppose is continue to pray.
 
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If we were real life friends, I would have that book in your hands this evening 🙂
 
I have it LittleLady❤️I bought it on your recommendation a few months ago and I never read it because my middle name is procrastination. But, because I’ve no doubt the Holy Spirit is here in hearts that love God to help each other I will read through it this evening at my first opportunity!
 
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TheLittleLady said:
Think about Jesus on the sea of Galilee. The disciples were in terror of the storm that raged, Christ was sleeping. When they woke Him up, Jesus gently chided them because they allowed the storm the circumstances to get them rattled.

You have peace and joy in the midst of suffering. Christ gives us the peace that let St Stephen embrace martyrdom.
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Even Our Lord sometimes expressed well-placed prophetic exasperation from on high: “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how many times I yearned to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, but you were unwilling!” Luke 13:34
 
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I think the OP is overthinking this, to a large degree. Wear what you feel good in, look your best, and go do your job. Offer your day to God, invoke the Holy Spirit for help, and get on with it.
 
The lady is probably envious of you because from reading your posts, it sounds like you have a good life. She’s probably unhappy with her own.
 
TheLittleLady said:
I get some amazing deals on clothes on Amazon.

What helps me is a capsule wardrobe. I have black slacks, black cigarette pants, black palazzo pants (with pockets), black leggings. My tops are black and grey. I mix these up and add color or flair with a scarf or a cardigan, I even have a colorful sheer kimono that is nice to throw on over black cig pants and a T shirt. I only own one brand of black cotton socks, so, I never worry about “mating” them.

Life is SO MUCH easier.
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Yes! This is exactly what I do, all they way down to the same sock strategy!

I can testify that it really makes getting dressed in the morning easy. I am so not a morning person!

Pick out some nice inexpensive necklaces or other accessories and have some fun with that.
 
Thank you, she may be, in any case I have to work on me and pray hard that God grant me the grace and His strength to endure the days and not let work get in the way of love of Him. It is up to Him to give me that grace but I’m sure gonna try my best to obtain it by prayer etc…
 
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