Nursing Mothers

[mercygate]

Byz, my Son,

You say you are discerning a vocation to the priesthood. May I therefore assume that you are relatively young? Since on other threads your posts are measured, rational, and almost invariably 100% correct, your vigor on this one perhaps might indicate that you’ve never actually seen a mother nursing. I’ll bet that once you see mothers discreetly nursing (as so many posters here aver can be done) a few times, your concerns and objections will vanish. Fatherhood (should you marry) will also temper your feelings on this. Trust me. I’m old!

 

[all4life]

I just had to respond to this topic, and I apologize if what I am about to say has already been covered.

In our church, the pew would have to be the most comfortable place to nurse my child. Our “cry room” is at the front of the church and nearly the entire parish can see in anyway, so why should I have to go hide in there where I cannot hear nor participate in mass.

I have 5 children, and I can tell you that no-one ever knows when I am nursing my child, no-one. When my last was born, she was 5 weeks early. I didn’t get to nurse her until she was 3 days old…she was fed my ebm from a bottle until them. When we went home, I couldn’t give her a bottle (not a good thing to do since we perfected the bfing) plus she wouldn’t take one. She needed to be fed every half hour 45mins…her tummy was so tiny. I do not put my children on schedules when they are that little, plus, infants are excluded from the 1hr required fast.

I’m sure Our Lady and Her Son are looking down at the nursing moms lovingly, as we are doing for our babies what God intended. If the nursing mom was not discreet about nip, and was having a hard time getting baby to latch and knew this, well, that’s a different story. I do all I can to not be disruptive during mass. Jesus himself said “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs”. I don’t think it’s fair that a mom with kids is automatically banished to the cry room

eta: typo.

.

 

[Toni]

(yes, there are babies who refuse to take bottles, and let’s face it–not all Mass schedules are going to have one that falls neatly in the middle of times a particular baby is hungry).

Nursing in public (in general or at Mass in particular) does not have to entail revealing any body parts whatsoever–proper attire is a necessity, though. However, for anyone who does have a problem w/ a baby being fed during Mass (sure, toddlers can be expected to wait, older babies can be staved off w/ a small cup if necessary–but small babies who are exclusively breastfeeding need to eat.

To the naysayers, I suggest they take it up with the Creator, since it’s His design for small babies in the first place.

Great Answer I will be sure and pass this one on to my daughter!

 

[Toni]

jess7396:

As you can see from this thread, having 95% of the people at Mass be loving and supportive of babies eating the way God made them to eat (and, for that matter to be comforted- it is supported by scripture that BFing is not just for relieving hunger, it is meant to comfort as well), does not do it when a small, vocal percentage make the mom feel badly—it is so sad.

My Church is luckily very family friendly (no cry rooms), and I do sometimes nurse in Mass, and I bet you that if people didn’t see me burping him on my shoulder afterwards or see a bit of spit up on his little lips, they would never know that I had nursed him. I am VERY discreet, and b/c there is no exposure of my breast, there is NO VALID ARGUMENT against me nursing my babe in Mass. ITA with Daniellet that people are upset by the idea of BFing for some reason, this has nothing to do with modesty.

Your daughter should do what she is comfortable with, and yes, she can nurse discreetly at Mass and if people give her grief she can pray for those people.

I say to your daughter, “Good for you for using your breasts to give your baby nourishment and comfort, I am sure God is happy to see that happening, I highly doubt he’d be happier to see a bottle in your babe’s mouth ”

Thanks for your great answer again I will pass this one on and all the other great positive responses on to my daughter.

 

[Anonymous]

I am currently a breastfeeding mother who has seen women breastfeed in our church but have never done so myself. I am not against it. I think it’s beautiful. I feed our son just prior to Mass and in his six months, he has never needed my breast during. If at some time he does, I will excuse myself and take him to the hall. I would not feel comfortable breastfeeding during Mass as discreet at I know I can be.

Maybe your daughter will help shatter the stigma so that my daughter won’t have her mother’s hang up.

 

[Toni]

Joe Kelley:

I have seen it commented that the modern world has so centered on the breast as a sex symbol that it cannot bear the shock of seeing it properly used.

:clapping:

 

[Marie]

Melissa:

(yes, there are babies who refuse to take bottles, and let’s face it–not all Mass schedules are going to have one that falls neatly in the middle of times a particular baby is hungry).

Nursing in public (in general or at Mass in particular) does not have to entail revealing any body parts whatsoever–proper attire is a necessity, though. However, for anyone who does have a problem w/ a baby being fed during Mass (sure, toddlers can be expected to wait, older babies can be staved off w/ a small cup if necessary–but small babies who are exclusively breastfeeding need to eat.

Sounds right to me. Toddlers can wait, little babies should be fed and it should not be a problem. I do find breastfeeding older children offensive though. I think that is over the top. But then again I find it offensive for a baby with a mouth full of teeth and old enough to eat finger food and drink from a cup to be still taking a bottle or sucking on a Bink, let alone breastfeeding. Thats weird to me and offensive. I have no clue why mothers do that. The children who are encouraged in baby ways for too long a time always seem to turn into the children that fuss and whine at the drop of a hat.

 

[Jennifer_J]

Do you realize that Jesus was probably nursed until he was at least 3? It’s only taboo in this country because the breast is perceived as a sexual object. Now the longest I’ve nursed is age 2 for my own children, but if a mother chooses, for a variety of reasons (illness, allergies or the baby/toddler’s nutritional needs) to nurse longer, that’s her decision and not yours to make. There is nothing sinful or wrong about the decision and to make a women feel like she’s wrong for it is just as wrong. Do some research into the history of feeding children and especially breastfeeding through different cultures and eras to learn what is “normal”
Jennifer

 

[IrenkaJMJ]

Just FYI: The worldwide avg. age a child weans from the breast completely, is 4 years old. :yup:

 

[Marie]

IrenkaJMJ:

Just FYI: The worldwide avg. age a child weans from the breast completely, is 4 years old. :yup:

No wonder the Wally world’s and shopping Malls are full of whining bratty kids. EKKK! They are all tied to momma’s apron strings. Sheese!

 

[IrenkaJMJ]

Marie:

No wonder the Wally world’s and shopping Malls are full of whining bratty kids. EKKK! They are all tied to momma’s apron strings. Sheese!

The majority of kids you see at the mall are not nursed anywhere near the age of four. Remember, this is a **worldwide **statistic.

 

[Marie]

Is that heavy on the word WORLD? We have lots of breastfed infants in our parish. Most do great. The older ones are the brats who are still nursing at the breast instead of using a cup and regular feeding routine. I think the benefits of breastmilk should be used as long as possible. **The milk itself that is. ** The actual breastfeeding after age one seems to cause whiny, clingy children. That is not good. It is usually the less secure mothering types who do that from what I can observe. They are more the clinger than the child.

Breastfeeding - decideing when to stop.There is no particular time at which breastfeeding should stop. It is up to you and your baby to decide when the time is right. Generally, there is a reduction in the number of breastfeeds as babies begin to eat solid food. This often occurs at around six months of age, as no other food is needed prior to this point. Babies are ready to start sampling solids anywhere between four and six months of age. Most babies indicate their willingness by showing interest when others are eating, making gestures that seem to say ‘feed me too’, and by the disappearance of their extrusion tongue reflex. Talk to your Maternal and Child Health nurse about your baby’s readiness to eat. It is not unusual for children up to four years to continue to be breastfed. . **If your child’s only means of relaxation is to breastfeed, it may be useful to help them learn other ways to soothe themselves. **
It’s harder to wean a stubborn, demanding 2-year-old than a 1-year-old. Some experts say it’s rare to find a child who will wean himself before the age of 4, which may be longer than you’re willing to wait.

Nursing can become a crutch. Your baby may start to rely on the breast when he’s really just bored or it’s the only way to get your attention. Engage your child in other ways — toddlers are eager to explore the world and need stimulation to fuel their rapid development.

Breast milk is enough to promote adequate nutrition and hydration for the first 6 months. Solids are introduced when the baby’s hunger is no longer satisfied by milk alone, usually between four to six months of age.

**For many children, the longer they are breastfed, the more difficult it is for them to give it up, especially after they are a year old. They like the protective feeling of being close to their mother, especially during the night feed. Since breastfeeding for them is an emotional attachment, you should ensure that you gradually reduce your feeds. ** They may cry a little at the time of the feed, but if you are there with them giving them all the love and affection they want, they will feel less insecure and upset.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding through the first year of life.

 

[IrenkaJMJ]

Marie:

Is that heavy on the word WORLD? We have lots of breastfed infants in our parish. Most do great. The older ones are the brats who are still nursing at the breast instead of using a cup and regular feeding routine. I think the benefits of breastmilk should be used as long as possible. **The milk itself that is. **The actual breastfeeding after age one seems to cause whiny, clingy children. That is not good. It is usually the less secure mothering types who do that from what I can observe. They are more the clinger than the child.

Well, my experience(personal and otherwise) has proven the direct opposite of what you claim. Besides the pros and cons of extended nursing could be a whole 'nother thread!:whacky:

 

[Marie]

IrenkaJMJ:

Well, my experience(personal and otherwise) has proven the direct opposite of what you claim. Besides the pros and cons of extended nursing could be a whole 'nother thread!:whacky:

Agreed. I would have to meet your children to have a good idea. Mom’s can be biased but ggram’s never are. We love them but don’t take the flack off toddlers that a plain old grandma or Mom would. The first Two years of a childs life are the most important for learning and social behavioral development.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Well, I have several times been aware of a mother nursing or changing a diaper during mass, and have never once been bothered by it myself. That said, I have not yet been comfortable nursing my babies in the pews. I have either moved to the cry room to nurse, or gone to the vestebule and sat on the scruffy, slightly damp at times rug to do this. I have always felt that my discomfort during that time was just one of many sacrifices I make as a mom at mass.

The main reason I have not yet become willing to nurse in the pews is the “occasion of sin” argument. I know that it seems unlikely that breastfeeding could make someone think of sex. But my own husband (who fully supports nursing anytime and anywhere) feels compelled to look away when a woman nurses in front of him without a blanket, because he doesn’t want to risk seeing that part of another woman’s body other than mine. I think that there are other people (not him, to clarify) who are very uncomfortable around breastfeeding, for whatever reason. Their heightened awareness of this natural act may cause them to feel scandalized, whether they actually are led to impure thoughts or not.

My first reaction to this discomfort that people have is to say, “That’s their problem, not mine. They are WRONG about breastfeeding and I shouldn’t be made to feel bad.” But one of the recent readings we had (I think a letter of Paul to someone - definitely a new testament letter) calls me on that attitude. He talks about people who wrongly believe something to be a sin. He says that even though this act is not a sin, if that person believes it to be, we should not scandalize him with it. I think the quote continues with something like this: “If my brother believes eating to be a sin, then I shall never eat meat again, so as not to cause him to sin.” That’s a pretty harsh willingness to forgoe one of his perfectly natural rights and even needs, all for the sake of avoiding scandalizing an ignorant person.

There is a part of me that is waiting to be convinced that it will be ok to nurse my babies in the pew. But for me, for now, in my situation, it would be for MY comfort, not my baby’s need. After all, I can always go sit on the floor in the back of the church. And I believe I am doing this out of charity towards my fellow parishoners, “prudy” though they may seem. So I believe that is the thing that will please God the most at that time.

Unrelated idea: maybe asking our pastor wouldn’t be such a bad thing to do. We’d eliminate any question about his level of comfort, and be putting ourselves in the humbling position of making sure we are thinking of the needs of the other parishoners. Maybe we should just sincerely ask ourselves (or God) what would be most pleasing to God given all the issues, and follow the answer.

God Bless.
TKC

 

[SHEMP]

ByzCath:

You are right, but this does not remove any personal responsibility for what you might be doing that may draw my attention.

This is more than just a baby eating, now you are just getting ridiculous. If it is just a baby eating then why can’t they just use a bottle?

I am not so sure about this. A woman exposes her breast to do this. Now if it is done in a discreet manner then it is a non-issue as no one will know it is occuring. But, as is the case in the opening post of this thread, someone did notice so it was not done discreetly. When it is done in an open fashion, then yes it may be an occasion of sin. I find it troubling that no one will even admit that this is a possibility.

Hey BizCath,
You sound very naive. Do you have children?

“why can’t they just use a bottle?” My children only took the breast. It took a long time to get them to take a bottle since my wife was so self-sacrificing in allowing them to take from the breast! I know a few young ladies who could not breast feed because they had breast cancer treatment during their pregnancy. They would have loved to give to their child what is natural.

I am really sorry that you don’t see the beauty. I will pray a Rosery for you.

 

[Jennifer_J]

Marie:

Is that heavy on the word WORLD? We have lots of breastfed infants in our parish. Most do great. The older ones are the brats who are still nursing at the breast instead of using a cup and regular feeding routine. I think the benefits of breastmilk should be used as long as possible. **The milk itself that is. ** The actual breastfeeding after age one seems to cause whiny, clingy children. That is not good. It is usually the less secure mothering types who do that from what I can observe. They are more the clinger than the child.

I don’t know what site you are quoting from, please post the link, because it sounds pretty biased against extended breastfeedning. Also the AAP recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 1 year and longer if it’s mutually desired.

aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics%3b100/6/1035
<<Exclusive breastfeeding is ideal nutrition and sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months after birth.100 Infants weaned before 12 months of age should not receive cow’s milk feedings but should receive iron-fortified infant formula.101 Gradual introduction of iron-enriched solid foods in the second half of the first year should complement the breast milk diet.102,103 It is recommended that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired.104 >>

Read the whole document for other very supportive info about breastfeeding.

Extended breastfeeding and lack of discipline are 2 different topics. Your observations may be accurate in your area, I have no idea, but just because parents decide to continue the breastfeeding relationship, does not mean the child is whiney or undisciplined. That’s a lack of setting general boundries and expecting your child to behave. I think you are unfair to say that extended breastfeeing is causing the misbehavior–how in the world do you even know that the woman a walmart is still breastfeeing or did extended breastfeeding??? Do you ask or are you just assuming??

Jennifer
mom of 4 and soon to be 5

 

[jegow]

daniellet:

I am not going to argue with you any further. I find your attitude to be venemous and highly uncharitable. I am discreet when I breastfeed and I am sure that it is ok with my Lord if I nurse my baby whom he has entrusted me with at His mass. I don’t need you to determine whether or not I am doing something in bad taste.

loyola rambler:

My youngest is only 27 months old, and he’s the 4th baby I nursed. Nothing, but nothing, gives any of us the right to make other people uncomfortable by nursing during mass. You call it venomous, I call it good taste. As someone said earlier, it’s the whole “in your face” attitude about nursing that is so offensive.

I have read all of your posts and just want to say a couple things. I don’t think that even when being discreet when breastfeeding is going to help be less of a distration. Espescially if you sit in the front pew during Mass. The priest, who has vowed a life of celibacy, may not find it cute if while during Mass he notices that there is breastfeeding going on. I am just saying that it could be very distracting for him (and hey if it is not, no big deal) but it at least would show some respect for him to at least go and do that somewhere where he might not be tempted to watch.

jegow

 

[daniellet]

I’m not sure exactly who wrote this, but it comes from a pretty good website.

kensmen.com/catholic/TLMetiquette.html

Quote:

“Do NOT chew gum or bring food or drinks into the church. The only exceptions are discreetly breastfeeding or giving a bottle to an infant.”

I’m surprised at the attitudes toward nursing I have read on this forum. The majority of people here seem staunchly pro-life. I’m always perplexed that people don’t make the connection between promoting breastfeeding and promoting a culture of life. And, yes, that includes nursing in mass. And, yes, that includes nursing toddlers.

 

[Marie]

daniellet:

I’m not sure exactly who wrote this, but it comes from a pretty good website.

kensmen.com/catholic/TLMetiquette.html

It comes from Apologia and is a dissenting website.

Danger

Toddlers should be old enough to wait til you get home if you must breastfeed them, though there is no reason they cannot take breastmilk from the cup. After age one nursing is more of a hinderence to their social and phsycological development than a help. The milk itself is beneficial but to keep nursing a child old enough to drink from a cup is pure balderdash.