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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
Guest
And to follow the rules of the house
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Their house, their rules.
If she wishes to set her own rules, time to get a job and move out.
If she wishes to set her own rules, time to get a job and move out.
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
Guest
Just curious, what’s it to you if this girl has to follow the rules of the house that is sheltering her?
When she moves out on her own she can make all the idiotic decisions she likes.
What do you care?
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
Guest
Is it just me or have the answers to his thread broken down along the lines of:
Parents saying “she should follow the rules”
Non-parents saying “she should do whatever she likes because she has lived an arbitrary number of years”
Parents saying “she should follow the rules”
Non-parents saying “she should do whatever she likes because she has lived an arbitrary number of years”
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Many, many, many people have done this. It seems the last couple of generations the work/study ethics have been lost. Sad.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Heck, I am a woman in my 50’s.
When I go back to my home town, I stay with my parents (have done this over decades of being a grown up). I often want to stay out late with old friends, chatting the night away, but I do not because it would be rude for me to wake my parents (the dogs bark when people come and go). I am an adult, and a considerate houseguest. The two are not mutually exclusive.
When I go back to my home town, I stay with my parents (have done this over decades of being a grown up). I often want to stay out late with old friends, chatting the night away, but I do not because it would be rude for me to wake my parents (the dogs bark when people come and go). I am an adult, and a considerate houseguest. The two are not mutually exclusive.
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HopkinsReb
Guest
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HopkinsReb
Guest
Not that hard to do, really.
I went to a cheap public school on a full ride when I could have gone to almost any school in the country. I went to the graduate program that gave me the most money.
There are community colleges all over the place. You can go to school part-time while working. There are tons of options to get an affordable education and support yourself. Even for those who can’t get a full ride, cheap college is an option.
It’s silly to think that 18-year-olds can’t be expected to support themselves. The majority of people don’t get a college degree. Should we not expect those people to care for themselves?
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CilladeRoma
Guest
Not a parent, but count me as one who says if they are giving her support she has to follow their rules.
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JanetF
Guest
To a certain extent I believe she’ll have to suck it up until she graduates and moves out. As the parent of a senior in college who comes home for breaks and summer I understand that this can be a really tough time for both parents and the young adult child. We relaxed our rules greatly when our daughter came home for summer break the first year. She didn’t have to tell us where she was going all the time, or necessarily with whom she would be; however, we did ask that she be home before midnight on week nights because we both work and have to get up early and it’s a small house with a big barking dog. We were more relaxed about the curfew on weekends. We’ve had our ups and downs, but for the most part, things go relatively smoothly. She’s a grown adult and although still dependent on us for some things, I don’t think it’s appropriate to have the same restrictions that we put on her when she was a middle-schooler, or even high-schooler.
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Thorolfr
Guest
When it comes to adult children, the rules of the house should have to do with what takes place in the parents’ house, not outside of it. For example, I could see the parents saying that their adult child couldn’t spend the night with a boyfriend/girlfriend in their own home. But it would be unreasonable for them to say that as long as their adult child is living in their home, they couldn’t spent a weekend with a boyfriend/girlfriend somewhere else.Thorolfr:
And to follow the rules of the house
It’s expected that parents have control over what their minor children do away from home, but not over what their adult children do away from home.
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QwertyGirl
Guest
I think this is what defines what is “reasonable” perfectly. There are always other options. As a young, respectful adult who lived at home during summers while I was in college, I struggled. My parents insisted on me going to church on Sundays when they knew I was no longer a practicing Catholic. They insisted I be home for dinner each night to eat with them. I could go on and on. It was about control. It wasn’t healthy for me or them. I sucked it up, but it certainly didn’t help our relationship any.
As a parent of my own kid, once she turned 18 I considered any support I provided as a gift with no strings attached (I don’t ever give gifts with strings attached, because then it isn’t truly a gift). It didn’t mean certain considerations weren’t required under my roof. Thank goodness she is a very considerate person so we didn’t have issues. As long as I was able to sleep through the night and not clean up after her, generally, it was all good.
Parents who try to control their adult (over 18) kids aren’t healthy. They should work on that.
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mrsdizzyd
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Their house. Their rules. If she doesn’t want to follow their rules she needs to move out and stand on her own two feet. Until then, she needs to respect their wishes.
I can’t believe this is even up for discussion.
I can’t believe this is even up for discussion.
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Wozza
Guest
In which case if I were the parent I might not let her boyfriend sleep over in my house. I might not let her smoke or drink in my house. My house. My house rules.Thorolfr:
And to follow the rules of the house
This is an adult we are discussing. She has to make her own choices. What’s wrong with: ‘We believe you are making some mistakes in your life and would hope that you would consider our advice. But we love you dearly and there will always be a place for you in this home’.
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rosejmj
Guest
Ok so follow the rules in the house. I don’t understand why parents would have any control over what their adult child does outside the house. If they don’t like it just kick the child out but that just makes the parents look bad if they aren’t doing anything bad at home
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Wesrock
Guest
She needs to decide her priorities then.
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Thorolfr
Guest
The problem is that some parents have bad and unreasonable rules. They might be able to enforce those rules on their underage children, but even then, they run the risk of completely alienating their underage children when they become adults so that their children won’t have anything to do with them later on. They won’t come to visit them and they won’t bring their grandchildren to visit them, etc.
As for children respecting their parents’ wishes, the parents also need to show some respect for their children. If the respect goes both ways, the parents and their children will have a much healthier relationship.
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QwertyGirl
Guest
You are assuming the parents are interested in having a loving, respectful, and healthy relationship with their kids. After reading some of the posts here, I think it may be a stretch. Very sad to say, but that is the sense I get.
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chercheur
Guest
While I don’t know if parents necessarily should try to place restrictions on their child’s behaviour to this extent, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to either.
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Thorolfr
Guest
And the parents also need to decide their priorities. Hopefully, one of their priorities is to help their child get an education so that they can succeed in life. It would seem to be rather unfortunate if it’s a higher priority for them to enforce unreasonable rules about what their adult child can do outside the home even if this causes the child to move away from their parents’ home and give up going to college.rosejmj:
She needs to decide her priorities then.
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