Parents say priest told mourners that son may be kept out of heaven over suicide: report

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Yes it is, and the more I think about it, the father made it worse. The family wanted to , understandably, pretend there was no suicide. But that won’t work. It was a suicide and they are all the more devestated because of it. So the priest was rightly addressing it head on. Uncomfortable? Yes. Beneficial to all? Yes. But by making a scene at the funeral, that became the focus, and no one gets the benefits of the priest’s wise words.
 
Beryllos said:
The two threads currently running on this topic have opened my eyes to the fact that the family’s behavior is understandable.
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Under what circumstances is it understandable for a lay person to attempt to stop a priest from giving a homily, not once, but twice!!! ?
 
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Shining a light on truth vs. comforting the grieving? Funeral homily in cases of suicide Apologetics
https://www.foxnews.com/us/parents-want-priests-whop-presided-over-sons-funeral-removed This story is making the rounds in the media right now. What do you all think? Obviously, we don’t know what the fate will be of this child, but was it really prudent for Father to focus on this for the homily at the funeral mass? I’m sure Father thought he was shining light on the truth, but what of bring comfort to those who are grieving? Eternal rest grant unto Mason oh Lord…
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Posting this link to the other thread again. It sounds like on the other thread, a good Father did participate in it and was dismayed by the homily. Read for oneself.
 
The priest that buried my brother handled his funeral beautifully. My brother did not died from suicide but it was from a very preventable cause. We were afraid of an experience like this family had, but the priest was an amazing blessing instead. He told us,
“Kind words about the loved one who has passed are always appropriate. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or making comments that might unintentionally diminish the importance of the loss. Save the theology for a more appropriate time. That is how I handle all funerals no matter who they were or the circumstances of their death.”
At the time it seemed common sense. Now I see it was actually a gift. I find it hard to believe others don’t recognize that.
 
Brendan said:
Under what circumstances is it understandable for a lay person to attempt to stop a priest from giving a homily, not once, but twice!!! ?
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Circumstances including the death of a child, extreme grief, emotional distress, plus the surprise or incongruity (as experienced by the parents) of an unexpected homily.

By understandable, I don’t mean logical or rational, but I do mean there is a connection between cause and effect.
 
13pollitos said:
“Kind words about the loved one who has passed are always appropriate. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or making comments that might unintentionally diminish the importance of the loss. Save the theology for a more appropriate time
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This a million times over. Those attending the funeral, including parents and siblings, have the rest of their lives to evaluate what the Church teaches and what they choose to believe about the disposition of a soul of a person who turns to suicide. The funeral is not the place for a lesson, for lack of a better word.

The whole thing just seems incredibly uncharitable. We should try to soothe the suffering during the hour of a funeral mass. At least that is what I believe.
 
You could be right. I read the transcript of the homily and it seemed very good. But I am not in the parents shoes. I do know how even the best intentioned words can hurt those who are grieving. I do think the priest is getting somewhat of a bad rap.
 
He may be. I do know in the other thread about this topic a priest has weighed in saying that he read the homily and agreed it was highly inappropriate.

There was a time when people held their tongues and avoided speaking ill of the dead at all costs. Especially those who died so recently. They didn’t even take chances of saying something that could be thought of as unkind. But back then, people still had manners. I think it’s hard sometimes to speak the truth without being unkind because it is no longer a practiced custom. So sometimes it is best to just not say anything.

My brother died from addiction like so many others do. We were afraid the priest would use him as a lesson for those in attendance, especially since many of those that attended knew him through rehab. But as the priest told us, the ones that need the lesson already know, they just don’t have the strength to overcome. Trying to scare them straight would cause more fear which in turn causes more self medication. The ones that don’t need the lesson are only going to suffer more because they won’t hear the hope, just the sin. He said if someone is upset that he isn’t tough enough, he would rather err on the side of compassion.

The priest was not a young, radical or theologically liberal priest. He was elderly, orthodox and experienced. He was ordained before Vatican 2 and was “retired” yet still working due to shortages. I think perhaps this priest in the article may be younger and therefore not as experienced with grief. I pray he is able to overcome this difficult time and go on to be a well loved pastor at some point.
 
Victoria33 said:
Posting this link to the other thread again. It sounds like on the other thread, a good Father did participate in it and was dismayed by the homily. Read for oneself.
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And lots of other priests, including the priest who gave the homily, thought it appropriate.
QwertyGirl said:
The funeral is not the place for a lesson, for lack of a better word.
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Maybe a non Catholic funeral isn’t the place for that. But a homily is a lesson. The readings themselves are a lesson.
 
exnihilo said:
And lots of other priests, including the priest who gave the homily, thought it appropriate
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LOTS of other priests? Where have you heard that? Certainly his bishop didn’t think it appropriate (and that is most important). I can honestly say I know no priest in real life that would find this appropriate. Most priests I know will publically state DURING THE FUNERAL that a funeral is for the living, but the Mass is for the dead. I attend many funerals throughout the year due to helping with altar servers. I have only once seen a priest make a “teaching lesson” and that was at the request of the parents. It was about wearing your seatbelt, even if only going on a short drive. They wanted it stated. Later, Father told us that he was very uncomfortable doing that. He said it did it because the parents were adamant they wanted it stated. Father said he felt it was wrong but knew to abide by a parents wishes.
 
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Perhaps homilies at funeral Masses should be more tailored to the level of Catholic catechesis of the family.
 
exnihilo said:
Maybe a non Catholic funeral isn’t the place for that. But a homily is a lesson. The readings themselves are a lesson.
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Yes. That is correct. There are many lessons of hope and comfort which can be learned through readings and a homily at a funeral mass, regardless of the cause of death. Doesn’t sound like that was the aim of this particular priest. That is what the problem was for the family.
 
exnihilo said:
But then how do you know that? Are you assuming something here?
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If you had continued on within my post instead of just cutting out that piece you would see.

“Most priests I know will publically state DURING THE FUNERAL that a funeral is for the living, but the Mass is for the dead. I attend many funerals throughout the year due to helping with altar servers. I have only once seen a priest make a “teaching lesson” and that was at the request of the parents. It was about wearing your seatbelt, even if only going on a short drive. They wanted it stated. Later, Father told us that he was very uncomfortable doing that. He said it did it because the parents were adamant they wanted it stated. Father said he felt it was wrong but knew to abide by a parents wishes.”
 
13pollitos said:
Most priests I know will publically state DURING THE FUNERAL that a funeral is for the living, but the Mass is for the dead. I attend many funerals throughout the year due to helping with altar servers
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What do you mean by “the funeral”? I always thought of the word funeral to be a colloquial term which encompassed the mass and the burial. I agree the mass is for the dead, and the prayers at the burial also seem to be for the dead.

I have never heard a priest say that at a funeral.
 
Sorry for the late reply. Life has been very busy here.

In the US I have noticed most Catholics have a Mass at the time of their burial and it is usually called a funeral. In some places the burial is done very quickly, often within 24 hours, and the funeral and burial often do not include a Mass. Masses will be said for the person who died, often many of them, but it is rare in some places to have a priest there for the actual funeral and burial. It just isn’t possible in many rural areas of the world where embalming doesn’t happen and one priest covers several towns.

Here, in MO, I attend several funerals because I am the altar server coordinator at two parishes. If my servers are on the altar, I make sure I am in the church with them. Over the last six years I have attended multiple funerals—nearly all had a Mass of Christian Burial at the same time. The Mass most certainly is for the repose of the soul for the deceased. It is a very powerful prayer. The entire funeral, though, is for the living. It is a source of comfort for those of us left behind. The priests I have been blessed to be with during these funerals, which usually do include a Mass, have all stated that the funeral is a time to reflect on the hope of Christ and ask for comfort in that hope. It is a time for the family to be surrounded in love and comforted. It is most certainly is for the living as they pray for the loved one they lost.
 
This issue, suicide, is becoming apparently, a real problem. I can hardly believe it. This happened right before Christmas to a family I know of with one of their teenage sons. It’s shocking, I heard about it and did not want to believe it until I saw the actual article in the newspaper.
 
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13pollitos said:
It is a time for the family to be surrounded in love and comforted. It is most certainly is for the living as they pray for the loved one they lost.
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And that’s what I saw when I read the homily - a reminder to the family of God’s mercy and a call to pray for the young man.
 
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