"Play with me!"

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Depending on how far along he is, Duplo may be a little too “babyish” for a 4yo. We’re running into an awkward phase where my 4yo is done with Duplo, but my 2yo isn’t done with putting Legos in his mouth. On a related note, my 4yo is DYING for a Marbleworks set, but all I can see is a trip to the emergency room for my 2yo with marbles in his stomach.
 
At any rate, Duplo probably isn’t the best investment because he’ll be ready for LEGO really soon!
 
My children used to like ‘playing’ with things that are not strictly toys. Things such as a block of pastry with some safe, plastic cutters; a bucket of water and a large paint bush to ‘paint’ the shed/fence (no mess as only water is being used); posting coins into money boxes (make sure they are easy to open), playing in the garden/yard with a few old pans and utensils, making a tent out of blankets; use a large cardboard box to make into a car/boat, use chalks to draw on the ground/wall (mark out an area that you don’t mind him using). This will wash off. My youngest child is ten and she wants me to play with her and I’m ashamed to say I have lost interest. I am in my late forties and feel I have done all that when the others were younger, so I know how you feel. x
 
Collect kid activity ideas from Pinterest that sound like something you’d want to do. Atleast half of the “fun” things I do with my kids are things I selfishly wanted to try and looped them in.

You can also collect ideas for activities designed to build a capacity for independent play.

My kids weren’t so great at that when I finally got to stay home with them. They were used to doing puzzles one one one with each grandma all day and the one in daycare missed his age level peers.
 
I played video games as a kid and I still knew how to be creative and play by myself without video games. I don’t get the video game hate

Why isn’t there a similar hate against solitaire or books? Some video games are educational. Some books aren’t.
 
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Instead of trying to actually play with him, what about cooking with him or teaching him to do chores? I started working with my kids at age 4 to do simple things like unloading the silverware or dusting the living room. Kids love to cook. You measure, he pours. Art can be a great time user. Encourage him to draw, paint, or play with play dough. There are great homemade play dough recipes. Good luck!
 
I think the suggestions above are good, but even apart from the technology I do think there’s room for temperament and personality to play a role here. My son who is almost 3 has never had a problem playing by himself - he can occupy himself for quite a while, though he’s happy to play with his brothers, too. My oldest son is much more extroverted and just enjoys being around other people. It’s hard for an introvert mama, but he just really wants a party of people all. the. time.

It might be harder too just because he’s not used to one-on-one time. I have four children now, but when it was just me and my oldest, I did a lot more playing with him. Now his siblings do that. Playing with toddlers and preschoolers can be exasperating in large quantities, but I do think it’s reasonable, in addition to the things above, to do a little bit - after all, you’re his grandma! You can try podcasts or music to keep your mind a little more occupied, and plan other activities to do or outings that will offer a change of scenery or an opportunity to get things done.

Also, if you’re getting burned out, you’re allowed to say so! It should definitely be possible to care part-time for a 4 year old and still get everything done you need to do in your life, with lots of time left over for recreation and rest. If that’s not possible, you’re probably watching him too much.
 
I haven’t read the replies.

My approach has long been to include the kids in what I am doing, not vice versa. They can help me fold clothes, garden, pick berries, and bake muffins. But I don’t ever join in on their things, like Legos or play-do. This approach sets boundaries with clarity and kindness.

One fantastic tip I learned from Reggio Emilia education involves one word: Water. With enough supervision to prevent drowning, water calms, fascinates, and entertains kids like nothing else. I bought a large, plastic, under-the-bed storage bin and filled it with the hose when my kids were little. They’d fill it with boats, food coloring, whatever. Or they’d just turn on the hose and create “rivers” here and there in the yard or down the driveway, although you have to be tolerant of some minor erosion. There’s always the wet banana sliders, running through sprinklers, and kiddie pools, too.
 
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Thanks for the thoughtful comments. It’s not an ideal situation as his mom abandoned him and his dad is, IMO, depressed. I am watching him as there is little other recourse and I’m concerned for his safety and health.

I do take him to the park or library often. I guess I just need suggestions on how to encourage him to play by himself sometimes. And it’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him, I just don’t want to play on the floor constantly,. I appreciate the ideas on having him cook and help with housework. We will work on that.
 
It’s awful. I feel like the lone, weird parent on this issue. My children are constantly on my case because don’t understand why they don’t have constant access to iPads and Smartphones like their peers do. They get to take turns with limited gaming, but it’s special time set aside, not an all-day thing. Even then, I’m alarmed by how addictive it is. When their turns are over, they start screaming - kind of like crashing, sugar-addicted kids.
 
They’ll appreciate it one day when they see how useless their peers are compared to themselves.
 
Oh, that’s so hard. Are you all receiving counseling? He could be extra clingy because he desperately needs to form attachments, too, which are missing with his mom and dad. If that’s the case, I would definitely not push him to peers too much (which it doesn’t sound like you are doing, but might be a temptation.) Gently encourage him to play by himself, too, but definitely keep him involved in what you are doing and let him know that you love him and like him.

I will be praying for you and your grandson today.
 
Most video games are not “educational”, even the one’s that are marketed as such, especially for a 4yo. I’m a teacher, and every seven years we have to adopt or renew our texts and materials. Every single time we have a years worth of being pulled out of our classroom to have video games shoved at us by the companies who sell them. Most of them teach the most basic skills in a drilling fashion. I’ve never seen one that teaches higher level thinking skills in any way. Certainly not in a way that could even come close to replacing creative play. Every time, the teachers tell the administration that the games are crap and we don’t want them. Every time the administrators buy them anyway.

No one is concerned about solitaire because it’s boring and kids don’t like it anyway. If there were a significant number of kids obsessively playing solitaire to the exclusion of all else, there probably would be some concern. And there are often parents posting concerns about the quality of the books their kids want to read and the amount of time spent on them. At the very least, reading is an important skill that children are supposed to be developing, so some recreational ready is usually tolerable if it provides the child with practice.
 
Based on that added information, I suspect it has less to do with him lacking initiative and more with him just wanting to be with you. I think finding ways to include him in whatever work you are doing, even if he’s just coloring while you work at the table, is the way to go.
 
Another thing, since you are on the internet, is to find art projects for pre-schoolers.

For instance, one of the things I learned from my sons’ preschool is to give the child shapes cut out by an adult that the child arranges, decorates and glues down to make a picture. For instance, start with a ream of differently-colored construction paper. You can glue the shape of a Christmas tree to an 8.5 x 11 background, provide lots of “ornament” shapes and also provide glue, stick-on “jewels,” sparkles (yes, 4 year old boys like that kind of stuff, too). Make six or so–all the same or coordinate the shape, but a repeating starting point; your artistic sense can come into this, too! He finishes the six of them and you hang them up. The consistent starting point you gave him gives a consistency to the art pieces, so that when you hang the results as a group they look pretty good no matter what he does. There are lots of seasonal variations you can do on that idea.

I used to hang this kind of art on a pair of glass french doors, because we have twins. The “gallery” idea allows you to switch out his old work for new stuff, rather than having to keep the same art piece on display until he’s 18. When something old has to come down because something new is going up, you send the artwork home, like the school teachers do. (Children are also less resistant to removing “seasonal” art after the season for it is over.)

If you take care of him at your house and you can provide a wall that is set up for “grandchild art” with a section for each grandchild’s art or clippings or whatnot, this both makes it look very important and keeps it contained. Otherwise, the grand kids might cover every surface of your house with art, which can be a bit much. Again–take your cue from the ideas the preschool teachers come up with. They’re an ingenious lot who do a lot with limited resources.

In any event, my rule was to find things I enjoyed to do with my kids…as in, music I liked well enough to hear about 9.000 times, books I loved so much that I wouldn’t get tired reading them, and children’s shows that I thought were charming. If Granny or I didn’t like the show, the children never found out it existed. No Teletubbies at our house–I thought that was the most vapid show ever invented! Granny absolutely vetoed Barney (or, as she called it, “The Purple Thing”). You have to be able to enjoy yourself, too. Don’t be a martyr. It will show and the child will wrongly think it is he who drives you nuts.

(I videotaped the children’s shows and took out the commercials–whole disks full of Bob the Builder or Max and Ruby, etc. This was right after 9-11, so we had the TV on Home and Garden or the Food Network, because we knew when the video ended and the cable channel came back on, there would never be any alarming-looking news that they couldn’t understand. Definitely find a way for TV to revolve around your schedule and not the other way around.)
 
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Please, SacredHeartbassit,

Stop to constantly proposing video games for such a young child!

You can find them wondrefull, but there is too potential side-effects on them that you refuse to take in consideration.

Screens can create a dependency, attention disorders. It is not a secret.

And don’t comparate them to games that a child can do alone.
 
PetraG said:
n any event, my rule was to find things I enjoyed to do with my kids…as in, music I liked well enough to hear about 9.000 times, books I loved so much that I wouldn’t get tired reading them, and children’s shows that I thought were charming. If Granny or I didn’t like the show, the children never found out it existed. No Teletubbies at our house–I thought that was the most vapid show ever invented! Granny absolutely vetoed Barney (or, as she called it, “The Purple Thing”). You have to be able to enjoy yourself, too. Don’t be a martyr. It will show and the child will wrongly think it is he who drives you nuts.
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We do this too. If I hate it, it doesn’t come into the house. I’m not anti-media, but if it’s ugly or stupid I don’t have the time or money for it. Thankfully there’s actually quite a lot out there that’s good!
 
McDonalds, Chick-a-FIL, Burger King, Jump Street … these were our home-away-from Home places during 2-5. Plenty of kids … plenty of adults to talk and play with … food … beverages… bathrooms … and lots of table space. We did valentine cards, birthday invitations, and crafts.

My oldest never has been able to self play. My youngest loves to have time to play alone; but her big sister would never let her play alone. These restaurants with playhouses solved so many problems.
 
My nephew loves Legos. He also plays games on his tab, like Roblox with his school friends online, but his parents only allow him to play on his tablet or his Wii on weekends.

He also likes playing with other people, including us adults. He’s able to play by himself being an only child, like cars and helicopters, but it seems that it would be more fun to play with someone.

So yeah, toys that require focus and creativity are great suggestions.
 
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