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PetraG
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There are only so many years you can avoid having either your child or you finding out that your child has “bad” taste, LOL. Use it while you have it!
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PetraG
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My mom and my mother-in-law also each had special toys–these were hers, not theirs!–that only came out once in awhile. One was a Fisher Price farm that both my nieces and later our sons loved. There was also a wooden train set with wooden blocks. Another was a set of cookie cutters. This kind of thing is another ace in the hole, but only if you find something you like. (In your case, I’d think something that is played with on the kitchen table or another raised surface, not the floor.)
Come to think of it, Mom also had a chalk board she could set near her kitchen. She’d tell the child what to draw and the child would draw it and show it to her, maybe she’d suggest they add things and work on it some more, then erase it and start again, while she worked in the kitchen. Chalk is messy, but it causes a lot less problems for clothing than white boards. When she was working outside, she also had sidewalk chalk. Activities the child can do while you work in the kitchen or iron or fold clothes and keep a running conversation going work. You can also play games while you work like a making up a story game where each of you take turns adding a sentence. Something that keeps the child’s hands busy while your hands are busy, though…as in, you work in the kitchen, the child sits at the table with a Crayola 64-box, and the two of you make up a story and the child draws it on one of those big desk-size sheets of paper.
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Viki63
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Good thoughts, and probably true.
Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for your prayers.
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
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I had a few of these—if I needed to buy time for a chore where I couldnt have children underfoot.
They loved playing with these toys because they were a once in a while treat.
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ascetic
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Don’t know if this helps any, or even if anyone has already suggested it since I don’t want to scroll through the whole thread, but we have indoor playgrounds where I live. Many of them have wi-fi, so you can pay bills and whatnot while he plays with other kids. You could enroll him in a program if your locality has a parks & rec department or at the YMCA.
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Viki63
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A friend told me something interesting: that studies have found that spending 15 minutes of focused play time twice a day with a child is enough to “fill their bucket,” or satisfy their need for one on one attention. I can handle 15 minute stretches so will give that a try. And of course I’m not ignoring him the rest of the time, just not giving him my undivided attention.
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MrsGT
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Really enjoyed reading all of the suggestions here - my daughter is 9 and when she’s with her paternal grandparents they never leave her alone for a minute to do things by herself. So when she’s with me she constantly needs company. This has been going on for years and I will occasionally play games with her etc - but for the most part I include her in what I’m doing (feeding the animals, cleaning, shopping etc.) so that she learns how to do things, sure, but so she realises that adults have other priorities than focusing solely on children’s needs. She’s for the most part grown out of it and she enjoys some tv time by herself or reading but I can totally sympathise with the OP (and others!)
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hoping4more
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Puzzles and other similar games. Then get competitive with it.
“I get to do this piece…” Get greedy. He’ll get jealous and soon want to do it himself. Ask him if he can do the whole thing himself.
He is 4 so he can learn ABC, counting high, even some adding and reading some words. It will be a little stimulating for you and help him tremedously. He will also want to get back to his toys.
Cars with tracks, trains with tracks, farms all are good. Lets them build ‘worlds.’
“I get to do this piece…” Get greedy. He’ll get jealous and soon want to do it himself. Ask him if he can do the whole thing himself.
He is 4 so he can learn ABC, counting high, even some adding and reading some words. It will be a little stimulating for you and help him tremedously. He will also want to get back to his toys.
Cars with tracks, trains with tracks, farms all are good. Lets them build ‘worlds.’
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alphawoman
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Teach him to read. Read to him. Play music together. Teach him a new language. Play sports together. Write a play and act it out together. Make your own costumes and dress up. Cook together. Play with math. Do science experiments together. Attend daily Mass or pray together. Clean or do chores together. Children love to help and are cheerful participants if treated respectfully.
In other words, interact! Children are a gift, and the opportunity to spend time with a child or grandchild is a luxury many would sacrifice greatly for. Enjoy it. Otherwise, if he comes to associate your attitude towards him with, “I don’t want to interact with you”, that will soon be his attitude toward you.
I’ve heard the argument that child’s play is “boring” before. I don’t buy it! Playing with children is about creating a world of magic and interaction that meets their needs, not yours.
I appreciate that your circumstances aren’t ideal. However, remember that you’re the most important attachment figure in his life, and he needs you- your love, your attention, your snuggles. When you feel bored, remember that your love and time together are the best gift you can give him.
God bless!!
In other words, interact! Children are a gift, and the opportunity to spend time with a child or grandchild is a luxury many would sacrifice greatly for. Enjoy it. Otherwise, if he comes to associate your attitude towards him with, “I don’t want to interact with you”, that will soon be his attitude toward you.
I’ve heard the argument that child’s play is “boring” before. I don’t buy it! Playing with children is about creating a world of magic and interaction that meets their needs, not yours.
I appreciate that your circumstances aren’t ideal. However, remember that you’re the most important attachment figure in his life, and he needs you- your love, your attention, your snuggles. When you feel bored, remember that your love and time together are the best gift you can give him.
God bless!!
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alphawoman
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If you want to live your life based on the minimum contribution required to not strongly damage someone, that sounds like the formula. I can’t understand the idea of figuring out the minimum amount of interaction I could get away with in caring for a child! Yikes!
This is like saying humans are alright if they get 15 minutes of exposure to sunlight twice a day. Are people really “well off” if they’re otherwise living in a dark basement? Or what if the eat only Kraft Dinner for 5 years? They may be alive, but certainly not anything remotely considered healthy.
Are you, yourself, depressed or facing health challenges? Your response is very troubling, and I’d suggest getting some professional help of you’re experiencing personal challenges or caregiver fatigue from taking on your grandson’s care.
Are you the mother of the depressed father or abandoning mother? Perhaps it’s worth revisiting that relationship to understand how you can avoid repeating the old habits you have that your child inherited. I fear you’re showing callous behaviours that would leave a child depressed.
I’ll be honest—your post angers me, and I have no respect for the notion of not meeting a child’s emotional or social needs. Go be a loving grandmother or find someone capable of doing the job right. Your grandson needs love, not an adult who can’t get out of her own head because she’s too selfish or lazy to give him more than 30 minutes of attention.
Yes—selfish and lazy. Sit with that honestly with yourself, because that’s what your behaviours are saying. And, for heaven’s sake, stop patting yourself on the back until you can look at the situation through the child’s eyes. You are responsible for one of the failed parents, so this isn’t a heroic ask from you- it’s an opportunity for a do-over. Take it, learn from it, and come out the other side a more emotionally rich and loving person.
This is like saying humans are alright if they get 15 minutes of exposure to sunlight twice a day. Are people really “well off” if they’re otherwise living in a dark basement? Or what if the eat only Kraft Dinner for 5 years? They may be alive, but certainly not anything remotely considered healthy.
Are you, yourself, depressed or facing health challenges? Your response is very troubling, and I’d suggest getting some professional help of you’re experiencing personal challenges or caregiver fatigue from taking on your grandson’s care.
Are you the mother of the depressed father or abandoning mother? Perhaps it’s worth revisiting that relationship to understand how you can avoid repeating the old habits you have that your child inherited. I fear you’re showing callous behaviours that would leave a child depressed.
I’ll be honest—your post angers me, and I have no respect for the notion of not meeting a child’s emotional or social needs. Go be a loving grandmother or find someone capable of doing the job right. Your grandson needs love, not an adult who can’t get out of her own head because she’s too selfish or lazy to give him more than 30 minutes of attention.
Yes—selfish and lazy. Sit with that honestly with yourself, because that’s what your behaviours are saying. And, for heaven’s sake, stop patting yourself on the back until you can look at the situation through the child’s eyes. You are responsible for one of the failed parents, so this isn’t a heroic ask from you- it’s an opportunity for a do-over. Take it, learn from it, and come out the other side a more emotionally rich and loving person.
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MockSock
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Don’t start him on video games, he’ll be hooked until he’s well into his thirties!
I really hate it when I see mothers giving their children phones and tablets to watch movies or whatever they do. But that’s just me.
Four is still a little young for reading. But I remember my parents sitting me down as a child and giving me The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis to read because they were busy. I never stopped reading from that moment.
As soon as he’s old enough, give him a book.
I really hate it when I see mothers giving their children phones and tablets to watch movies or whatever they do. But that’s just me.
Four is still a little young for reading. But I remember my parents sitting me down as a child and giving me The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis to read because they were busy. I never stopped reading from that moment.
As soon as he’s old enough, give him a book.
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Viki63
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Whoa, there are some harsh responses here. That’s the trouble with the forums, people get a little carried away with assumptions.
I’m not going to try justifying my relationship with this child, who suddenly arrived full time in my life when his mother abandoned him.
He has books, a lot of books; he’s read to. He has a Kindle over my objections. It’s not easy caring for a child when you’re responsible but don’t have final say in his care.
I wrote looking for some suggestions, and have received some good ones. I appreciate them.
I’m not going to try justifying my relationship with this child, who suddenly arrived full time in my life when his mother abandoned him.
He has books, a lot of books; he’s read to. He has a Kindle over my objections. It’s not easy caring for a child when you’re responsible but don’t have final say in his care.
I wrote looking for some suggestions, and have received some good ones. I appreciate them.
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MockSock
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Wasn’t trying to be mean. Sorry if it came off that way. I’m not a parent and I haven’t had very much experience in caring for children. I was just thinking back to my own childhood, I don’t think I could read at four, that’s all I was saying.
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Sonic
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I may have something that will not only help keep your little tyke entertained, but it ill also help develop his imagination and ability to entertain himself. For years, my little hobby has been the collection of Old Time Radio Shows. I started listening to these programs when I was a child (my parents introduced me to them), and they have kept me company ever since. These shows are often called the “Theater of the Mind”, and for good reason… you have to imagine all the adventures you listen to. It’s a wonderful hobby that a child can grow into as the shows range from children’s programing to shows made exclusively for adults. The wonderful part is that the shows were produced at a time when there was still some sense of morality and decency in the United States. So, your young one will not be bombarded with objectionable material. Of course, you should always preview the shows yourself before letting little ears listen (that goes without saying).
I have provided a link to several shows that are freely available at Archive.org. (Many of these I have listened to myself over the years.
More shows, but be aware that not all are for young children. Enjoy browsing the selection of content:
https://archive.org/details/oldtimeradio
I hope everything works out for you, Viki. May God bless you.
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Allegra
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I think you’re assuming a lot here. If the study the OP quoted is real, it’s probably meant to encourage parents to do at least 30 minutes of undivided attention today. It’s probably meant to motivate someone who is currently at zero up to a acceptable level, not discourage parents who are already very engaged with their children. And as other posters have pointed out, you can certainly socialize and satisfy emotional needs of a child without devoting your entire day to intense one-on-one playtime. Baking together is socialization. Working on homework at the table while grandma does dishes is socialization. Snuggling on a couch and watching a good movie is socialization. Going for a walk or car ride together is socialization. I think there is some merit to the idea that parents shouldn’t micro-organize all of a child’s playtime. Part of the learning process of play is allowing a child to figure out things for themselves, so it isn’t always best for the parent to always show their child how to play. There is an opposite extreme out there. It doesn’t sound to me like the OP doesn’t want to interact with her grandson at all. It sounds like she’s a little “done” with the cars and it’s actually a benefit for a child to be able to play independently as well.
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Sedona
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I’m the same way. Buy some LEGOS. The two of you will have fun for hours.
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halogirl
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Totally agree. I hate seeing that “I haven’t been to the bathroom alone in six years” well where’s the other parent? If there is another parent in the house at the same time there is no excuse for this. Your child needs to learn that you are your own person too. Yes you love them unconditionally yes you will be there,always but totally agree you aren’t a default playmate and EVERYTHING in between unless it’s a last or only resort. For one thing this doesn’t give them the very real truth that that the world doesn’t revolve around them. My mother had it right … involve me, teach me but develop my imagination so I can deal with myself. I was the little girl following her around town as she shopped, reading a book
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halogirl
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Did you know there are more pieces of Lego in the world than humans? Fun fact 
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halogirl
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Beautiful post
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PetraG
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Are there more Legos than there are feet to step on them in the dark? (Or do carpet tacks have to be included in the count to get that high?)Did you know there are more pieces of Lego in the world than humans? Fun fact
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