Playing outside alone

[NevermoreLenore]

Here’s my perspective from reading through your posts and raising a 10 year old who is also an only child.

Children don’t like to feel alone. When given the option between doing something alone or doing something with a group of peers. They will likely and normally chose to do things with other kids.

Swimming is one of those activities that children don’t want to do alone.

Wow, jumping from a tree into a lake sounds like such a fun activity to share with another child.

he cries, he doesn’t want to get a flu shot. It hurts. Totally normal child reaction

she also may have strongly felt the need to to share an activity with her cousins.

None of these activities are the same as going into a dark lake by yourself without a friend…to participate in an activity that will be fun if she only had someone to share it with

I’m interested in why you continue to indicate what’s ‘normal’ and that children want to socialise in all of their activities. As a parent of a single child, you have a valuable perspective, but it isn’t the only perspective. Growing up and even still, I love doing most activities alone. I am not shy or maladjusted, but I am an introvert. My four kids are the same way. During this quarantine, they’ve actually thrived for many reasons, but relevant to this discussion they have very much enjoyed being able to explore and ‘play’ on their own. All of us have outside friends and get along well with people, but given the choice we prefer solo and/or just family activities. As a kid, I road my bike, climbed massive trees, sat at the edge of the lake, ran threw sprinklers–nearly always alone. I preferred that, as an introvert. I had friends and had fun with them as well, but my default preference is to be alone and my now-teenage kids are all the same way.

As to the OP: my answer will be influenced by having a husband with a long law enforcement career and being a psychologist myself, as we have seen many things most haven’t. But I was always watchful over my children. Not in a helicopter type of way, but I was always aware of where they were. We taught our kids stranger danger and inappropriate touching from very young ages, and that they should always trust their gut feelings when something or someone doesn’t feel right. We’ve always wanted to equip our kids with wisdom and life skills, and teach them how to make decisions. OP, I think it sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job as a parent.

 

[Allie1]

I’m interested in why you continue to indicate what’s ‘normal’ and that children want to socialise in all of their activities

That is not what I am saying at all.
Nor do I think that you are abnormal because you are an introvert. I am also an introvert. We are normal also.

The OP listed activities that she was describing as not ordinary for her 9 year old niece.
Her 9 year old niece wants to go the market and buy produce with her cousins.
Her 9 year old wanted to go swimming in a lake not by herself but with her cousins.
The OP listed a string of questions that her 9 year niece asked her as"Exhihit A"
Her 9 year old niece has an active imagination and thought that there were creatures in the water.

I do not believe that this 9 year old child is abnormal.
Nor do I believe that you are abnormal.
I do believe that the OP is a great mother and is a great aunt. But, how she discussed her niece I do believe that she was being overly critical of a 9 year old child.

 

[Allegra]

They’ve all been told that if someone approaches the yard, they are to come inside and get me, whether they know them or not. I usually sit by the open window as it is. The way our yard is set up, there is only one reasonable way to enter it and it would be almost impossible for anyone off the street to get into the yard without my hearing or seeing through the window. We also have a conspicuously place camera to remind our lousy neighbors to keep their stupid dog out of our yard.

 

[blackforest]

As to the OP: my answer will be influenced by having a husband with a long law enforcement career and being a psychologist myself, as we have seen many things most haven’t.

As a psychologist, you’re probably aware of the availability heuristic. I grew up with a friend whose dad was an ER doc. He kept her in a bubble because he witnessed more horrific accidents than the rest of the waking world. I do wonder if working in law enforcement or psychology with - for example - abused children would color child-rearing practices. Yet now that we have a 24-hour cable news cycle, availability bias affects all of us and likely led to the generation/s of helicopter parenting.

Don’t get me wrong - it seems like you’ve done a fabulous job teaching your kids a healthy sense of boundaries without instilling any debilitating and unnecessary fear in them. But it’s a find line we all walk as parents.

They’ve all been told that if someone approaches the yard, they are to come inside and get me, whether they know them or not.

I finally revised my stranger policy from “never talk to strangers” to “never go anywhere with a stranger.” That way, they can - say - ask a mom with kids for help if they get lost.

Oh! Another reading recommendation is Protecting the Gift, by Gavin de Becker, about how to raise children to develop a strong sense of intuition.

 

[Peeps]

And I imagine it will differ dramatically by region… but maybe the way media sort of universalizes everything, it won’t?

The laws regarding children playing outside alone vary depending on which state in the U.S. you live in.

There are cities that have very strict laws, and if a child is seen playing alone without an adult visible, the parent will be visited by the police and possibly ticketed or even arrested, and the child(ren) taken into protective custody and put in foster homes (where of course, the adults are perfectly trustworthy!).

Other cities have more reasonable laws.

You just have to be savvy and learn what the laws are before getting you and/or your child in a mess with the local laws.

 

[AL_1323]

Allegra:

They’ve all been told that if someone approaches the yard, they are to come inside and get me, whether they know them or not.

I finally revised my stranger policy from “never talk to strangers” to “never go anywhere with a stranger.” That way, they can - say - ask a mom with kids for help if they get lost.

We have organised a password so then if a stranger says “come with me” they can just say “What’s the password” and if the stranger does not know the password or say it they can go and find a Police Officer/Safe person.

 

[Allegra]

We just tell them not to go with anyone unless they ask us first.

 

[Allegra]

I don’t think there are any cities that have laws that say a parents must be visible at all times when a child is playing in their own yard. What they usually have is a very wide definition of the charge of “child neglect”. Something along the line of “parents fail to provide adequate supervision.” The problem is, what is adequate? In most situations, if the child is not scared, hungry, or injured, most people would consider that adequate. That won’t stop nosy neighbors from calling the cops at Suzy Q jumping rope alone on the driveway, but I don’t think people need be concerned about being prosecuted, as long as her parents are home and checking in with her regularly.

 

[Dolphin]

Don’t mention octopus!

 

[Peeps]

I don’t think there are any cities that have laws that say a parents must be visible at all times when a child is playing in their own yard. What they usually have is a very wide definition of the charge of “child neglect”. Something along the line of “parents fail to provide adequate supervision.” The problem is, what is adequate? In most situations, if the child is not scared, hungry, or injured, most people would consider that adequate. That won’t stop nosy neighbors from calling the cops at Suzy Q jumping rope alone on the driveway, but I don’t think people need be concerned about being prosecuted, as long as her parents are home and checking in with her regularly.

Don’t Arrest Parents Who Let Their Kids Go Outside | Free-Range Kids

 

[Allegra]

I was very excited today. My niece and daughter made a freeze pop wagon and went around the neighborhood and the park next door, selling freeze pops to benefit St. Vinny’s. I was very proud of her stepping out of her comfort zone.

 

[JanR]

That’s a case where no one is safe regardless of age. But there’s certainly a case for protecting your kids! I’m sorry you have such difficult neighbors. Hopefully you have your Smartphone or camera ready.

Those neighbors are downright inconsiderate, and they’re letting themselves in for very costly legal action should one or more of their dogs injure or kill a neighbor’s child, or even a neighbor’s pet. They can be sued for millions in compensatory and punitive damages. If their dogs maul a kid to death, they may even be criminally liable. Perhaps a police officer should be sent out to tell them the law and the facts of life.

Our town just recently enacted a dog ordinance because so many people were letting their dogs run wild and unsupervised throughout the neighborhood, going onto people’s private property, damaging gardens, threatening other pets and being a danger to others.

The first couple of times, there are fines. After that, neighbors who are threatened by dogs can shoot them, or have the sheriff come out and shoot them. They mean business with this new ordinance. Citizens of a community have the right to be safe.

 

[libbeylu]

After reading several of the posts…I have to inject my opinion on the topic of “playing outside alone”…living near one of the largest cities in the USA, I must say, don’t ever leave your kids alone in the yard! It just takes a split second for them to be abducted by a predator! I don’t even leave my little dog alone in the yard because of her size and the hawks flying around! Kids are not safe alone …please be very cautious…

 

[Peeps]

After reading several of the posts…I have to inject my opinion on the topic of “playing outside alone”…living near one of the largest cities in the USA, I must say, don’t ever leave your kids alone in the yard! It just takes a split second for them to be abducted by a predator! I don’t even leave my little dog alone in the yard because of her size and the hawks flying around! Kids are not safe alone …please be very cautious…

All the statistics contradict your beliefs. Kids are safer than ever in the United States. Obviously if you live in a dangerous, high-crime neighborhood, you have to exercise caution–the last few weeks in Chicago have seen several children and even a baby shot and killed. But for those of us who live in small cities, towns, and rural areas, it’s safe to allow children to play outside with minimal supervision.

 

[heidi_storage]

Not safe from nosy people who will call the police if they see kids alone, though.

 

[Peeps]

Not safe from nosy people who will call the police if they see kids alone, though.

Good call. You’re right!

 

[libbeylu]

Statistics? No…I disagree! Kids are not safer! I live in a small town outside of a large city for a reason…safety! On one occasion I was sitting at a table inside a large Mall when this little girl came to me asking for her mommy…I was in shock! How could a parent lose their child? I immediately took her to the Security Office! Thank God it was me she came to…unbelievable! I feel that the parents need to be, and take more responsibility for the safety and well-being of their precious children. I always have been a very concerned individual when children are involved. Please take care of them because some of us were not able to have children…not by choice but by circumstance…

 

[jlc2k2]

I was constantly wandering away from my very dedicated and loving parents as a child in the 80s. Including once on a very crowded holiday weekend at the beach. Kids of good parents get lost or separated from them sometimes. It does not mean that they don’t take responsibility or don’t love their kids.

And, yes, statistically things are safer now than they were in the 80s and 90s when I was a child. Also, stanger abductions are very rare. Most children who are abducted are taken by people who they know - often a family member.

 

[Peeps]

Statistics? No…I disagree! Kids are not safer! I live in a small town outside of a large city for a reason…safety! On one occasion I was sitting at a table inside a large Mall when this little girl came to me asking for her mommy…I was in shock! How could a parent lose their child? I immediately took her to the Security Office! Thank God it was me she came to…unbelievable! I feel that the parents need to be, and take more responsibility for the safety and well-being of their precious children. I always have been a very concerned individual when children are involved. Please take care of them because some of us were not able to have children…not by choice but by circumstance…

Here are the stats:

https://www.freerangekids.com/crime-statistics/

 

[libbeylu]

This is 2020. Your reference article is old news…crime in our cities have increased…lately…probably because of all the Hate groups… and we are all suffering…one way or another…and…it is getting worse…