Playing outside alone

  • Thread starter Thread starter Allegra
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Good question? I don’t know that I was second-guessing exactly. Maybe just “checking in” with the general population? There’s so much extreme stuff out there in the realm of parenting. I just wanted to hear what the “normal people” think. You know, the guys who never get a word in for all the “out there” opinions being screamed from the rooftops.
 
Allegra said:
Her main concern, according to her, is human predators. I guess she figures if someone grabs her kid, at least other kids can tell the adults which way they went.
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I absolutely make my kids go our front in pairs for this reason. But not in my fenced backyard. We have a high fence though. A friend of mine with a lower fence had an intoxicated man climb over one day so she didn’t let her littles out there alone.
 
Allegra said:
She wants to go out into the middle of the lake. She is afraid to go out unless at least one of them go with her. She begins to whine if they won’t go with her
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Swimming is one of those activities that children don’t want to do alone. It involves splashing, giggling, playing with water toys. It’s an activity meant to be enjoyed with other children, not alone. What is she supposed to be doing 10 yards away in the water and alone? As far as the whining goes. She needs to learn that if a playmate does not want to do her activity, then she needs to be willing to play an activity that her cousin wants to play. Sometimes she gets to play her activities and sometimes she needs to play activities others want to play.
 
Oh, I don’t know about that. When I was a kid, I LOVED getting into the apartment pool alone. I would lay on my back and float like an otter without little kids splashing my face and messing up my “zen”! What she specifically wants to do at this particular lake is climb up onto a tree branch that is under the water at that point, balance on it, and then jump back into the water. She doesn’t really need anyone else to do it and the other kids don’t really seem to like that as much. I think it’s crippling to a child when they think they must only play with other kids and are afraid to do anything alone. There’s no reason why she must stay near the beach with the little kids and look at snails if what she really wants to do is climb up on that tree and jump. She’s almost three years older than my eldest child and she needs to do things on her own level and interests too, even if the other kids can’t or don’t want to. Otherwise she might turn into one of those girls who only listens to the music that her friend says is cool. Or is afraid to take a choose a class that she really is interested in because none of her friends say they want to sign up for that class. Or who is afraid to stand up to support someone who is being bullied. Or who is afraid to do the right thing when their friends all want to go along with the wrong thing. Granted, she has some time to develop before those things should by much of an issue, but being able to act confidently and independently is certainly an important skill. I’d like to help her develop her confidence this summer as well as some of her interests. She’s spent all her summers in daycamps where they have your whole day planned out and you have very restricted choices about what you can do and how long you can do it for. I think she should have more freedom and my sister agrees.
 
Allegra said:
My question is more about what age is appropriate for kids to be allowed to play outside alone, or with other kids, without direct parental supervision
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You thread has been about more than that.
As far as a child playing outside without parental supervision that depends on each individual child and the environment.
For example, I let my child start walking home from school at age 7. However, I can understand if other parents aren’t comfortable with that.

Your examples in your thread have been about how your niece wants to do activities with her cousins. She wants to go to a market and shop with her cousins, she wants to swim in a lake with her cousins. I understand that your question is about what age parents allow kids do things on their own. But, your discussions have been about how your niece want to do activities with her cousins
 
Allegra said:
Oh, I don’t know about that. When I was a kid, I LOVED getting into the apartment pool alone.
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Our son grew up with both a community pool AND a lake. He was taught to swim early, had his Red Cross lifesaving training by the time he was 11. The kid was/is a fish and swimming with friends or alone was just part of growing up. He has always been comfortable being alone. Maybe it is only child/free range parenting side effect.
 
I know, but I’m still not sure what you are referring to. Are you talking about them having to get help for the popcorn? So, they keep in on a shelf that is above a much wider shelf that’s covered with piles of peaches and nectarines. I knew if I didn’t tell them to get help, my 6yo would be climbing up on that peach shelf, trying to get at that popcorn and we’d be eating peach cobbler for a year!
 
Kids ask me every day “are you a kid or a grown up?” and variations on that theme.
 
Oh, now I’m with you! My kids ask that to basically anyone who isn’t formally or professionally dressed. To them, “grown up” must mean “on their way to work”. Their subsequent questions are frequently occupational in nature.

And I always loved swimming alone, once I was actually allowed to. I still do, though I try to avoid doing it in natural bodies of water anymore, for safety reasons. But I’d say from the time I was 13 or so until I had my first baby and became convinced of my mortality, I could swim for hours alone in the river. It was like a water treadmill! You never had to worry about hitting your head on the side of the pool! Sometimes I have to go for conference for work, and I always try to get a hotel with a pool because I love swimming alone!
 
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Wow, jumping from a tree into a lake sounds like such a fun activity to share with another child.

Your niece has time to herself to do activities, she is an only child. Unless your sister and niece live with you. She is doing things seperarate from your children and alone.

However it sounds like your niece thrives when around other children and seeks activities with them. Like an extrovert. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with her, when given the opportunity she wants to be social and share activities with other children. It may just mean her social needs may be different than what you were like as a child.
 
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I’m not seeing that she just wants to be social though. She can be social from 30 feet away, or if her social needs aren’t being met by the activity she is doing, she can just come back over. Feeling anxious about not having someone right at arms length at all times isn’t just being an extrovert, especially when it prevents you from doing things you really want to do.

That doesn’t mean that there is “something wrong with her” either. Every kid has skills they can develop.
 
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By shouting “Hey! Look at me!” before she jumps? By asking one of us to take a photo of her jumping? Any number of ways. Two people can do different activities in the same space while still socially interacting.
 
Allegra said:
By shouting “Hey! Look at me!” before she jumps? By asking one of us to take a photo of her jumping?
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This is an example of how a child seeks attention from adults, it is not an example of how a child would participate in a social activity with other children
 
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I disagree. My kids scream, “Hey! Look at me!” or some variant at each other many times a day. So do my students, when they play in the field or on the playground. It’s called, “showing off”. It’s a time honored form of youthful interaction. Even animals do it.

And in this age of cellphone abundance, they are always asking one another to take photos of their amazing feats of daring do.
 
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