Playing outside alone

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I was very shy as a kid, so my father encouraged me to be more outgoing by saying that strangers were just friends I hadn’t met yet. (I think at that time, I was young enough and protected enough that any predator was not likely to get near me.)
 
Shasta-Rose said:
I was very shy as a kid, so my father encouraged me to be more outgoing by saying that strangers were just friends I hadn’t met yet. (I think at that time, I was young enough and protected enough that any predator was not likely to get near me.)
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It’s hard to get it right. You want children to be able to make friends but don’t want them putting themselves in danger by being too trusting.
 
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Sometimes I think it’s knowing what your individual kid needs. My kids are very outgoing and would go up to a zombie to ask him how his chainsaw works. Anyone who doesn’t run away form them is good to talk to. My niece is much more anxious about the world, although she’s at that age where she feels really proud about being able to do things without an adult. She always wants my 6yo and/or 4yo to go with her though! Yesterday, they went into the produce stand together with a list. I told she was going to have to politely ask for some help because one of the items is kept on a shelf that is too high for them and she was anxious at first, but the 6yo went in and did the “talking” while she handled the list and the money. You could tell how proud she was when they came back out with all the stuff.
 
Shasta-Rose said:
I was very shy as a kid, so my father encouraged me to be more outgoing by saying that strangers were just friends I hadn’t met yet. (I think at that time, I was young enough and protected enough that any predator was not likely to get near me.)
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I think it’s different if you are talking about other children vs. adults. I never was bothered when my kids walked right up to other kids saying, Want to play? Whole different story going up to adults. I had more success with tempering my sons proclivity to approach every adult by making it a matter of manners…it’s not polite to interrupt people…than…they may be dangerous. He liked learning manners for some reason and was very conscious of them…except of course, to me!
 
First off… make sure the child is correctly stating the rules. The things kids say!!

Also, perhaps ask the parent the rationale. Could there be dangers you don’t know about? I live in a nice neighborhood but the neighborhood has a copperhead problem. But you’d never guess that just looking at our neighborhood. Wouldn’t surprise me if some parents don’t let their kids out in the yard as a result.

Lastly to answer your question… my kids play in our fenced backyard without me from 18 months upward. But there are always at least four bigger siblings out there so they’re never actually alone. Basically they have four babysitters with them. See how that makes a difference? It’s hard to judge other parents.
 
My 6yo and 4yo do not know the difference between adults and kids. In fact, that’s frequently one of their first questions they ask a new person. “Are you a kid or a grownup?”
 
It’s not very logical though. What is a 4yo going to do if a giant swamp monster appears and swallows you whole as you cross the lake? THat’s literally the sort of thing she worries about. She’ll complain that she wants to swim across the lake, but she’s scared of “creatures” and she’ll only do it if the 6yo or 4yo goes with her. Then it’s okay. Maybe she figures she can easily out swim them and the monster can only eat one? Devil take the hindmost?
 
It’s not about judging other parents. I was just interested in other parents’ perspective and what they thought was reasonable. I’m pretty close with my sister. Her main concern, according to her, is human predators. I guess she figures if someone grabs her kid, at least other kids can tell the adults which way they went.
 
Allegra said:
THat’s literally the sort of thing she worries about. She’ll complain that she wants to swim across the lake, but she’s scared of “creatures” and she’ll only do it if the 6yo or 4yo goes with her. Then it’s okay.
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Swimming safety for children 101:

Never, ever, ever swim alone! Nahah, Nope, never, Nonnegotiable! Not in a swimming pool, not in a lake, not in a river, not in the ocean. Nowhere! There has been an instance in which a professional swimmer died at a international swimming competition
Francis Crippen drowned in a open water swim in 2010.


I will argue that children absolutely must be swimming with a group of people. If anything your 6 year old could scream for help. Or your 9 year niece can scream for help if your 6 year old has issues. But thats definitely a suboptimal setup.

Most optimal setup for swimming across a lake. Is an adult swimmer needs to join them.
 
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Allegra said:
I was just interested in other parents’ perspective and what they thought was reasonable
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Here’s my perspective from reading through your posts and raising a 10 year old who is also an only child.

Children don’t like to feel alone. When given the option between doing something alone or doing something with a group of peers. They will likely and normally chose to do things with other kids. It’s not abnormal or unreasonable. Whether that be playing outside, shopping for something at a market, swimming. Children are social creatures they will chose to do things with other children when given the opportunity versus doing things alone in solitude. My one and only child also doesn’t want to play in solitude. When having the option to being all by himself in an empty backyard, versus playing with other children. He most prefers playing with other children. Its perfectly normal of your niece to want to do activities that you’ve listed with her cousins, who are her peers versus doing them alone.
 
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I thought this was obvious, but we don’t let our kids swim alone. What I mean is, swimming out into the middle of a lake, WITH a life vest on and parental supervision.
 
I think you are right that it’s normal for kids to prefer to play with other children when the option is available. My question is more about what age is appropriate for kids to be allowed to play outside alone, or with other kids, without direct parental supervision. (I assume the parent is home, sober, and at providing at least periodic glances to make sure things are okay, but not watching their every move.)
 
The definition of “alone” that you are using is different from the definition I was using. She doesn’t want to swim into certain areas of the lake, less than, say, 10 yards away, unless someone her cousin swims there too. She says she is afraid of “creatures”. This is not a rational fear as we live in Missouri and not Florida or Loch Ness. Obviously, she is not really alone in the sense that we are all there in the lake and she is being supervised by adults. Hope that helps.
 
Allegra said:
She doesn’t want to swim into certain areas of the lake, less than, say, 10 yards away, unless someone her cousin swims there too.
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Still seems like an unfair criticism of her. When given the option between going 10 yards (30 feet) out in a lake by herself, versus being with her cousins. She wants to be with her cousins. Sounds normal to me
 
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No, you are still misunderstanding. She wants to go out into the middle of the lake. She is afraid to go out unless at least one of them go with her. She begins to whine if they won’t go with her.
 
No one is trying to make here go into the middle of the lake, or go into the back yard, or climb the rock, or touch the lizard, or whatever she wants to do or go to. These are things that she wants to do herself. She just doesn’t feel like she can unless another kid does it too. This is problematic for her in particular, because her cousins aren’t always around her, since she is an only child.
 
I’m gonna be baffled the same way if I ever have kids. I was sent to walk to school alone from the age of… I don’t know, however early I could both walk and find my way? And in the summer, definitely, my parents just required us to be around for meals (or to do specific chores). Apart from that, we’d play wherever we wanted, which could be our own backyard, a friend’s backyard, a nearby park, the woods.

There were even (literal) predators in the woods. Haha.

So yeah I’m curious for whatever the new collective kid-raising-standard settles down to. And I imagine it will differ dramatically by region… but maybe the way media sort of universalizes everything, it won’t? Maybe people will fear the fears/pressures from different regions, and apply them to their own?
 
I would guess it would differ based on a few things. For example, many parents might be perfectly fine with their 2yo playing alone in their backyard, but not a parent that has a swimming pool or a water feature in their yard. Also, it can depend a lot on the maturity of the child and their history of following rules.
 
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