Playing outside alone

  • Thread starter Thread starter Allegra
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Allegra said:
And in this age of cellphone abundance, they are always asking one another to take photos of their amazing feats of daring do
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Asking adults you mean to take their picture?
 
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No, asking each other. They love taking videos and photos of the stuff they do. Photo and video editing are becoming a common hobby for kids. Many of the talent show submissions I received this year were stop motion animation videos and highly edited videos of the kids doing skateboard tricks.
 
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Allegra said:
No, asking each other. They love taking videos and photos of the stuff they do.
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Is your niece not 30 feet away from playmates, that she wants to share an activity with? Is she around other children participating in the same activity? Giggling with them “saying look at me?” And are other children taking her picture, in the lake like social playmates?
 
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I’m not sure what you are asking. I’m trying to explain to you that the issue isn’t a lack of socialization. If she wanted to socialize with the family while jumping off the tree, she would be able to do so, or if she got board from jumping off the tree because she couldn’t giggle with anyone while doing so, then she could just come back. The issue is that she wants to go and jump off the tree, but she is afraid of “creatures”. But even if she WAS lying about the creatures and it really was some sort social issue of her not being able to get satisfaction from jumping unless she could get her much younger cousins (one of which is too young to get up on the tree anyway) to do the exact same thing with her, then I would actually be a little bit more concerned about that! However, the “creature” explanation is a lot more in line with the rest of her behavior.
 
Allegra said:
The issue is that she wants to go and jump off the tree, but she is afraid of “creatures”.
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Ok, going with your train of thought here. In your mind is it that out of the ordinary of a 9 year old to have a fantastic imagination, and be scared of things lurking in a dark lake? Nine year olds still have fantastic imaginations. They are still little kids
It has only been this month where my 10 year old child has slept without the halllight on in my house. Believe me we dont have anything lurking in my dark house in the night.
 
Exhibit A- Some of the questions I’ve answered this week.

Is this infected? (All minor bumps and scratches that didn’t even break the skin.)
Is the sun bright enough to damage my vision?
Are these mushrooms (storebought) poisonous?
Can the frog bite?
Are the Asian lilies you planted poison ivy?
WHY IS THAT VAN PARKED OUTSIDE? Are those bad guys?
Is the crack at the end of the driveway the start of a sinkhole that will eventually collapse?
Is that a murder hornet nest? (It was a chipmunk hole.)
I pinched my finger in a slinky. Can I have an ice pack?
 
Allegra said:
Is this infected? (All minor bumps and scratches that didn’t even break the skin.)
Is the sun bright enough to damage my vision?
Are these mushrooms (storebought) poisonous?
Can the frog bite?
Are the Asian lilies you planted poison ivy?
WHY IS THAT VAN PARKED OUTSIDE? Are those bad guys?
Is the crack at the end of the driveway the start of a sinkhole that will eventually collapse?
Is that a murder hornet nest? (It was a chipmunk hole.)
I pinched my finger in a slinky. Can I have an ice pack?
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Funny story, when I brought my son this year to his doctor’s office to get a flu shot. He says to the doctor, "“Will this cause a heart attack or stroke?”
 
If it keeps them from enjoying fun things they really want to do? Then yeah. There’ s difference between imagining a story about a sea monster in the lake and doing some of that screaming and laughing and splashing stuff you were talking about, and not being able to do what you like because you are afraid of things that aren’t real.
 
Was he joking? That sounds like a joke. Was he crying and not willing to go into the doctor’s office?
 
Yes he cries, he doesn’t want to get a flu shot. It hurts. Totally normal child reaction
 
So, he was avoiding something he didn’t want to do. With the exception of the frog, which she probably legitimately wanted nothing to do with, the rest of those anxieties were preventing her from doing something fun that she really wanted to do.
 
Allegra said:
If it keeps them from enjoying fun things they really want to do? Then yeah. There’ s difference between imagining a story about a sea monster in the lake
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For a 9 year olds it is normal to have a fantastic imagination.

Let me give you an example, have you seen the movie JoJo Rabbit? It is about a 10 year old who has Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend.

I could relate to the story of that child, not because my child has an imaginary friend who is Adolf Hitler.But I could relate to the child’s extraordinary imagination. My own child has such an extraordinary imagination. Totally normal for kids this age to still believe in and have fears of nonsensical things
 
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From how you describe your niece it could be a little of both. She may both have a fear of being alone in thewater. And she also may have strongly felt the need to to share an activity with her cousins.
 
My daughter’s imagination is so vivid that she’s often been like characters on TV that completely lose themselves in the story in their head and end up climbing on a table in the classroom or swashbuckling the lunch lady. Even so, it augments her fun, it doesn’t prevent her from doing what she wants.
 
Allegra said:
My daughter’s imagination is so vivid that she’s often been like characters on TV that completely lose themselves in the story in their head and end up climbing on a table in the classroom or swashbuckling the lunch lady. Even so, it augments her fun, it doesn’t prevent her from doing what she wants.
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None of these activities are the same as going into a dark lake by yourself without a friend…to participate in an activity that will be fun if she only had someone to share it with
 
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She does enjoy playing with her cousins, but she’s completely aware that she’s older then they are an not every activity she wants to do is appropriate or even possible for them. She’s normally okay with that, as long as she’s not anxious about creatures.
 
I understand that you remain convinced that there is no way that a child could enjoy jumping off a tree into a lake without another child doing the same thing, but I really don’t think that’s the case. At any rate, I can’t force the other kids do always do what she wants, nor is it reasonable for her to ask that of her cousins or her other friends. So, it is in her best interest to learn to be more confident doing things on her own, so she doesn’t miss out. There’s a good quote going around out there. Something like, “Worry is a misuse of the imagination.” I don’t remember who said it, but it pertains. There are so many other ways to use the imagination that bring joy, confidence, and learning, so I think we are going to try to ignore the “creatures” and focus on mermaids and dolphins. It’s empowering to realize that you can control your imagination.
 
Allegra said:
At any rate, I can’t force the other kids do always do what she wants, nor is it reasonable for her to ask that of her cousins or her other friend
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Just to be clear, I also dont expect other children to do things that they don’t want to do just to please her. Whining should not be allowed. She does need to know that she cant whine if other children don’t want to play her activities. She needs to change her expectations if a child doesn’t want to play what she wants to play. That is also a very important lesson for her to learn as she matures
 
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I was definitely allowed to play outside alone in our unfenced yard at age 9 and I’m an only child. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere not visible from the house without asking, though.

This has made me wonder what we’re going to do as our daughter gets older. We’re in a high rise with a park down the street, but just beyond the park is where a sketchy neighborhood begins. We can see the park from our apartment, but only if we’re standing right at the window.
 
I let my 6 year old play alone in our moderately large back yard but only for brief periods. I check him frequently. I often sit outside and read while he plays, which he prefers.
We don’t let him play in the front yard. Our neighborhood has a lot of sexual predators, and he’s too trusting.
I take him to the nearby park and read in the car while he plays – he makes friends quickly. With the pandemic, it’s risky, but he would go stir-crazy if not allowed in the park all summer.
 
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