Please help

[jrogoffmetro]

My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.

 

[Trishie]

Hi Jrogoffmetro…welcome to CAF

As a sincere Catholic you husband will be in a lot of pain about this. He married a Catholic and may not have chosen to marry someone who does not share his faith or refuses to raise his children Catholic. He married under the understanding that your children will be raised Catholic, hence he feels you are betraying him and your marriage vows with him.

You obviously have anger towards the Church…but there is no way you can stop a sincere committed Catholic not to feel intense pain over your leaving the Church and your determination to raise your child outside the Catholic faith. Your choice may be your own, but you are making the decision not just for 'my daughter, but for his daughter also. She is his daughter too.

I’m sorry but I can’t think of anything that will make him feel less hurt or betrayed.
I can only pray for your husband, you, and the daughter you share.
May God be with your family.

Regards, Trishie

 

[planten]

My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.

**Your husband is wrong. The matters of faith should not be forced. The best thing that your husband can do is not to abuse you or stop you even a little from attending the church of your choice.

I am a Muslim. We have the important principle “No compulsion in the matter of any faith…” Even thoug the ignorant Muslims like the Catholics are violating that rule, yet it is written down order that there should be no compulsion in the matters of religion.

You can chose what you like. Husband should just keep on smiling at your way of life. Nothing more than that. The best that husband can do is to go with you where-ever you go. He should go to your church with you and he should observe the practice there.

Only then he can advise you about any bad things or mistakes. Sorry, I a non-Catholic have butted in with my opinion. But I am sure that you ahve liberty of faith. Love.**

 

[Trishie]

Hi Jrogoffmetro…welcome to CAF

As a sincere Catholic you husband will be in a lot of pain about this. He married a Catholic and may not have chosen to marry someone who does not share his faith or refuses to raise his children Catholic. He married under the understanding that your children will be raised Catholic, hence he feels you are betraying him and your marriage vows with him.

You obviously have anger towards the Church…but there is no way you can stop a sincere committed Catholic not to feel intense pain over your leaving the Church and your determination to raise your child outside the Catholic faith. Your choice may be your own, but you are making the decision not just for 'my daughter, but for his daughter also. She is his daughter too.

I’m sorry but I can’t think of anything that will make him feel less hurt or betrayed.
I can only pray for your husband, you, and the daughter you share.
May God be with your family.

Regards, Trishie

 

[Trishie]

Your husband is wrong. The matters of faith should not be forced. The best that husband can do is to go with you where-ever you go. He should go to your church with you and he should observe the practice there.

The truth is the truth, and this husband cannot betray the truth by attending a Church that does have some truth but not the fullness of the truth. As a Muslim you do not understand.
This is as you know a Catholic forum and we answer as Catholics.

You say that the husband should go…be forced to, therefore…go to a church he does not believe in and observe its practices.
By insisting that he should betray his faith by going to a church he does not believe in, you are betraying your own principle that a person should not be forced to go a Church not of his faith.

Basically, you are saying she is free to go to her Church, but he isn’t free to go to his, he has to go to her Church. But if he wants her to go to his Church, he is wrong.
What you said is inconsistent.

 

[Trishie]

Anyway, God bless you all.
May the Holy Spirit guide you and heal what needs healing.

 

[jrogoffmetro]

I would never dream of asking him to come to church with me and when he returns I know he will want to bring our daughter to catholic church and that is Ok with me I support him and his faith. Part of the reason I left the church was the judgement factor I always felt. No matter how much I tried not matter how good I was it was never good enough. I know many people will disagree I am not here to debate because I cannot change your mind and you cannot change mine. I just want peace with my husband.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.

I think he loves you and wants you to attend the correct church.

 

[Snerticus]

My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.

I’m sorry to hear about this; about your feelings regarding the Catholic Church, about your husband’s deployment, and about his feelings towards you and the Church. Understand this, the probable reason that he feels you are cheating on him is that he not only feels betrayed but probably also feels like you betrayed Jesus. Good practicing Catholics cannot see why someone would want to leave the Church because it’s like “leaving Jesus behind” to them. So please try to understand this.

I strongly suggest that for now, leave the kids out of it until you sort it out yourselves. Do you know what spiritual damage could result from seeing totally different views of faith in their parents? Abandonment of faith in general is quite likely depending on how you both present yourselves in front of your kids. Be consistent for now. It’s going to hurth you both until you work something out.

I don’t know what you mean at all that “nothing was ever good enough”. An honest attempt, even if accompanied by failure, is good enough for God. If, however, you are referring to your husband or any other another person or people, I can’t help you. They are human and inclined to err about many things.

I pray that you both find peace and that God guide you both to find His Truth. And that He may especially bless your children, that they not get lost during your painful ordeal.

God Bless,
Snert

 

[cuzzyn17]

I would never dream of asking him to come to church with me and when he returns I know he will want to bring our daughter to catholic church and that is Ok with me I support him and his faith. Part of the reason I left the church was the judgement factor I always felt. No matter how much I tried not matter how good I was it was never good enough. I know many people will disagree I am not here to debate because I cannot change your mind and you cannot change mine. I just want peace with my husband.

I can relate to your situation as I have been saved and attend a church that is not Catholic.When I first converted and became on fire for the Lord yearning to learn more and more I never got enough. My wife and I would argue almost daily (some of the worst arguments we have had since being together) So I know what it brings , I can give no easy answer but I can testify that as God has changed my heart he has given patience , a very important part of love and through prayer and fasting I prayed on our situation and God moved. Just continue to pray and believe that you can come to an understanding together with your spouse.God loves us and he doesnt label us on religion practices.I myself know that most of the teaching is the same with both of these religions with a lot of differences being in belief on ceremony. So just continue to pray on it and belive God will move on behalf of your families sake.God Bless you in this journey.

 

[planten]

**When I had suggested that husband should go with wife to any and every place, it was not meant that he should be forced. No. He should go happily. And the wife should also accompany him to her old catholic church whenever he suggests.

It is true that the husband feels hurt and feels that he has been cheated. That is not the case. faith is more important than marriage ties. It is good that wife has not hidden anything fromhusband and love shim and wants to remain with him. That is good enough on her part. The Catholics cannot say that only they have the salvation with htem. The rest of the factions (sects) are doomed. That is quite wrong attitude.

For the time being, the hsuband and wife should go together to both churches. There will be no sin. But if any one feels that it would be a sin to go to the other’s church then the christianity is not on firm footing. There should be some accommodation.

Is it a law in Catholic system that no one can marry any one who is not a Catholic? I hope not.**

 

[Snerticus]

I am a Muslim. We have the important principle “No compulsion in the matter of any faith…” Even thoug the ignorant Muslims like the Catholics are violating that rule, yet it is written down order that there should be no compulsion in the matters of religion.

Now you are demonstrating to us Chritians that Muslims too have difficulty agreeing on your own religious beliefs. And many Islamic governements will disagree with you on that one.

You can chose what you like. Husband should just keep on smiling at your way of life. Nothing more than that. The best that husband can do is to go with you where-ever you go. He should go to your church with you and he should observe the practice there.

So it’s okay for her to be bossy about religion, but not him? That’s just a double-standard. If he goes to her church, she goes to his church. But then both will feel awkward and uncomfortable. So what then?

Sorry, I a non-Catholic have butted in with my opinion. But I am sure that you ahve liberty of faith. Love

. You may butt in any time, this is a forum for those of many faiths. However, understand that some of what you said may not be what the OP believes either.

 

[Snerticus]

It is true that the husband feels hurt and feels that he has been cheated. That is not the case. faith is more important than marriage ties. It is good that wife has not hidden anything fromhusband and love shim and wants to remain with him. That is good enough on her part. The Catholics cannot say that only they have the salvation with htem. The rest of the factions (sects) are doomed. That is quite wrong attitude.

You bet it’s the wrong attitude and I’m glad that we Catholics don’t have that attitude. Where on earth did you hear that? I’d feel sorry for that person if they were a Catholic! :tsktsk:

 

[Jay53]

I agree with Trishie. Your husband obviously feels betrayed because when you got married you promised each other and God that you would welcome children and raise them Catholic. Now you are going back on that. I’m sorry that he wants to argue about it every time you speak on the phone - I’m sure it’s because this is extremely important to him and he has not only the stress of his military service, but the added stress of not being home to deal with this face to face.

I also agree with Snerticus about leaving your daughter out of it. I don’t know how old she is, but you will confuse her greatly if you put her in the middle of this. Chances are she will lose faith altogether because she won’t want to feel like she’s choosing sides if she chooses one religion over the other. She won’t want to feel like she’s betraying her Mom or Dad which will inevitably be how she will feel if you and your husband are not in agreement on how she will be raised.

The only advice I can give is to pray about this. Perhaps you can speak to your priest about the “judgment factor” you have experienced. I don’t know what you mean by that, but perhaps talking to your priest would help.

In any event, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[yellowbird]

Can’t you table this whole thing until your husband comes home? I understand that you want to attend a Baptist Church, can’t you also keep things the way they were by attending a Catholic Church for the sake of the daughter you share and to give your dear husband some measure of peace while he’s deployed? So what if you don’t believe it or think it’s all too judgemental or whatever, sit there and pray for your husband. Then when he asks, “Did you go to the Catholic Church” you can honestly say yes and ease his mind and heart just a bit. I feel SOOOOOOO sorry for him. As a devoted Catholic he must feel so helpless as you make what he obviously believes is a big mistake, not only for you, whom he loves, but for his family and being a million miles away, he can’t do a thing stop it.

As I wife, I couldn’t imagine doing that to my husband. I think I would’ve kept my feelings to myself. Poor guy would have enough to worry about serving our Country. How terrible would you feel if something awful happened to your husband and you knew you caused him such grief? For what? Some Baptist Church? We worship the same God you know - same Jesus.

I hope your husband returns safely, and soon. You will have the rest of your long married life to sort out where you go the Church. Please wait for him.

 

[East_Anglican]

I think he loves you and wants you to attend the correct church.

Have you ever given up sectarianism for lent?

Sectarianism is the problem here that is causing pain.

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom all things were made.

Who, for us men and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father; and He shall come again, with glory, to judge the quick and the dead; whose kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father and the Son; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.

And I believe one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

As we all do.

 

[East_Anglican]

My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom all things were made.

Who, for us men and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father; and He shall come again, with glory, to judge the quick and the dead; whose kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father and the Son; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.

And I believe one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

As we all do.

We should serve Christ first.

 

[Leonius]

My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.

You can do what you want its your soul but you have no right to destroy the Faith of his children, you have betrayed him and the Church and you have also broken one of the things you promised to do when you married him, which was to raise the children Catholic. In short unless you raise the children Catholic you have broken the promises you made to your husband when you married him.

You have broken faith with your husband, betrayed him, broken the promises you made to him when you married, you are committing a multitude of injustices against the man you are supposed to love more than yourself.

I believe what you are doing is valid grounds for annulment.

 

[East_Anglican]

You can do what you want its your soul but you have no right to destroy the Faith of his children, you have betrayed him and the Church and you have also broken one of the things you promised to do when you married him, which was to raise the children Catholic. In short unless you raise the children Catholic you have broken the promises you made to your husband when you married him.

You have broken faith with your husband and betrayed him, I believe this is grounds for annulment.

That’s it serve your ‘church’ Don’t serve Christ but serve your little sectarian interests.

jrogoffmetro asked for help and you’re saying “get stuffed” Such attitudes are what feed the likes of Jack Chick and turn people away from Christ.

jrogoffmetro,

Jesus wouldn’t cast you out and he wouldn’t cast out your husband. Trust in Christ.

 

[Snerticus]

Leonius, while I admire your loyalty, I don’t think you should encourage annulment or any separation here. You should, instead, encourage deep contemplation about what is the correct response to this situation, or at least a good starting point for it to go. Annulment at this point would be jumping the gun.