Please help

  • Thread starter Thread starter jrogoffmetro
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Ever read the scriptures, you know the part where it says wife’s obey your husbands? The Catholic Church is Christ’s Church, serving it is serving Christ.

If she wants help I will tell her what to do. Stop been a heretic, obey her husband and return to the Catholic Church, that’s what she needs to do.
 
Snerticus said:
Leonius, while I admire your loyalty, I don’t think you should encourage annulment or any separation here. You should, instead, encourage deep contemplation about what is the correct response to this situation, or at least a good starting point for it to go. Annulment at this point would be jumping the gun.
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His children’s souls are at stake, he needs to do whatever it takes to protect them up to and including getting an annulment which would almost certainly be granted as the only excuse she would have for her behaviour is that she did not understand what she was agreeing to when she was married, which is valid ground for an annulment. I cannot believe she would do this to him when he is stuck in a war zone risking his very life for her, its an unbelievable betrayal, no wonder he is furious, I am furious about it to and I don’t even know them.
 
I agree, but they can certainly do things before it reaches that point. That’s why she’s asking for help here.

I don’t agree with her leaving the Church, but honestly, it could be that if she stayed she would be condemning herself by living a lie that she didn’t believe. I don’t know. I’m not her. And it also may be very well that if she left the Church, she’d find out eventually that she was in the correct Church to begin with and come back home.

We don’t know what God has planned for her. I left the Church only to come back, and I’m glad I came back. If I’d never left, I probably would be my same old nominal Catholic who didn’t believe half of what I practiced. I’d probably also be eating and drinking condemnation on myself and not cared in the least. I’d say it was to my benefit that God let me do what I wanted so He could show me what I was missing.

He could very well be telling her the same. Jumping the gun with an annulment will not solve anything, and may make the daughter’s faith become faithless. Becuase he may very well not end up with his daughter.
 
Leonius said:
His children’s souls are at stake, he needs to do whatever it takes to protect them up to and including getting an annulment which would almost certainly be granted as the only excuse she would have for her behaviour is that she did not understand what she was agreeing to when she was married, which is valid ground for an annulment. I cannot believe she would do this to him when he is stuck in a war zone risking his very life for her, its an unbelievable betrayal, no wonder he is furious, I am furious about it to and I don’t even know them.
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Are you married, Leonius? If you are, then you know that ALL marriages face serious bumps in the road and one doesn’t throw in the towel and seek an annulment as soon as problems arise. Even serious problems such as this one. Couples deal with their problems and work them out with lots of love, mutual respect and prayer. Divorce is the cheap way out, and something God hates.

As a serious Catholic, I am sure the OP’s husband would agree.
 
She has already stated she is not wiling to do the one thing that could really help the situation for whatever selfish reason that may be, when she married her husband she agreed to perform the duty of raising the children Catholic, even non Catholics have to agree to this duty before they marry a Catholic, she needs to do her duty just as her husband has to do his.
 
yellowbird said:
Are you married, Leonius? If you are, then you know that ALL marriages face serious bumps in the road and one doesn’t throw in the towel and seek an annulment as soon as problems arise. Even serious problems such as this one. Couples deal with their problems and work them out with lots of love, mutual respect and prayer. Divorce is the cheap way out, and something God hates.

As a serious Catholic, I am sure the OP’s husband would agree.
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As a serious Catholic the OP’s husband will also never allow her to destroy the Faith of his children and will do whatever it takes to protect the souls of his little ones, she needs to realise that for the sake of her marriage because no amount of manipulation from her will change that, there is nothign she will be able to say to him to make him ok with what she is doing to the family.
 
Leonius said:
As a serious Catholic the OP’s husband will also never allow her to destroy the Faith of his children and will do whatever it takes to protect the souls of his little ones, she needs to realise that for the sake of her marriage because no amount of manipulation from her will change that.
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The OP’s husband is not posting here. His wife is. I think we need to respond to her and your repeated suggestions that he should seek an annulment does not help either of them.

I don’t think she is being manipulative, she is being very honest in saying she no longer believes what the Church teaches and she wants to attend a Baptist Church. Do I disagree with her? Yes, 100% and I pray she comes back home. In the meantime she and her husband are fighting about this rather than spending what little time they have, long distance, building each other up. It was my suggestion that she keep the peace by going to both Churches - until her husband comes home and they can work it out together. He can’t help her being a million miles away and she doesn’t help him by announcing she is making a major life change in his absence. If she loves her husband, as I’m certain she does, she needs to put it all aside untile he comes home.

That is my suggestion, as a Catholic and a wife of 18 years.
 
“I will never go back to the Catholic faith”
. . “judgment factor.”

With the deepest respect, I ask the OP: You were ‘once’ Catholic. Now something caused you to ‘make a choice’ for the Baptist faith. You ‘chose’ once, how could you not ‘choose’ again? What is so compelling for you about the Baptist faith that it completely eradicated your Catholic faith?

The idea that ‘you were never good enough’ is not something that “The Catholic Church” implanted into you, my friend. You later chose not to reject that FEELING itself, but to reject what you WRONGLY felt was the cause --the Catholic Church.

The problem, dear OP, is that some day, sooner or later, you may get that same feeling again, and once again, reject something else–perhaps even, your husband–because you’ll think HE is responsible for your hurt feelings and your inadequacies. And you may go through the rest of your life blaming various people and things for your ‘feelings’ and either running away from them or rejecting them, over and over, because you don’t understand that it isn’t “The Catholic Church” or “your husband” or “some people” causing your emotional distress. . .it’s you, yourself. Until you realize that truth, and that you have rejected the Church wrongly, and you then deal with your emotional difficulties correctly, I fear that you will grow further and further away from Christ even though you truly want to be closer, because you’re rejecting His offers to you of the Fullness of Faith.

May God be with you and protect you, may He give you insight, and courage, and wisdom, and strength, and humility, and love, and understanding. May He watch over you, your husband and children, all your family, and be with you as guard and guide. May the Blessed Mother give you her gifts especially of humility and trust, obedience and love. May the Holy Spirit grant you wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. May St. Joseph be with your spouse and comfort and strengthen him. May the Holy Child Jesus watch over your children, and may your guardian angels keep you safe and watch over you.
 
jrogoffmetro said:
My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him. I will never go back to the Catholic church and honestly I don’t want to raise our children Catholic. How do I get him to understand that he doesn’t get to choose my faith and that he is overacting. With him being deployed we get very little time to talk and lately all he wants to do is agrue about this.
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Here’s my first thoughts on this. If your husband is “deeply Catholic” as you say then the prospect of his wife turning away from the Church and his children being ripped from the faith has to be devastating. I can’t even imagine. Think about it, he is stuck in a war zone on the other side of the world and can do nothing to help his family in this situation.

My advice is to honor and support your husband in all things, as the Bible says and both the Catholic and Baptist churches teach. Refrain from bringing this matter up over the phone, while he is thousands of miles away and can do nothing about it. If he brings it up, reassure him that you’re not ripping the children away from the Church. Don’t talk trash about Catholicism (not saying you are doing this, but just don’t) and don’t go on and on about how you want to be a protestant now. To be honest, I don’t know what’s in your heart but what you’re doing-- from your own desription-- is extremely unfair in my opinion.

Again, I’m not judging your heart but only the behaviors that you’ve described. Your husband can do nothing in the position he’s in. Men usually identify with a duty to protect their families, but he really can’t right now (at least not in a hands-on sense), so this whole situation is probably torture for him. You are the one holding all the cards, so please have some mercy on him. All of this can wait till he comes home.

Hope that helps. 🙂
 
Tantum_ergo said:
“I will never go back to the Catholic faith”
. . “judgment factor.”
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and the replies here by Leonius confirm her feelings. If I was a Roman Catholic who left, after reading Leonius posts I would not go back and if I was the womans husband and read Leonius posts to his wife I would also consider leaving the Roman Catholic Church.
 
Leonius,

As an Englishman who has lived in England all my life I would like to tell you that you are the first English Roman Catholic I’ve come aacross who is completely bonkers.

You live in a country where the kind of language you use has lead to people burning each other at the stake and massacreing each other in the name of their religion.

You should know better.

I suggest you go and see your priest and confess to him that you are a pharasaical bigot.

Apart from that, I’ve given up any sectarianism for Lent, so may God be with you.
 
jrogoffmetro said:
I would never dream of asking him to come to church with me and when he returns I know he will want to bring our daughter to catholic church and that is Ok with me I support him and his faith. Part of the reason I left the church was the judgement factor I always felt. No matter how much I tried not matter how good I was it was never good enough. I know many people will disagree I am not here to debate because I cannot change your mind and you cannot change mine. I just want peace with my husband.
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Your willingness to allow your daughter to go to the church of her father shows that you truly are acting out of your deeply held conscience. And that is as it should be. Your position is fair and honest and although your husband is no doubt hurt and confused, you must express your sadness at that, but maintain what is right for you, as he would do for himself. Your daughter will choose at an appropriate age what is right for her, and that is also proper. I suspect, perhaps that he is more upset about the daughter than you in this, and that will change when he returns and can take her to mass with him.

No one should suggest that you are angry at any church or faith. You just didn’t find a home there, and that can happen to many of us. I’m of the opinion, and of course that is all it is, that our Spirit tells us when we are where we belong. God has a way of leading us if we listen.

I think that you have handled the situation well, and though it remains difficult, you can but pray that your husband realizes that he would no more want you dictating to him where he should pray than wanting to do that to you.

Blessings, and my prayers certainly.
 
jrogoffmetro,

Is it possible that you and your husband could pray together about this?
 
East_Anglican said:
and the replies here by Leonius confirm her feelings. If I was a Roman Catholic who left, after reading Leonius posts I would not go back and if I was the womans husband and read Leonius posts to his wife I would also consider leaving the Roman Catholic Church.
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Of course but then you don’t understand Catholics at all do you. Its not up to us, we have to obey God, something you do not understand. The self must die so that Christ can live in us. Catholics live the “not my will but thine be done”.

But you go on thinking that you are ok in a ecclesial community chosen by yourself because it is so liberal as to let anything go, founded as it was by a greedy adulterer looking to free himself from God’s authority, all the while rejecting the Church founded by Christ for all the good it will do you.

Check your post, see all the I’s there? Where is God in your thinking exactly, it looks like you are so full of yourself there is no room left.
 
Leonius said:
You can do what you want its your soul but you have no right to destroy the Faith of his children, you have betrayed him and the Church and you have also broken one of the things you promised to do when you married him, which was to raise the children Catholic. In short unless you raise the children Catholic you have broken the promises you made to your husband when you married him.

You have broken faith with your husband, betrayed him, broken the promises you made to him when you married, you are committing a multitude of injustices against the man you are supposed to love more than yourself.

I believe what you are doing is valid grounds for annulment.
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Your cruelty is amazing. You make her point so very clearly.
 
SpiritMeadow said:
Your cruelty is amazing. You make her point so very clearly.
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It is cruelty to snatch the children away from the Catholic Faith while the husband is abroad fighting a war and can do nothign about it, now that is cruel.

My participation here is to help her do the right thing, but no doubt you can’t understand that, no doubt you are of the opinion that we should be nice to people even up to the point where we stand by and watch them destroy themselves and their family. There is no nice way to warn people sometimes, even if the truth hurts we still must speak it. Is it charitable to not warn a person of danger? Her decision could cost her everything and she must be warned of that, not simply encouraged to do whatever she wants to do as if no one else matters as much as she does. That is not Christian.

“Am I then become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?”
 
East_Anglican said:
and the replies here by Leonius confirm her feelings. If I was a Roman Catholic who left, after reading Leonius posts I would not go back and if I was the womans husband and read Leonius posts to his wife I would also consider leaving the Roman Catholic Church.
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If you were the OP’s husband, a “devoted Catholic” you would seriously consider leaving the Church based on some anonymous posts on the internet?!

:rotfl:

What shallow faith that must be!
 
I served in Viet Nam so I speak from experience. Imagine being on the other side of the world away from home, in a strange country, a different climate and fighting for your very life. Now a problem comes up back home and you feel helpless as you can’t do anything about it. The people you have depended on have let you down and you feel betrayed. Now you have these problems on your mind and can’t concentrate on your mission.

I have gone through a situation like this and I find it hard to fathom how anyone back home could be so selfish for their own concerns that they would put someone they supposedy love in jeopardy.
 
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