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catharina
Guest
You asked for help.
I stated that your husband is far from home.
I suggested you seek help from a military chaplain.
That is Christ-like assistance - and common sense.
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I stated that your husband is far from home.
I suggested you seek help from a military chaplain.
That is Christ-like assistance - and common sense.
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ricko
Guest
Amen!
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East_Anglican
Guest
Yes but he reserved talking like that for when he spoke to people like you.
Sorry to be so blunt Leonius but someone needs to tell you.
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SpiritMeadow
Guest
If you are going to emulate Jesus, perhaps you might also try some of his more sensitive manners. And the numbers game is rather useless. What it means is that when you are in a decided minority, it should give one pause to at least seriously and open mindedly re-examine things. Arrogance is not becoming. I expect you to believe that your church teaches the only truth. You continue to do the very things that are against what you CLAIM you seek to accomplish. But I find that the internet is often used to get rid of pent up hate and anger that apparently can’t be released in the real world. Your words are hurtful and needlessly mean.
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zzz
Guest
Jrogoffmetro…check ur messages!..SpiritMeadow and East Anglican: your posts on this thread are outstanding!! 
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Corki
Guest
Hmmmm, there isn’t a law that outright disallows it but there is a law that restricts it. Canon 1124 and 1125 say that marriage is prohibited between a Catholic and a non-Catholic unless permisson is received from the Bishop. The bishop has to be assured that the mixed marriage does not cause a danger to the Catholic of defecting from his faith. So what Planten proposes is not in keeping with Catholic teaching on marriage.
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emeraldcoast
Guest
Hi jrogoffmetro,
As a military spouse, with a Senior Officer husband who has too many deployments of both sand and sea water in his boots to count, I would counsel returning to the Catholic Church but informing him that you two will discuss the issue once he is home safe and settled in. To be frank, this issue could become a factor in his safety - it obviously affects him deeply and might be a distractor to him. Let him do his job, come home, and then you can work out your spriritual lives together as a couple. I would hazard to guess that he feels like he did not “get a vote” in this decision, which will prevent him from seeing your point of view, no matter how valid. Sometimes the distances involved in deployments force couples to postpone major decisions such as yours - which is not always a bad thing.
God Bless!
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catharina
Guest
Bolded-above is my point exactly - but you’ve spelled it out.
Also, I can’t imagine any military chaplain advising her differently.
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ac_claire
Guest
OP (sorry don’t know your name). You’ve received some harsh replies but by and large the replies here have been honest and heartfelt. I plead with you to not throw the baby out with the bathwater here. Just because your first reaction to a piece of advice you hear is hurt or defensiveness does not mean that the advice is wrong. Tough love is still love. The responses have been honest. You’re of course not bound to accept all or any of this advice, but please don’t harden your heart to what could very well be a movement of the Spirit on this thread as well.Sorry yellow bird yours was the last one I read. I hadn’t gotten the the really nasty ones yet
I agree that there can be helpful ways and unhelpful ways of expressing oneself. But that aside, consider that you came to this Catholic forum asking for advice. Were you looking for honest advice or were you looking to be confirmed in your already-made decisions and beliefs? Would it have been more loving if we had all lied to you and told you what we thought you wanted to hear? I for one speak out of love and if I were going to lie to you, well I’d just have not bothered replying at all.
And by the same token, don’t make the fatal mistake of equating random anonymous posters on CAF with the Catholic Church as an institution. We are fallible human beings and Catholics-- we are not the Catholic faith. (I’m not saying you don’t already understand that distinction, but just in case you didn’t.)
I prayed for you and your husband at Mass today. I sure do hope it all works out for the best.
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Bill_Pick
Guest
Why did you leave the Church that was started by Our Lord Jesus Christ and join one started by man 1500 years later ?
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Gabriel_of_12
Guest
Gabriel of 12:
Speaking as a Catholic husband; I would want to know what is it that keeps you from ever returning to the Catholic faith? and address this problem first. Your husband being deployed makes it difficult for you to communicate this topic. Personally I would be happy overseas knowing my wife has enrolled in some type of Catholic catechetics to learn the truth of the Catholic faith. Then explain to me why she would continue to seek God elswhere. Gaining the knowledge of the Catholic faith will help you explain your change of faiths to your husband more clearly once who learned this truth and then are able to deny it to him with sound theology.
Something other would draw suspicions of what caused you to move into another faith community with his daughter. Making a faith change with his family without his consent makes life a little difficult for him. The Sacrament of marriage makes you both one, consult a priest and inform your husband your taking steps in learning about the Catholic faith until he returns, finding a balance so that you can attend another faith community with his family.
Praying for you;
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yellowbird
Guest
It didn’t sound as though you were searching for Christ. It sounded as if your mind was made up - you left the Church because the people in charge hurt you and you never intended to come back. I thought the help you were asking for was getting your husband to understand? Which is sort of difficult for us to help you with since we share your husband’s faith. Truth be told, I am always so sad when someone says they don’t want to be Catholic anymore. It’s like losing a brother or sister.
I stand by my wife-to-wife advice to let it rest for the sake of your marriage. I also want to say though that I’m sorry if you are hurting and we didn’t recognize that and help you in a way that made you feel loved. I am truly sorry. That’s sort of the nature of forums I think… we attack the problem and sometimes forget that a real, living, breathing person with feelings is on the other end. I also want to tell you that I just got home from mass where I prayed for you and your husband. For his safe return and for your return to the Catholic Church. And in the meantime, God’s peace for you both.
God Bless.
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Trishie
Guest
Whatever hurt you, whichever way judgement did, I am sorry for your hurt and pray for your healing from hurt. It’s not my experience of Catholic parishes I’ve belonged with, but I am sad it is yours.
God be with you and your family.
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Cathlacostal
Guest
Being a former Baptist, I would hope your baptist pastor would give you some correction concerning this. It is not your right to attend any church you so desire no matter what the worldly say. Your husband is the spiritual leader of the family. Not by choice but by the commandments of Christ Himself. It’s not about what we prefer. It’s not about how we interpret. It’s about Christ. It’s about marriage and God’s plan in marriage.
This is a betrayal of husband and Christ. You have made a marriage decision without your husband and that never works out well. Please don’t read me wrong. I am not saying the Baptist Church is bad. I’m Catholic but not Roman Catholic myself and do understand the roman Church along with every Church has a few issues that they are not openly addressing. But I assure you the Baptist’s have the same issues and are not dealing with them either.
If you’d have written that your husband was a baptist and you chose to leave the baptist Church without his blessing to go to the Roman Church my post would not be any different. Now if your husband was not a believers all this would be mute as he woudn’t be the spiritual leader of the family.
In essence, your asking your husband to break his vows. See, most don’t pay attention well during the Marriage Mass or even an evangelic marriage ceremony. There nervous and make vows without paying attention to what they are saying. You and your husband made a vow not just to each other but to God as well. Is changing Churches upholding the very vows you took? Is doing this while he’s deployed even close to proper? What about the children? Have they been Christened? Were promises to God not made by both you and your husband at the Christening? Are you upholding those promises.
You’ll note I didn’t answer any of the questions as they are not mine to answer. Just some things you might ponder. I have a feeling your Baptist pastor would tell you the same if he’s not cathlaphobic. The truth of the matter is simple, you are not permitted by God to make such a decision on your own. I’d strongly suggest you talk this over with your husband seriously and deeply if you really care about the marriage.
Your husband feels like you’ve cheated? Put your self in his shoes. If he went out and bought a $80,000 car without telling you wouldn’t you feel betrayed? And that’s only money.
This is a betrayal of husband and Christ. You have made a marriage decision without your husband and that never works out well. Please don’t read me wrong. I am not saying the Baptist Church is bad. I’m Catholic but not Roman Catholic myself and do understand the roman Church along with every Church has a few issues that they are not openly addressing. But I assure you the Baptist’s have the same issues and are not dealing with them either.
If you’d have written that your husband was a baptist and you chose to leave the baptist Church without his blessing to go to the Roman Church my post would not be any different. Now if your husband was not a believers all this would be mute as he woudn’t be the spiritual leader of the family.
In essence, your asking your husband to break his vows. See, most don’t pay attention well during the Marriage Mass or even an evangelic marriage ceremony. There nervous and make vows without paying attention to what they are saying. You and your husband made a vow not just to each other but to God as well. Is changing Churches upholding the very vows you took? Is doing this while he’s deployed even close to proper? What about the children? Have they been Christened? Were promises to God not made by both you and your husband at the Christening? Are you upholding those promises.
You’ll note I didn’t answer any of the questions as they are not mine to answer. Just some things you might ponder. I have a feeling your Baptist pastor would tell you the same if he’s not cathlaphobic. The truth of the matter is simple, you are not permitted by God to make such a decision on your own. I’d strongly suggest you talk this over with your husband seriously and deeply if you really care about the marriage.
Your husband feels like you’ve cheated? Put your self in his shoes. If he went out and bought a $80,000 car without telling you wouldn’t you feel betrayed? And that’s only money.
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catharina
Guest
Not to belabor the point but I thought the same. How and why would any pastor allow (welcome?) such division between a couple especially when one of the spouses is deployed and far from home? This is a huge issue.
It’s not like your husband married a blonde but you dyed your hair and became a redhead. This kind of change would surely shake his sense of stability - and such a thing could easily wait until he’s returned home. Please seek counseling from a military chaplain. Your situation is very different from that of the typical wife so please bear the discomfort for a time.
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planten
Guest
I did not know whether there was any restriction. You have replied with proof. That is okay and information for me. I had not said anything one way or the other. It was a question from me which has now been replied to me that a Catholic cannot marry a non-Catholic so easily. Thanks.
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celticsfan1983
Guest
I know that I’ll probably get a hateful message from my Baptist brothers and sisters, but as a 24-year member of a Baptist church (almost done with RCIA, thank God), there is a VERY solid chance you’ll encounter a whole new judgement factor at the Baptist church.
Just a fair warning.
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jrogoffmetro
Guest
Some of you have a few wrong impressions. Let me clear up a few things perhaps that will help. We were not married in the church. When we got married neither of us went to Church. We baptized our daughter because that is what you did when you were raised Catholic. On and off over the years we would have stretches of time when we would go to church and stretches of time we would not. About 1 year before my husband left I stopped going to church because I had a problem with the Catholic church. He stopped going because I stopped going. We have had many many discussions on the topic of why I don’t want to be Catholic so this is nothing new. While in words he has always been Catholic he just started being totally devoted since he deployed. I hope this helps you see how I was blindsided by him.
I hope that clears up a few things for you.
I do agree with one thing some of you have said. I should look more closely at how my decision has affected my husband. I do not know if it will change anything but I will try.
I hope that clears up a few things for you.
I do agree with one thing some of you have said. I should look more closely at how my decision has affected my husband. I do not know if it will change anything but I will try.
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halo3
Guest
My husband is deeply Catholic and currently deployed. I used to be Catholic but and now attending Baptist church with my daughter. He is so angry at me - comparing me leaving the church to cheating on him.
No - You cheated on God -
No - You cheated on God -
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yellowbird
Guest
Yes, that certainly changes things. I am glad your husband has become more devoted - he is clearly getting strength from his faith during what must be a very stressful, difficult time in his life. I am sad that you are unable to also get strenth from the Catholic Church in the same way because it would be so nice if you could share in this with him. But it is what it is, and I’m glad you’ve turned toward God, even if it is through a Baptist Church rather than something else to fill that void. You are right when you said I have no idea what it’s like to be apart from my husband in that way. I can only imagine.
Since you are fighting about it though, I really hope you can see the wisdom in maybe toning down your enthusiasm for the Baptist Church. I would hate to see that rift get bigger in his absence. There have been countless threads such as yours on this forum with one spouse wanting to change faiths and the other digging their heels in and although they usually come to some sort of compromise/agreement - for awhile it seems to create alot of hurt feelings/pain on both ends. Why add that extra burden right now?
I’m not trying to come down on you. I totally understand where you are coming from and I would give you this same advice if you were my best friend sitting at my kitchen table. Let it go for awhile. If the Baptist Church has a bible study or a women’s group you can attend for support or whatever, by all means, go. But for the sake of my husband if it were me, I would also go the Catholic Church on Sunday if I knew it would make him happy, and I would wait to make anything official (joining the Baptist Church) until he came home.
Which I hope for all of you is soon. God Bless you both.
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