Potential atheist boyfriend

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I bet Emily can’t wait to bring more dating questions here…😂😂😂 Mea culpa…
 
“… from the strangely touchy atheist man!”

EDIT: not in the best taste, but still a good joke… sorry if I offended
 
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Not bad, you were off by only one syllable.

(No, you were dead on, apologies. Well done!)
 
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redbetta said:
I fail to see how a 21 year old wouldn’t know any better. I’m 21 and, not only do I morally object to it, but it lacks common sense in a day and age where lives can easily be ruined by accusations of sexual harassment. Surely, it would have likely been pounded into his head by his high school or college to be cautious about these things.
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We weren’t there. I won’t comment on what the dynamic was at the moment. We aren’t all the same. I think you all sound very judgemental, expecially for being young people yourself. The world isn’t a black and white place. When someone asks for advice, that is what I try to give them. I leave the judgement by the wayside. I can tell them what I think they should do, or what I would do. But there is no need for harsh judgement about things you are only presuming.
 
Isn’t it a bit hypocritical for you to be judging her for judging?
 
SammyRose said:
Isn’t it a bit hypocritical for you to be judging her for judging?
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Not a judgement. Just an observation. And I was involved with a first hand post-conversation with the person I observed. Not a third party about an event that was described by someone else.
 
I don’t know about the others, but, I’m just working with the information given. I didn’t presume like at least one other poster did that he was just looking to get laid and then run. I just know that getting handy early on is generally a bad sign and that not knowing better is very unlikely.

If and when OP comes back with an update, we’ll modify our advice to incorporate the new information.
 
emilyk123 said:
To clarify, he is not looking to hook up and dash. What concerns me is that if we were to turn this into something, he would want to go all the way eventually. He’s a nice guy, and when I told him to slow down he did; he told me more than once to make sure I tell him if I was uncomfortable. When he wanted to hang out at his place, and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that, he suggested we just get sushi instead. He’s dating because he has the same intentions as me - to find a potential partner.

HOWEVER -

After reflecting and reading what some of you have to say, I’m beginning to realize there isn’t much hope in this working out. Not because he’s atheist, but because he wants a more intimate relationship than I do. If/when we get to a point of more serious talking about an actual relationship, I will be more clear on what my intentions are. If then he says he can’t be in a relationship without sex, then that’s going to be the end of it.
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Hi Emily, I was that guy who didn’t care about religion and just wanted to date girls. He may not just want to hook up with you and dash, he probably wants what I wanted and what all my guy friends wanted, a girl friend that he could hook up with all the time, and if you become too high maintenance - then dash. You have to be so weary of men’s intentions!

The age doesn’t bother me, but I think you are underplaying the atheist thing. Like another poster wrote, you are trying to find a life partner. You probably can’t image how hard real issues will become between you two because of this - and end in bitter heartbreak. My wife and I (she Methodist me Catholic) is probably converting after 10 years, but even that has had some stress on our marriage.

Truly, if I were you, I would end the relationship now and try to find a Catholic guy. I would have laughed, well actually I did laugh and roll my eyes at this when I was younger; but it’s solid advice.
 
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emilyk123 said:
To clarify, he is not looking to hook up and dash. What concerns me is that if we were to turn this into something, he would want to go all the way eventually. He’s a nice guy, and when I told him to slow down he did; he told me more than once to make sure I tell him if I was uncomfortable. When he wanted to hang out at his place, and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that, he suggested we just get sushi instead. He’s dating because he has the same intentions as me - to find a potential partner.

HOWEVER -

After reflecting and reading what some of you have to say, I’m beginning to realize there isn’t much hope in this working out. Not because he’s atheist, but because he wants a more intimate relationship than I do. If/when we get to a point of more serious talking about an actual relationship, I will be more clear on what my intentions are. If then he says he can’t be in a relationship without sex, then that’s going to be the end of it.
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It sounds like he isn’t pushy, which is decent (but also should be expected of anyone you date). Be careful of assuming that most guys wouldn’t be like that- to continue to push physically after you say no is a crime, so your standards should be a little higher than “not a criminal”.

He may be a perfectly lovely young man. I think what concerned a lot of people initially was that you mentioned the roaming hands on the second date. To me, that doesn’t sound respectful. I know a lot of people do more than that with people they barely know; I wasn’t born yesterday. But people who are waiting for marriage are looking for someone who moves a little slower. My husband didn’t kiss me until we had been dating for many months. And that was before he knew I was waiting until marriage.

For someone who does not plan on having sex until marriage, it seems like you might be leading him on a bit. I don’t think it’s fair to continue being so physical with him without setting appropriate expectations. You are waiting until the “relationship” talk comes up, but if this truly is a deal-breaker for him, he should know so that he can be dating someone with the same values and expectations for a relationship. Your actions really should match your convictions. He may end up being okay with waiting for you (my non-religious husband was) or he may decide he isn’t willing to, but either way he shouldn’t be surprised by it. I generally don’t think the talk about waiting needs to come before you are in a relationship, but that’s under the circumstances that you haven’t already taken it a little too far.
 
Clementine14 said:
Be careful of assuming that most guys wouldn’t be like that- to continue to push physically after you say no is a crime, so your standards should be a little higher than “not a criminal”.
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Exactly. Let’s not hand out cookies for basic decency.
 
Dating is about looking for your life partner.

Honor the Lord in your singleness, in your dating, in your married life.

Tell God that you won’t date anyone unless the guy goes to a Catholic church on his own (without arm twisting) and has a prayer life. Tell God you want a faithful life partner, one who honors God in his singleness, his dating, and his married life. A man who does the sign of the cross reverently, goes to confession, receives the Eucharist. And pray for that man every day. When a guy asks you out, don’t be pulled in by his cute face and winning smile if he doesn’t have the solid foundation of the Catholic faith. This is when you show God by your action that you mean business. A guy is an atheist? No thank you. Married before and divorced, ready for love? No thanks. They are a Mormon or Jehovah Witness? Not for me thanks. Tell God that today that guy asked me out, and I said No, because I choose Jesus as my Lord and saviour, and I want to build my life on the sacraments.

Build on a solid foundation that is Christ our Lord. Any thing else is on sandy ground and when the wind and rains come you will suffer great loss.

Be smart. Today choose life. Choose faith. Today as you are 18 and making your own choices, tell God you choose him. There are no regrets when walking hand in hand with God.
 
Simple solution.

You said that he is respectful and sweet.

Dont allow anything sexual to happen until marriage. Then you will know for sure if he is respectful and sweet.

You said that you are a “strong Catholic” so you will not “give in”.

I am a bit concerned that you being a strong Catholic are attracted to an atheist .
 
My earlier response wasn’t in regards to his atheism, it was to the OP’s alarm at him getting handsy.

She could be dating a guy she has seen at church every week for years and he could still be slime.

-Emily, sorry everyone is piling on here. Maybe there are details you are not providing but from what you said, it sounds like he is not what you are really looking for. It is your life and we all hope you make the right decision.
 
I think you should keep it friends with him for now!!! That is the best way to approach this situation.

You NEED to be able to talk about your faith and convictions. Dont get married hoping he will convert.

St Paul wrote to the Corinthians (1 Corinthians 7) that if you are already married and your spouse is not a believer, then you are not bound by God to stay, but if you do agree to stay, you might win them over.

Btw, you should listen to the song “Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel. 🙂 He tried to get with the girl he liked, but she held to her convictions.

We need spouses who help us keep our convictions!
 
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6 years ago when I was 21 I knew a lot of guys that believed you had to get handsy by the second date and if you didn’t you’d be friendzoned.
 
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