Potential atheist boyfriend

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Maximilian75 said:
yes, but to build a stable relationship on that would be very difficult… I think that’s why most advice in this thread is on the negative.
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I don’t believe that to be true. I came of age in the eighties and none of my friends were virgins when married. Most of us have stable healthy marriages that have lasted for 20 plus years. If sex is the only good thing about the relationship, I would agree with what you’re saying. But there’s no indication that that’s what Emily’s relationship is about at this point in time. I just don’t like the ugliness of judging somebody’s heart when you don’t know them. Obviously this is a Catholic forum, so advice will be given to follow Catholic Church teachings. That is fine, and I don’t have a problem with it. I do have a problem of assuming the worst about someone. Especially a 21 year old kid.
 
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With two people having vastly different expectations and standards for a relationship? I get where you’re coming from and agree with you in regards to judgment, but it’s obvious that this guy wants to get physical, and the OP has said that she doesn’t want that. Unless this dude has some stunning patience and self-control… I don’t see it working out
 
I wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t work out either. Especially if Emily is a devout Catholic. I don’t have a problem with the advice to ditch him. However if you re-read some of the postings on this thread the kindest thing I can say about them is that they are uncharitable. It is one thing to advise someone to seek a mate who has similar beliefs and values, and quite another to assume the worst of someone you’ve never met because (gasp) they are atheist.
 
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oh, absolutely. there is some uncalledfor stuff on the thread.

to speak analogously, You don’t have to be on the same page for a relationship to work, but one of you being in the library and the other being three city blocks away… it won’t work well
 
I assume the words about him - - not because he’s an atheist, but because he’s a 21-year-old guy living in a secular and hedonistic society.😂
 
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emilyk123 said:
Just by the way he was kissing me and moving his hands, I felt like he figured that this could be a very intimate relationship eventually.
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Serious kissing on a second date?

Let’s imagine that this relationship goes the distance and you guys get married. First off, you’re presumably not getting married in a year, so you’re looking at 2-4 years of being in a holding pattern–that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun with this particular guy.
 
Maximilian75 said:
With two people having vastly different expectations and standards for a relationship? I get where you’re coming from and agree with you in regards to judgment, but it’s obvious that this guy wants to get physical, and the OP has said that she doesn’t want that. Unless this dude has some stunning patience and self-control… I don’t see it working out
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The fundamental problem is that the two of them want very different things from the relationship.

Run, run away, and find somebody who wants the same sort of relationship and future that you want.
 
To clarify, he is not looking to hook up and dash. What concerns me is that if we were to turn this into something, he would want to go all the way eventually. He’s a nice guy, and when I told him to slow down he did; he told me more than once to make sure I tell him if I was uncomfortable. When he wanted to hang out at his place, and I said I wasn’t comfortable with that, he suggested we just get sushi instead. He’s dating because he has the same intentions as me - to find a potential partner.

HOWEVER -
After reflecting and reading what some of you have to say, I’m beginning to realize there isn’t much hope in this working out. Not because he’s atheist, but because he wants a more intimate relationship than I do. If/when we get to a point of more serious talking about an actual relationship, I will be more clear on what my intentions are. If then he says he can’t be in a relationship without sex, then that’s going to be the end of it.
 
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You sound like you are handling this well Emily! Sorry I was probably overly harsh on this guy!!
 
All good, I see your viewpoint. I’ve definitely encountered some of those - I’m pretty good at telling them apart now. Very cautious when it comes to them.
 
Sounds good, Emily. Nothing said in your posts made me feel like he was of bad intentions. I am not sure how some of the other posters got that impression. You and he are at the ages in life where you are supposed to be discovering who you are, what your values are, and what your beliefs are. That is the whole reason behind dating. Don’t be dissuaded from dating somebody who may have a different background than you. What is important is that your value systems align well and in a way that allows you to be true to yourself. That is the best advice I can give you.
 
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It was the roaming hands on the second date that was the major red flag for most of us. That’s not something a gentleman does to someone he barely knows.
 
redbetta said:
It was the roaming hands on the second date that was the major red flag for most of us. That’s not something a gentleman does to someone he barely knows.
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Maybe. Maybe not. He is a 21 year old kid and may not know better. Doesn’t mean he has bad intentions.
 
In today’s culture where high-profile sexual assault cases are a dime a dozen?
If he doesen’t, I hope for his sake that he does, and fast…
 
I fail to see how a 21 year old wouldn’t know any better. I’m 21 and, not only do I morally object to it, but it lacks common sense in a day and age where lives can easily be ruined by accusations of sexual harassment. Surely, it would have likely been pounded into his head by his high school or college to be cautious about these things.
 
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